Posts from Fun Auto-translated

5 days of a woman's stomach

Monday. Morning.
Okay… I got dressed, left the house, and dragged myself to work. But who's going to make breakfast? Where's my porridge?! Oh, go ahead, have another cigarette… And I'll give you a little nudge! Oops! Doesn't feel good, does it? You shouldn't smoke on an empty stomach. What's going on here?!
Day. Well, it's clear now. On Saturday, she decided she had cellulite, and since Monday, we've been on a diet. Damn! Did anyone even ask me? No, I'm not just some accessory; you can't pull these stunts on me! Activating medium-level rumbling. Hmm… no way, sweetheart, shove your kefir where the sun doesn't shine! Increasing the rumbling, adding sound effects, preparing for a spectacular display of gurgling.
Evening. I WANT TO EAT!!! I WANT TO EAT!!! GIVE ME FOOD! I DEMAND A PORK CUTLET!!! EATTTT!!!
Night. Forget about sleep! I won't shut up; I'm hungry. I want to eat, you know?! I don't care about your diet. I want to eat. Okay, go ahead, try to sleep! I could go for some borscht right now, with sour cream…

Tuesday. Morning.
So… you're going to keep torturing me, huh? I'm still without porridge, right? Your cabbage leaf was digested by the esophagus because it was so hungry; nothing even reached me! Damn, I got stuck with a real idiot! I spent the whole night envying Natalia Krachkovskaya's stomach…
Day. My strength is fading; I'm sending impulses to the brain, and the brain is sending those impulses to my rear… no one has ever returned from there. Damn, what should I do? More kefir. I HATE KEFIR!!!
Evening. I'm rumbling with all my remaining strength, but she's not paying attention to me, the bitch…
Night. And it's even tastier if you fry young potatoes in butter… with a golden crust… and with sour cream… or mushrooms. You can fry them very deliciously… burrr…

Wednesday. Morning.
I got a little bit of salad – it grows in the ground, what a terrible thing! I'm starting to forget what porridge tastes like – something soft, warm, enveloping… bu-urrr…
Day. Hooray!! Kefir! Kefir! I want more; don't take it away, aaaah! MORE KEFIR!!!
Evening. There's nothing left of me; the organs in my pelvic area are laughing at me. I've shriveled up, shrunk! I barely digested two radishes; I'm losing my skills.
Night. I remember when we lived with our parents, we always had soup for dinner! And salad. And a main course with a meat side dish – my stomach and my dad's stomach would gurgle with pleasure in unison… Oh, what made you decide to live independently?!

Thursday. Morning.
At least she's not smoking! Sorry, honey, it's involuntary – well, never mind, I'm empty anyway, so I'll feel nauseous and it'll pass… But where's the salad I'm supposed to have?! WHERE'S THE SALAD?! It's outrageous…
Day. Hello, kefir! I need to digest you more slowly, or I'll just sit here like an idiot until tomorrow.
Evening. I talked to the intestines – they're all in shock too; they say the reserves are running low. You can't do that – take away the last bit! Oh, oh, be careful! Those are big plums – and they're all for me?! Damn, I'm going to digest them!
Night. These damn plums – I can't seem to digest them, I'm exhausted… Sorry, guys, I'm sending you what I can – you can figure it out from there; you have 8 meters, and I'm just one…

Friday. Early morning.
We're sitting in the bathroom, seeing the plums off.
Morning. I can't believe it! I got yogurt! Maybe the plums gave her a brain?! It should happen more often! I wish we had potatoes for lunch! With chicken…
Lunch. Kefir.
And the homeland generously watered you with gastric juice…
Evening. We're sitting in a restaurant with some guy and sniffing other people's food. Well. Come on! Order something for yourself! We haven't eaten all week… Quiet! He told her that she had lost a lot of weight! That she needs to eat! That she looks great! Well?! Aww, good job! Aww, you're a man!!! Eat! It worked! Now I'm going to eat!!!
Late evening. Well… burrr… something's messing with me… What's this? Mushrooms… and that… hic! Martini… bu-burrr… oh, vodka… I respect that… It's so good, guys! Shut up, liver, everything's under control!…
Night. Goodbye, mushrooms! Goodbye, vodka! Potatoes!... I hope you choke, Ikhtiandr! When I think about how much good food is being wasted…
Oh, mineral water, come on in… we're on a diet.

