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well, well... turning a game based on an original into a parody (no offense to the Heroes of Might and Magic series) of that original.


:D
2 - Yes
1 - That Chinese guy on the right sold me pants yesterday at the Ostuzhevsky market))
2 - :D
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I was killed by Guberniev's phrase: "Look what's happening, he's flying!!!" :)
Where do we end up when we save the world?
Univercity RPG
________________________________________
Genre: A semester-based mix of strategy and RPG.
Requirements: Secondary education or higher, at least 2 brain cells, preferably a sense of humor; if not, high-quality headphones are required.
Developer: Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation
Publisher: Whoever isn't lazy
Engine: Who knows, but it works.
- MONSTERS -
Level 1 Monsters:
'Freshman Students' - fairly harmless monsters, gathering in groups of 20-25. They often visit 'lectures,' 'seminars,' and 'labs' (see below) to upgrade themselves. If you have level 6 monsters, they scatter.
They have a weak spell called 'We didn't learn that in school,' which doesn't affect anyone.
Level 2 Monsters:
'Sophomore Students' - upgraded freshmen, still not good at anything, but already looking down on freshmen. They gather in groups of 5-6. They can find the 'Toilet' building (see below) on their own. The spell is upgraded to 'We didn't cover that in lectures,' which sometimes (though rarely) affects higher-level monsters.
'Soldiers' - students after encountering higher-level monsters (similar to skeletons in 'Heroes of Might and Magic').
Level 3 Monsters:
'Junior Students' - upgraded sophomores. They are no longer afraid of level 6 monsters but are very vulnerable to level 7 and higher. They look down on sophomores and completely ignore freshmen. When attacked by higher-level monsters, they can defend themselves by using 'Playing Dumb' (level 1).
Level 4 Monsters:
'Senior Students' - stunned juniors. They don't even look at lower-level monsters. They have a defensive spell called 'Almost Done' against the magic 'When will you submit your coursework?' and a spell called 'Thawing Out' when they see level 6 or higher monsters. The 'Arrogance' parameter appears, which increases every week on Saturday night. In the new version of the game, new monsters called 'Idiots' appear - they are the same as senior students, but when they level up, they receive the artifact 'Idiot's Diploma,' and the monster is released into the wild by default, making them one of the most evil and arrogant monsters.
Level 5 Monsters:
'Graduating Students' - very cruel monsters. They are immune to the magic 'Go to hell!'
In the new version, two new types of monsters have appeared:
'Specialists' - in previous versions, they were 'fifth-year students,' but they are now distinguished only by having the artifact 'Idiot's Diploma.'
Completely disillusioned. They only visit 'Cafeteria,' 'Toilet,' and 'Dorm' buildings. Although they are level 5 monsters, they are really only afraid of level 8 and 9 monsters. The 'Arrogance' parameter reaches its peak.
'Masters' - the least studied type of monster; many believe they don't exist at all, and the mention of them is just a joke by the developers.
Level 6 Monsters:
'Postgraduate Students' - an absolutely heterogeneous group of monsters. Morale (mood) and mana depend on the temperature fluctuations at the poles of Mars and the average monthly rainfall in Zimbabwe. Depending on this, they can join your group to attack higher-level monsters or even use the magic 'Go to hell.' It is impossible to find them on the map when you need them; no one knows where they spawn or where they disappear to.
'Lab Assistants' - scary monsters. Kind on the outside, terrible on the inside. They possess the magic 'Asscount disable,' which they constantly use on level 1-5 monsters, and they are also masters of the magic 'Thawing Out.' They are completely defenseless against level 7 and higher monsters and can only somehow resist them in the 'Laboratory' castle using the magic 'Brain Freeze.'
Level 7 Monsters:
'Ordinary Professor' - a rather rare type of monster. Almost always, after at least one encounter with him, the bonus 'Credit' and/or 'Certification' appears.
'Evil Professor' - the main monster. In combat against level 1-5 monsters, he is cunning, cruel, and resourceful. During encounters with them, he uses the spell 'Roll Call.' The less this spell has been used on a unit, the higher its chance of becoming a 'Soldier.'
'Kakoprepod' - perhaps this type of monster uses magic more than any other. Their magic is also special and different for everyone; it is called 'Kakomagic.' Lower-level monsters should only enter into battle with him if they are very well-leveled and fully equipped with the necessary artifacts. He has the ability to attack with spells until the opponent runs out of mana (money?). Some have the Marketing skill at the Expert level.
