And again about the roleplayers:) Diary of a roleplayer (NOT MINE)
Episode One
1.02.
I've been thinking for a long time about how nobody understands me. Human life has become
boring and bland; no one thinks about same eternal things or performs great deeds.

3.02.
It's slushy outside, everything is dismal, vile, and damp.
I watched TV during the day. They were showing some stuntmen. At first I thought
it was some movie. A historical one. But then they said on TV that this is just how
people entertain themselves now. They make their own armor, swords, and bash each other
until they're completely stunned.
I haven't decided yet whether I envy them or if they're all just nuts. They call
themselves Tolkienists. I thought it was because they were always pushing (tolkanuts) each other, but it turns out not.
It's because of some movie by a guy named Tolkien. The Lord of the Rings. Highly recommended.

7.02.
Watched the movie. Class! Especially that moment when that guy, the good one,
rips out the guts of those orcs, and an elf pokes one in the eye with an arrow. Such
romance!
Only there's something I don't get; it seemed like they were going somewhere, but they never
actually arrived. It's as if the story was cut off halfway.
Some kind of freak was sitting next to me. A psychic probably, or maybe he same wasn't his first
time watching. He knew all the characters' names in advance. His eyes were absolutely crazy;
he was shaking all over. He later told me that it turns out there was a book before the movie, and more than one. And the movie is actually a trilogy, but the other parts haven't been filmed yet.
Those Americans, they can't do anything on time!
9.02.
I want a knife like the one the elf had in the movie.
10.02.
And a horn, like that big-faced... Ah, Boromir!
11.02.
Need to rewatch the movie; I didn't quite get why on earth they were so obsessed with that little ring? They killed a bunch of people over it...
13.02.
Rewatched the movie. Sauron is definitely a jerk, but why, I still don't understand. Wasn't he chopped up right at the beginning?
I went for a walk in the park to reflect on this problem and almost became a stutterer when some
freak with a broken hockey stick in his hands tumbled out of the bushes with a piercing scream. But I behaved bravely, like a true
Knight: I screamed back, and while the psycho was figuring things out, I ran away.
15.02.
I've figured it all out!!! That psycho who... Who I scared so much in the park is actually...
A TOLKIENIST!!! And here I thought they only lived in Russia, in the taiga. I have to find him.
19.02.
Combed through the park twice. Nobody. Tomorrow's a break, then back to the search.
22.02.
What happened to them, did they sink into the ground?!
25.02.
Interrogated local bums. Inadequate reactions. Three of them circled their finger at their temple when people with
swords and armor were mentioned; five ran away with piercing screams. One suddenly howled piteously, then screamed that he'd seen a Nazgûl,
bit my finger, and scrambled into the bushes. Nothing coherent, other than "My precious-s-s," "golum, golum"—I couldn't get anything more out of him.
27.02.
Sat at home analyzing the information obtained. I've heard this "My precious-s-s" somewhere before.
28.02.
Good grief!!! Either the bum watched the movie in a theater (which is doubtful), or...
Rushed back to the meeting spot with the bum. By the way, I met the freak with the hockey stick right there too! Combed all the bushes. Didn't find the bum, but found a
cyclist. He was lying in the bushes, buried in mud.
A quick interrogation revealed: while riding through this section of the park, the Cyclist
first heard a scream: "Cavalry is attacking us!", and shortly after, a terrible roar. After which he was attacked by a crowd of strange people covered in tin cans,
pieces of sheet metal, and armed with sticks.
The cyclist wept periodically, mentioned demons, and asked for his mother.
3.03.
I've been thinking. I'm doing something wrong. Maybe they only gather on
certain days?
4.03.
!!! Of course, on Sundays. It's a day off... I am smart after all.
6.03.
Great day. First contact established. Though I didn't see exactly what I expected...
First of all, it turns out the Tolkienists' swords aren't iron, but wooden. As they explained to me, so they don't kill each other. That cleared up a lot.
Secondly, I expected them all to be in armor and knightly costumes. At least cloaks. Cloaks should definitely be mandatory, right?! However, most
were in ordinary jackets and jeans.
It turns out it's because it's cold. Besides, they undoubtedly have beautiful costumes and armor, but they save them for the game.
And indeed, it was chilly. Three of them even wrapped themselves in some curtains.
Probably for warmth. They got very offended, though, and declared that these were knightly
cloaks. How could I be so mistaken?! There is no forgiveness for me.
13.03.
Today was training. Watched people fencing for a long time.
Strange, it's not at all like what I saw in the movies...
I couldn't take it and spent a long time asking someone for a sword. Eventually, one guy
reluctantly gave me a stick wrapped in electrical tape. Here I was embarrassed. It turned out
that this wasn't an axe, as I had initially assumed, but a sword. So I was holding it by the wrong end...
Then I started looking for someone to fight. Unfortunately, everyone refused: they are such great warriors that they might accidentally maim me. Eventually, I sneaked up on one from behind and, waiting until he sighed once more, saying "There's no one to fence with..." - offered my services.
Here I was told that this is the Great... (I didn't remember the name; it was long,
beautiful, and hard to pronounce) and I grew timid. I was very nervous and decided that whatever happened, I must not lose in a completely shameful way...
It all ended very quickly. The Great took a stance, snorted in my direction for a while, and then suddenly jerked. I got so scared that I hit him as hard as possible with the sword. It turned out to be right on the forehead.
Everyone was very offended with me. Everyone except the Great. He only smiled, and just remained standing there, slightly tilted and smiling.
The owner of the sword was especially offended. He gloomily recommended that I make something
myself and break it to my heart's content. I felt like the lowest scoundrel, but the guy softened up, saying that from the fragments one could make a "culuarka" and a boomerang.
Decided: I must definitely make some weapon for myself.
15.03.
It turns out making a wooden sword isn't that simple. First, the material. Well,
I have plenty of material. Found a log in grandpa's shed and two boards in the attic.

