Posts from Fun

Cool:). Here's another one: Paratroopers are boarding a plane. One of them, before takeoff, asks the instructor: - Tell me, what happens if the parachute doesn't open? - You open the reserve parachute. - And if that one doesn't open either? I mean, how long will I fall? - For the rest of your life... Body parts. Eyes: See a beer stand. Brain: Legs, turn. Legs: But our shoelace is untied. Mouth: I'll take a couple, please. Eyes: The beer is cloudy, it's awful. Brain: It's okay, the stomach will sort it out. Rectum: Aha, you'll be sorting it out through me again. Brain: You're used to it. Stomach: Oh, it's so good. Mouth: Another couple. Hands: No way, we're broke. Brain: I'm enjoying this. Bladder: That's how it always is, the higher-ups are enjoying it, and the lower ones are working hard. Stomach: I want to sing. Mouth: I'll sing for you. Kidneys: (take a deep breath) Bladder: Oh, I can't. Brain: Hey, legs, help the bladder. Right leg: Up, down. Left leg: Up, down. Legs: Damn, the shoelace is untied. Brain: Torso, bend over. Vestibular apparatus: I'm shutting down. Stomach: I'm still going to sing. Bladder: Either now or never. Brain: I understand you, legs. Legs: But our shoelace is untied. Brain: I told you, turn the corner! Vestibular apparatus: There were good times... Eyes: Which corner? Brain: The nearest one. Right eye: To the right. Left eye: To the left. Legs: And we stepped on the shoelace. Bump on the forehead: Hello, guys! Bladder: Faster! Legs: One, two, one, two... Bladder: Ugh! Mouth: Another couple. Bump on the forehead: That's right, I want a little brother. Brain: Shut up, you brainless bruise! Bump: I'm a hematoma, you're the bruise. Kidneys: I'm tired, I'm shutting down. Right eye: Oh, there's a girl walking! Left: Where? Spine: I can feel it with my spinal cord - she's a blonde. Eyes: There's a pole ahead!! Head: Boom! Eyes: Oh, what pretty stars... Brain: I see it myself, I'm taking control. Spine: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, here we go! Mouth: Earth in the window... - Stop! I'm going to shoot! - I'm standing still. - I'm shooting! - Mom, why did the stork bring my brother, but they found me in a cabbage? - Well... the stork didn't manage to deliver you! New haircut. Female version - Oh! You cut your hair... got a haircut? How cute! - Do you really think so? I was shocked when I saw myself in the mirror right after the haircut. Listen, do you think it's too short? Too flashy? - Oh my god, of course not! The haircut is just gorgeous! So stylish, fluffy. I'd happily cut all my hair off, but I can't - my face is too wide. I'm too self-conscious about it. - Are you serious? You have a wonderful face! It's perfect for haircuts! I think you should definitely get a haircut. Short strands of different lengths are so trendy now! I was going to get one myself... but I stopped myself in time. My neck is already long, and with a haircut, it would be a disaster. - Well, you're something! Long!? I've always dreamed of having a neck like that! It would distract from my terrible square shoulders! - Are you kidding? Everyone envies your shoulders! Any dress, any outfit looks amazing on you! You have a figure like a supermodel! And look at me: sloping shoulders, short arms... Ugh, if I had a figure like that, I'd wear anything... - What figure are you talking about? Look at my hips... Male version: - Got a haircut? - Yeah.

"My Computer" Talk Show.

Author currently unknown

Host. Good day to you all! You are watching the "My Computer" talk show. Today we will discuss a problem that has become increasingly acute in our country in recent years. A problem that is destroying the lives of many people, primarily young people. The name of this problem is licensed software. Please welcome our guest.

To the sound of the Windows startup music, the guest enters—a pale guy with bags under his eyes.

Host. Is it true that you use licensed software?

Guest. Yes, for about two years now.

Tell us, how did you first try licensed software?