Level 8 Monsters:
'Department Council' - a gathering of monsters. They almost always attack a unit by luring it into their 'Department' castle, all at once, so the unit has almost no chance of defending itself. The spells 'Thawing Out' and 'Playing Dumb' help a little.
Level 9 Monsters:
'Head of Department' - a mythical creature of the highest level. He possesses the most powerful spell, 'Well, are we going to expel you?' Lower-level monsters, especially levels 1 and 2, run away and hide, using the terrain, at the mere sight of him.
- BUILDINGS -
'Lecture' - increases defense by +1.
'Seminar' - increases attack by +1.
'Lab' - increases all parameters by +1.
'Cafeteria' - increases morale.
'Toilet' - tells you about the flaws of your enemies but lowers morale.
'Dorm' - doesn't add anything, and even reduces it, but monsters from level 1 to 5 really like it.
'Library' - increases knowledge by +5. It is mainly used by monsters up to level 5 in speech in phrases like: 'The semester is coming up; I should go to the library.'
- SKILLS -
'Cheating' (beginner) - gives you a 10% chance of cheating on an exam.
'Cheating' (advanced) - gives you a 50% chance of cheating on an exam.
'Cheating' (expert) - gives you a 99% chance of cheating on an exam.
'Diplomacy' (beginner) - you can bribe a professor, but not yours.
'Diplomacy' (advanced) - you can negotiate with your professor.
'Diplomacy' (expert) - 'What exam? Chinese? I'll finish my cigarette and go take it.'
'Marketing' (beginner) - gives you a chance to write a coursework.
'Marketing' (advanced) - gives you a chance to understand the coursework.
'Marketing' (expert) - gives you a chance to make lower-level monsters understand that they don't know anything about marketing.
- ARTIFACTS -
'Doctor's note' - increases defense by +2.
'Beer 0.5' - increases morale by +5.
'Beer 2 liters' - increases vulnerability to demons of level 6 and higher, but morale +100.
'Notes' - increases knowledge by +5.
'Photocopy of notes' - increases knowledge +1, reduces money -3.
'Calculator' - knowledge +1.
'Coursework' - a very good artifact, assembled from other artifacts, capable of neutralizing level 6-7 monsters.
'Cheat sheet' - knowledge +10.
'Cheat sheet for this subject' - knowledge +20.
'Cheat sheet for this question' - knowledge +40.
'Dad, Professor at the Department' - Ultimate artifact, increases all parameters by +50.
- TIME -
'Semester' - during this time, level 1-5 monsters actively reproduce in the 'Dorm' buildings.
'Exam Session' - during this time, level 1-5 monsters actively reproduce level 6-9 monsters.
Basically, a patch to Chronicles 3 is needed, which will introduce:
Level 10 monsters - department heads-vice-rectors
Level 11 monsters - raid bosses - deans of faculties
Level 12 monster - Rector, also known as Antharas
A large gathering of high-level monsters - Academic Council
Rarely (once every 5 years), quest monsters appear - the Commission for State Accreditation of Higher Education Institutions (they say, however, that these are beta testers). Even ordinary monsters don't like these monsters, so they temporarily stop attacking players and even help them a little.
In this castle, you can only hire one type of hero — hackers. Hackers are similar to mages, with the only difference being that they use software instead of magic and various self-made mechanical devices.
Tavern — an Internet cafe, where you can meet seasoned hacker heroes and hire them for a reasonable fee.
Blacksmith — a computer store, where you can always buy a wi-fi laptop for remote attacks (over short distances), as well as a cart with a built-in coffee machine, and of course, a first-aid cistern aka a cistern of beer.
Market — it is a market even for IT specialists; you can buy a new pair of socks, underwear, a bottle of beer, and other things necessary for IT specialists.
Mages Guild — here hackers can obtain new software.
Warehouse — provides one additional computer per day.
Basement Office — the primary habitat of IT specialists.
Office — more light, so IT specialists are more eager to flock to such places.
Business Center — increases the growth of IT specialists; there is security and a foyer at the main entrance.
Silicon Valley — doubles the growth of IT specialists and also provides 2 additional laboratories for the defense of the valley.
