Posts from Fun

In the "Elefant" cafe, Stirlitz walked in. "This is Stirlitz, a fight is about to begin," said one of the patrons. Stirlitz drank a cup of coffee and left. "No, that's not Stirlitz," objected the second patron. "No, it's Stirlitz!" shouted the first. And then the fight began. Stirlitz walked down the street and looked up. They were the blue eyes of Pastor Schlag. A call to the ambulance: - Ambulance, how can I help you? - My child swallowed a pen! - Okay, we're on our way. - What should I do?! - Write with a pencil for now. They ask Vovochka: - Where will we end up if we drill to the Earth's core? - In a mental hospital. A drug addict killed a nun. He stands over her corpse and says: - You're not so tough, Batman. Two young men are being buried. An eyewitness account: - They argued about who could stick their head out of the tram window the furthest. - And what happened? - The one in the right coffin won. Natasha Rostova comes home from a walk and immediately faces a question: - Natasha, what is that on your face? - I was riding in a boat with Lieutenant Rzhevsky, and a wasp landed on my nose... - And did it bite?! - No, the lieutenant skillfully knocked it off with an oar! Philya stumbled into the studio, tired. Stepushka and Karkusha were eating lard. Philya asked: "Where is our Khryusha?" "He's gone," Karkusha sobbed. A little boy was riding in a tram. He accidentally ran into a conductor. They had a strange conversation: The conductor ended up lying on the tracks...

Cat's notes.

Day one.
I pooped under the chair. Good...

Day two.
I was irresistible. In the morning, I woke them up! They, the scoundrels, didn't get up! I jumped around like a young antelope, screamed like a wounded pig. Not even a whimper! Scoundrels! I bit them on their lower paws, and they don't react. Then I climbed under the blanket and, with my cold, wet nose, poked her in the stomach - bam! She screamed so loudly that the cockroaches in the neighboring house burst their eardrums! My heart rejoiced.

Day three.
The Day of the Great Hunt. I stole a piece of beef from Her and ate it with relish! I gorged myself until I made a dent in the floor. I was satisfied.

Day four.
I wish I had ended my life with overeating yesterday!

Day five.
I pooped under the chair. Good...

Day six.
All night long, loudly and clearly, so that They would understand, I pondered what I want for my birthday. I decided: I want everything! And to eat.

Day seven.
Yesterday, I ate a jar of nourishing cream that She uses on her hands. The cream turned out to be really nourishing. I hiccuped all night from being so full. In the morning, I sat in the litter box - it went well, smoothly. Now I know what to snack on with "Friskies".

Day eight.
I pooped under the rug in the bathroom. Good...

Day nine.
In the morning, I conducted an inspection of the house. I got lost in the duvet cover. I barely got out. You two-legged scoundrels! How do you sleep under this?! I'll get my revenge...
I took revenge: I ate some garbage from the table - it seems like oatmeal, which they cook not on milk but on water, climbed into the closet and with pleasure vomited all the eaten porridge onto the freshly ironed laundry. I crawled out with a sense of accomplishment.

Day ten.
She has introduced a new trend: she puts half a package of food in my bowl. Well, you just wait, you bitch! I won't go to the litter box all day so that I can relieve myself under the chair later.
I relieved myself so much that it flowed down to the neighbors below. They came up and yelled at Them. They apologized and promised to whitewash their ceiling. And then they yelled at me. I hid under the bathtub and smirked. At night, I crawled out and saw that they had poured a whole package of food into my bowl. Good... My life is not in vain

Food experiments, part 2:


Let Knight check it out; he's an expert in this, just like me... :smile28: :smile49:

Looks delicious.

Food experiments, part 2:


Let Knight check it out; he's an expert in this field, just like me...:smile28: :smile49:

It's clear that practice has paid off:) What are these, pancakes in rocket fuel?:)

Those who were there will understand:)

A group of dwarves is walking through Crag-Taak when, suddenly, hounds come rushing from all sides, a meteor shower begins from the sky, and succubi appear with their spheres...
One of the surviving dwarves, almost crying, says:
– Can someone please tell these demons that we won the battle!

Freshman
Timid. Reacts sensitively to kindness and pastries in the lobby. Prefers to stay in groups of 15-20 individuals. Treats their student ID with reverence, sometimes bordering on religious ecstasy. They open their grade book every day immediately after brushing their teeth, with unrestrained joy in their eyes. They arrive at classes 20-25 minutes before the university opens, but they confuse the 1st and 2nd weeks, so they are still late. Their sleep is nervous and shallow. They often fall out of bed.

Speech is clear and understandable. When words like SESSION, MATERIAL RESISTANCE, and PHYSICAL EDUCATION are mentioned, they experience intense fear and behave like an African ostrich. Their habitat is all types of libraries and student cafeterias. Their purpose in life is to obtain all the books from the recommended reading list by any means necessary.

Sophomore
Arrogant, hungry, and loud. Only reacts to food. They engage with others purely for selfish reasons. They rarely form groups, but when they do, it's haphazard. The student ID is used as a means of personal protection against conductors, watchmen, janitors, and overzealous police officers. They clearly understand the difference between the 1st and 2nd weeks and are still late. The choice of lectures to attend is made randomly, based on a whim.

Sleep is sound and childlike, with colorful dreams in full-screen resolution of 800 x 600 in True color mode. Speech: it's possible to understand them if you want to, but the desire must be strong enough. They are still afraid of the session but regularly scare freshmen with it, watching with interest as they behave like an African ostrich. Their habitat is closer to food, so they write down the numbers for the queue for pastries during lectures. Their purpose in life is to obtain term papers and lab work from senior students.

Junior
Thoughtful - an inevitable consequence of frequent DOOM gaming. They rarely succumb to temptations involving food and are suspicious. In case of danger, the index finger of their right hand starts twitching in search of the mouse button. The student ID is often lost, then found, and celebrated. On weekends and holidays, some students lose it several times. They go to the institute regularly: for the scholarship. Sleep is sound. They rarely sleep. At night, they tinker with the computer, where they eventually fall asleep.


Speech is fast, incoherent, and almost unintelligible, filled with profanity such as: HACKER, LAMER, USER. Fear (not only of the session) is atrophied. Their habitat is closer to a source of beer. During the session, they migrate to the dean's office, from where groans, sobs, and stories about sick grandmothers immediately begin to emanate. Their purpose in life is to find all the books from the recommended reading list that they took in their first year and submit them.

Senior
They form groups that allow all members to stand firmly on their feet. They attend lectures randomly. Upon arriving, they practice playing Battleship, Tic-Tac-Toe, Dots, and DOOM over the network. When asked, "Where is your student ID?" they answer, "I don't know, I didn't eat it." Sleep: they sleep soundly. They snore, which greatly annoys the teachers. They dream exclusively about their specialization. Speech: they communicate on equal terms with Tibetan monks and some police officers. They are afraid of forgetting the date of the exam. Their habitat is the bar in the "KOLOBOK" restaurant. Their main goal is to get a diploma for free.