Well, like, my girlfriend got me into it. She worked at a Microsoft regional office back then, and she talked me into trying it.

And you agreed? Were you not aware of the consequences?

Well, like, she said nothing would happen from one time. You can always quit later. And I thought to myself, do I lack willpower? At first, I didn't even like it much. You know, those unfixed bugs, a feeling of bewilderment and emptiness in the pocket...

Nevertheless, you tried again...

I wanted to understand what people find in it.

And did you?

You know, it's impossible to explain to those who haven't tried it.

Please, no proselytizing; we are on live air. So, you got hooked...

Well, like, uh-huh.

Did your friends try to stop you?

They turned their backs on me when they found out... To hell with them. I have new friends now, also, like, licensed users.

And do your parents know that you are a user of licensed software?

Like, of course. I constantly need money to buy new versions. Because of this, there are eternal arguments; my father screams that I'm a disgrace to the family...

And are you still dating that girl?

No. She took a course in Linux-therapy and said she wanted to start a new life where, like, nothing would remind her of the past.

And did you try to get treatment yourself?

I tried, but what's the point? Whenever I see a holographic sticker...

Do you experience withdrawals?

Yes, my computer has crashed several times already because of buggy releases. But what can you do? It's even stated in the license agreement—supplied AS IS, no warranty...

But do you want to quit?

I used to, but now I think—well, like... many people in the West live this way...

Well then, let's hear the opinions of our viewers.

(Assistants with microphones go around the hall).

Middle-aged woman. It's because of people like you that our domestic hackers are out of work! And they have wives and children, by the way! And some even have husbands!

Old man. You should be ashamed, young man! In my youth, I worked on an IBM-360, and we hadn't even heard a whisper about licensed software! Nowadays it's fashionable to criticize the past. Yes, of course, there were mistakes. But what youth we had! There was romance, passion, an idea! Not like this software—even hardware was copied piratically! Could we have even imagined selling ourselves to Bill Gates for a bright box!

Young woman. I would never date a guy who uses licensed software. They can't do anything. Neither crack protection nor enter a code. Everything is always hanging on them. All they are capable of is being on the phone... with Technical Support... (The guest blushes.)

Woman. Why are you all ganging up on the guy? He needs help, not scolding... Of course, he's already at a stage where it's impossible to return immediately to normal pirate software. But for starters, one could try moving him to freeware. Then shareware, and gradually increase the period without registration...

Old woman. I don't know about licensed software, but I want to say that there has been no dedicated line in our building for three months, we have to run to the neighbors for dial-up, and the housing office... (with combined efforts, the microphone is taken away from the old woman)

So, as we can see, the audience does not support our guest's addiction. Now let's hear from our expert psychologist.

Psychologist. Unfortunately, many people today do not take this problem seriously enough. They refer to the experience of the West, specifically the Netherlands. But in the West itself, many are sounding the alarm, concerned by the decline in computer literacy. Who among you has heard of Dutch hackers? In reality, an addiction to licensed software is a severe pathology capable of destroying a person's entire life. At first, it seems to them that they can return to a normal life at any moment. But they increasingly feel the need for new licensed versions and can no longer stop. They spend all their money on this. Their social circle is disrupted, physical impairments arise—the patient forgets the addresses of hacker sites, they feel nauseous at the sight of pirate software... Complex psychological disorders emerge; in particular, an obsessive idea to pay even for freeware software may develop. As a rule, licensed software users are people who lack independence, are suggestible, and have a hidden inferiority complex. They want to stand out from the crowd or, conversely, not fall behind their peers; they fear reality and seek illusory protection from Technical Support. This is where that same hope of buying one's way out of a problem instead of solving it manifests—the same hope that drove our primitive ancestors to make sacrifices to spirits. Although there are many who try simply out of curiosity, having listened to dealer propaganda about the supposed bug-free nature of licensed software. Let us not forget that behind licensed software stands a business with turnovers in the billions of dollars, deeply interested in drawing more and more users into this pernicious addiction.

