Posts from Fun Auto-translated

Alloya, where did you find that?

I don't know... it just happens that way =). Maybe you've read this before... About Rakes User - a person who steps on a rake. Newbie - a beginner user who has never stepped on a rake and therefore believes that rakes don't exist. Noob - a user who regularly steps on rakes but still believes that rakes don't exist. Specialist - a user who has mastered the art of stepping on the same rake. Versatile Specialist - a user with more than two bumps on their forehead. Programmer - someone for whom the result is the most important thing when stepping on a rake. They get tired of stepping on other people's rakes and start making their own. Advanced Programmer - a programmer who steps on each rake no more than twice. Copyright - a concept that limits the number of rakes available to step on based on the user's financial capabilities. Gamer - someone for whom the process of stepping on a rake is the most important thing. They are usually unable to make their own rakes. Cheater - a type of gamer; they only step on rakes with foam padding on the handle and usually only once. Hacker - someone who can step on a rake even if it's hidden in a shed and locked. Idealistic Hacker - a noble fighter for the right of everyone to step on an unlimited number of rakes. Microsoft - a corporation, the world leader in the production of rakes. Bill Gates - a mythical creature from programmer folklore; an evil spirit - the patron saint of rakes. Upgrade - the process of constantly spending money on buying new rakes, each of which hits harder than the previous one. Beta version - a version in which the rakes are visible to the naked eye. Release - a version in which the rakes are covered with leaves. Version compatibility - a principle that allows new rakes to hit you exactly where the previous ones did. Assembler - a programming language that allows you to step on rakes several million times per second. Local network - a technology that allows you to get hit even when someone else is stepping on the rake. Internet - a technology that allows you to step on a rake that is on the other side of the world and still get hit. Network conference - a technology that allows everyone to step on not only their own rakes but also other people's. Russian encodings - a gift set of rakes for internet users. Friendly interface - a rubber pad on the handle of the rake. Flexible (customizable) interface - a pad on the handle of the rake that can be moved to fit the height of your forehead. Graphical interface - a rake that allows you to adjust the color and intensity of the sparks after hitting your forehead. Unreliable system - a rake that hits you even when you're not stepping on it. Reliable system - a rake that hits you on the forehead even when you're standing with your back to it. Multitasking - a concept that allows you to step on several rakes at the same time. Object-oriented programming - a method of making rakes based on the principle of a nesting doll. Manual - a book that describes various ways of stepping on rakes. It is never used by noobs or hackers. Advanced programmers use it after they step on the same rake for the second time. Technical Support - a service that gives advice on what to do after stepping on a rake. Usually, their first piece of advice is to step on the rake again and compare the sensations.

