No problem if I chime in with some advice, right? It's all just my opinion:
1)
The beginning suggests that these events took place on Earth, but that's not the case. We shouldn't have brothels, skyscrapers, or anything else that would suggest the action is taking place on Earth... :)
I think we all agree that it's not Ashan. Let's not repeat the introductions of Zelazny, Ursula K. Le Guin, etc. Let's outline this new world, give it specific conditions, flora, fauna, and population.
