Posts from Fun

I was crying:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

The wife comes home and tells her husband:
- I was just raped in the hallway.
- Go and eat a lemon, - the husband replies.
The offended wife goes to the kitchen and returns after a while:
- Don't you understand - I was raped!
- Go and eat a lemon!
- What does the lemon have to do with it?!
- It has to do with the fact that you have too satisfied a look on your face.

:D :D :D :D Last night, I fell into depression and called a helpline. My call was forwarded to Pakistan. I said I was going to commit suicide. They were incredibly happy and asked if I knew how to drive trucks... ******************************************************** He: Listen, if I were to rape you, what would you do? She: I would be offended! He: Really? She: No... ******************************************************** I just ate 2 packs of yellow striped candy, washed down with milk. Question: should I wash the strawberries, or is it already too late? ******************************************************** A pig, a wolf, and a fox fell into a wolf pit. The fox looks around: the pig is food, great! In the other direction, there's a wolf, he'll be a pain, but whatever, there's food, I won't starve... The wolf looks around: the pig, great, food!!! In the other direction, the fox - oh, great, I'll have sex!!! The pig looks around, gets sad, and says: I understand, I'm doomed. I have one request, let me sing before I die. The wolf: Sure, entertain us before the end! The pig starts squealing loudly throughout the forest. Hunters hear it, rush over, and shoot the wolf and the fox. The wolf lies there, dying, and thinks: there was food, there was sex! No, damn it, I wanted a SHOW! :D :D :D :D

********************************************************
I just ate 2 packs of yellow striped cookies and washed them down with milk. Question - should I wash the strawberries or is it already not important?
********************************************************

:D :D :D
He-he-he!! Made me smile!!! :-)

The touch of nervous hands,
her breasts barely brushed,
a pale semicircle of a smile,
a half-forgotten breath,
a half-noticed nod,
a barely perceptible embrace,
a half-entwining of cottony legs,
a half-unbuttoned dress,
the weight of the body on one hand,
the heat of another body, resilient,
a blush spot on the cheek,
freed hands,
inky-black pupils,
a moment frozen for a second,
impatient nudges,
a slow movement
forward, in place, and back,
beads of sweat on the neck,
a half-familiar scent
- a ginger-musky note,
sweet saliva in the throat…
halftones… and half-shadows…
a half-numb back,
half-drawn-together knees,
a spasm throughout the body
and a faint voice near the ear:
"Would you like to get off at the next stop?"
Day. Street. Rush hour. Bus.

It's true, public transport is the most erotic form of transport!))

And now...have you been to a pharmacy recently and read the names of the medicines?))) No? Then please go there for some new jokes!)))) I went...on the shelves, medicines and creams: "Day cream for normal facial skin with horseradish extract", "Cream with emu oil extract", "Super Legs cream", "Ben-Gay")))

Husband and wife are exchanging emails at work:

Good afternoon, Alexander.
I must inform you that you are a scoundrel and an egoist. How could you? And where were you yesterday?!
Sincerely, Laura
P.S. Buy some bread: white and black.

Dear Laura!
Have you lost your mind?! I was hanging out with the guys, drinking beer.
Best regards, Alexander
P.S. I can't.

Good afternoon, Alexander.
Alexander, you are rude. Ninka from accounting saw everything. You are worthless, I don't love you anymore.
Sincerely, Laura
P.S. Why can't you?

Dear Laura!
I'm sorry, Sweetheart. However, your Ninka is as blind as my third cousin grandmother, who was ninety-five years old. I was with the guys, I swear by my snowboard. I won't do it again.
Best regards, Alexander.
P.S. Why is it always me?

Good afternoon, Alexander.
Perhaps Nina is a little nearsighted, but not so much that she couldn't see that your "guys" have size 3 breasts and Pollini boots, which, by the way, cost 900 dollars. By the way, I never got a gift for March 8th. You lied.
Sincerely, Laura
P.S. Pack your things and get out.

Dear Laura!
Baby, why are you so upset? Ninka was a little mistaken. First, Sveta has a size 2, second, she's ugly and my secretary, and third, where can I buy your Pollini boots?
Best regards, Alexander
P.S. I'll buy some bread and a cake. I love you.

Good afternoon, Alexander.
GUM, 2nd line, 2nd floor. Tell your secretary that next time I'll spit in her cleavage. Right in her size 2!
Sincerely, Laura
P.S. And some candies.