Ivan the Fool was given a ticket to a western country...
Before his departure, he was summoned to the KGB for a conversation, and considering its futility, they instructed him with only one thing:
- Answer all provocative questions by saying that we have the shortest workday in our country...
On the very first day of being abroad, Vanka got into trouble when he went down from his room to a bar, and there he found an Englishman and a Frenchman sitting, happy... drinking and eating, you see...
The Englishman:
- When my Mary sits on a horse from Her Majesty's stables, her legs hang down to the ground... This doesn't mean that we have such short horses. It just means that my Mary has long, slender legs...
The Frenchman:
- When I walk with Marie along the Champs-Élysées, I gently hug her around the waist, and my hand touches hers... This doesn't mean that I have such long arms! It means that my Marie has a thin, slender waist...
Vanka:
- When I hear the factory whistle and go to work, I pat my Manka on the backside... And when I come home from work, her backside is still swaying. But this doesn't mean that my wife has a fat, thick backside... It means that we have the shortest workday!

I saw this poem and couldn't resist sharing it. I don't know about the copyright, so I'll just leave a link: http://www.teron.ru/index.php?showtopic=271&st=2055

Yesterday, I was driving to work
in a blizzard, fog, and icy conditions,
when a Toyota whizzed past,
taking a dangerous turn.
Crossing the highway
where there's a solid line,
the driver was applying lipstick
and putting on mascara!
How can you not get angry?
I dropped my razor in a rage
(I hadn't had time to shave at home
and was shaving my cheeks on the way).
The razor fell right into the coffee
(I had a cup between my knees -
my mom makes me delicious coffee -
and I drink it in this kind of weather).
When a heavy object falls,
the hot, boiling liquid
splashes where it shouldn't -
causing a third-degree burn.
And from the pain, I jumped,
and from my other hand
my mobile phone suddenly fell -
and again - straight into the coffee.
I don't remember what happened next...
I opened my eyes: a hospital? a morgue?
Now I have neither a car nor a phone...
But I do have a bandage between my legs.
I'm completely covered in plaster,
only my head is free.
And the moral of this story is:
WE SHOULD TAKE DRIVING LICENSES AWAY FROM ALL WOMEN

A new Russian guy is playing golf with a priest. The Russian guy takes a swing: -Damn, I missed! -Son, don't swear, God will punish you! He hits the ball again... the ball flies away...: -Damn, I missed again! Suddenly, there's thunder from the sky, lightning strikes, and kills the clergyman. A voice from the heavens: -Damn, I missed! :smile22:

Doctor Watson spent the night with a prostitute. In the morning, he hears her reproach him: - Oh dear, Doctor Watson! Aren't you ashamed? What about your wife? What will Mrs. Hudson say?! - But how did you know about them? 8-( The prostitute (hoarsely): - Elementary, Watson!

- Why aren't you getting married? Hasn't anyone proposed?
- I've been proposed to many times!
- Well, who, for example?
- Mom and Dad...
_________________________________________

