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ALEXANDER THE GREAT!
Просто еще один
SandroXXL
Posts from Fun
Amko
SandroXXL
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If it's profitable, everyone will become selfless.
Two people are solving a crossword puzzle.
- The President of America.
- I don't know.
- Three letters.
- I don't know.
- The second letter is "U".
- Are you serious?!
Wonderful botanical wonders bloomed all around. (Mayakovsky)
In the Middle Ages, when doctors were unsure about a diagnosis, they would diagnose syphilis.
The National Orchestra of Monaco is larger than its army.
In Siena, Italy, you cannot be a prostitute if your name is Maria.
We will take all your comments into account and send them to one place. (Chernomyrdin)
Prosecutors, once retired, are constantly digging in the garden. They can no longer resist the urge to plant something.
Why do cranes fly in a wedge formation and not in a column one behind the other? Because if they brake suddenly, they will poke each other in the rear with their beaks!
Joint naval exercises between Georgia and NATO took place in the Black Sea. As a result, irreparable damage was inflicted on the Georgian Navy: the left oar was completely destroyed.
Georgia has developed a lightning-fast plan for war with Moscow - "A Storm in a Teacup."
At the request of many readers, our newspaper will now be published in rolls and without text.
When leaving with your head held high, try not to bump into the doorframe.
Is that why Russia is so long-suffering, because Moscow is golden-domed?
The country's achievements negated the efforts of the people.
To kill time, you don't even need to aim.
There are two types of adhesive bandages in the world: 1) impossible to stick on, 2) impossible to peel off.
Our scientists have developed a new Mars rover that takes soil samples from the American one.
- I know one thing: no swordsman I know can compare to Geralt of Rivia, the White Wolf. That's why I don't believe he could be defeated in battle, as Mr. Redblood is trying to convince us.
- A swordsman will start shitting as soon as he sees a host of enemies, - boomed Sheldon Skaggs. (The Witcher. Blood of Elves.)
Просто еще один
Amko
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A farmer was buying a Mercedes E-Class at a dealership. He was greatly surprised by the cost of the options that were not included in the car's standard equipment. Later, when the dealership director bought a cow from that farmer, the farmer issued him an invoice.
Invoice: cow (standard version) base price 2400 units;
combined paint job (black and white) 150 units;
leather upholstery 100 units;
winter-summer milk tank 50 units;
nostrils, with horn inside 17.50 units;
per one... 35 units;
semi-automatic flyswatter (tail) 30 units;
exhaust gas toxicity reduction system 60 units;
all-weather and all-terrain hooves 100 units;
dual-circuit braking system (rear and front legs) 400 units;
multi-tone horn 135 units;
blue eyes, halogen 150 units;
any-fuel utilization systems 1250 units.
Total for the cow according to the invoice - 4910 units.
Added after 10 hours 3 minutes
Everything is alive inbobruysk the army! :smile19:
Invoice: cow (standard version) base price 2400 units;
combined paint job (black and white) 150 units;
leather upholstery 100 units;
winter-summer milk tank 50 units;
nostrils, with horn inside 17.50 units;
per one... 35 units;
semi-automatic flyswatter (tail) 30 units;
exhaust gas toxicity reduction system 60 units;
all-weather and all-terrain hooves 100 units;
dual-circuit braking system (rear and front legs) 400 units;
multi-tone horn 135 units;
blue eyes, halogen 150 units;
any-fuel utilization systems 1250 units.
Total for the cow according to the invoice - 4910 units.
Added after 10 hours 3 minutes
Everything is alive in
Arandor
Auto-translated
ZZZZ )))))))))))))))))))))))))
http://www.gamedev.ru/art/forum/?id=5592 - the first model (a charismatic gnome)
http://www.gamedev.ru/art/forum/?id=66447 - the second model (brutal and heartless)
IT IS RECOMMENDED to watch the first link first, and then the second, and it is DESIRABLE to READ! =)))
P.S. maybe someone has already seen this))
http://www.gamedev.ru/art/forum/?id=5592 - the first model (a charismatic gnome)
http://www.gamedev.ru/art/forum/?id=66447 - the second model (brutal and heartless)
IT IS RECOMMENDED to watch the first link first, and then the second, and it is DESIRABLE to READ! =)))
P.S. maybe someone has already seen this))
Be strong. Believe
Amko
Auto-translated
Stages of computer addiction, symptoms, and treatment methods
First stage (mild)
Symptoms: the person sits down at the computer, turns it on, works, and goes home at the end of the workday, after which they don't think about the computer until the next morning. Appetite and sleep are normal, and there are no headaches or stomach pains.
Treatment: no treatment is needed at this time.
Second stage (semi-mild)
Symptoms: the patient shows increased interest in the computer, expressed in unhealthy excitement that overcomes them when they see the object. Appetite is normal. Sleep is restless, with screams and squeaks. They stay at work for 2-3 hours and frantically presses buttons.
Treatment: remove the patient from the computer, administer medical alcohol internally 3 times a day, 0.5 tablespoons each time. Put computer literature in an inaccessible place. Meet them after work.
Third stage (moderate severity)
Symptoms: the patient stays at work for more than 4-5 hours after the end of the workday, saves money for a home computer. In everyday life, they begin to use computer terminology and do not react to the widened eyes of those around them. Appetite is increased. Sleep is restless, with exclamations of computer words and unreasonable laughter. They become highly excited when they see a computer or meet a patient in the 3rd stage or higher. In this case, the disease may progress to the 4th stage.
Treatment: isolate the patient from society and from the computer, take away the money, and get them married. In case of violent behavior and refusal of treatment, administer 1-2 buckets of vodka with Port wine "777" mixed in a 1:2 ratio into the stomach. Do not give them a basin.
Fourth stage (severe)
Symptoms: the patient buys a modem and a computer. Their speech is full of various computer words and their combinations. They invent new words, save money for a dedicated line. Appetite is greatly increased. They eat any food at any time of the day if it is available. They sleep 3-4 hours a day, as they call using the modem at night and make the cries described in volume 3 of the series "Animal Life" (chapter 1 - "Behavior of a male rhesus macaque during the mating period") with each connection. Sexual desire is reduced. There is no vomiting, work, delirium, or stomach pain.
Treatment: only in a hospital.
Fifth stage (hopeless)
Symptoms: the patient sets up a BBS, opens their own website, organizes several mailing lists, and devotes all their free time to these activities, apart from making calls and programming. Speech is incoherent, consisting of 80% or more of computer jargon with special terms. Appetite and sleep are absent. They only eat what comes within direct sight, regardless of the type and quality of the product, and pay attention to those around them only if they pronounce phrases related to computers. Sexual desire is completely absent, as they periodically experience a feeling of deep satisfaction from the line on the screen "Connect 28 800...". They keep a night pot and a pack of tea near the computer, which they forget to mix with water.
Treatment: incurable.
First stage (mild)
Symptoms: the person sits down at the computer, turns it on, works, and goes home at the end of the workday, after which they don't think about the computer until the next morning. Appetite and sleep are normal, and there are no headaches or stomach pains.
Treatment: no treatment is needed at this time.