Well then, we thank our expert and hope that all is not lost for our guest.

See you online.
___________________

I don't know about you but I liked it... I personally love using only licensed...

Added after 5 minutes
Real men run Windows

Author currently unknown

Real men are not afraid of the unknown. It's easy not to be afraid of Unix—everything is clear there anyway. It's much harder not to be afraid of Windows, knowing that it can throw something unpredictable at you. That's why real men install Windows even on critical servers. They know no fear.

Real men are not lazy. Almost all Unixoids are lazy—it's easier for them to spend ten minutes writing a script to automate their work. Real men under Windows easily spend hours doing the same thing manually. They are not lazy.

Real men do not engage in arguments. Unixoids have already annoyed everyone with their discussions about which distribution to install where, and whether Solaris or Linux is better for this task. Windows is like the party's general line—there is only one, even if it has several faces. And it develops as one organization wants. Real men like this; it's like in the army. Real men are for a command system.

Real men do not need conveniences. They listen with a smile to Unixoids arguing about what problems the Windows graphical interface has, why it doesn't satisfy a single requirement placed on an interface, and how pathetic their command line is. They know all this themselves; they simply believe it is beneath a man to care so much about convenience. Real men can sleep on a bare floor, let alone a colorful velvet bed, even if it's placed vertically.

Real men do not think about money. They will easily pay thousands of dollars for software on their computer, knowing they could get the same functionality for free. They don't need that, because counting money is pettiness.

Real men do not need remote work. If they have to, they can come to the server room in the middle of the night to launch the software they need or see what's happening. After all, they are real men.

Real men stoically endure trials. They know that different versions of MS Office are incompatible with each other, but they aren't afraid to re-layout a five-hundred-page document if necessary. Or that old software will stop running when moving to a new OS. In essence, it's not that important to them. They won't whine; they'll just spend a few days on the re-layout or rewrite the software—that's all. They are real men.

Real men are thorough. They understand the need to reboot the system after installing every program, and in general, for a real man, it is no problem to reboot the machine once every two or three days. It is not difficult for him to periodically clean up the trash on the hard drive and in the registry, and he doesn't start empty arguing on the Net when something else breaks while installing something. He does not consider this abnormal or unnatural. He simply grits his teeth and solves the problem.

A real man doesn't grimace when it turns out that a new version requires three times more memory and runs twice as slowly. He simply takes the money set aside for vacation, goes, and buys a new computer. Real men do not need vacations.

Real men need neither ease, nor convenience, nor reliability. They need struggle.

And there is only one conclusion from all this. Only whiners and weaklings run Unix. Real men who run Windows are despised for it...

This isn't any kind of proselytizing, just funny....:D

It's amazing how much nonsense some modern popular artists sing. Here's an example: "And again, a daisy in a small hand, and, looking like a rabbit, hangs on the ceiling" (c) Hi-Fi Borzov. "In the Future of the Moon" A very cruel song: "I catch the gaze of your eyes on myself, lying next to me. Don't cry, from your empty eye sockets tears and birch sap flow." ********************************* Snaipery. "You gave me roses, the roses smelled of wormwood..." ********************************* "I let the little bird go boldly, turning it into a white crane..." Jasmin has problems with case endings.

Sometimes when I have nothing to do, I can compose SOME STUFF!!!!

Well, you're more than welcome! If it's funny, post it here, or in the HoMM5 humor section.

Did you know that:

Cockroaches have existed on Earth for 250 million years and have not undergone any evolutionary changes since then.

Crocodiles have never lived in the Alligator River in Australia.

Drinkers began clinking glasses in deep antiquity. It was believed that this drove away evil spirits.

Thanks to gravity, a person weighs slightly less when the Moon is at its zenith.

Polar bears have black skin.

"Spain" in translation means "land of rabbits."