Fifth-year student
The highest activity is observed during exams. Then, the concentration can reach a number of 1 person. The question "What is a lecture?" puts them in a quandary. Sleep: 3 months before submitting their thesis, they come out of hibernation; after submitting it, they fall into a lethargic sleep. Speech: by the end of their 5th year, they have mastered 3-4 programming languages, as a result of which they completely forget Russian. They are afraid of not having time to get a "white ticket" before graduating from university. Their habitat is everywhere, often and regularly. Their main goal is to figure out how to get a free diploma.

For fans of the Secret City. Do you know the "Business Lunch" noodles? They are produced by MASAN CJSC (a real case, you can check it).

Check out this beholder tattooed on someone's back! :smile13: Imagine, a girl turns around, and she has a beholder tattooed on her back! :smile52: :smile44: :smile44: :smile44:

An old skinhead is teaching a young one:
- Son, imagine this - you're walking through town. Suddenly, a strangely dressed person comes toward you, with long hair, smiling, and a guitar sticking out from behind their back... Know this, son: that's a hippie - they don't like to fight and they don't know how. Those should be beaten brutally.
- Now imagine - you're walking through town, and someone dirty comes toward you, with hair dyed in bright colors and sticking out in all directions - those are punks. They love to fight, but they don't know how; you can have some fun with them.
- And now imagine - you're walking through town, and a long-haired person in a leather jacket comes toward you, with a bottle of beer. Know this, son: that's a metalhead - they don't love to fight, but they know how. You can beat them, but it's better not to get involved.
- And imagine one more scenario - you're walking through the woods, and suddenly a long-haired person in strange attire crawls out of the bushes, with a smile, a guitar on their back, and a staff in their hands. That's a Tolkienist, and God forbid you mistake him for a hippie...

And again about the roleplayers:) Diary of a roleplayer (NOT MINE)
Episode One
1.02.
I've been thinking for a long time about how nobody understands me. Human life has become
boring and bland; no one thinks about same eternal things or performs great deeds.

3.02.
It's slushy outside, everything is dismal, vile, and damp.
I watched TV during the day. They were showing some stuntmen. At first I thought
it was some movie. A historical one. But then they said on TV that this is just how
people entertain themselves now. They make their own armor, swords, and bash each other
until they're completely stunned.
I haven't decided yet whether I envy them or if they're all just nuts. They call
themselves Tolkienists. I thought it was because they were always pushing (tolkanuts) each other, but it turns out not.
It's because of some movie by a guy named Tolkien. The Lord of the Rings. Highly recommended.

7.02.
Watched the movie. Class! Especially that moment when that guy, the good one,
rips out the guts of those orcs, and an elf pokes one in the eye with an arrow. Such
romance!
Only there's something I don't get; it seemed like they were going somewhere, but they never
actually arrived. It's as if the story was cut off halfway.
Some kind of freak was sitting next to me. A psychic probably, or maybe he same wasn't his first
time watching. He knew all the characters' names in advance. His eyes were absolutely crazy;
he was shaking all over. He later told me that it turns out there was a book before the movie, and more than one. And the movie is actually a trilogy, but the other parts haven't been filmed yet.
Those Americans, they can't do anything on time!
9.02.
I want a knife like the one the elf had in the movie.
10.02.
And a horn, like that big-faced... Ah, Boromir!
11.02.
Need to rewatch the movie; I didn't quite get why on earth they were so obsessed with that little ring? They killed a bunch of people over it...
13.02.
Rewatched the movie. Sauron is definitely a jerk, but why, I still don't understand. Wasn't he chopped up right at the beginning?
I went for a walk in the park to reflect on this problem and almost became a stutterer when some
freak with a broken hockey stick in his hands tumbled out of the bushes with a piercing scream. But I behaved bravely, like a true
Knight: I screamed back, and while the psycho was figuring things out, I ran away.
15.02.
I've figured it all out!!! That psycho who... Who I scared so much in the park is actually...
A TOLKIENIST!!! And here I thought they only lived in Russia, in the taiga. I have to find him.
19.02.
Combed through the park twice. Nobody. Tomorrow's a break, then back to the search.
22.02.
What happened to them, did they sink into the ground?!
25.02.
Interrogated local bums. Inadequate reactions. Three of them circled their finger at their temple when people with
swords and armor were mentioned; five ran away with piercing screams. One suddenly howled piteously, then screamed that he'd seen a Nazgûl,
bit my finger, and scrambled into the bushes. Nothing coherent, other than "My precious-s-s," "golum, golum"—I couldn't get anything more out of him.
27.02.
Sat at home analyzing the information obtained. I've heard this "My precious-s-s" somewhere before.
28.02.
Good grief!!! Either the bum watched the movie in a theater (which is doubtful), or...
Rushed back to the meeting spot with the bum. By the way, I met the freak with the hockey stick right there too! Combed all the bushes. Didn't find the bum, but found a
cyclist. He was lying in the bushes, buried in mud.
A quick interrogation revealed: while riding through this section of the park, the Cyclist
first heard a scream: "Cavalry is attacking us!", and shortly after, a terrible roar. After which he was attacked by a crowd of strange people covered in tin cans,
pieces of sheet metal, and armed with sticks.
The cyclist wept periodically, mentioned demons, and asked for his mother.
3.03.
I've been thinking. I'm doing something wrong. Maybe they only gather on
certain days?
4.03.
!!! Of course, on Sundays. It's a day off... I am smart after all.
6.03.
Great day. First contact established. Though I didn't see exactly what I expected...
First of all, it turns out the Tolkienists' swords aren't iron, but wooden. As they explained to me, so they don't kill each other. That cleared up a lot.
Secondly, I expected them all to be in armor and knightly costumes. At least cloaks. Cloaks should definitely be mandatory, right?! However, most
were in ordinary jackets and jeans.
It turns out it's because it's cold. Besides, they undoubtedly have beautiful costumes and armor, but they save them for the game.
And indeed, it was chilly. Three of them even wrapped themselves in some curtains.
Probably for warmth. They got very offended, though, and declared that these were knightly
cloaks. How could I be so mistaken?! There is no forgiveness for me.
13.03.
Today was training. Watched people fencing for a long time.
Strange, it's not at all like what I saw in the movies...
I couldn't take it and spent a long time asking someone for a sword. Eventually, one guy
reluctantly gave me a stick wrapped in electrical tape. Here I was embarrassed. It turned out
that this wasn't an axe, as I had initially assumed, but a sword. So I was holding it by the wrong end...
Then I started looking for someone to fight. Unfortunately, everyone refused: they are such great warriors that they might accidentally maim me. Eventually, I sneaked up on one from behind and, waiting until he sighed once more, saying "There's no one to fence with..." - offered my services.
Here I was told that this is the Great... (I didn't remember the name; it was long,
beautiful, and hard to pronounce) and I grew timid. I was very nervous and decided that whatever happened, I must not lose in a completely shameful way...
It all ended very quickly. The Great took a stance, snorted in my direction for a while, and then suddenly jerked. I got so scared that I hit him as hard as possible with the sword. It turned out to be right on the forehead.
Everyone was very offended with me. Everyone except the Great. He only smiled, and just remained standing there, slightly tilted and smiling.
The owner of the sword was especially offended. He gloomily recommended that I make something
myself and break it to my heart's content. I felt like the lowest scoundrel, but the guy softened up, saying that from the fragments one could make a "culuarka" and a boomerang.
Decided: I must definitely make some weapon for myself.
15.03.
It turns out making a wooden sword isn't that simple. First, the material. Well,
I have plenty of material. Found a log in grandpa's shed and two boards in the attic.