Second stage (semi-mild)
Symptoms: the patient shows increased interest in the computer, expressed in unhealthy excitement that overcomes them when they see the object. Appetite is normal. Sleep is restless, with screams and squeaks. They stay at work for 2-3 hours and frantically presses buttons.
Treatment: remove the patient from the computer, administer medical alcohol internally 3 times a day, 0.5 tablespoons each time. Put computer literature in an inaccessible place. Meet them after work.
Third stage (moderate severity)
Symptoms: the patient stays at work for more than 4-5 hours after the end of the workday, saves money for a home computer. In everyday life, they begin to use computer terminology and do not react to the widened eyes of those around them. Appetite is increased. Sleep is restless, with exclamations of computer words and unreasonable laughter. They become highly excited when they see a computer or meet a patient in the 3rd stage or higher. In this case, the disease may progress to the 4th stage.
Treatment: isolate the patient from society and from the computer, take away the money, and get them married. In case of violent behavior and refusal of treatment, administer 1-2 buckets of vodka with Port wine "777" mixed in a 1:2 ratio into the stomach. Do not give them a basin.
Fourth stage (severe)
Symptoms: the patient buys a modem and a computer. Their speech is full of various computer words and their combinations. They invent new words, save money for a dedicated line. Appetite is greatly increased. They eat any food at any time of the day if it is available. They sleep 3-4 hours a day, as they call using the modem at night and make the cries described in volume 3 of the series "Animal Life" (chapter 1 - "Behavior of a male rhesus macaque during the mating period") with each connection. Sexual desire is reduced. There is no vomiting, work, delirium, or stomach pain.
Treatment: only in a hospital.
Fifth stage (hopeless)
Symptoms: the patient sets up a BBS, opens their own website, organizes several mailing lists, and devotes all their free time to these activities, apart from making calls and programming. Speech is incoherent, consisting of 80% or more of computer jargon with special terms. Appetite and sleep are absent. They only eat what comes within direct sight, regardless of the type and quality of the product, and pay attention to those around them only if they pronounce phrases related to computers. Sexual desire is completely absent, as they periodically experience a feeling of deep satisfaction from the line on the screen "Connect 28 800...". They keep a night pot and a pack of tea near the computer, which they forget to mix with water.
Treatment: incurable.
Arandor
Auto-translated
A drunk guy on a bus in the summer keeps losing his balance and bumping his nose into the armpit of the girl standing next to him, then he can't take it anymore and says:
- Damn it, either put on some underwear or lower your leg!!!
Added 17 minutes later
A 7-year-old boy prompts his 4-year-old brother:
- Hey, bro, we're already big, it's time for us to start arguing.
- It's time, - the little one agrees.
- So, here's the plan, - says the older one. - Tomorrow morning, we go out for breakfast, I say "b_ya," and you say "go to hell." And we watch the parents' reaction.
It was said, it was done. The next morning, they are sitting in the kitchen, and mom turns to the older one:
- What do you want for breakfast?
- I'd like some pancakes, - he answers quickly.
WHACK! - Mom slaps him hard on the back of the head, and the boy runs out of the kitchen crying, holding his head.
- Well, what about you? - Mom asks the younger one with a threatening tone.
- I don't know anymore, - the little one answers timidly, - but I don't want those pancakes anymore!
- Damn it, either put on some underwear or lower your leg!!!
Added 17 minutes later
A 7-year-old boy prompts his 4-year-old brother:
- Hey, bro, we're already big, it's time for us to start arguing.
- It's time, - the little one agrees.
- So, here's the plan, - says the older one. - Tomorrow morning, we go out for breakfast, I say "b_ya," and you say "go to hell." And we watch the parents' reaction.
It was said, it was done. The next morning, they are sitting in the kitchen, and mom turns to the older one:
- What do you want for breakfast?
- I'd like some pancakes, - he answers quickly.
WHACK! - Mom slaps him hard on the back of the head, and the boy runs out of the kitchen crying, holding his head.
- Well, what about you? - Mom asks the younger one with a threatening tone.
- I don't know anymore, - the little one answers timidly, - but I don't want those pancakes anymore!
Be strong. Believe
Amko
Auto-translated
As long as you remember Russian, your life in the Czech Republic will be one big fun. "Voniavky" in Czech means perfumes, "cherstvyye potraviny" means fresh produce, "padlo s bydlom na plavidle" means a handsome guy with an oar on a boat, and so on.
They say that a few years ago, Russian tourists were laughing hysterically, looking at the "Coca-Cola" billboards. There was a traditional frozen bottle, and the inscription on the billboard read: "Dokonali tvar!" The laughing Russians didn't immediately realize that in Czech, this inscription was just a powerful advertising slogan - "Perfect creation!".
In Prague, above the entrance to some entertainment venues, there is an inscription - "Devki darom". Imagine how disappointed Russian-speaking men are when they find out that this simply means that girls don't pay for entry! And also, a residential building is called a "barak," and "hello, friend" is "akhoy perdelka"...... And that's true!
They say that a few years ago, Russian tourists were laughing hysterically, looking at the "Coca-Cola" billboards. There was a traditional frozen bottle, and the inscription on the billboard read: "Dokonali tvar!" The laughing Russians didn't immediately realize that in Czech, this inscription was just a powerful advertising slogan - "Perfect creation!".
In Prague, above the entrance to some entertainment venues, there is an inscription - "Devki darom". Imagine how disappointed Russian-speaking men are when they find out that this simply means that girls don't pay for entry! And also, a residential building is called a "barak," and "hello, friend" is "akhoy perdelka"...... And that's true!
DungeonLord
Auto-translated
A drunk guy on the bus keeps losing his balance and bumping his nose into the armpit of the girl standing next to him. Then, he can't take it anymore and says:
- Damn it, either put on some underwear or lower your leg!!!
Added 17 minutes later
A 7-year-old boy is egging on his 4-year-old brother:
- Hey, bro, we're getting big now, it's time we started arguing.
- Yeah, it's time, - the little one agrees.
- So, here's the plan, - the older one says. - Tomorrow morning, we'll go have breakfast, and I'll say "__I," and you'll say "fuck off." And we'll watch our parents' reaction.
So they do it. The next morning, they're sitting in the kitchen, and mom turns to the older one:
- What do you want for breakfast?
- I'd like some pancakes, - he replies quickly.
BAM! - Mom slaps him on the back of the head, and the boy runs out of the kitchen crying, holding his head.
- Well, what about you? - Mom asks the younger one with a threatening tone.
- I don't know anymore, - the little one replies timidly, - but I don't want any pancakes like that!
Играешь за Dungeon. Стань настоящим Тёмным эльфом, стань одним из нас. Dungeon'sRangers на HeroesWorld
DarkGod
Adun Toridas :smile02: :smile02: :smile02:и это не конец....:smile51:
DarkGod
Adun Toridas :smile02: :smile02: :smile02:и это не конец....:smile51:
Ley
Auto-translated
Your little one has such delicate skin and such tough meat! :D
"Единственное, что можно сказать с уверенностью об удаче - она изменит..."
Amko
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- Why can't people fly?
- The question should be phrased more accurately: why can't people fly upwards?