An oak tree must be at least 50 years old for acorns to grow on it.

Girls of the Tiwi tribe in the Pacific are married at birth.

In the 70s in the USA, a sex tax was seriously discussed. The fee was supposed to be 2 dollars.

Dirty snow melts faster than clean snow.

Bees have five eyes.

Peanuts are used in the production of dynamite.

The first cologne in history appeared as a preventive measure against the plague.

Las Vegas casinos have no clocks.

Every second, 1% of the Earth's population is dead drunk.

A beard consists of 7-15 thousand hairs. And it grows at a rate of 14 centimeters per year.

The ant has the largest brain of all living creatures. Relative to the body, of course.

To commit suicide with coffee, you would need to drink 100 cups in a row.

Hans Christian Andersen could hardly write a single word correctly.

On Mondays, there are 25% more back injuries and 33% more heart attacks.

On average, 33 new products appear in the world every day. 13 of them are toys.

The average person spends two weeks of their life waiting for a traffic light to change.

A person becomes addicted to tea faster than to heroin.

Toilet paper was invented in 1857.

Every day, Americans throw away 20 thousand televisions, 150 thousand tons of packaging materials, and 43 thousand tons of food.

Smoking a pack of cigarettes a day is equivalent to drinking a coffee cup of nicotine annually.

Ancient Egyptians used eyeshadow to protect themselves from conjunctivitis and trachoma.

The body of a sleeping person is half a centimeter longer than that of an awake person.

Mosquitoes are attracted to the smell of people who have recently eaten bananas.

A hockey puck can reach a speed of 160 kilometers per hour.

The Neanderthal brain was larger than ours.

Some public toilets in Singapore are equipped with karaoke video consoles.

Added 8 minutes later
If you scream for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days, the amount of acoustic energy you produce will be enough to heat one cup of coffee. (not a very worthwhile endeavor) :)


When pumping blood in the body, the human heart creates pressure sufficient to eject blood 10 meters forward.


You burn 150 calories if you bang your head against the wall for an hour. (Need to lose weight :D)

An ant can lift a weight 50 times its own and pull a weight exceeding its own by 30 times. And when ants are poisoned with chemicals, they always fall on their right side.

A cockroach can live 9 days without a head, after which it dies of hunger.

A male praying mantis is unable to copulate while he has a head. Therefore, the mating act in praying mantises begins with the female ripping off the male's head.


Butterflies taste food with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals unable to jump (Good thing it's not the other way around!)

An ostrich's eye is larger than its brain. (And I know people like that too! :) )

A starfish has no brain. (And I know people like that too! :D)

All polar bears are left-handed. (Now, I wonder how they found that out?)

Look how smart you are:)

The speed of airflow in the nose during calm breathing is 2.4 km/h, and during sneezing - 170km/h.

The average density of matter in the Universe is 6 atoms per cubic meter.

The narrowest street in the world is located in Ripatransone (Italy). Its average width is 43cm, narrowing to 38 in some places (I wonder who walks there:) ).

In 1932, Time magazine awarded the title of "Man of the Year" to a computer (that's where AI started from:) ).

The name of the television company "Al Jazeera" translated from Arabic means "island".

A dairy cow produces 4 times more manure than its own weight over its entire life.

The most common children's game in the world is hide-and-seek.

About 70% of all aircraft accidents occur due to mutual misunderstanding between crew members or between pilots and ground services.

100g of camphor evaporated over a burner will clear a room of 300 cubic meters of mosquitoes.

Only 2% of the hair growing on a person is on the head.