Monsters
1) Users — a numerous part of the IT Castle army. They can be upgraded not only to Linuxoids, but also to Basic or PHP programmers. In the latter case, natural selection occurs: to obtain a Basic programmer, 7 users are selected and 1 of them becomes a programmer. The others cannot withstand the training process and either die or desert. Training for PHP programmers happens similarly, but requires 15 users instead of 7. They use a mouse as their primary weapon and have a special ability to stun the opponent with questions — as a result, the enemies skip a turn (this only works on monsters lacking intelligence; it is useless to ask a question to a wolf or a zombie, but it works on an orc or a goblin).
Linuxoids — advanced users. They use a keyboard as a weapon, which also serves Linuxoids perfectly as a shield, therefore their attack and defense stats are much higher than those of Users. In large groups (more than 50), they have the "Anonymous" ability, which, when activated, causes any nearby intelligent creature to flee in terror.
2) Basic Programmers — primitive programmers; mostly due to the ease of learning Basic, there are quite a lot of them, so they rely on numbers. Their favorite attack method is "goto".
Pascal/Delphi Programmers — an upgrade for Basic programmers. They have a property where the more of them there are in a squad, the higher their attack and defense.
3) PHP Programmers — programmers who need to solve a large number of tasks, therefore there must be many programmers themselves. They have quite high speed and initiative, but practically zero defense.
Java Programmers — an upgrade for PHP programmers. Thanks to the use of OOP, their defense is increased. Such programmers also receive significant bonuses when fighting in swampy areas and other places where toads/frogs and other Java symbols dwell.
4) Perl Programmers — lazy programmers, shamans, who ride camels. Their speed and initiative are quite low, but high attack and defense, combined with the ability to cast all possible spells on enemies and allies, make them very serious opponents. However, it is impossible to predict which spell the shaman will cast — he might cast Slow on an ally or Bless on an opponent.
Ruby/Python Programmers — an upgrade for Perl programmers. Thanks to the use of Ruby/Python, laziness has decreased, and therefore their initiative has significantly increased; furthermore, spells are now cast accurately, and they have no side effects like Perl programmers. However, their attack and defense stats are slightly lower than those of Perl programmers — after all, it's not CPAN.
5) C Programmers — monsters as old as the world, very strong and very dangerous. They are capable of striking fear into enemy squads with just their stern gaze. They have the ability to strike without receiving a counter-attack. They use "firewood" as their primary weapon.
Assembler Programmers — an upgrade for C programmers. Even more skilled and experienced programmers. All characteristics are increased. They also have the ability to deactivate all possible mechanical items and enemy electronics and restore friendly ones.
6) C++ Programmers — mage-programmers who create everything from nothing. They use various devices called "libs" as weapons. For every type of monster, such a programmer has his own lib (and if it doesn't exist, they can create one) to improve characteristics for fighting that monster.
Lead Programmers — programmers who have reached the pinnacle of the art, knowing most programming languages. They possess all the skills available to programmers of all previous levels (1-5).
7) Sysadmins — there are very few of them, but they are the main link in the IT Castle army. They have a special aura that increases the attack and defense of allied troops and conversely decreases these characteristics for the enemy. They have very high speed and initiative stats. They know how to throw Users and Linuxoids at enemies. They also have a special ability — "dance with a tambourine," which resurrects dead programmers from any squad. They use household tools (mainly a screwdriver) as melee weapons. Also, they can force the opponent to skip several turns by tying them up with a twisted pair (the opponent must be nearby). No upgrade exists.
A student dies and ends up in hell. A devil asks him:
-Which hell would you like: the student hell, or the regular one?
-The regular one! I've seen enough in student life!
The student ends up in the regular hell and is surprised. Every day, there's drinking, girls, fun, but there's one drawback: once a day, in the evening, a devil comes and hammers a nail into his butt. The student endures it calmly. But after half a year, he gets tired of having nails hammered into his butt and asks the devil to transfer him to the student hell.
There, he experiences an even bigger shock. Everything is the same as in the regular hell, but there's no devil with a hammer. The student enjoys it for half a year, but one day a devil comes with a bucket of nails and says:
-Well, student, it's time for exams!))
Title: "Day D".
Directors: Mikhail Porechenkov, Ekaterina Pobedinskaya.
Cast: Mikhail Porechenkov, Alexandra Ursulyak, Varvara Porechenkova, Mikhail Trukhin.