Could not complete the Copy command because the selected area is empty...:smile40:

By the way, your chess is terrible! There's only one map, and it gets boring quickly. There are only six types of units. They all have the same damage. You can only upgrade pawns. There are no health potions. There is no respawn. The king can only strafe. You can't rush with pawns at the beginning of the game. There's only one spell - checkmate. And most importantly - there's no lava.

Russia is a country of reasonable compromises, so in commuter trains, as a rule, one carriage is soft, another is warm, and the third is quiet.

A new funeral shop called "Shop, you're dead" has opened in Odessa.

Let's go to the green party! :D

Science News
To track the migration routes of the purple ants, which are listed in the Red Book, scientists attached a miniature sensor with a built-in video camera to the back of each ant. Despite its tiny size, the sensor has a connection to a satellite and direct access to the Internet. It runs on a "Krona" battery.

Patient:
- Nurse! I have an egg stuck in my "duck"!
Doctor, passing by the ward:
- No, this one won't die...

Good for Berezovsky: he bought himself a fake Taiwanese "Rolex," anodized and with glass stones for five bucks, and the public is amazed: they say it's gold and platinum, with diamonds! And I worked my tail off for seven years in my design bureau, saved on everything I could, and finally bought a real one – gold and platinum with diamonds, but everyone says: it's just anodized with glass stones!

An English doctor says:
- Medicine in our country is so advanced that we can take a liver from one patient, transplant it to another, and in 6 weeks, he's already looking for a job.
A German doctor says:
- That's nothing. We can take a lung from one, transplant it to another, and in 4 weeks, he's already looking for a job.
A Russian doctor says:
- In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take part of a heart from one patient, transplant it to another, and in 2 weeks, they are both looking for a job.
An American says:
- You guys are behind. We take a person WITHOUT a brain from Texas, transplant him into the White House, and now half the country is looking for a job, and the rest are preparing for war.

Commandment:

-Listen,- the demiurge Shambambukli addressed the prophet.- I have an important task for you.
-What is it?
-Go to the land that I will show you, gather all the redheads there, and tell them never to eat crocodiles.
-What!?
-It doesn't matter. Just deliver this message, and that's all.
The prophet thoughtfully stroked his beard.
-Does this commandment have some higher meaning?- he asked.- One that is accessible to human understanding?
-Of course, it does!- Shambambukli exclaimed.- I'll explain it now. Look at the sky. Do you see the stars?
-I see them. What's wrong with them?
-I wish I knew,- Shambambukli sighed.- You see, the stars control all sorts of processes on Earth; each of them has its own important function in this world. So, pay attention to those three stars; I noticed that when someone with red hair eats a crocodile, even a small piece, their functions produce incorrect values. And this leads to incorrect memory indexing, as a result of which… well, you don't need to know the technical details. And, as you can imagine, it's easier for me to give an extra commandment than to redo the entire universe. These cosmic interactions are so intertwined…
-But why does the ban only apply to redheads?! Why can't only they eat crocodiles?
-And that,- said Shambambukli,- is something that interests me very much.

The cat has four legs,
A long tail behind it.
But don't you dare touch it,
Just because it's small.

The cat has a sixth leg,
Two tails behind it.
Four horns on its head...
That's the kind of beauty we have.

The cat has four horns,
Three tails behind it,
A sixth leg on its head,
That's some real nonsense.

The cat has a hand on its butt,
Three eyes, four tails.
But don't you dare touch it,
Or you'll get irradiated.

The cat has three fifth legs,
Two tentacles, eight tails -
Four of them in the front -
And one hundred and thirty-eight teeth.

The cat has eleven eyes,
A flamethrower sticking out of its head.
That's how it was born,
We're scared of it ourselves.

The cat has four horns,
Three tails behind it,
A sixth leg on its head,
You haven't seen a cat like this before...

The cat has fourteen hands,
Three ears, four wings,
A grappling hook under its belly -
It just gave birth to kittens.

The cat has five inches of armor,
Three barrels and a fuel tank.
That's the kind of nonsense it is,
Radiation, damn it.

The cat has two hundred roentgens.
You can read in the dark with it.
Protect your genes from it,
So that no fur falls off its tail.

The cat's tail is three meters long,
A blue eye is under its tail.
And if you touch us -
You'll have one too.

I'm posting a humorous presentation dedicated to the Spring holiday, i.e., March 8th.

On the lower floor of our school, in the wing where I don't often go (because lessons are only held there for elementary classes), I came across a locker with a rather... hmm, strange image on it. I'm eager to share it, as I captured it on my phone. Will you say that I have a twisted imagination? Maybe. But I was far from the first person to laugh at this picture.

haha, go to the Russian Google www.google.ru and see if it can and will do the auto-replacement))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))