Posts from Fun

Sandro is playing dice with Nagash on the throne (they each pile up their dice, and whoever has more left wins).
Sandro: Tell me, Nagash, how can you have the Intelligence skill if I can see your back of the head and the place where your brain should be through your eye sockets?
Nagash: See, you can't understand it because you don't have Intelligence!
Sandro: What?!
Nagash: Hey! Calm down, I meant the ability. By the way, I won, you owe me 350 gold.
Sandro: You're a cheater! I put down a whole handful, and you dissected yours finger by finger!
Nagash: Yes, perhaps that means I've reached the advanced level of the Intelligence skill. Pay up!
Sandro: Go choke on it! How is it possible that we play every day, and I haven't won against you even once?
Nagash: That's my specialty.
A skeleton runs into the hall.
Skeleton: My lord! The High Necromancer has arrived with a new task! Shall I let him in?
Sandro: No, I'll order him to take his bony behind out of my castle!
Skeleton: Yes, my lord!
Sandro: Wait, you idiot! Invite the High Necromancer to the library.
Skeleton: Yes, my lord!
The skeleton runs away.
Nagash: Damn, why are you letting him in? He's coming again with some idiotic task.
Sandro: Here's what I'll tell you, my overly bony friend. Our kingdom occupies 320 million square feet; if we don't pretend that we are obedient puppets in the hands of the gods, they will destroy it.
Nagash: Why?
Sandro: There isn't much space in the universe, so you have to fight for it. The sages, before I executed them cruelly, said that there are only four billion square feet in the entire universe, and only half of it can accommodate a living world; the gods want to play around and are not destroying our kingdom only because they think they are in control of us. If they find out the truth, instead of us, there will be some crap like Diablo.
Nagash: A-a-a.
Sandro: Bleh. That's why, despite all your Intelligence, the king here is ME! Okay, let's go to the library before this High Necromancer turns my skeletons into zombies...

BAZ (Bobruisk Automobile Plant)

The Bobruisk Automobile Plant (BAZ) has begun production of the "Kagdillag" car.
We offer the following models:
- "Kagdillag Medved" – a rugged off-road vehicle for forest use.
- "Kagdillag Neshtyak" – a luxury-class car.
- "Kakdillag P*zd*k" – a compact city car (model under development).
- "Kagdillag Rysag" – a parody-sport car. The base model includes "Sparco" stickers, a baseball bat in the trunk, and an "air freshener tree."
- "Kagdillag Turizd" – a blue minivan. Car enthusiasts will have access to 2 modifications of the car: "Kagdillag Turizd Rybag" and "Kagdillag Turizd Gribnig."
The model is currently being tested in Belarusian forests, and as soon as it is found, it will immediately be put into production.
- "Kagdillag Votsap" – a bold SUV for fans of RnB. The design of the model has been carefully thought out. The creators took into account all the specifics of the RnB style in the post-Soviet space. Therefore, the emphasis is on "cheap showiness":
a "leather-like" interior made of cheap materials, power windows powered by small finger batteries, and a special trailer-subwoofer. "Kagdillag Votsap" is equipped with a "silver-colored" tow chain, which, if necessary, can be worn around the owner's neck as a show of status.
Soon, a model specifically for women, "KAGDILAG GLAMOUR" in pink, is expected to be released. The color was specially developed at the "SAPCHAG" Research Institute and looks like pink metallic with glitter. The model is particularly distinguished by the absence of turn signals (because a lady should be given way by everyone, and anyone who doesn't see that a lady is driving is a goat and an a**hole), and the absence of mirrors for the same reason (except for a mirror that takes up 80% of the windshield). The base model also includes a nail file, small scissors, lipstick, powder, and other essentials for comfortable driving.
- "KAGDILLAG ZVERMASHIN" – a light truck, similar to a pickup, for transporting fruits and vegetables. All windows and headlights are tinted in the base model. There are no shock absorbers initially because they are unnecessary. "Black Eyes" and other songs are pre-recorded on the radio.

