Posts from What if we tried to create a movie script together!

I was just thinking, and I want to say that our team could use an artist who could create some beautiful illustrations for certain chapters. So, if everyone agrees, we'll start looking for an artist!

I was thinking, and I want to say that our team could use an artist who could create beautiful illustrations for some of our chapters. So, if everyone agrees, we should start looking for an artist!

I fully support this, but right now, it might be a bit premature. We haven't even developed a basic outline, let alone a full script. I'd like us to focus our efforts on creating at least a rough draft of our work, and then... Although, I repeat, I'm not giving up on the idea.

No problem, I can offer some advice, right?

1)

Once upon a time, in distant, or perhaps not so distant, times (a rather cliché beginning, isn't it?), when the lands were not filled with skyscrapers and garages, nor with brothels and nightclubs (with all sorts of ecstasy), but with magnificent eastern palaces of mages, impregnable bastions of humans, majestic and formidable fortresses of dwarves, mysterious and alluring dungeons of dark elves, when almost everywhere there were giant trees of elves, and when simply walking through the forest, one could easily stumble upon some undead or demon. It is about these times that our story will be told...

The beginning suggests that these events took place on Earth, but that is not the case. There should be no brothels, skyscrapers, or anything else that would suggest that the action takes place on Earth... Try starting with a description of someone (the second paragraph)... And in general, to make it easier, try sketching out a description of a dark elf city. The hero himself... Other cities and races. In general, whoever is working on the description of this race should try. You also need to roughly imagine the world – where are the mountains, what is the river system, how vast are the deserts or steppes, what are the forests... Create a world, taking into account the races, so that each one finds something pleasing to its heart... And the beginning can be added later. And connect the pieces of text, adding some elements that connect them...

2) You write at the beginning – (these are not quotes) "dwarven fortresses," "dark elf dungeons"... "let's move to the dark elf fortress..."
You need to decide on the names. For example, the names – city, village, settlement, citadel, underground settlement, underground city... perhaps even fortress (or is this the name for dwarven settlements) – will be common. There are possibilities...

About the names of cities...
I don't know what they were called in Heroes 1, 2, and 4, but even in 3 and 5 they were different... You need to decide what they will be called:
Humans – Castle
Wood Elves – ?
Orcs – Stronghold
Dwarves – Fortress?
Undead – Necropolis
Demons – Inferno
Dark Elves – Dungeon?

I don't remember about the elves. Maybe something else...

3) The phrase "impregnable bastions"...

This can be easily fixed by adding "seemingly."
Seemingly impregnable bastions...

Or "almost inaccessible," or "seemingly almost inaccessible..."

In short, we can think about this later...

4) Naturally, the main conflict is between Order and Chaos, i.e., humans, dwarves, elves (wood and dark), orcs against Inferno (Chaos).
That is, 4 races out of 6 against one? And another one is on its own? That's a big imbalance... why can't the orcs also be on their own? And help whoever they want (who pays more, who is stronger, etc.)...

5) Just off the top of my head, based on that little piece-beginning:

The first sentence is too long and cluttered. It needs to be broken up. The last line, about meeting a demon and an undead in the forest, can easily be made into a separate sentence...

Spststya – спустя (meaning "later")

6)

I was thinking and I want to say that we would not mind having an artist on our team who would illustrate some of the chapters with beautiful drawings, so if everyone agrees with me, we will look for an illustrator!

We can put this on hold for now. First, we just need to write, confirm that everything is written correctly, that nothing is confused, and that it suits all of you... At least write a few finished chapters...

P.S.: "dark elf dungeon" sounds like a tautology. Maybe these elves will have a "Dungeon"?

I wrote this post for a long time, and you already replied to the previous one:)

The comments are understandable (and even fair), but when caught up in the creative process, one doesn't pay much attention to the beauty of language! Therefore, please don't judge me too harshly! As for the "Dungeon," it seems to me that it sounds more definitive than "Underground." Regarding the classification of buildings, something definitely needs to be changed or clarified (we'll discuss this later). As for the Orcs, I'm not considering them yet (I plan to write about their liberation from slavery later; at this stage, they are still slaves). We'll discuss all of this in more detail later, but for now, I present the second excerpt for your consideration... The exam consisted of two parts: 1) team battle; 2) individual battles. The team battle is a fight where a group of Dark Elf graduates must work together to defeat the Hydra of Chaos. After such a test, the entire team never survives. But the Dark Elves are sure that it is better for all their children to die than to fail a mission in the future and disgrace their clan! A Dark Elf must be strong, or he shouldn't exist in this world at all... The individual battles are as follows: those who survived the battle with the Hydra draw lots to determine who they must kill: 1) a peasant; 2) a gremlin; 3) a fairy; 4) a defender (dwarf); 5) a demon; 6) a skeleton; 7) and their own blood brother – a scout. (Orcs are not mentioned because at that time they are still slaves, and they will be freed from slavery as the story progresses).