An operation is in progress.
A tragic voice of the patient is heard:
- Doctor, I don't think I'm asleep.
- That's impossible!
The doctor continues to operate intently.
- Doctor, I swear, I'm not sleeping.
- Come on!
The doctor makes an incision.
- A-a-a! It hurts!
- Look, he really isn't asleep.
- I told you.
- Well, just shut up... with chloroform. By the way, give him some more.
- Bliss!... Doctor, can I have some more?
- Yes, you can.
- Bliss!... And more?
- Yes, you can. Give him a whack on the forehead with a mallet...
Bang!!!
- Intense bliss!... Can I have another whack with the mallet?
- That's enough, or you'll get used to it.
- Doctor, how is it going? Is it dangerous?
- Patient, you're bothering me.
- I can leave.
- No, stay. There's nothing dangerous. The bullet went straight through, without hitting any vital organs. By the way, what kind of idiot shot you?
- Why idiot?
- That's not how you shoot! You need to aim a little higher, and to the left, to the left...
- It's very simple, doctor. I was lying in bed late at night with a woman, not touching anyone else, and suddenly, BANG! BANG! my husband came home.
- Ah! So, it was your husband who shot?
- Not at all! Listen further. So, I'm running from the balcony, not touching anyone, and suddenly, BANG! BANG! I fall on the beloved dog of the local police officer.
- Aha, so it was the police officer who shot.
- He did shoot, but he didn't hit me even once. So, I'm running naked down the street, not touching anyone. And suddenly, BANG! BANG! I hear someone chasing me.
It turned out to be a serial killer who targets people for sexual reasons.
- Could it be that he shot?
- No, he just gently strangled me. Luckily, some rockers on motorcycles were driving by for fun. We ran away from this maniac for three blocks.
- So, were they the ones who shot?
- No way! They're just kids, playing around. True, they accidentally ran over the poor maniac to death.
- Well, when will you finally get shot?
- Listen to this. So, I run into a store, just in case, trying to put on the first pair of pants I find, and suddenly, BANG! BANG! the security guard jumps out...
- Did he shoot?
- No, he was shooting back. Because right then, some racketeers burst into the store.
- So, the racketeers shot?
- Why would they shoot? They just made us lie on our stomachs and used a soldering iron. Luckily, the security guard managed to confess before he died that I had nothing to do with it. And they let me go. I went outside, and right in front of me, a beautiful girl from a tourist hotel was walking out. And I, unfortunately, didn't have time to get dressed. She pulls a gun out of her purse and BANG! BANG!
- Did she hit?
- She did, and more than once, but her gun was a gas gun, with a neuro-paralytic effect.
- So, who the hell made the hole in you then?
- So, I come home in the morning to my wife, naked, with a blue face from the beatings, and still under the influence. I wasn't going to touch anyone, and then, BANG! BANG! my father-in-law jumps out with a double-barreled shotgun.
- Did he hit?
- Yes...
- Finally!
- He shot my wife in the butt.
- Listen, patient, if I were you, I would have gone and shot myself after all this.
- Well, what do you think I'm doing here?

I almost fell off my chair when I read about the rockers))) It's a topic that's very close to my heart)))

Here's how metalheads toast (no offense intended):
1st toast: We drink to the blacksmith! Because he forges METAL!
2nd toast: We drink to the steelworker! Because he casts METAL!
3rd toast: We drink to the carp! (question: what's so special about the carp that we should drink to it?) Because it lays METAL eggs!

We can also drink to the janitor because he swept.

Added 40 seconds later
True, "metal" is spelled with two L's, but it's okay.

A little boy wrote to Santa Claus:
Please send me a little brother.
Santa Claus replied:
No problem. Send me your mom.

In the morning, we're driving to the kindergarten with the child. A Lada passes by.
Child: - Is that a Lada?
Me: - Yes.
Child: - Why is it driving?

:D :D :D :D ********************************** A Russian family of lepers is looking to rent an apartment. Punish the neighbors! ********************************** A large batch of "United Russia" was detained at the border. ********************************** Groundhogs are the most cautious animals. They stand on their hind legs and look into the distance: is a fox running? Is an eagle flying? Is a snake crawling? And the most observant ones get hit by a bumper. ********************************** - Hello! Is Lena home? - She is. But who asked her? - Indeed, who asked her? Be here in 2 hours! ********************************** Jesus is walking on water. One of the apostles is swimming next to him, saying: - You shouldn't be doing this, teacher. The water is like pornographic milk today! :D :D :D :D

- You know, I dreamed that I was flying in my sleep!
- And what does that mean?
- It means I'm growing.
- You should dream that your breasts are flying.

Fairy tale, The Old Man Hottabych.
- This is the most magnificent spectacle I have witnessed in 100 million years, oh, great Volka. Even Sheikh Ibn Fazil didn't have anything like that. What is this, oh, incomparable Volka!
- It's porn, Hottabych.

I tried many ballpoint deodorants before I realized... that I want sausage.

- You know, yesterday I was lying under a palm tree, and a slender, handsome, tanned guy came up to me and said, "Hi."
- Well, what did you do?
- And I was lying under a palm tree, I was pinned down, I couldn't breathe in or out.

For some reason, the phrase "The professor failed the student on the exam" sounds perfectly normal, but "The student failed the professor after the exam" causes a violent reaction.

A man walks into a store:
- Give me a bottle of mineral water.
- To go?
- No, without you.