16.03.
Looked at the log. Thought a lot.
17.03.
Log is out. Inspected the boards. Need to saw.
When grandpa saw me sawing a board with a saw, he had a hysterical fit. After
the doctors injected him with a sedative (grandpa laughed so much he started turning blue), he explained to me that what I was using was a hacksaw for metal. Well, right, if it's designed for metal, then wood should cut like butter, right?
18.03.
All the available blades for the hacksaw broke. Grandpa isn't laughing anymore.
Thought for a long time.
Eureka! An axe!

Episode Two.
19.03.
Grandpa reacted to my preparations rather nervously. Suggested calling an ambulance in advance.
It ended without human casualties. A chopped sneaker doesn't count, and the cat is slowly recovering, but refuses to come out of the basement. But now I have a sword. It's a bit heavy, though; well, it's okay, I'll train.
20.03.
Training. The Great is still standing in the same spot and smiling mysteriously.
When I arrived at the training ground, everyone went quiet. They looked at my sword with apprehension. One guy in glasses asked how I attached the guard. Seeing that I had simply carved (hewed) the sword right with the guard, he quietly said "mom" and hurriedly started heading home.
They showed me a new type of training: the wall. All volunteers divide into two groups and fight each other as teams. We went out into the field. My comrades looked at me somewhat nervously, but explained the combat objective: break through the enemy line in the center, turn around, and slaughter the foe from the rear. I was a bit nervous.
Therefore, when I swung for the first time, only three people to my left fell; the rest managed to duck.
I remember what happened next vaguely. The sword, that beast, turned out to be VERY heavy. I lost control. Half of the training group ran in front of me, the other half behind me.
Then I tripped over someone...
Now the sword is sticking in the ground, not far from the Great. I can't pull it out; the others comfort me: "You don't need to, better make yourself a new one, lighter..."
Some guy approached and offered to help me make a proper weapon. Before I kill someone.
21.03.
That guy came over. Showed photos from games. He opened my eyes: the sword should be made lighter, then you can swing it much faster. He also said something about some balance and reinforcement, but I didn't remember well.
22.03.
Went to grandpa's. Looked at the scrap of a board. Thought for a long time. Then at the log. Thought for a long time. Then looked at the axe, but grandpa got nervous for some reason and went to get his double-barrel shotgun. Why is he doing that?!
23.03.
I made an important discovery! A mop is almost a ready-made sword, and you only need to saw a little bit.
24.03.
But there's nothing to saw with... Had to get the axe again. The cat climbed into the basement with a wild meow, grandpa barricaded himself in his room and is singing "Our proud Varangian does not surrender to the enemy" in there.
The sword is almost ready; only how do I attach the crossbar? Oh well, it'll do for now.
27.03.
Tested my new sword. For some reason, everyone first decided that I had come to hunt vampires. It turns out vampires are killed specifically with a sharpened wooden stake.
But what does that have to do with me?
Fine, I'll figure it out later. Found a person who agreed to fence with me.
Says he's also a newbie, arrived only a week before me. His sword is made from a hockey stick, and the crossbar (they explained to me that it's called a guard) he screwed on with screws. Genius! After two minutes I decided that you can't do without a crossbar. My fingers hurt badly.
By the way, we have a new "Coolest Fighter" (that's what we call warriors), who beat the Great convincingly. The Great, by the way, is still standing and smiling.
29.03.
Tried to refine my sword, but I'll have to postpone that: bruised fingers are swollen and can't hold tools.

2.04.
Screwed a guard onto the sword. Now I have a class sword! Almost real. Need to think of a name for it. Because what kind of sword is it without a name?

3.04.
Good thing I didn't think of a name for the sword. Because it broke. The blade was completely chopped off...
The guy who showed me photos explained that it's because of the screws. He also said something about pine, but I didn't remember. Ah, he also advised sawing off the tip, because mine is sharpened like a pencil...
Today's training was marked by a very strange event. Some guy came with a bundle and a backpack. From the bundle, he silently took out a sword, almost real, then just as silently approached the Most Great Fighter, silently beat him, packed the sword, and left. What was that?!
By the way, I became friends with Julian. That's the guy with the hockey stick.
5.04.
I am a great engineer after all. Took an old flip-flop, cut a disc out of it, and put it on the fragment of the sword. The result was a wonderful Japanese sword, scientifically called a katana.
Julian came over. Told me that the Silent One is a very bad person. That he trains somewhere with his team (equally bad people), goes to games, but does nothing for general training! From time to time he comes, shows off, and leaves again. What a scoundrel!
6.04.
Time to think about armor. I thought about it and thought a lot.
8.04.
I'll think about the armor later. But I found myself a shield. Literally walking through grandpa's kitchen, not bothering anyone... I see a shield lying there! Almost real.
Grandpa complained that some lid from his stockpot had disappeared from the kitchen. He's been strange lately...
9.04.
Training. Someone said that Japanese never used a round shield together with a katana. That's probably out of envy.
Something is wrong with the shield. Holding the stockpot lid by the handle is very inconvenient; moreover, from any hit it starts to spin, attempting either to break my finger or crack me on the forehead.
Participated in the wall again. It so happened that we lined up on both sides of the still-standing Great. In the general melee, someone hit him over the head. The Great gasped and lay down on the grass. He's back with us! Hurrah!
10.04.
Time for me to get a decent game name. Sat with Julian, choosing.
At first I really liked: Dragon. Julian talked me out of it: says there's already a Dragon, and last year the whole training ground beat him up. Even the Silent One came. No one remembers what Dragon did to annoy everyone so much. Except maybe the Silent One. But everyone knows he's an extremely unpleasant type.
Then I remembered the movie and decided that I am Aragorn. But it turned out there is already an Aragorn too. Just like Gimli, Legolas (8 of them), Gandalf... And many others.
Only Frodo was left, but I don't really like that.
After long discussions, I found myself a beautiful elven name: Tiberium. In the worst case, you can put the stress on another syllable. Then it becomes Celtic. Julian agreed with me and decided to change his stress too.
11.04.
Decided to refine the shield. Need to get rid of this stupid handle in the center and put a normal one. Julian brought that guy who helped me with the sword (his name is Snake) and he explained how a real shield was constructed. You need to put a strap and a proper handle. Though this, as Snake said, is for a rectangular shield; he also said something about an umbo, buckler, reinforcement, balance... But I didn't remember well.
The only question is, how to get rid of the old handle and how to screw on a new one?!
12.04.
I have significantly expanded my set of tools. When I pondered over my shield with an axe in my hands, grandpa couldn't take it anymore and gave me a hammer, a chisel, and a drill. Using the handle as an example, he showed how to use a chisel. A brutal thing!