The comments are understandable (and even fair), but when you're caught up in the creative process, you don't always pay much attention to the beauty of language!
Therefore, I ask you not to judge me too harshly!

No one is judging you:) In general, it's difficult to judge a text based on just a couple of paragraphs. It would be better if there was more (at least a description of the exam and the hero leaving the walls of the educational institution and entering a world where adventures await him...). Even if the text is presented in such pieces... And then it will be possible to talk about some corrections, inconsistencies, and so on...

I won't comment on the new piece of text yet...

One more thing - there should be NO spaces BEFORE commas.

Sincerely, Simas.

Regarding the commas, I just want to say that sometimes my hand involuntarily adds them.

No problem if I chime in with some advice, right? It's all just my opinion:

1)

The beginning suggests that these events took place on Earth, but that's not the case. We shouldn't have brothels, skyscrapers, or anything else that would suggest the action is taking place on Earth... :)

Colleagues, colleague Simas is absolutely right. As I see it, we need to decide on the geography of the new world where the events will take place.
I think we all agree that it's not Ashan. Let's not repeat the introductions of Zelazny, Ursula K. Le Guin, etc. Let's outline this new world, give it specific conditions, flora, fauna, and population.

Besides the creatures, we need to add a map of the lands. I think this would be very effective and create the desired impression.

...

4) Naturally, the main conflict is between Order and Chaos, i.e., humans, dwarves, elves (forest and night elves), and orcs against Inferno (Chaos).
So, 4 races out of 6 against one? And another one on its own? The balance is off... why can't orcs also be on their own? And help whoever they want (whoever pays more, who is stronger, etc.)...

,:)

Colleague Simas, you are missing one detail. It's no longer 4 monolithic races against demons, but already fragmented, with some rebellious barons and others, bribed by promises from Inferno, already fighting against their former overlords. In each of the races, there will be their own traitors who will lead their troops into the legions of Chaos.

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Besides the fauna, it will be necessary to add a map of the lands. I think this is very effective and makes the right impression.

This is a necessary attribute. Moreover, not a map, but maps.

Here is the preface and the beginning of the first chapter. I'll say right away that the preface is intentionally a bit vague, as this will be mentioned again in the book. If you like it, I will continue writing. I know the text is still rough, but it's a good start. When I finish the chapter, if you like it, I will edit it. And there was darkness. And time stood still. There was neither good nor evil, only what it should be restored from. In this cradle of life, as the darkness began to thicken, a spark ignited. The darkness was defeated… …The spark, like the last star before dawn, fading but fighting to the end. It burned with its gentle, pale flame. Dormant, it still has to play its role. Later, much later than its birth… …Much time has passed, but how can one say, since time is stopped? But the warmth, the light from this spark, created something that will change everything… The young elf, Albin, wiped the blood from his sword. Recently, at the school of the invisible hand, he, as a gifted student, was given a contract killing for a decent reward. A certain woman could pay up to a thousand coins for this task, depending on how the assassination went. Now, next to the elf, whose eyes were as black and bottomless as Silanna's, lay a man under a tree, dressed quite decently. The last thing left to do was for Albin to wave his knife, and he was left with the finger and ring of this man. Proof that he was killed. It would take several days to reach Glenger. Night had fallen, and our hero decided to spend the night in a tavern. The next morning, after breakfast and watching a couple of fights, he went to the city, where he was expected. He needed to reach the underground passage that day; it would be easier from there. On the way, Albin examined the ring. Although assassins are not supposed to know who the murdered person is and what the motives of the hired killer are, this elf was different. A stone was set in the platinum ring, so red that Albin's eyes hurt at first. It was all covered with runes and very strange ornaments, resembling demonic ones. Some runes were inscribed on the inside. Our dear friend hid the ring in his pocket, and his journey continued. *** Two figures in strict robes leaned over the corpse. - Do you think this is a contract killing? - Most likely. This poor fellow didn't even have time to be scared. The man closed the deceased's eyes. - Rest in peace, brother Antiphus. He opened a book and read a prayer while the other prepared him for burial on a pyre.

Well done, DinHot. Excellent start! However, a few points still need to be refined... For example, Albin is still just a graduate of the Invisible Hand school (I will soon finish writing about how he took the exam), and therefore they couldn't have given him an assignment worth as much as 1000 gold (he is still far from being a professional). Let Glenger be that small Stronghold where he received his training?
For now, I will post another excerpt!

A scout must kill his victim or die himself, so as not to live with the stain of shame.

