Sacred Haven of Debauchery Auto-translated

"This will be great, oni-chan!"

actually, it was a rhetorical question meant as a follow-up to my previous post.

And I came up with a humorous response to your humorous and rhetorical question.

A 27-year-old American woman, Jamie Lynn Toler, pretended to have cancer in order to raise money for breast implants. For this, she was sentenced to a year in prison and three years of probation.

The girl initially refused to admit her guilt, but the court proved that she organized the fundraising and received almost $8,000. Medical records confirmed that she did not have cancer, and the money was used to pay for plastic surgery.

Here, Izanagi asked the goddess Izanami-no-mikoto, his younger sister: "How is your body structured?"; and when he asked, she replied, "My body has grown and grown, but there is one place that has not grown." Then the god Izanagi-no-mikoto said, "My body has grown and grown, but there is one place that has grown too much. Therefore, I think that the place on my body that has grown too much should be inserted into the place on your body that has not grown, and we should give birth to a country. What do you think, shall we?" When he said this, the goddess Izanami-no-mikoto replied, "That would be good!"

Moderated: INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE in the message

story. It's a shame no one will buy it :с

For a long time, I believed that there should be some kind of balance between good and evil in the world. Initially, I assumed this applied to a human life, then I concluded it applied to society as a whole, and then I suddenly realized that it is quite likely there is no balance in the world at all.
Take, for example, a seventh-grade student. On the way to school, a brick falls on his head and he dies. One might ask, where is the justice here? Did he deserve this? Had he lived such a happy life that he could afford to die young? Definitely not.
And then there is a prince of the Arab Emirates, born a billionaire and living his entire life in luxury and wealth, who later became a king. And now, at two hundred and ninety years old, he is still holding on thanks to the possibilities of modern medicine. How much hardship has he endured?
If you think this way, it turns out there is no balance here, and for every lucky, successful person, there are ten to twenty losers. When I came to this bleak conclusion, I must honestly admit it was a depressing discovery.
How can a person be the master of their own life if their entire existence depends on RNG, which most likely didn't roll in their favor? What is the point of trying to achieve anything if you'll end up in a swamp anyway, stuck in it for the remainder of your miserable existence? One can close their eyes to this for a long time, one can be an optimist or a "vatnik," sincerely rejoicing over every new bottle of moonshine, but the fact remains: ninety percent of the planet's population randomly ended up in the "shit group," from which they have practically no chance of climbing out.
It was naive to believe that these problems would bypass me and that I could peacefully study, work, start a family, and be at least like everyone else. But no damn way. I paid with my entire social life just for a tiny chance to become someone; how much shit did I have to wade through to realize that this might all have been for nothing? Why must I pay such a high price for the possibility of raising my standard of living by one percent? I see no balance here. I see injustice.
It's pleasant to realize that you live better than 30-40% of the world's population. But damn it, this difference is essentially insignificant and small when you consider your own flaws. I naively believed that I could start life with a clean slate in another country, that I could somehow change in a couple of years and achieve success—ha ha, what stupid naivety. Naturally, nothing of the sort happened.
Perhaps today isn't a very good day for such a foolish monologue. Today, once again, I received a nasty blow just a moment after feeling success. So to speak, the feeling of flight was replaced in a couple of hours by a final fall to the bottom of the abyss, where I remained alone with a bottle of cheap high-proof shit, narrating the sad story of my existence.
Yes, this is all stupid whining, and I'm disgusted by it myself. It's even revolting. After all, there are many people who have it worse than I do. What right do I have to complain about my own life? I've never criticized others, but I could always accurately assess myself. Perhaps "pitiful nonentity" are the perfect words to describe my state of mind over the last year. And no, I have a significant advantage over social-phobes: at least I don't need society and am less dependent on various dubious companies of acquaintances and IRL friends. For now. Also, I can quickly change my mood to an excited-cheerful one, although this doesn't extend to my internal state. But damn it, society is structured on such a funny principle that you can't just decide to ignore it. At the very least, you'll get contempt in return. And forcing yourself to smile every time at people whose very sight makes you nauseous is also something I don't want to do, and it becomes harder every time.
Today (or already yesterday), once again, I hurt someone close to me very badly. And I have very few such people left, not counting my parents and old friends. Not physically, of course, but the trouble is that this person will recover much faster than I will, and will forget about me in a week or two. And simple apologies will no longer be enough here. Probably, this is my main problem. I cannot be like everyone else, but at the same time, I cannot be completely special, like some people are. Something in between a self-isolated nonentity and an arrogant prick, receiving nothing more than contempt in both situations.
I would like to be a "vatnik." No, seriously. A stupid, brainless "vatnik," communicating as equals with other low-life scum of the same level, rejoicing over every single pathetic salary and sincerely proud of their existence. Why can't I? It should be so simple. So why, why? Where is the balance, where is the justice? I no longer need wealth, power, or success. What's so hard about it? I can't understand this, and that makes it even worse... ... ... ..
There is only one conclusion: the RNG in Mafia is indeed shit, I realize that now. Oh, and Slava Ukraini, guys.


