Amko
Auto-translated
Stages of computer addiction, symptoms, and treatment methods
First stage (mild)
Symptoms: the person sits down at the computer, turns it on, works, and goes home at the end of the workday, after which they don't think about the computer until the next morning. Appetite and sleep are normal, and there are no headaches or stomach pains.
Treatment: no treatment is needed at this time.
Second stage (semi-mild)
Symptoms: the patient shows increased interest in the computer, expressed in unhealthy excitement that overcomes them when they see the object. Appetite is normal. Sleep is restless, with screams and squeaks. They stay at work for 2-3 hours and frantically presses buttons.
Treatment: remove the patient from the computer, administer medical alcohol internally 3 times a day, 0.5 tablespoons each time. Put computer literature in an inaccessible place. Meet them after work.
Third stage (moderate severity)
Symptoms: the patient stays at work for more than 4-5 hours after the end of the workday, saves money for a home computer. In everyday life, they begin to use computer terminology and do not react to the widened eyes of those around them. Appetite is increased. Sleep is restless, with exclamations of computer words and unreasonable laughter. They become highly excited when they see a computer or meet a patient in the 3rd stage or higher. In this case, the disease may progress to the 4th stage.
Treatment: isolate the patient from society and from the computer, take away the money, and get them married. In case of violent behavior and refusal of treatment, administer 1-2 buckets of vodka with Port wine "777" mixed in a 1:2 ratio into the stomach. Do not give them a basin.
Fourth stage (severe)
Symptoms: the patient buys a modem and a computer. Their speech is full of various computer words and their combinations. They invent new words, save money for a dedicated line. Appetite is greatly increased. They eat any food at any time of the day if it is available. They sleep 3-4 hours a day, as they call using the modem at night and make the cries described in volume 3 of the series "Animal Life" (chapter 1 - "Behavior of a male rhesus macaque during the mating period") with each connection. Sexual desire is reduced. There is no vomiting, work, delirium, or stomach pain.
Treatment: only in a hospital.
Fifth stage (hopeless)
Symptoms: the patient sets up a BBS, opens their own website, organizes several mailing lists, and devotes all their free time to these activities, apart from making calls and programming. Speech is incoherent, consisting of 80% or more of computer jargon with special terms. Appetite and sleep are absent. They only eat what comes within direct sight, regardless of the type and quality of the product, and pay attention to those around them only if they pronounce phrases related to computers. Sexual desire is completely absent, as they periodically experience a feeling of deep satisfaction from the line on the screen "Connect 28 800...". They keep a night pot and a pack of tea near the computer, which they forget to mix with water.
Treatment: incurable.
First stage (mild)
Symptoms: the person sits down at the computer, turns it on, works, and goes home at the end of the workday, after which they don't think about the computer until the next morning. Appetite and sleep are normal, and there are no headaches or stomach pains.
Treatment: no treatment is needed at this time.
Second stage (semi-mild)
Symptoms: the patient shows increased interest in the computer, expressed in unhealthy excitement that overcomes them when they see the object. Appetite is normal. Sleep is restless, with screams and squeaks. They stay at work for 2-3 hours and frantically presses buttons.
Treatment: remove the patient from the computer, administer medical alcohol internally 3 times a day, 0.5 tablespoons each time. Put computer literature in an inaccessible place. Meet them after work.
Third stage (moderate severity)
Symptoms: the patient stays at work for more than 4-5 hours after the end of the workday, saves money for a home computer. In everyday life, they begin to use computer terminology and do not react to the widened eyes of those around them. Appetite is increased. Sleep is restless, with exclamations of computer words and unreasonable laughter. They become highly excited when they see a computer or meet a patient in the 3rd stage or higher. In this case, the disease may progress to the 4th stage.
Treatment: isolate the patient from society and from the computer, take away the money, and get them married. In case of violent behavior and refusal of treatment, administer 1-2 buckets of vodka with Port wine "777" mixed in a 1:2 ratio into the stomach. Do not give them a basin.
Fourth stage (severe)
Symptoms: the patient buys a modem and a computer. Their speech is full of various computer words and their combinations. They invent new words, save money for a dedicated line. Appetite is greatly increased. They eat any food at any time of the day if it is available. They sleep 3-4 hours a day, as they call using the modem at night and make the cries described in volume 3 of the series "Animal Life" (chapter 1 - "Behavior of a male rhesus macaque during the mating period") with each connection. Sexual desire is reduced. There is no vomiting, work, delirium, or stomach pain.
Treatment: only in a hospital.
Fifth stage (hopeless)
Symptoms: the patient sets up a BBS, opens their own website, organizes several mailing lists, and devotes all their free time to these activities, apart from making calls and programming. Speech is incoherent, consisting of 80% or more of computer jargon with special terms. Appetite and sleep are absent. They only eat what comes within direct sight, regardless of the type and quality of the product, and pay attention to those around them only if they pronounce phrases related to computers. Sexual desire is completely absent, as they periodically experience a feeling of deep satisfaction from the line on the screen "Connect 28 800...". They keep a night pot and a pack of tea near the computer, which they forget to mix with water.
Treatment: incurable.