Lol. I'd tear anyone to shreds for treating Sandro like that. :D :D :D He's an old, senile fool himself! :D "A blues-singing Wyvern, or a Hero of Arrows and Slippers."

...After logging in, I closed "Heroes" and, feeling completely satisfied, decided to finally get to work. That's when everything went to hell.
For some reason, instead of the usual image of the Most Intelligent, Brilliant, Logical, and, of course, Modest gamer of all Russia on my F-98 wallpaper, there appeared a smiling face, without the slightest trace of muscles, tendons, and everything else described only in horror movies and biology textbooks. I had never seen such a kind and forgiving smile on a skull's face. The latter was framed by something resembling a potato sack, presumably meant to depict a monk's hood.
- Hello, Christmas tree, Happy New Year!... - was all I could mutter, barely shaking off the black brick that had crumbled into dust, apparently having fallen from the wall of the Dungeon... Oops... Something's not right... What Dungeon are we talking about? No, how did I even get into this Dungeon?! And at that moment, the skull, which hadn't been planning on disappearing, continued to leer suggestively, as if I weren't standing before it in jeans, a shirt, and slippers, but in whatever Adam was wearing when he was created. It roared:
- You thought you had defeated me, Gelu? Well, now you can think whatever you want! You have plenty of time. You won't get out of here! AvLi will be mine, and only mine! All will fall before the power of Sandro and regret the humiliations I had to endure! And you won't be able to save anyone, oh Gelu, great ranger! - And the skull carefully produced a mocking laugh with its overly thin lips.
- But, but, no vulgarity! - still stunned, I didn't even have time to get really scared. - Dad, calm down, sit down... Relax and let's talk it over. What... Why am I here? What have I done to you? Honestly, I've never offended the elderly, I always give up my seat on the trolleybus, and in my youth, I even helped people cross the street!

Oh, authors... :D

http://www.stihija.ru/cgi-bin/view_new.pl?id=1247&db=k_prz&lines=20&page=1&sorting=id

http://flash.cpms.ru/data/2063/index.swf A funny cartoon about D&D :) I hope you understand English well.

A killer computer game called "UNIVERSITY"

Genre: Semester-based strategy and RPG mix.
Requirements: Secondary education or higher. 2 brain cells or more, preferably
with a joke-accelerator compatible with Evgeniy Force. If not available,
high-quality headphones are required.
Developer: Ministry of Education of Russia, based on the books of the famous
science fiction author St. Vir.
Engine: Who knows, but it works.

- MONSTERS -

Level 1 monsters:

"Freshman Students" - quite harmless monsters, gather in groups of
20-25. Often visit "lectures", "seminars", and "labs" for further upgrades
(see below). If you have level 6 monsters, they run away... They have a weak
spell called "We didn't learn that in school," which has no effect on anyone.

Level 2 monsters:

"Sophomore Students" - upgraded freshmen, still don't know much,
but already look down on freshmen. Gather in groups of 5-6. They can find
the "Toilet" building (see below). The spell is upgraded to "We didn't
cover that in lectures," which sometimes (though rarely) affects higher-level
monsters.

"Soldiers" - students after encountering higher-level monsters (similar
to skeletons in "Heroes of Might and Magic").

Level 3 monsters:

"Junior Students" - upgraded sophomores. No longer afraid of
level 6 monsters, but very vulnerable to level 7 and higher. Look down on
sophomores, completely ignore freshmen. When attacked by magic from higher
monsters, they can defend themselves with "Playing Dumb" level 1.

Level 4 monsters:

"Senior Students" - stunned junior students. Don't even look at lower
monsters. They have a defensive spell "Almost Done" against the magic
"When will you submit your coursework?", as well as the spell
"Freezing" when they see level 6 or higher monsters. The "Arrogance"
parameter appears, which increases every week on Saturday night.
In the new version of the game, new monsters have appeared: "Idiots" - the
same senior students, but when leveling up, they receive the artifact
"Idiot's Diploma," and by default, the monster is released, so these are
some of the most evil and arrogant monsters.

Level 5 monsters:

"Graduates" - very cruel monsters. Immune to the magic "Go to hell!".