Awesome! :) Now I'll be laughing every time I sneeze:D Examples of female logic: • Forget the past, let's create a new one… • No, I'm not against it, I just disagree! • I only occasionally get up from my diet… • …I won't come back because I didn't leave. • I look good, but not often. • It's easier for men, their mothers-in-law love them… • Just agree already: I'm not stubborn! • He's so quiet that I want to undress… • This is my third marriage. My husband is in his last. • He replaced the lenses in my glasses with pink ones… • …I'm expensive, especially in clothes. • No, he didn't stutter before the wedding… • I'm not very happy being married, but I'm living… • You can read in his eyes: seven grades… • The obstacles to happiness are you and excess weight. • How touching!.. Just not with your hands!.. • Today, there's pilaf without meat. And without rice. • What kind of money is this? It's change!!! • I'm stunned… Not dead, but on the floor. • Compare her character and my bust! Mine is better! • How shy he is… it's hard to resist… • Truth is not that important to me! • Both my mother and the Ministry of Health warned me… • He kept silent, and I believed him… • If you loved me like you love beer! • In your arms, I don't just lose my honor… • He's silent meaningfully, but asks unambiguously! • And I feel: he's mine, no matter how unpleasant it is… • In bed, he's like a god: he doesn't snore! • He has a lot of childishness in him: he doesn't like semolina porridge… • I believe that you can ruin someone's life too! • …no matter what, no matter where, no matter with whom… • Time heals, but the outcome is always fatal… • Now I don't kiss after the first date… • The meaning of life looks different from the kitchen… • Fate, baring its teeth, smiled… • Love is needed like money: daily. • My sadness is bright: it has already faded… • Love is gone, only the rest remains… • My figure is becoming more and more unusual year after year… • He fell asleep without saying goodbye… I'm getting a divorce! • There are few people like me: only me… • There is everything in your eyes, except for meaning. • Covering a decisive "yes" with a timid "no". • Well, be it your way: snow is white and cold. • He smiled sincerely, cynically. • Try the soup, don't be afraid, there are medicines in it! • It's time to make up, tomorrow is payday… • Tomorrow I have a tantrum and shopping.

Added 4 minutes ago
A man is asked: what, in your opinion, is the probability that you will go outside now and meet a dinosaur there? The man replies: What are you talking about? 1/1,000,000, and that's a stretch! A woman is asked. The woman replies: 1/2 Journalist: how is that?? Woman: either I'll meet him or I won't.

Cool SMS messages: I'm an alien, and I've settled in your mobile phone. Right now, as you press the buttons, I'm having sex with your finger, and I know you like it because you're smiling. Hey, don't press the buttons so hard – I'm getting hot, and besides, take your hand away, or I won't be able to see anything! Right now, there are 2 million people sleeping in the world, 1 million eating, 0.5 million having sex, and only one person, whom I love very much, is reading my SMS. If we release a guy into the forest, he'll collect 3 kg of berries; if we release a girl, she'll collect 5 kg. But that doesn't mean that if we release both of them into the forest, they'll collect 8 kg of berries. How to win a woman's heart? Take care of her, cherish her, love her, give her compliments, respect her. How to win a man's heart? Undress and hand him a bottle of beer! You don't want to be a toy In anyone's hands, To be obedient to a foreign will In plans and deeds. But you love to play games. Maybe you'll play with me too? Your shape is perfect, your skin is soft, your scent drives me crazy, you have amazing eyes. Just one touch from me and you get turned on... My beloved Ferrari F50! Congratulations! You've won a gypsy girl in the lottery! If you don't claim your prize within 14 days, we'll send a whole caravan! Thank you for your order. The vibrator will be delivered to you tomorrow at 3. Erotic service. :-) I want you! I want to make you dizzy, drag you into bed, and make you feel hot and moan for a whole week! Your flu! Use your mobile phones with rubber gloves, and then you won't be afraid of phone sex. I'll come to you at night, climb under the covers. I'll find your sweetest spot and suck on it for a long time. Your naughty mosquito! Let's buy a house by the river, plant some hemp there. We'll play cards there, deal heroin. We'll sniff and smoke. We'll live like kings. I undress you with a hesitant hand, I can't wait to see your desired body, you are the most beautiful, the only one in the world, my most beloved potato in its skin. Press down, press again, OK, even more, ah-ah-ah, oh-oh-oh, oh yes, even more here, yes, oh my god, stronger, keep going like that, oh yes, yes, yes, yes... This was GSM sex, the continuation is here <<< Subscriber disconnected due to excessively high PREpayment. Dear Subscriber, you have been disconnected for disclosing state secrets over our network. My stomach hurts, which means someone is living there. If it's not worms, then it's you. Send this to a guy... and he'll be shocked... you won't be able to revive him... :-))) Take it in your hands, touch it with your lips, it's hard as a rock, try it, and press your bare cheek against it, my most beloved glass of Coca-Cola! I'm at the police station. They took me in and started a case. The reason: "Too beautiful." They have all the evidence! I'm in a panic. HELP ME!!!!!

