The comments are understandable (and even fair), but when you're caught up in the creative process, you don't always pay much attention to the beauty of language!
Therefore, I ask you not to judge me too harshly!

No one is judging you:) In general, it's difficult to judge a text based on just a couple of paragraphs. It would be better if there was more (at least a description of the exam and the hero leaving the walls of the educational institution and entering a world where adventures await him...). Even if the text is presented in such pieces... And then it will be possible to talk about some corrections, inconsistencies, and so on...

I won't comment on the new piece of text yet...

One more thing - there should be NO spaces BEFORE commas.

Sincerely, Simas.