In the new version, two new types of monsters have appeared:

"Specialists" - in previous versions, "fifth-year students," distinguished
only by the presence of the artifact "Idiot's Diploma." Completely
stunned. They only visit "Cafeteria," "Toilet," and "Dorm" buildings. Although
they are level 5 monsters, they are really only afraid of level 8 and 9
monsters. The "Arrogance" parameter reaches its peak.

"Masters" - the least studied type of monster; many believe that they
don't exist at all, and the mention of them is a joke by the developers.

Level 6 monsters:

"Postgraduate Students" - an absolutely heterogeneous group of monsters.
Morale (mood) and mana depend on the temperature on the poles of Mars and
the average monthly rainfall in Zimbabwe. Depending on this, they may join
your squad to attack higher-level monsters, or even use the magic "Go to
hell." It is impossible to find them on the map when they are urgently
needed; no one knows where they spawn or where they disappear to.

"Lab Assistants" - terrible monsters. Kind on the outside, horrible on the
inside. They possess the magic "Account disable," which they constantly use
on level 1-5 monsters, and they are also masters of the magic
"Freezing." Absolutely defenseless against level 7 and higher monsters,
they can only somehow resist them in the "Laboratory" castle using the
magic "Brain Freeze."

Level 7 monsters:

"Ordinary Professor" - a rather rare type of monster. Almost always after
at least one encounter with him, the bonus "Credit" and/or "Attestation"
appears.

"Evil Professor" - the main monster. In battle against level 1-5 monsters,
he is cunning, cruel, and resourceful. During encounters, he uses the spell
"Roll Call." The less this spell has been used on a unit, the greater its
chance of not becoming a "Soldier."

"Kakoprepod" - perhaps this type of monster uses magic more than any
other. Their magic is also special and different for everyone; it is called
Kakomagic. It is only worth entering into battle with him if lower-level
monsters are very well-leveled and packed with the necessary artifacts.
He has the ability to attack with spells until the opponent runs out of mana
(money?). Some have the Marketing skill at an expert level.

Level 8 monsters:

"Department Council" - a gathering of monsters. They almost always attack
a unit by luring it into their "Department" castle, all together, so the unit
has almost no chance of defending itself; the spells "Freezing" and
"Playing Dumb" help a little.

Level 9 monsters:

"Head of Department" - a mythical creature of the highest level. He
possesses the most powerful spell, "Well, are we going to expel you?".
Lower-level monsters, especially levels 1 and 2, run away and hide, using
the folds of the terrain, at the mere sight of him.

- BUILDINGS AND HOUSES -

"Lecture" - increases defense by +1.
"Seminar" - increases attack by +1.
"Lab" - increases all parameters by +1.
"Cafeteria" - increases morale.
"Toilet" - tells you about the shortcomings of your enemies but lowers
morale.
"Dorm" - doesn't add anything, even reduces it, but monsters from level 1 to
5 really like it.
"Library" - increases knowledge by +5. Mainly used by monsters up to
level 5 in speech in phrases like: "The semester is coming up; I should go
to the library."

- SKILLS -

"Cheating" (beginner) - gives you a 10% chance of cheating on an exam.
"Cheating" (advanced) - gives you a 50% chance of cheating on an exam.
"Cheating" (expert) - gives you a 99% chance of cheating on an exam.
"Diplomacy" (beginner) - you can bribe a professor, but not yours.
"Diplomacy" (advanced) - you can negotiate with your professor.
"Diplomacy" (expert) - "What exam? Chinese? I'll finish my cigarette and
go take it."
"Marketing" (beginner) - gives you a chance to write a term paper.
"Marketing" (advanced) - gives you a chance to understand a term paper.
"Marketing" (expert) - gives you a chance to make lower-level monsters
understand that they don't know anything about marketing.