13.04.
The whole floor of grandpa's kitchen is full of holes. Grandpa is thinking deeply; it seems he already regrets showing me the drill. Three drill bits survived with diameters of 10, 15 and 16 millimeters.
Thought for a long time about what to make the strap from. Julian suggested that it should be made of leather.
The cat disappeared somewhere, but I found an old leather jacket. For the second handle, I adapted a door handle.
15.04
Tremble all! The shield is ready. Bolt nuts - tens look menacingly at the enemy. I had to attach the door handle with wire since I ran out of bolts.
16.04.
Everything is very strange. First, the shield still spins on the arm, though now only along one axis. The wire snapped. Moreover, the shield bent. And Julian's hockey stick got notched. Snake was called to account; he dissatisfiedly said that the edge of the shield should be covered with something soft.
Moreover, if you hit the shield, it hurts a lot. And it's loud. In general, as it seems to me, people, as soon as they see a shield, immediately go wild and start bashing it with all their might. Either out of envy or they like the sound.
In short, by the end of training, Snake advised cutting off the excess from the shield and calling it a bracer.
Moreover, my katana now looks more like a scrubbing brush. Dents and splinters everywhere. Even Julian refuses to fence with me. I don't understand what the problem is?

Episode Three.
20.04.
Hurrah! Today the New Cool Fighter gave me his old sword. The sword is beautiful, all in electrical tape and drawings. As they explained to me later, these aren't just drawings. These are pentagrams. They were drawn by the Great Mage. I still can't understand why I need some gammas on my sword?

22.04.
Julian explained that a sword with gammas fits better in the hand and the owner's skill increases noticeably. Now I understand what a great honor has fallen to me. I'll hang the sword on the wall and make myself a new one.
23.04.
Today I wondered, how should I make a costume? Thought for a long time.
28.04.
And why do I need to make a costume? Isn't armor enough? Decided: I'll deal with the armor.
29.04.
Saw the Great Mage at training today. Indeed, apparently he is Great. Everyone greets him and hugs him. I want to become a mage too, so that everyone knows me as well!
Talked about this with Julian. He said that becoming an apprentice to the Great is very simple, though you have to change your name. Snake, who was standing nearby all the time, confirmed this. Apparently, one needs to think of a more complex name.
30.04.
Idea! Why change the name? It's enough just to add something. For example, I'll be called m-mm-m-m Tiberium the Strong or Tiberium the Hard! Need to consult with Snake. He probably knows how a mage should be named.
01.05.
Snake advised adding some color. He himself, as a big secret, said that his magical secret name is Green Serpent. Great, I wish I had one like that! He also brought a drawing. In the drawing was a man in a strange jacket, pants, and with an iron hat on his head. Snake said that this is exactly how a real warrior should look. I hung the drawing on the wall next to the sword. Spent the rest of the evening in reflection.
03.05.
Need to go to grandpa's. Surely he has something else. Found two more mops. Also, in the shed while looking for mops, found a cat. It pretended to be dead, then changed its mind and ran away. Grandpa locked himself in the bedroom and by all appearances does not intend to come out. However, all his supplies of nails, screws, and other necessary tools are lined up in a row before the door. Hurrah, now there's something to make armor from. At the same time, I'll finish the shield. But where to get a jacket? And I already found an iron hat. In grandpa's kitchen. There was such a teapot—knock off the spout and handle, and there you have your hat.
04.05.
The spout won't come off even with a chisel. Moreover, the bottom also refuses to fall out. Idea! What if I try a can opener? Looked for a long time for a can opener of the appropriate size. Grandpa crawled out of the room, apparently decided to help. Saw what I was doing with the teapot and fainted. He's strange. While he lay unconscious, I searched his room for a can opener. Didn't find a can opener, but found a jacket and pants, just like the man in the picture, only gray and with a number on the back. Grandpa, entering the room, saw me and fainted again.
05.05.
Snake came over. Saw my new clothes. Praised them, and regarding the teapot suggested using a chisel. But of course! How smart he is! And how did I not think of it myself? Ah, no, I did think of it, but it didn't work! He's still smart. Need to try once more.
Thought for a long time about a suitable name. Think I've got it! I will be Dark Tiberium! Both magical and fighter-like! Snake agreed that it sounds almost like his name, only more menacing. Decided that after the next training we would go to the Great Mage. Maybe he'll teach us something.
06.05.
Fixed the shield. Now twelve-gauge bolts look at the opponent. And the door handle is in place. And I padded the edge of the shield with styrofoam. It's soft and looks good. Made myself a new sword from a mop. Why cut off the edge? After all, what kind of sword is it without a point? Thought for a long time about what to do with the teapot. The spout still won't come off. But I cut out the bottom. Found a suitable can opener and cut it out. Grandpa, coming at the sounds, sobbed and suggested screwing on another spout for symmetry. I don't know what symmetry is, but I liked the idea. Why don't such good ideas come to me? Knocked the spout off a brewing teapot and nailed it to the iron hat. By the way, Snake said that it's called a helmet. Yes, that's what I'll call it. The tips of the nails stick out inside, although on the other hand, it's for the best. That way the helmet fits like a glove.
09.05.
At training everyone expressed surprise and admiration for my armament. The Most Great Fighter even shook my hand and invited me over. He also advised gluing fur around the edge of the helmet. That way I'll look like a viking. He also talked a lot about balance, handles on the shield, and that I shouldn't have padded the shield with styrofoam. I actually understood nothing, but agreed just in case. Moreover, the styrofoam fell off even before I reached training. On the bus. How did he guess? Truly, he is not Great for nothing!
15.05.
Finished the armor! Hurrah! Now I'm exactly like the man in the picture! Took curtains from grandpa (nobody used them anyway) and sewed them to the jacket. Then for strength, attached them with wire and remaining bolts. Grandpa, when he saw it, fainted. Probably out of admiration. And he hasn't even seen Snake's and Julian's costumes yet. I also barely held it together when I saw Julian's armor. My breath was taken away by admiration. It's almost like in the movie. It's called Italian chainmail. His father had a wooden mesh on the seats of his car. From Italy. So he took it and painted it silver. Turned out very cool.
18.05.
Today I'm going to the Great Mage. Extremely nervous. Just in case, I made a will and a suicide note. Took the note with me in my jacket pocket.
Evening came. Julian, Snake, and I headed to the secret residence of the Magical Mentor. It turned out to be in an ordinary house on the 6th floor. In apartment 168. As they later explained to me, this is a secret sign of His power. It's decoded like this: 6 and 1+2 and 6 and 8-2. Total three sixes (3 666). That's how everything points to the Great one's chosen status. The apartment was dark and scary. Pentagrams were hanging on the walls, just like on my sword. A skull stood on a shelf. A dried crocodile hung from the ceiling. About six more people were sitting on the floor. "About" because I haven't yet figured out who here is a person and who isn't quite. In total, in the room sat: vampires (3 pcs), dwarf (1 pc), werewolf (1 pc), high-level darkness mages (4 pcs), swamp scum (1 pc) and several more newbies and faces that defy definition. Then the Initiation Ceremony took place. We approached the Great one by turn and said our names, and he told us his. When he told me his name, I was once again convinced that He is chosen! Because if you add all the letters in the name, subtract the birth year and the length of the magic wand, you get 759! And that's again three sixes (3 666)!
Now I could address Him personally. And we were all brothers.
- O Great Purple Rinser! Descend to your Dark brother Tiberium! Show us wonders and real magic!
He agreed, but first we had to smoke some kind of nastiness. I didn't want to, but I had to, because this is the Great Ritual of Cleansing Thoughts, and without it there will be no magic. After smoking, indeed, everything was cleansed, and everyone became closer.
First they taught us to take appropriate poses and figures. Then we moved to practice. We sat in the "mouse-in-the-clouds" pose and prepared to fly. I almost succeeded! On the first try! It's immediately obvious that we have a Great Teacher!
Then the ritual of Releasing the Spirit began. We sat in a circle again. Took the Nakosiki pose. And together started releasing the Spirit. Seeing that no one was succeeding, the Great demonstrated how it should be done. HE prepared, strained, and released a spirit so strong that I almost died, and those closest to the Great fell unconscious. However, they quickly figured out to open the window, so it ended without casualties.