Love ^^.

I've probably never had anyone spiritually closer to me than some strangers from this forum. Interesting observation. I truly realize this now.
That is the truly pathetic soul of a Heroist, ha ha ha, feel free to laugh and leave downvotes))) And I ask you not to comment on this foolish outpouring of soulful thoughts; forgive me for this, it happens sometimes, I accidentally visited the forum and couldn't resist.

You might be surprised, Heroist, but there are far more people like that than you might think. Most of these (and other similar) thoughts were also in my head, and in the heads of many "locals" as well (this is just my assumption, so it might not be true). Well, people are indeed not equal from birth, and many things (perhaps even everything, if we assume that things like will and "character" are a product of mental predispositions and upbringing by family/environment/life events) are determined, as you said, by chance. What stats you rolled for yourself (health/abilities inherent from birth) and where you spawned (social class of the family, standard of living in the country, the society in which you grew up). Some may be born into a wealthy family, with good health and good looks, while others will be poor, sick, and ugly. The only thing people are equal in is, perhaps, death. By the way, it's a funny thing – a person, no matter who he is, can die by being hit by a car/falling from a ladder/[insert your own], and ironically, that's also random. Thus, life is worse than a computer game, because it has no programmed rules and, most importantly, not even a hint of the idea of "balance". Of course, we all realize this, but it doesn't make it any less unpleasant. By the way, I don't find discussions on these topics disgusting or repulsive. Of course, someone will say that this is meaningless whining, and they will probably be right, but so what? I can be aware of and even admit all my inferiority as a person, I can complain about life as much as I want, but that won't make me think worse of myself, and I have no reason to despise myself (perhaps this is some form of higher egoism combined with objective self-esteem? I don't know). Not so long ago, I had a similar (I won't judge how similar) situation with a person close to me, and a silent quarrel followed by a break in contact occurred, largely due to my quick temper, which I acquired due to daily irritation against the background of health problems (not to mention the lack of prospects in life, past scandals, etc.). And before that, I was a completely calm person. That is, even in this situation, one can say that life made me this way. On the other hand, one can, of course, say that I am simply looking for excuses for all my vices, but... Come on, that's not the case. Anyway, Heroist, sorry for commenting on this message, but it won't make things worse. By the way, I like you, so don't think of yourself as a complete jerk.

At the beginning of your monologue, you reminded me of Ivan Karamazov, Hero.
Stay strong, Hero, everything will be alright.
No, I... ugh, I don't know what happened, but it's just that... happiness in its usual sense is so subjective that... what's the point of this "usual" understanding of it? I think there isn't any. What is a "bad life"? Who can honestly say that they are living worse than medieval kings? Sorry for the rude and silly remark, but they didn't even have toilet paper, ugh! )) And I'm not even talking about the constant intrigues, the fear for their own lives and the lives of their loved ones, and finally, the mistakes they made in governing their kingdoms: how would it feel to fall asleep with the thought that you killed thousands of people for some unclear reason and for some unclear purpose, and whether there will be more?
And if we are luckier than that elite class of the past, are we really that unhappy? Maybe it's just emotions that constantly manipulate us, making us feel down and sad...
If the situation cannot be fixed, what's the point of being sad? If it can be, then all the more so, what's the point? You need to fix it, not dwell on it. And no matter what your situation is, Hero, there is no point anyway. No, I understand perfectly well that reason is rarely able to cheer up feelings, but at least partially... Just let it go. Forget about the negative, but don't miss the positive. At least try. The human mind is a powerful tool, the result will not be zero.
Oh, by the way, have you read "The Brothers Karamazov"?