Russia, 2008.
1. Mikhail Porechenkov, as well as Mikhail Porechenkov's daughter, starred in Mikhail Porechenkov's film "Mikhail Porechenkov's Day" "Day D" this year, directed by Mikhail Porechenkov and produced by Mikhail Porechenkov's company.
2. Mikhail Porechenkov's company is called "VVP Alliance" not for the reason you might think, whatever you might be thinking.
3. Mikhail Porechenkov's film is not a remake of "Commando". It is "Commando" that is a remake of "Day D". The script was mysteriously stolen through time and space by Hollywood moguls with the help of Uri Geller and ancient Aztec magic. Nothing could stop the unscrupulous dealers.
4. Then, individual parts of the script were sold to S. Spielberg, who had the audacity to insert a couple of jokes from "Day D" into "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade".
5. Unlike the character in the film, Major Ivan of the Airborne Forces, Mikhail Porechenkov can fly and walk through walls. This created additional inconveniences during filming.
6. Contrary to popular belief, bullets and shrapnel from explosive shells do not bounce off Mikhail Porechenkov's powerful body. Mikhail's superhuman aura turns them into steam even half a meter from his body.
7. The music for Mikhail Porechenkov's film was supposed to be written by D.D. Shostakovich, but he unexpectedly died 33 years before filming began. The creators had to enlist the help of Sergei Shnurov, which only made the film better.
8. To mitigate the possible negative effect of the scene in which Mikhail Porechenkov kills an Estonian politician, scenes were added to the film in which Mikhail kills an evil NATO soldier, a Japanese warlord with a katana threatening the Kuril Islands, an epileptic renegade with a knife, a corrupt journalist (somehow affecting the subtle fabric of this world), and a red-haired, fetishistic cretin in sunglasses, representing the aggressive, imperialistic foreign policy of the United States.
9. Mikhail Porechenkov is an excellent actor. To achieve the same, stony expression on his face throughout the film, he had to meditate for 5 hours every day. During the filming of particularly important episodes, he breathed from a bag of Bruce Lee's ashes to enhance the effect.
10. Episodes of Mikhail Porechenkov's battle with Godzilla, hired by Japanese pirates, were cut from the final version of the film. According to the creators, they looked weak and uninteresting due to Mikhail's obvious superiority.
11. Also, in order to maintain a low age rating, scenes in which Mikhail smokes cigars and curses were cut from the film.
12. However, all these scenes will be included in the upcoming six-hour director's cut of the film.
13. Only a narrow-minded and limited person could think that phrases like "Bondarchuk is arthouse," "Listen to your father!", "You'll die beautifully," "This is Tarkovsky's Solaris," and others are just jokes. When humanity reaches the same level of development as the creators of the film, we will be able to understand what is encoded in them.
14. "The island near Vladivostok" was planned to be filmed in the Himalayas, but north of Lhasa, no settlement could be found where people would not come out into the streets to greet Mikhail.
15. The remaining 385 facts are classified. Access to them can be obtained by sending a request to the Third Underground Department of the FSB. The request must be accompanied by a photocopy of your passport, an encephalogram, a standard set of tests, a clearance form of at least level 2, and a written permission from competent authorities to review the materials.
"Day D" is a trash film of monstrous power. If there existed in nature an Indian remake of "The Terminator" with songs, dances, eternal love, and a cyber-Raj, it would still be inferior to "Day D" in all respects. Unlike the pathetic creations of Messrs. Stepchenko and Chiginsky, Mikhail Porechenkov's film brings exclusively positive emotions to the viewer; you just need to know where to laugh. Coincidences, inconsistencies, similarities and differences of the actors, and the creators' jokes can be caught for a long time and persistently. What difference does it make whether it was planned or "just happened" (IMHO - such a thing cannot "just happen" even with our filmmakers). Those who have never seen the original in their lives may not want to watch "Day D". However, those who understand where it comes from can certainly watch it.
In any case, the main thing is an open mind. "Day D" is a masterpiece. Porechenkov is great. Bondarchuk is arthouse. Unfortunately, few will appreciate the film for what it is. But that is the fate of all masterpieces. (taken from an unknown blog*)
Бросайте флуд и оффтоп из раздела пятерки в Флудовские ссылки или мне в личку.