It's hard to sell an apartment - the parents are constantly at home...

designer:
are you going to take the grass?
customer:
yes, basically I can
designer:
Oh, sorry Maria, this isn't for you
customer:
too bad

- Kiryukha, what's wrong, why are you so sad? Tell me.
- Well, yesterday I was walking in the park with my girl, and a maniac attacked us:
- Sexual?
- Bisexual!

Vodka is not gasoline - fuel consumption is higher outside the city!

A young secretary was late for work. The boss, an old maid, reprimands her:
- Lenochka, you were 40 minutes late for work!
- Oh, Maria Ivanovna, if you had such an orgasm, you wouldn't even get to work...

- Mom, today I'm not a virgin anymore.
- How can you be so ashamed!! Is that why we raised you, made you a person, so that in the second year of a prestigious university you would say "today" and "already"!

- If I'm not mistaken, are you your wife's third husband?
- No, I'm her fourth husband.
- My God, you're not a husband anymore, you're a habit!

***Women and Men - Differences***

1. While having sex, a woman thinks about whether she looks good.
2. When getting dressed, a woman will put on a shirt first, then pants. We usually do the opposite.
3. Women don't scratch the back of their heads. First, they don't like to show their confusion, and second, it ruins their hairstyle.
4. A woman often wraps strands of hair, even short ones, around her finger or tickles her cheek with a brush of hair. Men rarely do this.
5. A woman will never truly understand why football players, when forming a wall, make such a funny mound with their palms. Therefore, she doesn't flinch when a hero in a movie gets kicked in the groin.
6. Women have predominantly chest-type breathing. In men, the muscles of the abdominal press are actively involved in the breathing process.
7. A woman doesn't bite a cigarette with her teeth. She doesn't leave it in her mouth, but always holds it in her hand.
8. When yawning, a woman covers her mouth with her palm, not her fist.
9. After taking a bath, a woman - whether she has long hair, short hair, or has recovered from typhoid fever - will always wrap a makeshift turban of a towel around her head, even if only for a minute. The reasons for this Eastern ritual are unknown.
10. A woman is almost not annoyed when underwear gets stuck between her buttocks. The fair sex happily wears all these torture devices called bikinis. In addition, a woman usually does not try to discreetly adjust her underwear from behind, getting up from a chair.
11. When swinging to throw something, a woman moves her arm not to the side, but backward. That's why women were never sent to blow up tanks.
12. Women like these tattered brooms, from which so much garbage comes. They call them compositions of dried flowers.
13. When greeting with a handshake, a woman hardly shakes hands. The poet Voloshin said that a woman's handshake is like offering a dead infant.
14. When turning around at a call, a woman usually only turns her head. A man turns his whole body, because he has a much less flexible neck.
15. Women are afraid of spiders, worms, and mice. They also don't like caterpillars, even the most beautiful ones.
16. The vast majority of women believe that washing with soap and water is harmful. (If you want to know what exactly they wash with, open any women's magazine.)
17. When asked to show their hands, we honestly extend our open palms. Women extend their hands with their palms down, presumably to demonstrate their impeccable manicure and the size of their diamonds.
18. The words that a woman says, hitting her fingers with a hammer, can be broadcast on the radio "Hope" without censorship. What a man says in such cases cannot be broadcast.
19. Women open beer bottles with beer bottle openers.
20. When going up or down a mountain, women try to go sideways. Men simply widen their stance.
21. When looking at their heels, women prefer to turn around on their backs. We just turn the raised foot.
22. Women don't like to have their hands free. Therefore, they always carry a purse with them - to fidget with the strap, hold it by the edge, and endlessly rummage through it. If there is no purse, anything will do - a fan, gloves, a book, a flower. Women cannot stand standing or walking with their hands down, not doing anything - at worst, they will cross their arms on their chest, hiding their palms under their armpits and sometimes unconsciously tugging at the straps of their bra.
23. Women have a rather indifferent, detached attitude towards their genitals; they are almost strangers to each other. Women do not talk to them, do not give them funny nicknames, and do not get offended by them.
24. When walking on hot stones or sand, a woman walks on tiptoe. A man steps only on his heels.
25. When sitting, women squeeze their knees together or simply keep them parallel. That's why it's preferable to have a woman sitting next to you on public transport.
26. When stretching, men spread or raise their arms, while women bend them at the elbows, pressing them to their sides.
27. The desire for compromise, inherent in women, is reflected in how they tell dirty jokes. They may even dare to tell a very lewd joke in public. But they will mumble the key word so indistinctly that no one will understand anything. More often, they try to convey the indecency with facial expressions, gestures, and a desperate expression.
28. Women tie the belt of their robe above the navel, while men tie it below.
29. If a woman's zipper comes undone on the street, she is quite indifferent to this circumstance and calmly zips up her pants.
30. Women cover their ears with their fingers, while men usually cover them with their palms.
31. When you ask a woman to pass you a lighter, she passes you the lighter, and doesn't test your agility and reaction.
32. A woman never takes off her T-shirt by grabbing the fabric on her back.
33. If, from the point of view of women, a man has not evolved much from a monkey, then we, in turn, can also note some atavisms that our women have inherited from their four-armed ancestors. For example, the habit of spending hours looking for insects in their partner's fur. In the absence of small arthropods, women are content with eels and pimples.
34. A woman puts on gloves before going outside.
35. When lifting a heavy object, a woman will try to move it to the side. A man carries the load in front of him.
36. Women prefer to carry small change and large bills in the same place. Their pockets rarely jingle.
37. When hitting with a fist, a woman extends her thumb forward.
38. When women sit, they have a habit of tucking one leg under them and resting their heel on their groin. We don't allow ourselves to do that.
39. To wring out wet laundry by hand, a woman takes it with her palms facing up, while a man usually takes it with his palms facing down.
40. And also: after sex, a woman doesn't want to sleep, but to talk and kiss.