And I already sent one of them to someone:D

Stop burning... I can't stand it, I'm burning, I'm dying, I'm aching. It's funny how!:D

More funny SMS messages. Read and laugh:

If you're reading my SMS right now, it means you're hugging me.
If you deleted it, you kissed me.
If you saved it, it means you invited me on a date.
If you forwarded it to me, you did everything mentioned above.
If you ignored it, then you're MINE!
So, what will you do with my SMS???? :-)

I don't have breakfast in the morning because I'm thinking about you.
I don't have lunch during the day – I'm thinking about you.
I don't have dinner in the evening – I'm thinking about you.
I don't sleep at night – I'M HUNGRY! :-)

Where are you tonight? Where are you when I need you so much? Where are you when I want to feel you, your tender touch on my naked body?! Oh my! Where is my damn pajama?!

I see you in the distance,
I see you up close.
I watch you naked,
while you lie here.
I see you in my dreams every night!
I gently hug you!
Oh, my pillow, how I adore you!

What is it: in white lace, it moos and crawls on the ground? //////////////// Answer: a tipsy bride

We girls are like phones. We like to be taken everywhere and talked to, but if you press the wrong button, you'll be disconnected!!!! :-)

Press 1 – you'll get oral sex, press 2 – you'll get regular sex, press 3 – you'll get petting, press 4 – you won't get anything. But if you want it all, call my number!

It's so slippery when you squeeze it! Pink, like my body... so tender in my hands!... no... it's not what you think! It's FA soap in the shower with me!

Lie down, relax, don't think about anything... Do you feel someone gently kissing your lips? Don't be scared – it's me gently kissing you goodnight... Good night, darling!

Love recipe:
500g of passion, 300g of love, add kisses and hugs to taste.
The dish is ready.
Note: to be tasted together in bed :-)

Your neighbor bought new furniture. Tonight I'll come to strangle you. Toad

****** - This is 6 deer butts from Santa's sleigh. Just try not to send this SMS to 6 of your friends, and these deer will crap on your whole year!

If on New Year's Eve, a strange guest comes to you – someone with a white beard, in a red fur hat, with a long staff in his hand and gifts in a bag, with loud laughter, with a kind look – it means you shouldn't drink anymore!

Who wants to be a millionaire??? Maybe we can play? QUESTION: No one loves you because you are 1) a snitch 2) a bore 3) you act like an idiot... 50/50, call a friend? CALL ME, I KNOW THE RIGHT ANSWER!!!

Hi... I'm a thief... I'm here to steal your heart

Your eyes confuse me
When you look at me
It's like you want to fall in love
And I've loved you for a long time...
This is a virtual kiss. Hold it to your heart. Repeat n times.

DANGER!! A BOMB is planted in your phone, it will detonate if you don't call me within 15 seconds and tell me where and when we will meet.