I know, I know, it's a festival of absurdity... but we must carry on!

Series four.
20.05.
My head almost doesn't hurt anymore. Today I spent the whole day learning how to release Spirit. Grandpa called the gas inspection, and then he ran around the house exclusively with a clothespin on his nose.
He's been kind of strange lately.
21.05.
Julian said that the Game will be soon. I need to talk to the Masters and they will tell me what costume I need, and what my role will be. And they'll also tell me which book to read. I can't wait.

22.05.
Waiting. They say the Masters are terribly busy and have no time for the Game right now. How can that be? Although I probably don't understand anything.
26.05.
At training, everyone looks at me with respect. Especially at my sword. I named it Master-Interrupter-of-All-in-All-Manifestations. Now the Great Fighter is working with me personally. He invited me over again. I definitely have to go.
27.05.
Today we are going back to the Great Purple Rinser. I must not forget to take my suicide note.
The Spirit has almost aired out of the room, but they opened the window just in case. The Rite of Purification of Thoughts began. The purification took a long time. My neighbor told me that he is a third-level mage and knows how to release Spirit, curse, and fly. And also that he is a dark elf and a loyal servant of the god Troglodytus. Great! I should somehow become a dark
elf too. Or a dark dwarf. Well, or in the worst case, a vampire.
Then I asked Flying-in-the-Blue-Heavens (that's what that guy was called) to show me something. He couldn't fly because he hadn't Purified his Thoughts enough, but he agreed to curse anyone of my choice and release Spirit. I decided to save the curse for later, and for now, compete in releasing Spirit. The guy happily agreed and began to release Spirit. Then I released Spirit. Then a few more people joined in, and we had to stop the gathering because the room needed to be aired out. I also met a girl.

29.05.
Now I can release Spirit whenever I want and in any amount. The Great has granted me the first level! Soon, I will move on to curses and other things necessary in life. The girl I met turned out to be a vampire.
And how did I not guess immediately? After all, I saw that she was very pale. Her name is Diarrhea, which means "bringer of misfortune" in the same language as vampires. And also everything about her is black—pants, shirt, nails, hair, eyeshadow, eyelashes, cloak, bandana, backpack, well, everything. Also, she has 36 rings in different parts of her body! 10 in her ears, 8 in her eyebrows, 6 in her nose, 2 in her navel and another 10 in other parts of her body. I decided that I will definitely become a vampire!
30.05.
I need to prepare for the meeting with the Masters. And for the game. I sat and prepared until evening.
01.06.
I've been preparing for the Game for three days in a row now. I'm sitting in my room without breaks for lunch or the toilet. Grandpa came in to check if I had died. After I told him that I met Diarrhea, he began to treat me with caution. He supplied me with six rolls of toilet paper, a magazine, and a key to the toilet. He's strange. When I
offered to introduce her to him, he ran into his room and refused from there. Well, whatever.
03.06.
Still preparing for the Game. Everyone comes and admires me, but I have no time to be distracted; I must prepare. It would also be good to see the Masters.
05.06.
Today I saw a Master! True, when he saw me running toward him shouting "finally I've seen You," his face changed and he started to run away. He runs fast and I couldn't catch him. Now I understand the phrase "today I need to catch the Master and discuss a couple of questions."
06.06.
I thought for a long time about how to catch the Master. Then I prepared for the Game.
07.06.
It turned out that I was catching the wrong Master! It was explained to me that the game is made by Masters from the Greatest Workshop Group of All Russia, or simply VMGVR, and I was catching a Master from the Male Wrestlers group! There is no forgiveness for me. How much more do I need to learn!
08.06.
Today at training, Silent approached me. He offered to fence with him. I agreed, and that bastard broke my sword, bent my shield, and knocked the nose off my helmet!
What a nasty person! I will never fence with him again. He said something about a pine tree, screws, and crooked hands, and also that one shouldn't rush in headfirst, but I am sure he did it on purpose. Such a pity about the sword. I'll have to make a new one.
10.06.
Preparing for the Game. The Masters are hiding. Someone told them how I was catching their comrade, and now they are afraid of me. Something must be done.
Also, I decided to curse Silent. I asked the Great to help me with this. He taught me a special pose and gave me a piece of paper with text. Tonight I will be cursing.
Close to midnight 10.06.
As per the instructions, I smeared myself with soot, drew a pentagram on the carpet, and in the corners, for lack of a seven-lobed cannabis branch, I hung parsley. At twenty minutes to twelve, I began the Ritual of Purification of Thoughts. At ten minutes to twelve, I stood in the pose of "proud whistling crayfish on a mountain" and began reading the text.
11.06.
Hooray, now Silent is cursed! I need to tell my friends. Now that he is cursed, one can fence with him without fear.
12.06.
Diarrhea came to visit me. When Grandpa saw her, he trembled violently, crossed himself, and reached for the double-barrel shotgun. That's what a real vampire means! She even scared Grandpa, but I'm not afraid. I need to become a vampire as soon as possible.
In the evening, Grandpa cursed for a long time about powder and girls who eat too many buns. He told me to warn him when she comes over. Fine, it's no trouble for me.