Dentist:
- That's it, patient, here is your tooth!
Patient:
- Thank you, doctor, and here is the armrest from your chair...

A man got lost in the forest. He stands there screaming: "Hello! Hello! Hello!"
Someone taps him on the shoulder from behind. He turns around—it's a bear.
Bear: "Man, why are you screaming?"
Man: "I'm lost, maybe someone will hear me."
Bear: "Well, I heard you; do you feel any better now?"

- I had a terrible dream today! It was as if I put my finger in my mouth—and there wasn't a single tooth!
- Lyusya, you probably put your finger in the wrong place..

The Russian folk holiday "Negotiating for New Year's" is celebrated every first, second, and third weekend of December!

And recently Sidorov saw how Ivanova liked Petrov behind the garages.

Two female friends meet and one asks the other:
- When you give your husband a blowjob, do you see his eyes?
- No, I'm busy with something else entirely at that time. Did you see them?
- Yes. I'm giving him a blowjob. My husband walks in. His eyes are like two frying pans.

- Miss, what will happen if I kiss you?
- Have you studied anatomy? Nothing will happen, nothing!

Success at 5 years old—waking up in a dry bed.
Success at 17 years old—managing to sleep with a woman.
Success at 25 years old—finding a good wife.
Success at 35 years old—making a career and starting a family.
Success at 45 years old—not ruining the family and career.
Success at 55 years old—finding a good wife.
Success at 65 years old—managing to sleep with a woman.
Success at 85 years old—waking up in a dry bed.

A 15-year-old son comes home and brings along a half-drunk homeless woman of indeterminate age:
- Mom, Dad, meet Stepanida, my fiancée. She's 8 months pregnant and will be living with us!
Pause:
- I was joking!
- Oh, son, you're such a joker!
-: I joked, her name is Tanya!

A man enters a store:
- Give me a bottle of mineral water.
- To go?
- No, without you.