So, at the beginning, it is worth describing in more detail the area where our story unfolds. Dark Elves have always preferred to live in dungeons, but this small Stronghold was built on the surface and not at all for a paradise and carefree life, but for continuous clashes with demons, because this city stood on the border with the lands of the Demon Lord (or whatever his name is). That is why, about 50 km from this Stronghold, lava rivers began, where the ground was so hot that it burned your feet, even if you were wearing boots. This was the first torment of the Demon Lord for those who dared to disobey his will and attack the fortresses of hell. But around our town, where Albin received his training, everything was not so gloomy. Within a radius of 30 km from it stretched a bare steppe. Further, on one side (as we already mentioned, there were the lands of demons), and on the other, the forests of the elves gradually grew. The war with the demons united the forest and dark elves, forcing them to forget about their own animosity, at least for a while. The forests of the elves were in the north, the lands of the demons in the south, and impassable mountains and volcanoes rose to the east and west, where terrifying and almost invincible magma dragons roamed. And at an altitude of many thousands of meters, on the eternally snow-capped peaks, there were small settlements of dwarves who tried to stay away from the eternal and bloody battles of Good and Evil. Now, dear reader, can easily imagine the small piece of land on which our story unfolds.

So, colleagues, first the backstory.
I would like to call the world where the action takes place something like Rosin, Rosan, or something similar (since I am a Russophile). But that is not the essence. It is a world that was originally ruled by Chaos. But after the destruction of their own worlds, the surviving humans, elves, dwarves, etc., arrived in Rosin (I will continue to call this world that for now).
Initially, the demons rejoiced at these newcomers in anticipation of their destruction (i.e., as food). But the survivors, uniting and pooling their military and magical capabilities, routed the demon hordes in a terrifying clash that nearly destroyed Rosin and cast the remnants back into the Hell that spawned them. The Demon Lord of that time was disembodied and stripped of his physical form by the strongest sorcerers of all the victorious races, and his astral component was imprisoned within a composite artifact. This artifact was dismantled, and its components were taken by the humans, elves, and others, who agreed to protect them with all their might, calling themselves the Order of Guardians.
Losses among the victors were also colossal, but after the victory, all the victors peacefully divided the world: the land to the humans, their beloved forests to the elves, the Dungeon to the Dark ones, the foothills to the dwarves, and the orcs left for the islands. There was enough space for everyone, even in abundance (the number of victors was small).
Several centuries passed. The memory of the great victory faded among the new generations, and new concerns arrived.
The victors, each in their own lands, mostly prospered and led ordinary lives.
However, their numbers increased significantly, and petty grievances gradually began to arise, which grew into major ones, which in turn escalated into skirmishes. Humans began to build cities, which required wood and stone, and ore for smelting metals. For elves, the life of every tree is sacred, so they began to obstruct the loggers, and later simply kill them. Humans had to send armed detachments to protect the loggers.
The dwarves, into whose depths humans also gradually intruded, also began to resist.
A large-scale war was avoided only by reminding them of the victory they achieved together and through a series of treaties limiting the use of resources. The dwarves mostly split into Clans and dispersed from a single state under the northern mountains, untouched by humans. The elves created several giant forest massifs, protected them with spells, and settled there. For the Dark ones, their native Dungeon, where humans do not yet venture, provides for them mostly, although life there cannot be called wonderful. Due to their innate suspicious nature, several large clans are in constant enmity and often carry out raids on either the dwarves or the humans. The orcs on their islands mostly became pirates and plunderers and also frequently indulge in raids. The humans, in turn, are divided into several kingdoms, and every king from time to time tries to become an emperor and turn the kingdoms into an empire.
But the demons, once defeated, also exist and have not reconciled with their defeat. At the instigation of certain demon lord-sorcerers, a cult of Death arises among the victors, and the first Necromancers appear, finding the most remote and abandoned corners of Rosin for their research. But for now, their research has not reached the level of practice.
But among humans, a cult of the One Creator also appears, who created all worlds, including Rosin. Gradually, a religion emerges that persecutes the former paganism. Faith in the One becomes the state religion; preachers and priests incline individual representatives of other races toward it, although mostly each race adheres to its own pantheon (I think this will also need to be developed).
The demons are gradually recovering from the rout, restoring their numbers, and slowly regaining their skills. Several demon lords, uniting, decide to elect a Lord from among themselves and expel the invaders, or even destroy everyone, subjugating Rosin to themselves once again. But Rosin cannot be reclaimed by the sheer momentum of armies.
Realizing that the hopes for victory are shaky, because in the face of annihilation the races might unite again and this time completely destroy the demons, the demon lords decide to steal the composite artifact in which the soul of the former Lord is imprisoned, give him a body, and hand him power, remaining by his side as generals, aides, etc.
And that is where our plot begins, colleagues. I propose to divide the upcoming scenario into several plotlines. Each person writes for the hero of the race they are more inclined toward. In other words, someone writes for a Light Elf, someone for a Dark one, etc.
The Order of Guardians discovered that the demons had begun searching for the composite artifact after the demons, through cunning and deceit, stole one part of the composite artifact (I propose we think this through as well). This could be done as the betrayal of one of the Guardians, who succumbed to the promises of shapeshifting demons and became a necromancer.
Realizing that in the current fragmented world a direct demon attack cannot be withstood, a decision is made at an astral meeting of the Guardian mages to destroy the components of the artifact. But to do this, they must be joined together again and only then destroyed (how—I haven't figured out yet). For this, young, strong representatives of each of the races are needed, but only one representative each, no more, so that the demons do not find out and intercept the messengers, because one person can pass unnoticed where an army would inevitably be spotted. Later, when the messengers are on their way, some companions will gradually join them (colleagues, I remind you that we are writing a scenario for a screen adaptation, so armies of heroes are more suitable for a game). I propose to divide the upcoming scenario into several plotlines. Each person writes for the hero of the race they are more inclined toward. In other words, someone writes for a Light Elf, someone for a Dark one, etc.