A song by Pinocchio:
- I gently embrace
The curve of the yellow guitar
In general, I like all wooden things
Of course
For my ardent passion
Malvina is too bland
But a rake
A birdhouse, and a shovel
Now that's something
A friend of mine told me this story. She also has a friend, a big guy, about 2 meters tall and many centimeters wide. And he's bald.
One evening, he went to the supermarket, bought some junk food, came home, and realized the total was too high. He looked at the receipt - a bunch of green onions cost 40 hryvnias instead of 4.
He got dressed, angry and hungry, and went back to the store to demand a refund. The cashier couldn't help, it took a long time, and the big guy was ready to tear the store apart.
The manager appeared, small, thin, in a suit. He listened, thought for a moment, and said: "You know, there will be problems with the refund. Take the rest of the money and buy more onions. Buy a lot of onions, and everything will be fine."
The big guy turned red, then green, slowly grabbed the manager by the collar of his jacket, lifted him off the ground, raised his head to his level, and calmly said: "Okay. I'll buy onions with all the money. But you, you little bastard, will eat it right here and now."
The money was immediately returned.
Added 13 hours 46 minutes later
I observed a similar scene in a small shop:
- There was a line. A drunk man of intellectual appearance was standing there. It was his turn. Gathering his strength, he said:
- Gin and tonic... The saleswoman reached for the top shelf, couldn't reach, put a stool there, got a bottle of "Gordon's" gin, climbed down, and put it on the counter. The man continued:
- ... "Ochakiv"... The saleswoman spat (there were a lot of people around), ran to the storage room, moved boxes around, found "Ochakiv," moved the boxes again, and returned with a bottle of "Ochakiv" gin, putting it on the counter. The man continued:
- ... two...
- The question should be phrased more accurately: why can't people fly upwards?
A song by Pinocchio:
- I gently embrace
The curve of the yellow guitar
In general, I like all wooden things
Of course
For my ardent passion
Malvina is too bland
But a rake
A birdhouse, and a shovel
Now that's something
A friend of mine told me this story. She also has a friend, a big guy, about 2 meters tall and many centimeters wide. And he's bald.
One evening, he went to the supermarket, bought some junk food, came home, and realized the total was too high. He looked at the receipt - a bunch of green onions cost 40 hryvnias instead of 4.
He got dressed, angry and hungry, and went back to the store to demand a refund. The cashier couldn't help, it took a long time, and the big guy was ready to tear the store apart.
The manager appeared, small, thin, in a suit. He listened, thought for a moment, and said: "You know, there will be problems with the refund. Take the rest of the money and buy more onions. Buy a lot of onions, and everything will be fine."
The big guy turned red, then green, slowly grabbed the manager by the collar of his jacket, lifted him off the ground, raised his head to his level, and calmly said: "Okay. I'll buy onions with all the money. But you, you little bastard, will eat it right here and now."
The money was immediately returned.
Added 13 hours 46 minutes later
I observed a similar scene in a small shop:
- There was a line. A drunk man of intellectual appearance was standing there. It was his turn. Gathering his strength, he said:
- Gin and tonic... The saleswoman reached for the top shelf, couldn't reach, put a stool there, got a bottle of "Gordon's" gin, climbed down, and put it on the counter. The man continued:
- ... "Ochakiv"... The saleswoman spat (there were a lot of people around), ran to the storage room, moved boxes around, found "Ochakiv," moved the boxes again, and returned with a bottle of "Ochakiv" gin, putting it on the counter. The man continued:
- ... two...
Amko
Auto-translated
An intelligent family is selling two pianos, five coats, and one grand piano. They are getting in the way in the corridor
Added after 3 hours 33 minutes
The Ministry of Health warns: working is harmful! :smile31:
Quotes from teachers and professors
I'll decide for myself which of you wants to come to the board.
Not only are you deaf, you also hear poorly!
Now all your fun is going to be in one uncensored place!
Well, look at how he hugged his ball! Why don't you kiss it too!
He's sick, you see... Well, maybe I died yesterday!
Once you become a professor, I will personally write you a permit to put your feet on the table
Where did you get ten extra atoms from—are you giving birth to them...
Why are your hands shaking? It's the fourth lesson, the day has only just begun!
You didn't close your mouth in order to close your mouth, but in order to speak
I don't hear an answer. You don't know? You, Kolpakova, are a spoke in the wheel of social development!
Let's rewind the packing of the schoolbags in reverse order
Non-regulation schoolbags will be brutally kicked.
We have one and a half men here...
Once again, this herd has stomped in without their indoor shoes!
Your motto is: glug-glug and down you go!
Go have a swim in the toilet...
I'll call you at 20 o'clock at night!
What is it that you can't manage? Getting married?
I love Pushkin very much. I even read him.
Ivanov, why are you standing there like a pole that keeps standing up and sitting down?
Migratory birds fly and fly, and they find their place in paragraph 57.
The topic is very necessary and complex, so strain whatever you've got.
Why are you twitching at your desk like an amputated limb?
It's only Thursday, and you're already saying things like that!
My dear! That's not a sinusoid—that's a backside!
Internal lack of cleanliness.
Come to the board, Kolpakova, sing us something.
Nozdrev was a spendthrift and a RECORD PLAYER.
Buzz-buzz-buzz, mutter-mutter-mutter, it's like an aquarium in here!
Your brains are designed on the principle of a toilet: everything that gets in is immediately flushed away.
Is it possible that I've lived so many years and I don't know what is located in your house!!!
Hang your ears out so that more noodles can fit on them...
Well, of course, you don't smoke, you don't drink... You girls are just like nurses of mercy.
Katkov, do you want me to stick something on your back too?
Do you have mice frolicking in these notebooks?
Did I end up in a monkey house?
I'll rip your arms off starting from the ears...
Well, Katinka, what are you going to oink at me this time?
Guys, which of you takes the tram to school?
Today we will continue further with you
Put yourselves in the position of a gimlet
We will make corrections to your brains
The Orlov brothers sat down to play cards, got drunk, quarreled, and accidentally killed Peter III.
You may go for recess. Hold hands and go in pairs. And do not talk.
Run after every female teacher and pet her in different directions.
It's like a sledgehammer to the head for me, and yet—no one complained...
I've been observing you for a whole lesson since yesterday.
You, Linnikov, are late for the third time this week! Your next late arrival will be the fourth!!!
Based on the results of this test, we have determined who will mop the classroom floors after lessons today.
Now attention! On the count of "one" everyone jumps, on the count of "two"—lower yourselves to the surface.
Yelnyakov! Stop counting crows outside the window! Especially since those are three pigeons and one cat.
The meaning of your life for the next forty minutes is to solve this system of equations.
Grizzlies are very large and ferocious bears. Fortunately for us, they are found somewhere in America.
I missed you very much too. So much that there are simply no words. Therefore, I'd better stay silent.
Kulkov! Personally, which is closer to you—Fonvizin's "The Minor" or Dostoevsky's "The Idiot"?
Girls and boys! Tomorrow everyone comes in white shirts and dark skirts.
Water molecules attach to chlorine atoms with their negative side.
And you can write a complaint to the head of studies, the principal, or any other devil.