***Petrovich***

Demonstration performances by parachutists from the local aero club at some large aviation festival. The team technician—Petrovich—after seeing off the last batch of athletes in bright jumpsuits into the old An-2, decided he could finally relax. He entered a dilapidated 2x2 shed located on the edge of the airfield, where various useless junk was stored, carefully closed the door, took a flask of port wine from an external dwelling and, wiping his hands on his jumpsuit—which was bright yellow like the rest of the team's—began to slice tomatoes. The final act of the athletes' demonstration program was a stunt called "Aerial Rescue." The essence was as follows: a dummy in a jumpsuit is thrown from the plane, simulating either a passenger who fell along the way or a parachutist with a malfunctioning parachute. An athlete jumps next, catches up to the dummy in the air, hugs it, opens their own parachute, and both land to thunderous applause from the spectators. The spectators gathered on the airfield enjoyed watching the aviators' stunts, snacking on shashliks and drinking refreshments and other beverages. Finally, the last act. A person separates from the plane and flies toward the ground; another jumps out next and rushes after him. The crowd freezes. The second parachutist masterfully catches up to the first and grabs him by the arm. At that moment, either a gust of wind or some other reason tears the athletes apart. That's it, no more time. The second one, waving goodbye to his comrade, opens the parachute. The people, unaware of the trick, are stunned. The body of the first rushes toward the ground and crashes at high speed into the dilapidated shed on the outskirts of the airfield. Clouds of dust, slate fragments, and old boards soared where the shed once stood. An ambulance, siren blaring, races to the scene of the tragedy, not really expecting to be able to help anyone anymore.
People run after it. Before a large pile of boards, everyone stops in hesitation. Suddenly, the boards begin to move, and Petrovich crawls out from under them in his bright yellow flight jumpsuit—soaked in port wine and smeared with tomatoes—looks around wildly, and shouting curses, shakes his fist at the departing plane:
- You fucking rescuers! If you can't catch him, don't make fools of people! I'm not working for you cunts anymore!!!
They say that after these words, the ambulance doctor fainted.

Added 1 minute later
Whoever has not known the same agony of a hangover does not know the taste of water!

On January 1st, the phone rings in an apartment. After the fourteenth ring, the owner picks up and screams:
- Well, what kind of asshole is calling at 4 PM in the morning?!

- I had a case in the village.
- Basically.
- Daughter is three years old.

- Doctor, something hurts somewhere.
- Now I'll prescribe you some pills.

A gentleman and a lady are in a restaurant. The waiter is half-bent:
- What would you like?
- Something exotic, please.
- Hm, how about a rabid sheep soaked in tequila?
- I assume she will order for herself...

A stoned junkie gets into a crowded bus, pushes everyone aside, forces his way to the middle and sits on an old woman's lap. She pushes him off and screams:
- Shame on you! Pushing everyone aside, and then sitting on me!
He looks around in confusion and says with horror:
- Who is here?

Mom called. Listened for 58 minutes about her primroses.
A childhood friend called. 42 minutes. Now the sandbox is bigger and the toys are more expensive.
Brother called. 38 minutes. Told him "No".
Wife called. Spent 23 minutes explaining how to change a tire.
Someone called. 12 seconds. Wrong number.
Boss called. Didn't pick up.

Three boys are arguing over who has the better memory.
The 1st says:
- I remember my first day in nursery school.
The 2nd says:
- That's nothing, I remember my first day in the maternity ward.
The 3rd:
- This is all nonsense, guys; I remember going to the disco with my dad and returning with my mom.

A student comes home for vacation and screams from the doorway:
- Mom, I have a boy now!
- My joy, and where does he study?
- What do you mean? He's only two months old!

Man on the operating table:
- Doctor, did you forget about the anesthesia?...
- Anesthesia? Why do you need anesthesia? When you see what I'm doing to you, you'll pass out on your own...

- What happens if you combine Nemiroff and Tinkoff?
- Ershoff!