Genre: A semester-based mix of strategy and RPG! Requirements: Secondary education or higher, 2 or more convolutions, preferably a joke-accelerator compatible with Евгений Force; if not available, high-quality headphones are required. Developer: Ministry of Education of Ukraine, based on the books of the famous science fiction author St. Bir. Publisher: Department of Economic Cybernetics, Donetsk National University. Engine: Who knows what, but it works. MONSTERS Monsters of level 1: "First-year students" - rather harmless monsters, gather in groups of 20-25. They often visit "lectures," "seminars," and "labs" (see below) for their further upgrade. If you have monsters of level 6, they scatter... They possess a weak spell called "We didn't learn that in school," which has no effect on anyone. Monsters of level 2: "Second-year students" - upgraded first-year students, still don't know much, but already look down on first-year students. They gather in groups of 5-6. They can find the "Toilet" structure (see below) on their own. The spell is upgraded to "We weren't taught that in lectures," which sometimes (though rarely) affects higher-level monsters. "Soldiers" - students after encountering higher-level monsters (similar to skeletons in "Heroes of Might and Magic"). Monsters of level 3: "Third-year students" - upgraded second-year students. They are no longer afraid of level 6 monsters, but are very vulnerable to level 7 and higher. They look down on second-year students and ignore first-year students. When attacked by magic from higher-level monsters, they can defend themselves by "playing dumb" (level 1). Monsters of level 4: "Fourth-year students" - stunned third-year students. They don't even look at lower-level monsters. They have a defensive spell called "Almost ready" against the magic "When will you submit your coursework?" and a spell called "Defrosting" when they see level 6 or higher monsters. The "Arrogance" parameter appears, which increases every week on Saturday night. In the new version of the game, new monsters called "Idiots" have appeared - they are the same fourth-year students, but when they advance to the next level, they receive the artifact "Idiot's Diploma," and by default, the monster is released into the wild, so they are some of the most evil and arrogant monsters. Monsters of level 5: "Graduates" - very cruel monsters. They are immune to the magic "Go to hell!" In the new version, two new types of monsters have appeared: "Specialists" - in previous versions, they were "fifth-year students," and they differ only in having the artifact "Idiot's Diploma." They are completely disillusioned. They only visit "Cafeteria," "Toilet," and "Dorm" from structures and buildings. Although they are level 5 monsters, they are actually only afraid of level 8 and 9 monsters. The "Arrogance" parameter reaches its peak. "Masters" - the least studied type of monster; many believe that they don't exist at all, and the mention of them is a joke by the developers. Monsters of level 6: "Postgraduates" - an absolutely heterogeneous group of monsters. Morale (mood) and mana depend on the temperature fluctuations at the poles of Mars and the average monthly rainfall in Zimbabwe. Depending on this, they may join your squad to attack higher-level monsters, or they may even use the magic "Go to hell." It is impossible to find them on the map when you urgently need them; no one knows where they spawn or where they disappear to. "Lab assistants" - terrible monsters. Kind on the outside, horrible on the inside. They possess the magic "Account disable," which they constantly use on monsters of levels 1-5, and they are also masters of the magic "Defrosting." They are completely defenseless against monsters of level 7 and higher, and they can only somehow resist them in the "Laboratory" castle using the magic "Brain fart." Monsters of level 7: "Ordinary Professor" - a rather rare type of monster. Almost always after at least one encounter with him, the bonus "Credit" and/or "Attestation" appears. "Evil Professor" - the main monster. In combat against monsters of levels 1-5, he is cunning, cruel, and resourceful. During encounters with them, he uses the spell "Roll call." The less this spell has been used on a unit, the higher its chance of becoming a "Soldier." "Quack Professor" - perhaps this type of monster uses magic more than any other. Their magic is also special and different for everyone; it is called Quack Magic. Monsters of lower levels should only fight him if they are very well-leveled and packed with the necessary artifacts. He has the ability to attack with spells until the opponent runs out of mana (money?). Some have the Marketing skill at the Expert level. Monsters of level 8: "Department Council" - a gathering of monsters. They almost always attack a unit by luring it into their "Department" castle, all at once, so the unit has almost no chance of defending itself; the spells "Defrosting" and "Playing dumb" help a little. Monsters of level 9: "Head of Department" - a mythical creature of the highest level. He possesses the most powerful spell, "Well, are we going to expel you?" Lower-level monsters, especially levels 1 and 2, run away and hide, using the folds of the terrain, just by seeing him. BUILDINGS AND HOUSES "Lecture" - increases defense by +1. "Seminar" - increases attack by +1. "Lab" - increases all parameters by +1. "Cafeteria" - increases morale. "Toilet" - tells you about the shortcomings of your enemies, but lowers morale. "Dorm" - doesn't add anything, and even reduces it, but monsters of levels 1 to 5 really like it. "Library" - increases knowledge by +5. It is mainly used by monsters up to level 5 in speech in phrases like: "The semester is coming soon; I should go to the library." SKILLS "Cheating" (beginner) - gives you a 10% chance of cheating on an exam. "Cheating" (advanced) - gives you a 50% chance of cheating on an exam. "Cheating" (expert) - gives you a 99% chance of cheating on an exam. "Diplomacy" (beginner) - you can bribe a professor, but not yours. "Diplomacy" (advanced) - you can negotiate with your professor. "Diplomacy" (expert) - "What exam? Chinese? I'll finish my cigarette and go take it." "Marketing" (beginner) - gives you a chance to write a coursework. "Marketing" (advanced) - gives you a chance to understand the coursework. "Marketing" (expert) - gives you a chance to make lower-level monsters understand that they don't know anything about marketing. ARTIFACTS "Doctor's note" - increases defense by +2. "Beer 0.5" - increases morale by +5. "Beer 2 liters" - increases vulnerability to demons of level 6 and higher, but morale +100. "Notes" - increases knowledge by +5. "Photocopy of notes" - increases knowledge +1, reduces money -3 UAH. "Calculator" - knowledge +1. "Coursework" - a very good artifact, assembled from other artifacts, capable of neutralizing monsters of levels 6-7. "Cheat sheet" - knowledge +10. "Cheat sheet for this subject" - knowledge +20. "Cheat sheet for this question" - knowledge +40. "Dad, Professor at the Department" - Ultimate artifact, increases all parameters by +50. TIME "Semester" - during this time, monsters of levels 1-5 actively reproduce in the "Dorm" buildings. "Exam session" - during this time, monsters of levels 1-5 actively reproduce higher-level monsters.