Who will answer? No one? What on earth?! It's an easy question! Come on, hands up!
Guys, did anyone peek into the classroom during the lesson? Just in case I was changing in there?
He was in love twice: once in Germany, and once with Lyubov Dmitrievna.
The rag is dry again! On-duty student! Who do you think is going to wet the rag for you, Putin?
Added after 29 minutes
(not mine)
"Mom, Dad, crunch-crunch!". Cursed be that wretched creative who birthed this advertisement...
In the morning we are on the bus, I'm taking my child to kindergarten. The child is at the "why" age and actively asks questions. On this day, he was very preoccupied with the problem of when Mom and Dad would give him a little brother.
It should be noted that it's the child's birthday, so he's all dressed up, in a little suit with a little tie, and all the few passengers are admiring my little angel.
And then this little angel LOUDLY blurted out:
- Moooom, you put me to sleep yesterday, and then I ran out of the room and saw how you were doing crunch-crunch to Daddy!!!
I turn red from head to toe and withdraw into myself. I mean, I can't exactly explain to the people around me that I was cutting a "Prichuda" cake for my husband for tea... I was so embarrassed that I didn't even look at the reaction of those around me, but I heard giggles.
And then a grandma—a total sweet old thing—passing us to get to the exit, says:
- You won't have a little brother, grandson, as long as they're doing crunch-crunch. They ate him yesterday! Oh, youth, youth...
Added after 3 hours 33 minutes
The Ministry of Health warns: working is harmful! :smile31:
Quotes from teachers and professors
I'll decide for myself which of you wants to come to the board.
Not only are you deaf, you also hear poorly!
Now all your fun is going to be in one uncensored place!
Well, look at how he hugged his ball! Why don't you kiss it too!
He's sick, you see... Well, maybe I died yesterday!
Once you become a professor, I will personally write you a permit to put your feet on the table
Where did you get ten extra atoms from—are you giving birth to them...
Why are your hands shaking? It's the fourth lesson, the day has only just begun!
You didn't close your mouth in order to close your mouth, but in order to speak
I don't hear an answer. You don't know? You, Kolpakova, are a spoke in the wheel of social development!
Let's rewind the packing of the schoolbags in reverse order
Non-regulation schoolbags will be brutally kicked.
We have one and a half men here...
Once again, this herd has stomped in without their indoor shoes!
Your motto is: glug-glug and down you go!
Go have a swim in the toilet...
I'll call you at 20 o'clock at night!
What is it that you can't manage? Getting married?
I love Pushkin very much. I even read him.
Ivanov, why are you standing there like a pole that keeps standing up and sitting down?
Migratory birds fly and fly, and they find their place in paragraph 57.
The topic is very necessary and complex, so strain whatever you've got.
Why are you twitching at your desk like an amputated limb?
It's only Thursday, and you're already saying things like that!
My dear! That's not a sinusoid—that's a backside!
Internal lack of cleanliness.
Come to the board, Kolpakova, sing us something.
Nozdrev was a spendthrift and a RECORD PLAYER.
Buzz-buzz-buzz, mutter-mutter-mutter, it's like an aquarium in here!
Your brains are designed on the principle of a toilet: everything that gets in is immediately flushed away.
Is it possible that I've lived so many years and I don't know what is located in your house!!!
Hang your ears out so that more noodles can fit on them...
Well, of course, you don't smoke, you don't drink... You girls are just like nurses of mercy.
Katkov, do you want me to stick something on your back too?
Do you have mice frolicking in these notebooks?
Did I end up in a monkey house?
I'll rip your arms off starting from the ears...
Well, Katinka, what are you going to oink at me this time?
Guys, which of you takes the tram to school?
Today we will continue further with you
Put yourselves in the position of a gimlet
We will make corrections to your brains
The Orlov brothers sat down to play cards, got drunk, quarreled, and accidentally killed Peter III.
You may go for recess. Hold hands and go in pairs. And do not talk.
Run after every female teacher and pet her in different directions.
It's like a sledgehammer to the head for me, and yet—no one complained...
I've been observing you for a whole lesson since yesterday.
You, Linnikov, are late for the third time this week! Your next late arrival will be the fourth!!!
Based on the results of this test, we have determined who will mop the classroom floors after lessons today.
Now attention! On the count of "one" everyone jumps, on the count of "two"—lower yourselves to the surface.
Yelnyakov! Stop counting crows outside the window! Especially since those are three pigeons and one cat.
The meaning of your life for the next forty minutes is to solve this system of equations.
Grizzlies are very large and ferocious bears. Fortunately for us, they are found somewhere in America.
I missed you very much too. So much that there are simply no words. Therefore, I'd better stay silent.
Kulkov! Personally, which is closer to you—Fonvizin's "The Minor" or Dostoevsky's "The Idiot"?
Girls and boys! Tomorrow everyone comes in white shirts and dark skirts.
Water molecules attach to chlorine atoms with their negative side.
And you can write a complaint to the head of studies, the principal, or any other devil.
Who will answer? No one? What on earth?! It's an easy question! Come on, hands up!
Guys, did anyone peek into the classroom during the lesson? Just in case I was changing in there?
He was in love twice: once in Germany, and once with Lyubov Dmitrievna.
The rag is dry again! On-duty student! Who do you think is going to wet the rag for you, Putin?
Added after 29 minutes
(not mine)
"Mom, Dad, crunch-crunch!". Cursed be that wretched creative who birthed this advertisement...
In the morning we are on the bus, I'm taking my child to kindergarten. The child is at the "why" age and actively asks questions. On this day, he was very preoccupied with the problem of when Mom and Dad would give him a little brother.
It should be noted that it's the child's birthday, so he's all dressed up, in a little suit with a little tie, and all the few passengers are admiring my little angel.
And then this little angel LOUDLY blurted out:
- Moooom, you put me to sleep yesterday, and then I ran out of the room and saw how you were doing crunch-crunch to Daddy!!!
I turn red from head to toe and withdraw into myself. I mean, I can't exactly explain to the people around me that I was cutting a "Prichuda" cake for my husband for tea... I was so embarrassed that I didn't even look at the reaction of those around me, but I heard giggles.
And then a grandma—a total sweet old thing—passing us to get to the exit, says:
- You won't have a little brother, grandson, as long as they're doing crunch-crunch. They ate him yesterday! Oh, youth, youth...
Amko
Auto-translated
Late in the evening, the parents are going to the movies. Their five-year-old son stays at home. Before leaving, the father instructs:
- Don't open the door for anyone and don't even go near it! Your mother and I have the keys! Understand?
Son:
- Yes!
They leave, but the mother continues to worry. The father says:
- I'll go check now…
He goes to the door of their apartment and knocks…
Behind the door:
- Who's there?
Father:
- MOSGAZ, open up!
Behind the door:
- Get lost, we heat with wood!
-----------------------------------
- Oh, mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Am I the most beautiful, the reddest, and the whitest?
- You are beautiful, no doubt. But being the reddest and whitest at the same time is nonsense.
-----------------------------------
In connection with the recent "Ern" games in Estonia, Russia, together with Germany, decided to hold "occupation" games named after Molotov-Ribbentrop on the territory of the former USSR.