***Cop, Pug, and Period***

All non-expert complaints addressed to our dearly beloved police regarding their slow mobility are unjustifiably exaggerated. Total bullshit in general. Here is a rebuttal for you.
An acquaintance told me: there's a senior lieutenant serving in the police. One evening after a working day, he went into a local bar. There he happened to meet a girl. She invited him over for dinner, hinting that she was excellent at making breakfasts.
The senior lieutenant is quite the player and, without getting into deep conversations, enthusiastically accepted the offer.
How the night went, history remains silent, but in the morning, around 7 o'clock, with a wild frightened scream, the lady wakes the senior lieutenant and informs him that her husband is standing half a meter from the front door, nervously pressing the doorbell. Pants, shirt, shoes, and jacket were quickly and sloppily thrown on during the path from the bed to the window. A simple matter, already practiced.
It was winter; snow had piled up to the ears that day. An old lady went out in the morning to walk her dog. A local alcoholic thug—not a small guy—started bothering her. Clinging to the sleeve of her coat, he aggressively begged for a tiny bit of money for a hangover cure. The old woman, obviously realizing she couldn't get away or break free, screams: "Police, for fuck's sake, help!"
Suddenly, from a 3rd-floor window, flashing his cockade and swearing like a sailor, a cop dives straight into a snowdrift.
The old lady is stunned, standing there with her mouth open. The senior lieutenant, climbing out of the snow, quickly grasps the situation and immediately slams the bum's head into the icy asphalt, while asking the old woman: "Mother, didn't wait too long for the police, did you?"
Meanwhile, the girl's husband, entering the apartment, realizes something is wrong. Seeing a man's sock—clearly not his own—lying by the sofa and an open balcony door, he darts to the balcony like a bullet and sees a cop below putting some guy who is swearing loudly flat on his back. Thinking that the cop has mistaken a thief for a burglar and is therefore packing him up, the husband runs down the stairs, rejoicing that he finally has a chance to carry out retribution. Since such situations are not new in this family, but in the absence of her spouse's body she always managed to wiggle out, luck had finally arrived. The body was present and pinned. Flying out of the entrance, he tries on the run to plant his boot on the head of the pinned guy, but, slipping, kicks the cop right in the skull with all his might. The cop, thinking "Fuck, it didn't work, he figured it out and saw everything," does a flip from a "standing on all fours" position into a "lying on back on all fours" pose and simultaneously sinks into ringing darkness. Suddenly finding himself free, the bum jumps up from the ground, wiping blood-stained snot from his broken nose, and sees—as he thinks—his tormentor: some dandy in a crookedly put-on hat and glasses, with bulging eyes and a stupidly happy crooked smile on his face; saying "You piece of shit, you fucking protector!", he hits him with a hook remaining from his athletic youth, knocking him into a deep knockout. Before he can decide whether to kick the defeated enemy once or twice for control, he hears a woman's scream from above and raises his mangled face toward the source of the sound. Without even having time to understand what that black dot separating from the balcony was, which grew so large it blocked out the sky, he lost consciousness. The old lady, who hadn't had time to be shocked by the mobility of the police but was shocked by the kaleidoscope of men appearing from nowhere and falling lifelessly, fell into a deep faint; moreover, while falling, she practically killed her pug with her head—a dog that had already long since and terribly shat itself from all this shuffle and swearing. Period. And as for that period... basically, such a thing happened along the way..
The panicked spouse, shitting herself at the sight of her enraged botanist husband, and watching him fly out of the apartment screaming "I'll bury that faggot!", rushed to the balcony. From above, she sees only the cop standing on all fours and the old lady with bulging eyes with a hysterically shitting pug on a leash. Then her pincher-like husband flies out of the entrance with his hat knocked sideways, who, with a running start, puts out the lieutenant with a kick to the head. Gasping at such unseen agility, she realizes that her husband, in euphoria, if he continues the punitive action, will land himself a prison term; and realizing that he must be stopped somehow, she grabs an enameled pot of sauerkraut with a stone inside for weight standing on the balcony, without having time to see what's currently below, and wildly screaming, throws the pot toward the man standing below—obviously not having time to realize it was no longer the same person.
The police and ambulance that arrived never figured out the sequence and motives of what happened. The old lady and the girl remained silent like Indians captured by conquistadors. The girl on purpose, the old lady due to sudden amnesia. The others sincerely couldn't remember a damn thing properly.

Jozefina
Dear admin, I changed my profile so that the administrators and moderators of the forum wouldn't touch it! Please make everything as it was before! I don't need your drawings! Unfortunately, I am used to living honestly, unlike some people who are reading this letter!!!

Sincerely, Bilyk Ekaterina Evgenievna.

Uhuhuh
Dear Ekaterina Evgenievna!
As it turns out from your posts on the forum, your main goal is to increase the number of posts, and not to communicate and discuss the gameplay. To avoid further complaints from you, the forum administrator, in my person, decided to give you the maximum possible number of posts in the hope that now at least some of your messages will carry semantic content.
Sincerely, Uhuhuh.

Jozefin'a before moderation:
Posts: 204

After moderation:
Posts: 999 999
Title: I have the most posts! I'm the coolest!