Слоныш
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- Why aren't you getting married? Hasn't anyone proposed?
- I've been proposed to many times!
- Well, who, for example?
- Mom and Dad...
_________________________________________
An operation is in progress.
A tragic voice of the patient is heard:
- Doctor, I don't think I'm asleep.
- That's impossible!
The doctor continues to operate intently.
- Doctor, I swear, I'm not sleeping.
- Come on!
The doctor makes an incision.
- A-a-a! It hurts!
- Look, he really isn't asleep.
- I told you.
- Well, just shut up... with chloroform. By the way, give him some more.
- Bliss!... Doctor, can I have some more?
- Yes, you can.
- Bliss!... And more?
- Yes, you can. Give him a whack on the forehead with a mallet...
Bang!!!
- Intense bliss!... Can I have another whack with the mallet?
- That's enough, or you'll get used to it.
- Doctor, how is it going? Is it dangerous?
- Patient, you're bothering me.
- I can leave.
- No, stay. There's nothing dangerous. The bullet went straight through, without hitting any vital organs. By the way, what kind of idiot shot you?
- Why idiot?
- That's not how you shoot! You need to aim a little higher, and to the left, to the left...
- It's very simple, doctor. I was lying in bed late at night with a woman, not touching anyone else, and suddenly, BANG! BANG! my husband came home.
- Ah! So, it was your husband who shot?
- Not at all! Listen further. So, I'm running from the balcony, not touching anyone, and suddenly, BANG! BANG! I fall on the beloved dog of the local police officer.
- Aha, so it was the police officer who shot.
- He did shoot, but he didn't hit me even once. So, I'm running naked down the street, not touching anyone. And suddenly, BANG! BANG! I hear someone chasing me.
It turned out to be a serial killer who targets people for sexual reasons.
- Could it be that he shot?
- No, he just gently strangled me. Luckily, some rockers on motorcycles were driving by for fun. We ran away from this maniac for three blocks.
- So, were they the ones who shot?
- No way! They're just kids, playing around. True, they accidentally ran over the poor maniac to death.
- Well, when will you finally get shot?
- Listen to this. So, I run into a store, just in case, trying to put on the first pair of pants I find, and suddenly, BANG! BANG! the security guard jumps out...
- Did he shoot?
- No, he was shooting back. Because right then, some racketeers burst into the store.
- So, the racketeers shot?
- Why would they shoot? They just made us lie on our stomachs and used a soldering iron. Luckily, the security guard managed to confess before he died that I had nothing to do with it. And they let me go. I went outside, and right in front of me, a beautiful girl from a tourist hotel was walking out. And I, unfortunately, didn't have time to get dressed. She pulls a gun out of her purse and BANG! BANG!
- Did she hit?
- She did, and more than once, but her gun was a gas gun, with a neuro-paralytic effect.
- So, who the hell made the hole in you then?
- So, I come home in the morning to my wife, naked, with a blue face from the beatings, and still under the influence. I wasn't going to touch anyone, and then, BANG! BANG! my father-in-law jumps out with a double-barreled shotgun.
- Did he hit?
- Yes...
- Finally!
- He shot my wife in the butt.
- Listen, patient, if I were you, I would have gone and shot myself after all this.
- Well, what do you think I'm doing here?
- I've been proposed to many times!
- Well, who, for example?
- Mom and Dad...
_________________________________________
An operation is in progress.
A tragic voice of the patient is heard:
- Doctor, I don't think I'm asleep.
- That's impossible!
The doctor continues to operate intently.
- Doctor, I swear, I'm not sleeping.
- Come on!
The doctor makes an incision.
- A-a-a! It hurts!
- Look, he really isn't asleep.
- I told you.
- Well, just shut up... with chloroform. By the way, give him some more.
- Bliss!... Doctor, can I have some more?
- Yes, you can.
- Bliss!... And more?
- Yes, you can. Give him a whack on the forehead with a mallet...
Bang!!!
- Intense bliss!... Can I have another whack with the mallet?
- That's enough, or you'll get used to it.
- Doctor, how is it going? Is it dangerous?
- Patient, you're bothering me.
- I can leave.
- No, stay. There's nothing dangerous. The bullet went straight through, without hitting any vital organs. By the way, what kind of idiot shot you?
- Why idiot?
- That's not how you shoot! You need to aim a little higher, and to the left, to the left...
- It's very simple, doctor. I was lying in bed late at night with a woman, not touching anyone else, and suddenly, BANG! BANG! my husband came home.
- Ah! So, it was your husband who shot?
- Not at all! Listen further. So, I'm running from the balcony, not touching anyone, and suddenly, BANG! BANG! I fall on the beloved dog of the local police officer.
- Aha, so it was the police officer who shot.
- He did shoot, but he didn't hit me even once. So, I'm running naked down the street, not touching anyone. And suddenly, BANG! BANG! I hear someone chasing me.
It turned out to be a serial killer who targets people for sexual reasons.
- Could it be that he shot?
- No, he just gently strangled me. Luckily, some rockers on motorcycles were driving by for fun. We ran away from this maniac for three blocks.
- So, were they the ones who shot?
- No way! They're just kids, playing around. True, they accidentally ran over the poor maniac to death.
- Well, when will you finally get shot?
- Listen to this. So, I run into a store, just in case, trying to put on the first pair of pants I find, and suddenly, BANG! BANG! the security guard jumps out...
- Did he shoot?
- No, he was shooting back. Because right then, some racketeers burst into the store.
- So, the racketeers shot?
- Why would they shoot? They just made us lie on our stomachs and used a soldering iron. Luckily, the security guard managed to confess before he died that I had nothing to do with it. And they let me go. I went outside, and right in front of me, a beautiful girl from a tourist hotel was walking out. And I, unfortunately, didn't have time to get dressed. She pulls a gun out of her purse and BANG! BANG!
- Did she hit?
- She did, and more than once, but her gun was a gas gun, with a neuro-paralytic effect.
- So, who the hell made the hole in you then?
- So, I come home in the morning to my wife, naked, with a blue face from the beatings, and still under the influence. I wasn't going to touch anyone, and then, BANG! BANG! my father-in-law jumps out with a double-barreled shotgun.
- Did he hit?
- Yes...
- Finally!
- He shot my wife in the butt.
- Listen, patient, if I were you, I would have gone and shot myself after all this.
- Well, what do you think I'm doing here?