Series five.
13.06.
Today I told everyone that I cursed Silent. Everyone was happy and ran to prepare their swords. The Great Purple was so happy that he gave me two levels at once! Now I am a third-level mage! Spent the rest of the evening preparing for the Game.
15.06.
Something strange happened. When I arrived at training, Silent was already finishing off the New Greatest Fighter and closing in on the Greatest Fighter. Then it was my turn, then Julian's, and then everyone else's! Not only that, he is no longer silent! He now screams and swings his sword five times faster. It seems he
is very angry. Mom, save me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
16.06.
People from training came to see me. They seem to be very angry too. Not only that, they don't believe in magic! But it worked! Maybe not exactly as intended, but it worked! It's very hurtful that I am not understood.
17.06.
Tried to fix the helmet. My fingers bend poorly, but overall I managed. Spent the whole evening preparing for the game and learning how to release Spirit.
18.06.
I need to curse Silent again. And talk to the Masters. And prepare for the Game. And line the helmet with fur. By the way, where can I get fur? Thought about it for a long time.
19.06.
Decided to consult the Great Purple Rinser regarding the curse.
The Great thought and decided that a sacrifice is indispensable. I must find the victim, and the Great will take care of the rest. Where could I get a victim? Thought about it for a long time. Then went to the bird market. Thought again for a long time. No, too expensive.
But I found wonderful guards for swords! Hooks for clothes! Grandpa has plenty of those. Nobody visits him anyway except me. Came home and prepared for the Game until midnight.
20.06.
This morning it dawned on me! Well of course, how could I forget before! After all, I have a cat! At the same time, I'll get some fur for the helmet. Grandpa is mumbling something about some hooks.
At least he doesn't faint. When he saw that I was catching the cat, he tensed up and quickly ran into his room. Two minutes later, I heard him barricade the door and start singing "Through the valleys and over the hills..." Truly strange.
21.06.
Still catching the cat. Cunning bastard.
22.06.
I didn't go to training today. Just in case. As it turned out, that was right. Silent came again today. He brought two swords at once and fenced with both. Beat the whole training group again. Promised to bring a friend next time. I need to do something urgently.
24.06.
I finally caught the cat! Need to go to the Great. Prepared for the Game until evening.
25.06.
Went to the Great, however, the Great had been performing a Ritual of Purification of Thoughts since morning and didn't recognize me. Fine, I'll come tomorrow.
I have developed a Plan on how to catch a Master. I found out the address of one of the Masters from Julian and decided to lie in wait for him in the hallway. Put on my helmet, armor. Took the shield and sword of the New Great Fighter. Set off to keep watch.
Close to midnight 25.06.
However, I forgot to ask what this Master looks like. A pity, but fine. I'll come again tomorrow.
26.06.
Today the Great recognized me! Said that we would be cursing in the evening.
I can't wait.
Evening. Here we are standing in the room for curses. There are pentagrams on the walls. Seven-lobed cannabis is drying in the corners. The dried crocodile disappeared somewhere.
The Great begins the ritual of Purification of Thoughts.
Close to midnight. The Great and I are catching pink little crocodiles together. We put the loot in a bag.
Midnight. Caught a full bag, but forgot where we put it. Fine, we'll find it tomorrow.
So. Need to curse. But who?
27.06.
Spent all day trying to remember who we need to curse. Also prepared for the Game. And thought about how to catch a Master.
28.06.
Remembered! Need to curse the Master, and find out what Silent looks like.
Went to the Great Purple Rinser. I really must curse someone, otherwise why did I catch the cat? The Great remembered everything. It turned out that I need to curse Silent and find out what his friend looked like. Exactly! He is indeed Great! We decided not to postpone the ritual. Quickly purified thoughts. Sang the spells. But where is the cat? Started
looking for the cat. Found out that she had eaten all the sour cream, meat, and the Great's favorite rat. This gave her indigestion, and we looked for her literally by following hot tracks. Found the cat. Caught her. Started the Ritual again. Purified thoughts. Sang the spells. Released some Spirit. Need to sacrifice the cat. Took the cat.
Found out that we forgot the knife. Went for the knife. Upon returning, saw that the cat was finishing off a branch of seven-lobed cannabis. Caught the cat. Purified thoughts. Sang the spells. Released Spirit. Must bring the sacrifice. The Great tried to catch the cat. Whether from the cannabis or from the Spirit floating in the room, the cat went wild.
She started running circles around the room. Smashed: a human skull, two bottles of vodka, six bottles of some oily filth, five pots of spirit purification potion, parental spirits, an unidentified cactus, a tabletop moonshine still and a large clock. Then she crashed into the wardrobe and knocked it over. After which
she stood on her hind legs and brutally beat the Great. The Great could not withstand the beating and fainted. The cat threatened me with its paw and jumped out the window. And the Great lives on the sixth floor! I remember the rest vaguely. Only remember that I found a bunch of fur for my helmet.
29.06.
My God, what happened yesterday? And why is the cat looking at me so sideways?

Series Six.
30.06.
The Great Mage came to see me. Said that I will not be a mage and that he is also removing all my levels. How hurtful! But on the bright side, I have an entire jacket collar left!
Today I was attaching the collar to the helmet. It turned out very great.
Then went to training. Asked about the Masters. Everyone started swearing loudly and said there will be no Game. What a day!
01.07.
Snake came to see me. Said that there will be another Game. Need to prepare for it. He also gave me the rules. Read them for a long time. Thought a lot.
02.07.
Today is an extra training session. Everyone is excited to the limit.
The Great announced that he is opening recruit enrollment on a competitive basis.
They spent a long time deciding what "on a competitive basis" meant. The Great explained: it means that he goes himself and also those who have everything necessary. Such as: armor, weapons, costume. Everyone went very quiet. Then everyone shouted in chorus that all this could be made or borrowed from someone. The Great thought about it. Then said that the most skilled warriors would go. To make it clear who are the most skilled, candidates must fight the Coolest Fighter. About ten people instantly began to quietly surround the Coolest one, waving weapons unkindly. The Coolest got very nervous and screamed that this was incorrect: he was already very tired from training, while the slackers, who had been lying in the sun all through training, were fresh and full of strength. I didn't quite understand when the Coolest managed to get tired; training had only just begun.
Either way, they decided to hold a real tournament. The Coolest declared that he, the Greatest Fighter, was ready to act as marshal. When it was snidely suggested that he start at least as a lieutenant, the Coolest got offended and explained that "marshal" used to refer to the organizer-judge of the tournament. Smoothing over the misunderstanding, they began to decide who would fight first. They deliberated for a long time; it came to a fight. The first one out was a guy nicknamed Svalkogenov. His opponent was Boar.
Svalkogenov proudly waved his weapon: a sword of unknown origin wrapped in radically black electrical tape. Boar grunted gloomily and pulled a two-hander from behind his back. A terrifying thing: a fool higher than the owner, sawn out of a ski.
Svalkogenov turned pale suddenly and screamed that it wasn't fair. But we didn't hear him well because Boar swung. The slowest ones fell right there: everyone wanted to see the tournament and the spectators had approached carelessly close to the ring...
Svalkogenov showed simply unheard-of speed. He managed to run all the way to the trees, after which he climbed one of them. An enraged Boar began to hit the tree with the ski, and I suddenly believed that it was about to collapse. Svalkogenov also believed this, so he began to quickly and loudly state the essence of his objections:
the tournament should be held with weapons of equal length, otherwise it's unfair.
After thinking, we decided that this was fair and went to look for equal swords. Boar was awarded a technical victory because his opponent remained sitting in the tree.
Well, I won't tell the whole tournament. Julian and I passed! And actually, only Svalkogenov didn't pass because he was sitting in the tree.
And then Snake came and ruined everything. He, by the way, refused to participate in the tournament altogether, but said that anyone wishing to go must have, besides everything else, a backpack, a tent (at least one for four people), a sleeping bag, and money for the road.
Ruined the holiday for everyone, mercantile piece of filth...