- Why should they just run around in the forests? Let them run away from the "Red" Army, - said a representative of the Russian Armed Forces.
- It will be especially interesting when we reach Poland, - added a representative of the German Armed Forces.
-----------------------------------
I wonder... What is Yakubovich thinking about?
-----------------------------------
http://ziza.ru/2005/03/14/dlya-tex-kto-vas-zamanal.html - just a funny thing. :p
Added 1 hour 22 minutes ago
Mr. President... :smile52:
http://caricatura.ru/ukol/goriachev/558/
- Don't open the door for anyone and don't even go near it! Your mother and I have the keys! Understand?
Son:
- Yes!
They leave, but the mother continues to worry. The father says:
- I'll go check now…
He goes to the door of their apartment and knocks…
Behind the door:
- Who's there?
Father:
- MOSGAZ, open up!
Behind the door:
- Get lost, we heat with wood!
-----------------------------------
- Oh, mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Am I the most beautiful, the reddest, and the whitest?
- You are beautiful, no doubt. But being the reddest and whitest at the same time is nonsense.
-----------------------------------
In connection with the recent "Ern" games in Estonia, Russia, together with Germany, decided to hold "occupation" games named after Molotov-Ribbentrop on the territory of the former USSR.
- Why should they just run around in the forests? Let them run away from the "Red" Army, - said a representative of the Russian Armed Forces.
- It will be especially interesting when we reach Poland, - added a representative of the German Armed Forces.
-----------------------------------
I wonder... What is Yakubovich thinking about?
-----------------------------------
http://ziza.ru/2005/03/14/dlya-tex-kto-vas-zamanal.html - just a funny thing. :p
Added 1 hour 22 minutes ago
Mr. President... :smile52:
http://caricatura.ru/ukol/goriachev/558/
Arandor
Amko
Auto-translated
International diplomacy is like a flood forum on a macro level. The Moderator is the European Union.
...
Estonia/ Russian goats, they're getting in the way of us being fascists!
Lithuania/ +1
Latvia/ +1
Russia/ Go screw yourselves...
Estonia/ Hey, moderator, the Russians are swearing! Take action!
Russia/ Go screw yourselves...
EU/ Observe the rules of decency!
Estonia/ We'll remove the "Warrior" monument and build a Reichstag!
Russia/ Just try it! We'll shut off your valves!
Estonia/ Moderator! Russia is threatening! "Ban" them!
Lithuania/ +1
Latvia/ +1
EU/ Be mutually polite!
Russia/ We don't give a damn about any of you! Moderator, shut up these pugs!
USA/ Russia is taking too many liberties; we won't let anyone be bullied!
Russia/ Americans, shove your same-old missile defense system up your own asses, or we'll shut off your valves too!
USA/ Russian pigs, we'll show you democracy! Give us our oil willingly before we take it by force!
Georgia/ Russian goats!
Lithuania/ +1
Latvia/ +1
Russia/ Go screw yourselves...
Georgia/ Moderator! The Russians are swearing again!
Ukraine/ Russians, if you keep swearing, we'll join NATO.
EU/ Enough with the dogfighting already!..
Russia/ That's it, we're tightening the screws! Don't say you weren't warned!
EU/ What do we have to do with this?
USA/ The Russians have gotten out of hand. EU, where should we put the missiles?
Poland/ Here!
Czech Republic/ Here!
EU/ Maybe we shouldn't? We'll be in a tight spot without gas!
Britain/ The Russians are poisoning everyone with polonium!
USA/ This is terrible! Polonium is dangerous!
Japan/ Yeah, it was only useful for Hiroshima, thanks to the USA! Russians, give back the Kurils; we have nowhere left to breed!
Russia/ Are you all high over there? Where is the moderator looking?
USA/ Such rhetoric is unacceptable!
Georgia/ The Russians are bombing us!!! Help!!!
Russia/ Georgians, are you all just hungover or what?
USA/ Russians, watch your mouth!
Russia/ Go screw yourselves all...
EU/ let's figure this out
USA/ What is there to figure out—Russia is at fault!
Russia/ I agree with the Moderator—let's figure out why Georgia is at fault
USA/ Let Russia calm down first!
Georgia/ The Russians bombed us—we even have a picture!
Russia/ Georgians—shove that picture where you know what!
EU/ we like the Georgians' picture
USA/ Georgia, draw some more
Russia/ Well, we don't have any pictures and go screw yourselves all...
Poland\ And Russia also told us to fuck off on the eda.pl forum
Latvia\ +1
Lithuania\+1
Estonia\+1
EU\ 2 Poland – For what?
Poland\ I don't like the food
Russia\ 2 Poland - Eat your own rotten meat yourselves
EU\ 2 Russia – take it easy with the baseless accusations
Russia\ 2 EU http://www.eda.pl\brazilskaya\tu...._granitse.html
EU\ Ew! How disgusting. 2 Russia and Poland – figure it out yourselves. This isn't eda.pl
Poland\ I will complain
EU\ Write it, we'll read it.
Poland\ I'll write it, I'll write about everyone!
England\+1
Russia\ Go ahead and write until you're blue in the face!
England\ 2 Russia Now quickly send all your logins and passwords to my email (berezovskiy@london.uk)!
Russia\ 2 England. And go screw...
England\ Moderators! Russia is violating everything possible! Where are you looking!
USA\ +1
Russia\ England is covering for hackers.http://www.uk.uk\berezovskiy\zakaev_terrorist.php
EU\ All personal grievances to email.
Russia/ First place, damn it! Accept our congratulations—1 million km of the Arctic is now ours. If anyone doesn't believe it, dive 4 km down and you'll see our tricolor there. Chilligarov rules!
USA/ Our President is wondering: where is the Arctic?
Russia/ Where there's a ton of oil and gas, but not in Iraq
USA/ Lies! Norway says only Norwegian salmon is harvested there.
Russia/ Correction: Russian salmon. And oil and gas. Russians. And diamonds. And many other treats. So where are the congratulations?
Canada/ -1
Norway/ -1
Iceland/ -1
Sweden/ -1
Finland/ -1
Denmark/ -1
USA/ This is not legitimate!
Russia/ Dive 4 km first, then talk.
USA/ Moderator, take action; we dove and saw that the entire bottom of the World Ocean is studded with Russian flags!
EU/ Russia, isn't enough for you?!? Why the hell do you need this ocean?
Russia/ "And I shall become the ruler of the seas, and the USA will be my errand boy!" Pushkin said it, just so you know.
USA/ Don't get ahead of yourselves! Better admit that you bombed half of Georgia.
Russia: Our President is wondering: where is Georgia?
USA/ ... it's... well... somewhere in the state of Georgia?
EU/ Generally, there are many disputed issues here: where Georgia is, where the Arctic is, etc. We need independent experts and so on. To follow our forum rules.
Russia/ Ok. Let the experts come. We don't care, the flag is planted. By the way, regarding the message for the experts...
USA/ We are against it in any case!
Russia/ Americans, shut up! Because according to our estimates, the Lomonosov Ridge extends all the way to Venezuela. Meaning this entire territory is a continuation of the Siberian continental shelf. Draw your conclusions!