Born to Die – not bad, not bad at all… :smile14:

And now it’s my turn… to be honest, when I saw this, I almost fell off my chair…

Born to Die - not bad, not bad... :smile14:

But unfortunately, this is 100% plagiarism; I just acted as an intermediary:rolleyes: let's say I wanted to share it with the people :)

An elf approaches a demon. - And why do you demons even need a head? - For adequate perception of the surrounding reality. - What?! - Just kidding, I was just kidding. I eat with it...

On a bus. A Georgian man is sitting and says to a girl:
- Miss, you have a fly on your butt.
The girl remains silent, so he says again:
- Miss, you have a fly on your butt.
The girl loses her patience:
- Is it fucking?
- No, it's just sitting there!

A sexology professor:
- According to statistics, 18% of women constantly want sex, 23% adore oral sex, 38% regularly cheat on their husbands…
A student from the back row:
- To hell with the statistics, we need names, addresses, phone numbers!

Ginger the cat was rushing through the snowdrifts in total confusion, freezing his loveliness, and screaming: - Well where the fuck is it? Where, for fuck's sake, am I asking, is spring? What kind of fucked-up country is this, huh? Where are the girls, the snowdrops, the chirping of birds? Even the fucking sparrows' tweeting or the ragged crows' cawing—where?! It's all a load of bullshit!!!!
And people listened to the cat' same screams, smiled and thought: - Look at him yell. He smells spring coming. You can't fool cats!
Happy first day of spring to you!

Characters more terrifying and ugly than in DOOM 3 are only found in DOM 2...

The characters in DOOM 2 are more frightening and grotesque than those in DOOM 3...

Frame it and hang it on the wall!!!:D

Two pensioners meet. One says to the other: "Yeah, young people these days live poorly. Very poorly... But they have fun!" "I watch them, and they share one cigarette among five of them, but they're still laughing." A student thinks before an exam: "If I pass, I'll get completely drunk... And if I fail, I'll get completely drunk too..." Then he thinks: "Either way, I'm going to get drunk!" And he buys a bottle in advance. He arrives at the exam, and the bottle is in his inside pocket. Well, he's nervous, of course, his hands are shaking, he takes the exam paper and drops it on the floor. He tries to bend down, but the bottle gets in the way. He takes it out and puts it on the table. And when he picks up the paper, the professor asks: "Do you have a cucumber?" "No..." "Then it's a four!" Night. A student dormitory. In the middle of the hallway, a student lies, vomiting. Two other students are standing nearby, smoking. One says to the other: "Look, and he was still saying that he doesn't eat pasta!" :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: Read the text carefully and try the following instructions; I promise you'll be surprised in the end!
1) The name New York City has 11 letters

2) The name Afghanistan has 11 letters

3) The name Ramsin Yuseb (a terrorist who, in 1993, planned to destroy the Twin Towers in New York) has 11 letters

4) The name George W Bush has 11 letters

This may seem like just a coincidence, but it gets more interesting...

1. New York is the 11th state

2. Flight #11 carried 92 passengers (9+2=11)

3. Flight #77, which also crashed into the Twin Towers, carried 65 passengers (6+5=11)

4. The tragedy occurred on September 11, or 9/11 (1+1+9=11)

5. The emergency services phone number in the USA is 911 (9+1+1=11)

Are these just coincidences? Read on!

1) The number of victims on the plane that crashed was 254 (2+5+4=11)

2) September 11 is the 254th day of the year (2+5+4=11)

3. On 03/11/2004, there were explosions in Madrid (3+1+1+2+0+0+4=11)

4) The Madrid tragedy occurred 911 days after the New York tragedy (9+1+1=11)

And now, some more unusual facts:

The most famous symbol of the USA, after the stars and stripes, is the eagle.

The following verses are taken from the Quran, the holiest book of Islam:

"And it is written that a son of Arabia will awaken a fearsome Eagle.
The wrath of the Eagle will be felt throughout the lands of
Allah, and while some of the people tremble in despair, still more will rejoice:
For the wrath of the Eagle will cleanse the lands of Allah, and there will be peace."

So, these were verses from the Quran, number 9.11 (9+1+1=11)

Do you still believe that these are just coincidences? Try the following and see what you will think and believe afterwards:

Open Microsoft Word and do the following:

1. Type in capital letters: Q33 NY. This is

the number of the first plane that flew into

the Twin Towers.

2. Highlight Q33 NY

3. Change the size to 48

4. Change the font to WINDINGS (WINDINGS 1)

Added 2 hours 40 minutes ago
Who thinks that Ksenia Sobchak is hotter than nuclear war... give it a thumbs up))

Do you know any funny IDs, like from an alcoholics club or a criminal boss? Today, the news showed a grandmother who found a driver's license in the name of Bill Gates and took it to the traffic police. She said, "He wears glasses, he's intelligent, and he doesn't even have any money. How can he be without documents?"