He also said something about food, a pot, an axe, applications, and fees, but I was so happy that I didn't remember well...
03.07.
The game is soon, and I have nothing ready yet! Need to prepare urgently. Grandpa declared that he would personally supervise my packing. He dragged a backpack from somewhere:
long, with a bunch of straps and spotted, exactly like a toad. He gave me a long lecture on what should be stuffed where. When I started packing, he took the pillow away from me. Then he spat for a long time and made me repack. I started to argue. Grandpa reached for his shotgun again.
04.07.
Due to the proximity of the game, there is an additional gathering at training today. Ten fighters were selected for our team. They are running all over the place during training, trying to borrow an axe, a sword, or something else... In the end, the Great gave a fiery speech. He spoke about how we are preparing to make ourselves known, that the game
is no trivial matter, and that we must equip our team worthily. Therefore, donations in favor of the expeditionary team are being accepted. Weapons, armor, tourist equipment, and food are accepted. In addition, money for travel and fees for the Great and the Marshal (former Greatest Fighter) must be collected, as they take upon themselves the burden of team captain and general respectively.
Everyone supported this with passion, even Svalkogenov. He, however, added one more item to the plan of activities: getting him down from the tree, but he was hard to hear.
05.07.
Last day before the game. Grandpa has gone completely mad. He made me repack the backpack three times. After each packing, I put it on, and Grandpa made me jump. If something in the backpack jingled or rattled, I repacked it. It turned out he does this to ensure his grandson is at his best. In the end, I got tired and went for a walk. Met Diarrhea and Snake. Together we went to Diarrhea's. Demon was hanging out there. Demon—an exquisite girl of fragile build. True, we tried to convince her that there was already one "Demon" and that two on one polygon would be too many, and she should take another name. In response, she said she knew no other demons, and in general, she would still show who is the most demonic demon here.
In the middle of the debates, Snake's gaze suddenly fell on a huge bag from which a hair dryer was sticking out. For a minute he dropped out of the general discussion, examining the bag, and then asked somewhat out of place if Demon intended to travel with this thingy?!
Confused, Demon confirmed that yes, with this one, why?
Silence fell. I also asked: what exactly is wrong.
Snake had a breakdown. He screamed that you have to go with a backpack, and she wouldn't even make it half a kilometer with this thing. Demon coldly announced that she didn't intend to walk, but to take the electric train. I added that this was a reasonable observation. Snake started screaming something about trams, electric trains, and foot marches... Demon countered that instead of walking
on foot, it would be better to take a minibus or, in the absolute worst case, a taxi... Snake turned pale and began to hiccup slightly...
In general, roleplayers don't travel by minibus, they walk with backpacks, as I understand. That's a different matter—prestige must be maintained!

Series Seven.
06.07.
The morning turned out gloomy, although my soul was bright and sunny. Took the backpack. Grandpa crossed me and blessed me. Promised to wait, and in case of anything, he would take terrible revenge.
Arrived at the station. It turned out that there is no electric train to the Polygon on the schedule. Strange. The Great oriented himself in time and went for reconnaissance. Then two people left to search for the Great. Then the Great returned and, seeing that those two were gone, took three more and went searching. In the end, we missed the morning train. But during
the time we waited for the afternoon one, the Great explained who we would be. We will be Dreadful Monsters. Or, in other words, bandits. And we will kill everyone and collect tribute. I liked it very much.
Either way, we reached the carriages. Grandmothers seeing some of them off said goodbye and cried. They waved handkerchiefs at us and promised to write.
But then the train started moving. I sat by the window and began watching the city flashing behind the glass. The carriage rocked rhythmically, wheels clattered. And then it hit me. We are going.
GOING!!! This is not a dream, not fantasies. And nothing will fall through now: there is no way back.
Arrived, got off. Saw many guys and girls with backpacks. In the crowd, I noticed Silent. Ugh, that pest actually made it. But then we set off on our journey...
***
Remember nothing.
***
Water!!!
***
Kill me.
***
Day.
The Great was receiving the loss report. As I found out later, at the one hundred and first meter of the path, the girls' luggage had to be distributed among volunteers. At the one hundred and fiftieth meter, we had to carry the girls themselves. At three hundred and twentieth, the Great Mage collapsed. The New Great Fighter strictly ordered that wounded and corpses be carried along for camouflage of unit strength.
I was doing okay, only at turns I constantly hit my forehead against trees, continuing to step monotonously until someone corrected my course.
But then we reached the camp. Then the troubles began. First, the masters, seeing our team, were terribly afraid that it would slaughter the whole polygon on the first day, so they immediately started plotting. A large part of the weapons and armor were rejected and not allowed in the game. As for the rest, they were chipped with a clear underestimation of real combat qualities. For example, magnificent scales made from beer can lids were not considered armor at all, and the brought two-handed axe was mistaken for a snow shovel.
Second, the other participants of the game are behaving simply like pigs: afraid of us, they just refuse, and there are clearly more of them. The request to explain "more of what" others, the Great ignored.
Furthermore, the spiteful masters immediately began demanding that we provide fees for food. First, the Great politely inquired what fees were, then where they come from. The Master was somehow very surprised and asked if our valiant warriors had read the rules. This turned out to be a surprise for the Great... As a result,
the whole team went to work off their debt, and the Great—to read the rules, although the masters screamed that it was all our fault. To the question about his impression of reading the rules, the Great modestly said that he, personally, liked them.
And, of course, despite the obstacles of the masters, despite the numerical superiority of the enemy, our warriors will show everyone and defeat everyone.
The question of what exactly our warriors would show the enemy also remained ignored, although various hypotheses were put forward...
In the evening, the camp was set up and arranged. Everyone decided to pitch tents before it got dark. Julian and I set about pitching ours. Shook it out of its case and thought for a long time. Ropes, ropes... I've seen a stretched tent several times. In photographs. Snake approached from behind and clarified: where exactly are the poles and pegs?
They subjected Julian to cross-examination. Julian confessed that the tent had another separate case where the metal stakes and four tubes were. Well, he shook all that nonsense out and wrapped his sword in the case. Snake gave us an axe and attended to his own tent. He, the pest, cheated: his tent is not triangular, but something
like a pipe. It's much easier to set up than a normal one, though there really is only room for one...
Something is wrong with the tent. It doesn't stand, it hangs like... Well, I won't record the Great's comparative-anatomical passage. Snake helped us very much with his advice. Pull this rope, pole straighter, peg further... With great difficulty, the tent took a more or less correct position. In the end, we have three tents for eighteen people. Someone attended to the fire. I went to sleep.
When I woke up, I was stunned: a proudly leaning tent (and how are ten people supposed to fit in it?!), a fire, three dismal Negroes near it... It turned out they weren't Negroes, but a meeting of the team leadership on the topic: "We are blowing on the fire. What are we doing wrong?". Then it got dark and I had to go back to sleep.
From tomorrow, I will keep the diary much more detailed. Need to record all events so as to convey them to future admirers...