Due to network congestion, you are being switched from the MTS network to the Beeline network, the remaining funds in your account will be canceled

Stop burning... I can't, I'm burning, I'm dying, I'm aching. It's funny how!:D

Never! You'll be laughing so hard for three days that you'll end up dying from laughter in terrible convulsions!:D :cool:

Attention!
Starting campfires, walking dogs, fishing, hunting, grazing and herding livestock, as well as snakes crawling out, pigs giving birth, horses foaling and mares giving birth, fish spawning, birds hatching from eggs, butterflies emerging, and desmans emerging, chickens laying eggs and kangaroos jumping, trampling daisies, picking berries, cutting down forests and breaking branches, chasing rabbits, thinking correctly, scaring black grouse, exhaling and inhaling, carrying out a body, leading us by the nose - we'll slap you on the ear, exhaust fumes, throwing out garbage, a brood of geese, a degenerate of people, smelting steel, swimming, sitting down, showing off for posers, firing the Aurora, begging for money, drilling soldiers, shaking out rugs, falling out of a window, giving birth to children, lounging in hammocks, wiping our mouths and bulging our eyes, blowing our noses, revealing and spreading state secrets, biting each other's hair and hair biting, kindling, calving and a mess, and most importantly, peeking and climbing into hollows, taking out bees and spreading honey. ALL OF THIS IS PROHIBITED AND CEASED on April 1st due to their refusal to suck nectar after plucking flowers and pulling out grass, as well as due to their complete extinction.

Three guys are sitting in a boat, fishing. It's night, and dawn is breaking. One says: "The sun is rising!"
The second: "I haven't seen such a beautiful sunrise in a long time!"
The third kicks the first two out of the boat.
The guys surface: "Why?!"
"The first one for going off-topic, the second for flooding."
"Are you completely crazy?!"
The guy takes an oar and whacks both of them on the head:
"And for insulting me, you're banned!!!"

:D :D :D

Tiger cub, I apologize.
So, "A Song About the Harm of Flooding" (To the tune of "A Song About the Harm of Smoking" from the animated film "Treasure Island")

The tiger, who was number one,
Was a great user (and still is!).
But at the same time, he introduced a habit
To flood as much as he could.
From a couple of posts about nothing, ignoring the moderators,
This harmful habit began to spread on a forum scale.

Chorus:
The admin warns – there will be a ban for flooding,
The admin warns – there will be a ban for flooding,
But Tiger (5 times) is not to blame at all.

made me laugh :):):)

About our Mother Russia!

Ilya Muromets goes to the Russian-Chinese border and shouts:
- A thousand Chinese, come and fight!
A thousand Chinese come out, and they go behind the mountain... fifteen minutes later, Ilya Muromets returns and shouts again:
- A thousand Chinese, come and fight!
A new thousand Chinese come out, and they go behind the mountain. Another fifteen minutes later, Ilya comes out again and shouts again:
- A thousand Chinese, come and fight!
A third thousand Chinese come out. Suddenly, a surviving Chinese soldier crawls out from behind the mountain and shouts to his comrades:
- Don't believe him! There are two more of them!!!

Dobrynya Nikitich rides along the road and comes across a magic stone, and there is an inscription on the stone: "If you go left, you will lose your horse, if you go right, you will lose your life, if you go straight, you will be FUCKED!". Dobrynya became curious, and he went straight. He rode and rode and came across a desert. He rode on. He rode for three days: no food, no water, nothing. His strength began to fail. Suddenly, he sees: an oasis. Dobrynya rode to the oasis, and there, a three-headed dragon was sleeping. Well, Dobrynya took out his sword and started fighting him. They fought for two days, and neither could gain the upper hand. And then, the three-headed dragon asked:
- Why are you fighting me?
- Well, I... I want to drink...
- ARE YOU CRAZY?!! Drink! Who's stopping you!!

Another one in the same vein:
Alesha Popovich rode up to the magic stone, and there was an inscription on the stone: "If you go left, you will get hit in the face, if you go right, you will get hit in the face, if you go straight, you will get hit in the face." Alesha thinks, and a voice from the bushes:
- Think faster, or you'll get hit in the face!