Venezuela/ +1
Georgia/ Moderator, why is the UN silent?
UN/ let's not rush and study everything first
Georgia/ what is there to study—we have a missile and a picture
Russia/ shove the picture up your ass, and show us the missile
Georgia/ we'll shove the missile up your own asses
Russia/ where is the MISSILE ???
Georgia/ what missile? we lost it; why do we need a missile—we have a picture! Now you show us your pictures???
Russia/ Well, we don't have any pictures and go screw yourselves all...
UN/ maybe someone else has a picture
USA/ we'll draw one now and bring it...
EU/ UN banned on the forum; thinking is forbidden!
Papua New Guinea (newbie)/ I agree with Georgia, show the pictures
Rwanda/ +1
Somalia/ +1
Estonia/ Papua New Guinea, Rwanda, Somalia guys, where are you from? Fine, we're a major European country! But why are you getting involved?....
Latvia/ +1
Lithuania/ +1
USA/ Somalia, do you have oil? ... just asking... to keep the conversation going...
Russia/ USA, by the way, Somalia is actually the ancient homeland of the Chukchi and our flag is already there....
Somalia/ really?
USA/ Russia, you're getting on my nerves....
Russia/ USA, I can offer Madagascar; the flag was already removed from there.... Especially since you even have a cartoon about them!
USA/ okay let's talk on B-mail ... we'll agree there...
Madagascar/ +1
China: Hello, donkeys!
Russia: No-no, I'm here too.
China: Hello to you too, little brother!
USA: We won't go to the Olympics and we'll make everyone boycott you!
China: Fat chance. We hold 1.5 trillion shares of your monsters. We'll dump them, just for kicks.
Russia: +1
Belarus: +1
USA: Come on, it was a joke.
EU: Be mutually polite.
China: And take some Mao Zedong to the face.
Russia: Betrayed your ideals?
China: Restructured. And you're still in the hole to this day.
Estonia/ moderator quiet down russia
Estonia/ 2 russia - if you keep bullying us, we won't let you build a gas pipeline through our land (or our water)
Germany/ 2 estonia - have you completely lost it with your water
Georgia\ We, for the sake of it, will not enter into a large-scale armed conflict with Russia. Vah!
Russia\ Phew! ...That was close! Thank you, Kind E-eh! And weren't you playing partisans here recently in the Novgorod region?
Georgia\ You are the ones running your own trains off the tracks!
Russia\ And how do you know about the train? We didn't say anything...
EU\ Guys, let's live in harmony!
Russia\ Moderator caught in plagiarism!
EU\ Sorry, "***" © Cat Leopold, p.s.s, vol.136, p.589
Russia\ Our President said: "Punish the innocent, reward those not involved!". Therefore, pray and tremble!
USA\ Hey, Russians, our expedition has set off to clear the Arctic of trashy flags!
Russia\ Well-well...
USA\ Aren't you scared?
Russia\ Let the one who will be removing polonium flagpoles be afraid
USA\ F*ck!..
Denmark\ F*ck!..
Finland\ F*ck!..
Norway\ F*ck!..
Sweden\ F*ck!..
Estonia\F*ck!..F*ck!..
Lithuania\F*ckи!..F*ckи!..F*ckи!..F*ckи!..
Latvia\F*ck!..F*ck!F*ck!F*ckF*ck!.F*ck!FFFFFFFFFFF! i endured the world community more than anyone else
The Russian Embassy in Washington accuses the "Washington Post" newspaper of a biased attitude toward Russia
Commenting on a "Washington Post" article titled "Russian Aggression? Another Attack on Georgia," it is noted that the statements contained in the publication are "based on non-objective facts"
Georgia/ the whole world knows we were attacked. Even the newspapers in America wrote about it!
USA/ yes yes, they wrote it on the front page
Russia/ 2 Georgia in Russia, people write even worse things on fences
Russia/ 2 USA clarify the translation: did we attack Georgia (the country) or Georgia (the state). Because different departments handle these matters. We don't know who to ask, and it's unclear whose enthusiasm to punish...
Georgia/ Listen everyone—international experts confirmed that the plane came from the Russian side—and three times over... and on the third time a missile was fired; RUSSIA IS THE AGGRESSOR
EU/ 2 Russia do you confess???
Russia/ no those aren't ours—ours either shoot immediately or measure seven times
Georgia/ no they are Yours—we have radio intercepts. Command from the ground: "ON THE COUNT OF THREE, F*CK IT"
EU/ Russia, how can you not be ashamed...
Russia/ WE FIGURED EVERYTHING OUT. WE DIDN'T FIRE AT GEORGIA, BUT AT FRIENDLY OSSETIA (CAPTURED BY GEORGIANS)
Ossetia/ yeah we don't mind
USA/ where is Ossetia
Russia/ Ossetia is in Russia, not in Georgia, so everything is fine
EU\ Attention all forum participants! According to the special commission, a rocket was not dropped on Georgian territory from a Russian fighter jet, but a polonium flagpole with a Russian flag! This is precisely what caused Georgia's same-day destruction of the missile... damn it!, the flagpole!
Georgia\ I propose to consider this nuclear bombing!
Japan\ +1
USA\ The Russians have gotten out of hand! Now they're dropping flags from planes! We just don't understand, what are they marking?
Russia\ Georgians, give back the flag! Or better yet, put it back in its place!
England\ According to our MI6 intelligence, the Russians are marking sites for the 2014 Olympic Games!
EU\ Nonsense! The Olympics will be held in Sochi, not in Georgia and certainly not in the Arctic! ...No!.. It can't be!.. Really!?! Are you trying to say that... Oh horror!!!
USA\ ****!
Georgia\ O, my God!
Russia\ Damn, we have a "mole"...
(c) sabina
Blatantly stolen from voffka.com
---------------------------------------------------
A woman comes to the police station and says:
- I've been raped.
Sergeant:
- And how old are you?
Woman:
- ...forty.
Sergeant:
- It's about time you started giving it up yourself...
Pushkin arrived in Mikhailovskoye. He was bothering the coachman as they rode. He decided to surprise the man, so he said: "Man, I am a poet and I write verses. I can compose rhymes from different words. Give me your name, for example, and I'll rhyme it." The man: "Ivan." Pushkin: "Ivan—and a dick in your pocket for you." The man got offended and asked: "And what is your name?" Pushkin: "Pushkin Alexander Sergeyevich!" The man: "Well then, go fuck yourself off the cart!".
A call to the police station at midnight: - Hello. This is Rabinovich. Could you tell me what time it is?
- Midnight.
Five minutes later, another call:
- Hello. This is Rabinovich. Could you tell me what time it is?
- But you just called!
- But time has passed! I need to know what time it is!
- 12 hours and 5 minutes.
Five more minutes, a call:
- Hello. This is Rabinovich. Could you tell me what time it is?
- #%^%#%%^!!! Come to the station and take your fucking confiscated alarm clock!!!
Visitor: Hello, doctor. I have problems.
Doctor (writing something in the medical history): Sit down, my dear fellow. Tell me everything.
Visitor: I have... a vacant stare. And my right shoulder is twitching.