Becoming a Roleplayer, part 8, series eight, final.
Morning. Approximately 6:30.
What's that noise? Need to get out, maybe my help is required?
Approximately 7:00.
Here I am, I'm out. Got the lay of the land. It turns out a raid was carried out on the secret bandit camp. Two strange guys from Silent's team killed the guards and everyone who poked their head out of the tents. But the Great said that we hadn't been chipped yet and those two left. Glory to the Great, he showed his greatness again.
Approximately 7:30.
Pasta for breakfast. And tea. Need to gather ourselves and rob someone.
Approximately 8:00.
Decided to postpone the march due to the non-appearance of warriors. It turned out that yesterday, when I fell asleep, guests came to visit us. They brought alcohol. The evening dragged on.
9:30.
Some individuals arrived. Asked where the bandits were here. We said there are no such people here and in general. The individuals were surprised and left.
10:00.
Everyone finally woke up. Breakfast and then the march.
11:00.
We were sneakily attacked again. It was Silent and his gang. We were all slaughtered.
Only those who managed to drink in the morning and were now in a non-transportable state survived. Need to go to the dead-house.
14:00.
In the dead-house, they blindfolded me and sent me for a walk. I liked it so much that I walked for a long time and wandered far. Then some guy asked me stupid questions. I remembered what the Great Mage had taught me, made an impenetrable face and began to release spirit. The guy got scared and ran away, saying that I could go. I left.
15:00.
Here I am back in line. We moved out onto the road. Set up an ambush. Started waiting.
16:00.
Seems like nobody is coming. Boring. Need to go drink some tea. Trudged toward the camp. After half an hour of wandering, I realized that I was lost.
17:00.
My God! Lead me out of here! I will never drink, smoke, or chase girls again!
17:10.
Something's not helping. Fine, let's go another way. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA, HEEEEEEEEEELPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
17:30.
Hooray, I was found. True, not by my own, but people nonetheless. True, they are kind of strange. Said that they are the coolest reenactors. From the Border Guard club.
Good guys, just very nervous. To the question "And what does your reenactment consist of?" the answer was given that I, as a primitive roleplayer, wouldn't understand.
Then I modestly clarified: and when exactly did they wear jeans and sneakers? They told me that they just transport everything in a heap. Someone brings shirts, someone boots, someone pants. Well, the boots, pants, and shirts just didn't arrive.
And what did arrive? Only tents, alcohol, and other household inventory arrived.
18:00.
I asked for tea. They gave me an enameled canister and sent me for water. Then they gave me matches and asked to start a fire. Also, I peeled potatoes, washed dishes, went for firewood. In exchange, they offered to tell me about reenactment and teach me the most important skill of survival and becoming a reenactor.
18:30.
The guys who were supposed to bring all the other things arrived. One of the reenactors, Baker, in order to save space in his backpack, brought 7 pairs of pants right on himself. But then everyone dressed and sat down by the fire. Started getting acquainted.
Besides the already known Baker, there were: Crow, Sergeant, Knecht, Knecht 2, Hey-you and What's-your-name. The main one was Crow. He was the one who started talking about the superiority of reenactment over roleplaying. I liked it very much and decided to definitely become a reenactor. Crow was happy and decided to teach me how to drink. Said that this is the most important stage in becoming a reenactor.
21:00.
A heated Baker shows the technique of the two-handed glass. It's called drinking Macedonian-style. A secret technique of our city in the struggle against reenactors from other cities. Then I learned techniques: Our-in-the-city, Hold-on-diarrhea-you'll-be-constipation, Who-in-Russia-drinks-well and many others.
22:00.
Need to go back to camp. Stepped away 50 meters and heard a call for help. Went to see what happened. Saw and was stunned: dead drunk Greatest Fighter stood in the middle of a stream, hugging a tree. Tore the Greatest away from the tree. Went home. Upon arriving home, noticed that the Greatest had fallen behind somewhere. Tried to have dinner. It turned out
that there are only pasta. Ate pasta and went to sleep. Date unknown. Time unknown.
Kill me.
.
.
.
.
Water!
.
.
.
.
Remember nothing.
.
.
.
Why did I come here?
.
.
.
Mom, take me back!
Date unknown. 15:00.
As it turned out, I slept through the whole game. Slept through the moment of the scandal with the masters, after which they stopped running the game, a drunken fight between players, a duel in which an arm was broken and a head smashed, the party of one of the key teams to which half the polygon joined, and much, much more. I was surprised and asked: but where exactly is the Game, where is the deep roleplay, where are the beautiful ladies and gallant cavaliers?
And the Masters answered me that the players did not understand their deep design and did not appreciate the purity of the Ideas! That they didn't prepare for the Game as they should have, with reading books and discussing characters! That the players cheated and deceived each other and the Masters at the same time, that they asked for unbelievable perks and refused to play for fear of losing.
And the Players answered me that the masters are jerks and the Game wasn't worth the effort spent on it, that the idea was petty and the design banal. That the masters didn't appear at gatherings and crashed the website a week before the start of the trip. That the masters didn't give quests but lay in the shade or played as Kings, Elders, and Lords, forgetting about everyone and everything.
But there will be a Game where everything will be fine, and everyone will have happiness; you just have to wait some two weeks. And if it's not fine at this Game, then at another one, for that's how it always was. And only some bearded uncle wandered among all this mess and tried to explain that they distorted the idea and turned into hunters for perks and bonuses. Turned into collectors of ears and chips. That the phrase "To hell with this game, let's go drink" or "Who are you playing as? I don't know, just going" started sounding so often that it was forgotten: "But you have neither a costume nor an intro! No, we won't take you to our game. And if we do, not as a king or knight, but as a beggar or peasant." But the uncle is not heard over the tales of the Greats and not seen behind the mighty ranks of poorly dressed, tongue-tied but very proud recons.

After some time.
And so I became Great. Traveled through many games, saw many masters. And yet half a year ago I joined the movement. Now I teach how to properly make an axe from a shovel handle and a piece of rubber of arbitrary shape, and where to steal sheet metal for a helmet. But somehow I've started to get bored. After all, Masters of Game and Roleplay like me are hard to find. It seems I know what needs to change. Why don't I make a Game myself???

Spring is coming soon, and the snow will melt... :)


P.S. No offense intended to the snow... personally, where we are in the North, it will still be here in June ;)

Anyone else having glitches in Neroworld??? Mine is lagging terribly, it's a nightmare, I don't know what to do, I have to restart 30 times!!!!!! It's infuriating, gentlemen moderators, dear admin, FOR F***'S SAKE DO something!!!!!!!! THIS IS INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. Support the campaign against GLITCHES!:)

A total s...tshow is when you celebrate your 20th birthday at
McDonald's...

I don't hold grudges. I am evil, but my memory is poor and I don't write anything down anywhere. I might take revenge, forget, then take revenge again...

A French woman, a German woman, and a Russian woman are washing in a bathhouse. Suddenly, the wall separating them from the men's section collapses.
The French woman (covering her top with her hands):
— Aaaaaiii!
The German woman (covering her bottom):
— Oooooyyy!
The Russian woman (throwing her arms wide open):
— Well, f*** my life!

A radio broadcast. Callers are asked to provide a word that is not in the dictionary, but which could make sense within a sentence.
So, a call comes in.
Host: Hello, who is this?
- I'm Dave.
- Your word?
- Sholb. Spelled: S-H-O-L-B.
- There is no such word in the dictionary. You have every chance of winning the trip. Now, give us a meaningful sentence using that word.
- Sholb you to hell!!!
The phone call is instantly cut off. The show continues, and several more unsuccessful conversations with callers take place. Then comes another call.
Host: Hello. What is your name?
- Jeff.
- Your word?
- Etsnovo. E-T-S-N-O-V-O.
- Yes, a strange word, not in the dictionary. And the full sentence?
- It's me again. Sholb you to hell!!!