- ARTIFACTS -

"Sick Note" - increases defense by +2.
"Beer 0.5" - increases morale by +5.
"Beer 2 L" - increases vulnerability to demons of level 6 and higher,
but morale +100.
"Notes" - increases knowledge by +5.
"Photocopy of Notes" - increases knowledge +1, reduces money - 3.
"Calculator" - knowledge +1.
"Term Paper" - a very good artifact, assembled from other artifacts,
capable of neutralizing level 6-7 monsters.
"Cheat Sheet" - knowledge +10.
"Cheat Sheet for this subject" - knowledge +20.
"Cheat Sheet for this question" - knowledge +40.
"Dad is the dean of the faculty" - +50 to all skills.

- TIME -

"Semester" - during this time, level 1-5 monsters actively reproduce in
the "Dorm" building.
"Exam Session" - during this time, level 1-5 monsters actively reproduce
level 6-9 monsters.

Funny...

Knight, that's hilarious.... BUT what a cliché!!!

From the life of our RPG
"... I'm getting better" (my fault:))
"lol... I don't know my client's name..."
READ RPGs:)

Someone's creative work on "Armageddon's Blade". Hilarious.
Warnings:
a) Haart and Charna are going to be married (the cunning girl seduced the necromancer)
b) Sandro was gifted a daughter
c) The daughter was Charna
d) An elf fell in love with a lich, and they sing songs together. The undead have a pure and melodic voice (how is that even possible?). The elf sings without thinking:

We elves, brave fighters,
We are daredevils and heroes,
When we march, everyone hides in the bushes!
We don't care about heat or snow,
We're not afraid to fight,
And we cut off dragons' ears and tails!
And even a powerful necromancer,
Like Sandro or Tanth,
Doesn't scare us, even though he's surely cunning!
We'll kill all the undead,
Rip out the vampires' throats
And drown all the liches in their own filth!

Then she catches herself and asks for forgiveness. The lich vengefully sings in response:

The undead don't fear elves at all!
Even if an army meets a lich,
The lich won't even blink, and the elves are gone!
And if a dragon shows up -
It will give us support,
And we'll cleanse the world of filthy elves in no time!

Oh, yes. And
d) The elf was named Gem

When Haart came to Sandro to become his apprentice and Sandro taught him to raise skeletons, I was kicking my legs with glee. And that's not all.

P.S. At least they didn't develop the "Sandro + Vidomina = love" theme.

Source of this joy: :)
http://www.diablozone.net/forum/index.php?act=Print&client=printer&f=21&t=15602

Simple arithmetic.

Once upon a time :D

Hey... Check out a couple of funny pictures, and if you like them, I'll post more.

http://rwr.ru/exploder/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.forum.heroesworld.ru%2Fshowthread.php%3Ft%3D75&power=50&sence=&kudra=50&length=&let=&nc=1

Read it... and in general, visit the site http://rwr.ru/exploder/

Added after 12 minutes
http://rwr.ru/exploder/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.forum.heroesworld.ru%2Fshowthread.php%3Fp%3D48274%23post48274&power=50&sence=&kudra=8&length=&let=&nc=1
and this is even cooler!! I was just laughing while reading it:D:D:D

About RPGs :):):):):) Coming soon to the RPG — Wuki-Duki's poem "RP-GYARI!"

I had a strange dream — as if before me
Lay a desolate and small, hellish plain.
And I, chained by a horse(who), stand
Beneath a towering RP game
And beyond are thousands just like me

On every face, vodka and hops have carved their mark
And in every eye burns the heat of a fireball
And Nets wrap around every RP player like serpents
And everyone's mice are bowed down
For that burden of VODYARI weighs upon all

In everyone's hands — a piece of a paranoia map
And a grim voice thunders in our ICQ like lightning:
Go get those gnomes! Let neither glitch nor disconnect
Stop you. Overcome the evil, the gnomes, and the hellish cold
For you are destined to find this shard!!!

:D :D :D
Although the languages are related, perhaps someone has a literary translation? ;)

I'm seriously looking for an off-line issue of Lolka magazine, No. 8.
Does anyone have it?????????????????????????????????????????????????:(

Tengro, maybe it's funny, but I don't know Ukrainian:( I understand some things, but about 30 percent is lost on me...