Only a few moments still require refinement... For example, Albin is still just a graduate of the Invisible Hand school (I will soon finish writing about how he took the exam), and therefore they could not have given him an order worth as much as 1000 gold (he is still far from being a professional). Let Glenger be that small Stronghold where he received his training?

Well, for starters, they could very well have given him this task, because it is simple, and he was a gifted student of the academy. I have nothing against the Stronghold, but the price should remain the same, as this ring is one of the components of the demon's soul. Then I have a small idea, especially since this client is a woman - a scoundrel. So let everything remain as it is, except for the Stronghold.

The Demon Lord was the strongest Sorcerer of all the winning races - he was disembodied and deprived of his physical body, and his astral component was placed in a certain composite artifact. This artifact was disassembled, and its components were taken by humans, elves, and others, who agreed to guard them with all their might, calling themselves the Order of Guardians.
The losses among the victors...

Zeratul, everything is great, I will be writing about the Dark Elves and Priests. Only, doesn't it seem that the demon's soul is contained in a disassembled artifact - it is practically everywhere, in many games and books, right? I think it is better that his soul was placed in the astral space, where, as in my preface, there is nothing, not even time.

P.S. Drakodar is better, IMHO (gift of the dragon - the great creator of the world), or at least Rokhtan, but Drakodar is better.

It just doesn't seem like the soul of this demon is contained in a disassembled artifact – it's practically everywhere, in many games and books, right? In my opinion, it's better to say that its soul was imprisoned in the astral plane, where, as in my introduction, there is nothing, not even time.

P.S. Drakodar is better, IMHO (gift of the dragon - the great creator of the world), or at least Rokhtan, but Drakodar is better.

Yes, colleague, I agree with you that something like an artifact (or talisman, or amulet) is present in many works. But imprisonment in the astral plane is just an imitation of Tolkien. It is in his works that Melkor is eternally imprisoned behind the Door of Night (read: in Eternal Darkness). And then the idea of sending representatives of different races disappears – it is physically impossible to send them to the astral plane.
By the way, about the name of the world. Drakodar sounds good, but we haven't developed the metaphysics of the world yet. The fact is that, despite all its variations in different works, all authors tacitly assume that dragons are creations of Chaos, but not of Order. I suggest thinking about the name of the world again (I'm not insisting on my version).

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Here I present the introduction and the beginning of the first chapter; I'll say right away that I deliberately made the introduction a little vague, as it will be mentioned again in the book. If you like it, I will continue writing. I know that the text is still rough, but it's a good start. I will edit it when I finish the chapter, if you like it.

Prologue

And there was darkness. And time stood still. There was neither good nor evil, only what it should be restored from. In this cradle of life, as the darkness began to thicken, a spark ignited. Darkness was defeated…

…The spark, like the last star before dawn, losing but fighting to the end. It burned with its gentle, pale flame. Dormant, it still has to play its role. Later, much later than its birth…

…Much time has passed, but how can one say, since time is stopped? But the warmth, the light from this spark, created what should change everything…

.

Colleague, it seems a bit short for a prologue, but it would be perfect as an epigraph. In the form of an allegory, it reveals the essence of the work.

So, hello everyone! I don't appear very often lately, and I don't have time to read everything carefully right now, but as soon as I have time, I will definitely read it and try to contribute as much as I can. I saw my nickname in one of the posts; I'm afraid I'm not a very good historian, and I can't compare to XEL, but I'll try to help in any way I can. The Elven Castle, in my opinion, should be called a Rampart, just like in Heroes of Might and Magic III.