Doctor (continuing to write): Valerian and two "don't-give-a-damn" pills at night—and it'll be gone just like that.
Visitor: At night I dream that I am building underground pyramids in Tuscany. I am terribly worried about the preservation of the frescoes and the behavior of the binding mortar in contact with groundwater.
Doctor (looking up): What are you saying! And how are you reinforcing the foundation? I highly recommend twisted hardened rods, four to a set; it's an old trick, seasoned over centuries, you know.
Visitor: Doctor, something is going wrong. On my caller ID, there are phones of people who didn't call me; all the words on signs and posters that catch my eye share the same root. My hamster hasn't spoken to me for four days; he sits motionless in the corner of the cage and looks at me with the gaze of a Balrog aiming the tip of its whip at Gandalf.
Doctor: What a well-read little creature! Have you tried giving him Russian classics?
Visitor: Doctor, I feel and understand women.
Doctor (dropping his glasses on the table, in a low voice): Oh boy...
...
Estonia/ Russian goats, they're getting in the way of us being fascists!
Lithuania/ +1
Latvia/ +1
Russia/ Go screw yourselves...
Estonia/ Hey, moderator, the Russians are swearing! Take action!
Russia/ Go screw yourselves...
EU/ Observe the rules of decency!
Estonia/ We'll remove the "Warrior" monument and build a Reichstag!
Russia/ Just try it! We'll shut off your valves!
Estonia/ Moderator! Russia is threatening! "Ban" them!
Lithuania/ +1
Latvia/ +1
EU/ Be mutually polite!
Russia/ We don't give a damn about any of you! Moderator, shut up these pugs!
USA/ Russia is taking too many liberties; we won't let anyone be bullied!
Russia/ Americans, shove your same-old missile defense system up your own asses, or we'll shut off your valves too!
USA/ Russian pigs, we'll show you democracy! Give us our oil willingly before we take it by force!
Georgia/ Russian goats!
Lithuania/ +1
Latvia/ +1
Russia/ Go screw yourselves...
Georgia/ Moderator! The Russians are swearing again!
Ukraine/ Russians, if you keep swearing, we'll join NATO.
EU/ Enough with the dogfighting already!..
Russia/ That's it, we're tightening the screws! Don't say you weren't warned!
EU/ What do we have to do with this?
USA/ The Russians have gotten out of hand. EU, where should we put the missiles?
Poland/ Here!
Czech Republic/ Here!
EU/ Maybe we shouldn't? We'll be in a tight spot without gas!
Britain/ The Russians are poisoning everyone with polonium!
USA/ This is terrible! Polonium is dangerous!
Japan/ Yeah, it was only useful for Hiroshima, thanks to the USA! Russians, give back the Kurils; we have nowhere left to breed!
Russia/ Are you all high over there? Where is the moderator looking?
USA/ Such rhetoric is unacceptable!
Georgia/ The Russians are bombing us!!! Help!!!
Russia/ Georgians, are you all just hungover or what?
USA/ Russians, watch your mouth!
Russia/ Go screw yourselves all...
EU/ let's figure this out
USA/ What is there to figure out—Russia is at fault!
Russia/ I agree with the Moderator—let's figure out why Georgia is at fault
USA/ Let Russia calm down first!
Georgia/ The Russians bombed us—we even have a picture!
Russia/ Georgians—shove that picture where you know what!
EU/ we like the Georgians' picture
USA/ Georgia, draw some more
Russia/ Well, we don't have any pictures and go screw yourselves all...
Poland\ And Russia also told us to fuck off on the eda.pl forum
Latvia\ +1
Lithuania\+1
Estonia\+1
EU\ 2 Poland – For what?
Poland\ I don't like the food
Russia\ 2 Poland - Eat your own rotten meat yourselves
EU\ 2 Russia – take it easy with the baseless accusations
Russia\ 2 EU http://www.eda.pl\brazilskaya\tu...._granitse.html
EU\ Ew! How disgusting. 2 Russia and Poland – figure it out yourselves. This isn't eda.pl
Poland\ I will complain
EU\ Write it, we'll read it.
Poland\ I'll write it, I'll write about everyone!
England\+1
Russia\ Go ahead and write until you're blue in the face!
England\ 2 Russia Now quickly send all your logins and passwords to my email (berezovskiy@london.uk)!
Russia\ 2 England. And go screw...
England\ Moderators! Russia is violating everything possible! Where are you looking!
USA\ +1
Russia\ England is covering for hackers.http://www.uk.uk\berezovskiy\zakaev_terrorist.php
EU\ All personal grievances to email.
Russia/ First place, damn it! Accept our congratulations—1 million km of the Arctic is now ours. If anyone doesn't believe it, dive 4 km down and you'll see our tricolor there. Chilligarov rules!
USA/ Our President is wondering: where is the Arctic?
Russia/ Where there's a ton of oil and gas, but not in Iraq
USA/ Lies! Norway says only Norwegian salmon is harvested there.
Russia/ Correction: Russian salmon. And oil and gas. Russians. And diamonds. And many other treats. So where are the congratulations?
Canada/ -1
Norway/ -1
Iceland/ -1
Sweden/ -1
Finland/ -1
Denmark/ -1
USA/ This is not legitimate!
Russia/ Dive 4 km first, then talk.
USA/ Moderator, take action; we dove and saw that the entire bottom of the World Ocean is studded with Russian flags!
EU/ Russia, isn't enough for you?!? Why the hell do you need this ocean?
Russia/ "And I shall become the ruler of the seas, and the USA will be my errand boy!" Pushkin said it, just so you know.
USA/ Don't get ahead of yourselves! Better admit that you bombed half of Georgia.
Russia: Our President is wondering: where is Georgia?
USA/ ... it's... well... somewhere in the state of Georgia?
EU/ Generally, there are many disputed issues here: where Georgia is, where the Arctic is, etc. We need independent experts and so on. To follow our forum rules.
Russia/ Ok. Let the experts come. We don't care, the flag is planted. By the way, regarding the message for the experts...
USA/ We are against it in any case!
Russia/ Americans, shut up! Because according to our estimates, the Lomonosov Ridge extends all the way to Venezuela. Meaning this entire territory is a continuation of the Siberian continental shelf. Draw your conclusions!
Venezuela/ +1
Georgia/ Moderator, why is the UN silent?
UN/ let's not rush and study everything first
Georgia/ what is there to study—we have a missile and a picture
Russia/ shove the picture up your ass, and show us the missile
Georgia/ we'll shove the missile up your own asses
Russia/ where is the MISSILE ???
Georgia/ what missile? we lost it; why do we need a missile—we have a picture! Now you show us your pictures???
Russia/ Well, we don't have any pictures and go screw yourselves all...
UN/ maybe someone else has a picture
USA/ we'll draw one now and bring it...
EU/ UN banned on the forum; thinking is forbidden!
Papua New Guinea (newbie)/ I agree with Georgia, show the pictures
Rwanda/ +1
Somalia/ +1
Estonia/ Papua New Guinea, Rwanda, Somalia guys, where are you from? Fine, we're a major European country! But why are you getting involved?....