These are interesting facts, but IMHO, they're not quite suitable for the "fun" topic...

Want to have some fun? ...Have fun, but no one knows how to do it like Ira!!!
WATCH AND LEARN HOW TO DRINK AND HAVE FUN!!!!

This is that very great warrior fighting for the people.
But SHHH!!! She'll kill me!

The Russians caught an American spy. They put him in a cell. A big guy walks in, rolls up his sleeves, and asks in terrible English: - What is your name? The spy answers: - John Smith The guy hits him hard in the face and asks again: - What is your name? The American answers again that he is John Smith and gets hit in the face again. This continues for several hours. The spy is shaking with fear, covered in blood, and our guy hits him in the face again, takes out a gun, and says: - I'm asking you one last time, you idiot, HOW MANY TANKS DO YOU HAVE?!!! :D :D :D

In the morning, the wife says to her husband:
- Honey, I forgot to tell you. They called you to school. Vovochka broke another window.
- How many windows are there in that school, damn it?

***

When Vovochka was asked if he could name the five happiest years of his life, he replied:
- Of course, it was when I was in the first grade!

***

Vovochka comes home and tells his father:
- Dad, there's a small parent-teacher meeting scheduled for today.
- What does "small" mean?
- It means they invited you, me, and the principal.

***

Mom comes to pick up Vovochka from kindergarten.
She goes up to the first floor - there's a sign: "Good children." Mom looks inside and doesn't find Vovochka. A little embarrassed, she goes up to the second floor, looks - there's a sign: "Bad children." Mom is already a bit upset, looks inside, and to her surprise, she doesn't find Vovochka...
Mom, quite distressed, goes up to the third floor - "Very, very bad children." Already resigned, she looks inside... and there she doesn't find her beloved.
Completely dejected, Mom goes up to the last floor and sees a sign: "Vovochka."

***

Vovochka comes home, and his father asks him:
- What did you do in chemistry class?
- I was blowing up explosives.
- And what was the homework?
- We didn't have time!

The Mounted unit – well, you didn't really surprise me. Although, at 13, it might be a bit harsh... Here's a joke that everyone, regardless of gender, agrees with. It's a bit long, but read it, you won't regret it. A "Love Store" opened in the city. It has two sections, one for men and one for women. There's a sign at the entrance: "Our store has 5 floors. Everything is free. The higher you go, the more you won't be able to go back down." A woman goes up to the first floor. The sign says: "Here are rich men." The woman likes it, but she decides to go up to the second floor. On the second floor, the sign says: "Here are rich and intelligent men." The woman likes it even more, but she goes up to the third floor. On the third floor, the sign says: "Here are rich, intelligent, and handsome men." The woman is about to choose one, but she decides to go even higher. On the fourth floor, the sign says: "Here are rich, intelligent, handsome men who love children." The woman wants to leave with one of them, but she decides to see what's on the fifth floor, maybe there's something even better. On the fifth floor, the inscription says: "You have reached the fifth floor. There are no men here. This floor was created to show that women's desires can never be fully satisfied." A man goes up to the first floor. The sign says: "Here are beautiful women." He goes up to the second floor: "Here are rich and beautiful women." He goes up to the third floor: "Here are rich and beautiful women with large breasts." No one knows what's on the upper floors because no one has ever gone up there. :D :cool:

Midnight. The morgue. Orderlies are sitting in the back room, drinking government-issued alcohol... A student is on duty in the autopsy room.
Suddenly, he bursts into the back room, his face pale:
- There... There...
The worried orderlies:
- What?!
- There... the corpse... CAME BACK TO LIFE!!!
- Oh, crap! We were already scared – we thought it was the chief physician coming for an inspection...

Based on contemporary Russian pop music, the Vatican predicted
that the arrival of the Antichrist is expected on the seventh or eighth "Factory" (referring to a reality TV show).

They decided to execute the meteorologists for the fact that none of their forecasts came true, and brought them to the square. The crowd expresses complete approval.
Drumroll.
And suddenly, a man from the crowd shouts:
- Wait! Don't shoot them! They can still be useful to people!
The chief judge (doubtfully):
- Do you think so? And what do you suggest?
- I suggest hanging them! At least they can show which way the wind is blowing!

A proctologist has his hand stuck inside a patient.
He and the patient struggle to get to the traumatologist's office.
The traumatologist: This is a hospital, not a puppet theater! :D :D :D