What is it like to fall asleep with the thought that you have killed thousands of people for unclear reasons and for no apparent purpose, and is there more to come?

Write a letter to some president with this question.

Who can honestly say that they live worse now than medieval kings? And if we are luckier than that elite class of the past, are we really that unhappy?

You reminded me of a propagandist from Vonnegut's dystopia.

Added 3 minutes later
I even took the time to find a quote:

Young Engineer: Have you ever heard of Julius Caesar, John? Heard of him? Good. Now, John, do you think that Caesar, with all his wealth and power, with the whole world at his feet, could have had what you have today, Mr. Probst?

John (astonished): Well, when you come to think of it, he couldn't. Ha! What do you say to that!

Young Engineer: Your Honor, I was trying to show that John, standing here before us, with the rising star whose fate we are now deciding, has become richer than Caesar, Napoleon, or Henry VIII could ever have dreamed of! Richer than any emperor in history! Thirty dollars, John—yes, that's what you're paid. But with all his gold and all his army, could Charlemagne get even one electric or electronic lamp? He would have given anything for the insurance and security in old age that you have, John. But could he have gotten it? No!

John (flushing with joy): Lord, I never thought of it that way before, sir. (Smiles modestly.) But I guess that's true, isn't it? Well, what do you say?

Young Engineer: But I get too much money? Fifty-seven thousand dollars? Is that what's bothering you?

I agree with Revan regarding the thoughts. Many people, including myself, have thought that maybe being a "vatnik" or something similar is better (oh, and I am a "vatnik" myself, haha), so it's normal, and you might be on the right path to realizing something bigger. I think that when a person starts to consider themselves a complete nobody, a failure, useless, worthless, and looks at themselves and evaluates themselves objectively, with a realistic perspective, then they have the opportunity to change for the better. It's like a step on the path to self-awareness, which you can then change and control.

Randomness in Mafia is truly awful; I realize that now.

But I won't forgive you for that.

I think that when a person starts to consider themselves a complete nobody/failure/useless/worthless, and looks at and evaluates themselves objectively, with a realistic perspective, then they have the opportunity to change for the better. It's like a step on the path to self-awareness, which you can then change and control.

Actually, this leads to the development of mental disorders. And considering that a mentally healthy person shouldn't have these problems in the first place, it can also exacerbate existing ones. Not to mention that such an assessment is rarely objective.

Yeah, it didn't turn out very well, especially considering the events that happened the day before in Paris. I apologize. Anyway, what happened cannot be undone, and indulging in pointless hopes and complaining about a bitter fate is an even more self-destructive and pointless exercise.

Most of these (and other similar) thoughts were also in my own mind.

These thoughts themselves appeared in my mind quite a while ago, but all this time I somehow tried to avoid them and refused to accept the obvious. However, as it turned out, this bitter truth will not change anything for me or for those around me.

Anyway, Heroist, forgive me for commenting on this message, but it won't make things worse.

No, Revan, sometimes it's helpful to get feedback on your own thoughts, and just, strangely enough, to express yourself to someone and not keep all the negativity inside.

Just let it go. Let go of the negative, but don't miss the positive. At least try. The human mind is a powerful tool, and the result will not be zero.

You're telling me this as if I haven't been doing it that way before. In fact, it's precisely this kind of method that sometimes causes unpleasant glitches, especially when the mind finally catches something positive, which then turns out to be negative. And then you can't just let it go. You can't let everything go.

so it's normal and you might be on the right path to realizing something bigger

Okay, I really started to think that it might be a little too late for me to seek the true path and realize something bigger, but if you think so, that's good.

but I won't forgive you for that

Forgive my audacity, teacher. It won't happen again!

You're talking to me as if I've always done things differently. In fact, this method sometimes leads to unpleasant glitches, especially when the mind finally grasps something positive, which then turns out to be negative. And then you can't just ignore it. You can't ignore everything.

Hmm, we're talking so abstractly that I don't even know...

Yeah, it didn't turn out very well, especially considering the events that happened the day before in Paris. I apologize.

It's okay. I didn't know, to be honest, I didn't bother to check the news (I saw it now).

“Stop thinking, and end your problems.”

...