Latvia/ +1
Lithuania/ +1
USA/ Somalia, do you have oil? ... just asking... to keep the conversation going...
Russia/ USA, by the way, Somalia is actually the ancient homeland of the Chukchi and our flag is already there....
Somalia/ really?
USA/ Russia, you're getting on my nerves....
Russia/ USA, I can offer Madagascar; the flag was already removed from there.... Especially since you even have a cartoon about them!
USA/ okay let's talk on B-mail ... we'll agree there...
Madagascar/ +1
China: Hello, donkeys!
Russia: No-no, I'm here too.
China: Hello to you too, little brother!
USA: We won't go to the Olympics and we'll make everyone boycott you!
China: Fat chance. We hold 1.5 trillion shares of your monsters. We'll dump them, just for kicks.
Russia: +1
Belarus: +1
USA: Come on, it was a joke.
EU: Be mutually polite.
China: And take some Mao Zedong to the face.
Russia: Betrayed your ideals?
China: Restructured. And you're still in the hole to this day.
Estonia/ moderator quiet down russia
Estonia/ 2 russia - if you keep bullying us, we won't let you build a gas pipeline through our land (or our water)
Germany/ 2 estonia - have you completely lost it with your water
Georgia\ We, for the sake of it, will not enter into a large-scale armed conflict with Russia. Vah!
Russia\ Phew! ...That was close! Thank you, Kind E-eh! And weren't you playing partisans here recently in the Novgorod region?
Georgia\ You are the ones running your own trains off the tracks!
Russia\ And how do you know about the train? We didn't say anything...
EU\ Guys, let's live in harmony!
Russia\ Moderator caught in plagiarism!
EU\ Sorry, "***" © Cat Leopold, p.s.s, vol.136, p.589
Russia\ Our President said: "Punish the innocent, reward those not involved!". Therefore, pray and tremble!
USA\ Hey, Russians, our expedition has set off to clear the Arctic of trashy flags!
Russia\ Well-well...
USA\ Aren't you scared?
Russia\ Let the one who will be removing polonium flagpoles be afraid
USA\ F*ck!..
Denmark\ F*ck!..
Finland\ F*ck!..
Norway\ F*ck!..
Sweden\ F*ck!..
Estonia\F*ck!..F*ck!..
Lithuania\F*ckи!..F*ckи!..F*ckи!..F*ckи!..
Latvia\F*ck!..F*ck!F*ck!F*ckF*ck!.F*ck!FFFFFFFFFFF! i endured the world community more than anyone else
The Russian Embassy in Washington accuses the "Washington Post" newspaper of a biased attitude toward Russia
Commenting on a "Washington Post" article titled "Russian Aggression? Another Attack on Georgia," it is noted that the statements contained in the publication are "based on non-objective facts"
Georgia/ the whole world knows we were attacked. Even the newspapers in America wrote about it!
USA/ yes yes, they wrote it on the front page
Russia/ 2 Georgia in Russia, people write even worse things on fences
Russia/ 2 USA clarify the translation: did we attack Georgia (the country) or Georgia (the state). Because different departments handle these matters. We don't know who to ask, and it's unclear whose enthusiasm to punish...
Georgia/ Listen everyone—international experts confirmed that the plane came from the Russian side—and three times over... and on the third time a missile was fired; RUSSIA IS THE AGGRESSOR
EU/ 2 Russia do you confess???
Russia/ no those aren't ours—ours either shoot immediately or measure seven times
Georgia/ no they are Yours—we have radio intercepts. Command from the ground: "ON THE COUNT OF THREE, F*CK IT"
EU/ Russia, how can you not be ashamed...
Russia/ WE FIGURED EVERYTHING OUT. WE DIDN'T FIRE AT GEORGIA, BUT AT FRIENDLY OSSETIA (CAPTURED BY GEORGIANS)
Ossetia/ yeah we don't mind
USA/ where is Ossetia
Russia/ Ossetia is in Russia, not in Georgia, so everything is fine
EU\ Attention all forum participants! According to the special commission, a rocket was not dropped on Georgian territory from a Russian fighter jet, but a polonium flagpole with a Russian flag! This is precisely what caused Georgia's same-day destruction of the missile... damn it!, the flagpole!
Georgia\ I propose to consider this nuclear bombing!
Japan\ +1
USA\ The Russians have gotten out of hand! Now they're dropping flags from planes! We just don't understand, what are they marking?
Russia\ Georgians, give back the flag! Or better yet, put it back in its place!
England\ According to our MI6 intelligence, the Russians are marking sites for the 2014 Olympic Games!
EU\ Nonsense! The Olympics will be held in Sochi, not in Georgia and certainly not in the Arctic! ...No!.. It can't be!.. Really!?! Are you trying to say that... Oh horror!!!
USA\ ****!
Georgia\ O, my God!
Russia\ Damn, we have a "mole"...
(c) sabina
Blatantly stolen from voffka.com
---------------------------------------------------
A woman comes to the police station and says:
- I've been raped.
Sergeant:
- And how old are you?
Woman:
- ...forty.
Sergeant:
- It's about time you started giving it up yourself...
Pushkin arrived in Mikhailovskoye. He was bothering the coachman as they rode. He decided to surprise the man, so he said: "Man, I am a poet and I write verses. I can compose rhymes from different words. Give me your name, for example, and I'll rhyme it." The man: "Ivan." Pushkin: "Ivan—and a dick in your pocket for you." The man got offended and asked: "And what is your name?" Pushkin: "Pushkin Alexander Sergeyevich!" The man: "Well then, go fuck yourself off the cart!".
A call to the police station at midnight: - Hello. This is Rabinovich. Could you tell me what time it is?
- Midnight.
Five minutes later, another call:
- Hello. This is Rabinovich. Could you tell me what time it is?
- But you just called!
- But time has passed! I need to know what time it is!
- 12 hours and 5 minutes.
Five more minutes, a call:
- Hello. This is Rabinovich. Could you tell me what time it is?
- #%^%#%%^!!! Come to the station and take your fucking confiscated alarm clock!!!
Visitor: Hello, doctor. I have problems.
Doctor (writing something in the medical history): Sit down, my dear fellow. Tell me everything.
Visitor: I have... a vacant stare. And my right shoulder is twitching.
Doctor (continuing to write): Valerian and two "don't-give-a-damn" pills at night—and it'll be gone just like that.
Visitor: At night I dream that I am building underground pyramids in Tuscany. I am terribly worried about the preservation of the frescoes and the behavior of the binding mortar in contact with groundwater.
Doctor (looking up): What are you saying! And how are you reinforcing the foundation? I highly recommend twisted hardened rods, four to a set; it's an old trick, seasoned over centuries, you know.
Visitor: Doctor, something is going wrong. On my caller ID, there are phones of people who didn't call me; all the words on signs and posters that catch my eye share the same root. My hamster hasn't spoken to me for four days; he sits motionless in the corner of the cage and looks at me with the gaze of a Balrog aiming the tip of its whip at Gandalf.
Doctor: What a well-read little creature! Have you tried giving him Russian classics?
Visitor: Doctor, I feel and understand women.
Doctor (dropping his glasses on the table, in a low voice): Oh boy...
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