16.03.
Looked at the log. Thought a lot.
17.03.
Log is out. Inspected the boards. Need to saw.
When grandpa saw me sawing a board with a saw, he had a hysterical fit. After
the doctors injected him with a sedative (grandpa laughed so much he started turning blue), he explained to me that what I was using was a hacksaw for metal. Well, right, if it's designed for metal, then wood should cut like butter, right?
18.03.
All the available blades for the hacksaw broke. Grandpa isn't laughing anymore.
Thought for a long time.
Eureka! An axe!

Episode Two.
19.03.
Grandpa reacted to my preparations rather nervously. Suggested calling an ambulance in advance.
It ended without human casualties. A chopped sneaker doesn't count, and the cat is slowly recovering, but refuses to come out of the basement. But now I have a sword. It's a bit heavy, though; well, it's okay, I'll train.
20.03.
Training. The Great is still standing in the same spot and smiling mysteriously.
When I arrived at the training ground, everyone went quiet. They looked at my sword with apprehension. One guy in glasses asked how I attached the guard. Seeing that I had simply carved (hewed) the sword right with the guard, he quietly said "mom" and hurriedly started heading home.
They showed me a new type of training: the wall. All volunteers divide into two groups and fight each other as teams. We went out into the field. My comrades looked at me somewhat nervously, but explained the combat objective: break through the enemy line in the center, turn around, and slaughter the foe from the rear. I was a bit nervous.
Therefore, when I swung for the first time, only three people to my left fell; the rest managed to duck.
I remember what happened next vaguely. The sword, that beast, turned out to be VERY heavy. I lost control. Half of the training group ran in front of me, the other half behind me.
Then I tripped over someone...
Now the sword is sticking in the ground, not far from the Great. I can't pull it out; the others comfort me: "You don't need to, better make yourself a new one, lighter..."
Some guy approached and offered to help me make a proper weapon. Before I kill someone.
21.03.
That guy came over. Showed photos from games. He opened my eyes: the sword should be made lighter, then you can swing it much faster. He also said something about some balance and reinforcement, but I didn't remember well.
22.03.
Went to grandpa's. Looked at the scrap of a board. Thought for a long time. Then at the log. Thought for a long time. Then looked at the axe, but grandpa got nervous for some reason and went to get his double-barrel shotgun. Why is he doing that?!
23.03.
I made an important discovery! A mop is almost a ready-made sword, and you only need to saw a little bit.
24.03.
But there's nothing to saw with... Had to get the axe again. The cat climbed into the basement with a wild meow, grandpa barricaded himself in his room and is singing "Our proud Varangian does not surrender to the enemy" in there.
The sword is almost ready; only how do I attach the crossbar? Oh well, it'll do for now.
27.03.
Tested my new sword. For some reason, everyone first decided that I had come to hunt vampires. It turns out vampires are killed specifically with a sharpened wooden stake.
But what does that have to do with me?
Fine, I'll figure it out later. Found a person who agreed to fence with me.
Says he's also a newbie, arrived only a week before me. His sword is made from a hockey stick, and the crossbar (they explained to me that it's called a guard) he screwed on with screws. Genius! After two minutes I decided that you can't do without a crossbar. My fingers hurt badly.
By the way, we have a new "Coolest Fighter" (that's what we call warriors), who beat the Great convincingly. The Great, by the way, is still standing and smiling.
29.03.
Tried to refine my sword, but I'll have to postpone that: bruised fingers are swollen and can't hold tools.

2.04.
Screwed a guard onto the sword. Now I have a class sword! Almost real. Need to think of a name for it. Because what kind of sword is it without a name?

3.04.
Good thing I didn't think of a name for the sword. Because it broke. The blade was completely chopped off...
The guy who showed me photos explained that it's because of the screws. He also said something about pine, but I didn't remember. Ah, he also advised sawing off the tip, because mine is sharpened like a pencil...
Today's training was marked by a very strange event. Some guy came with a bundle and a backpack. From the bundle, he silently took out a sword, almost real, then just as silently approached the Most Great Fighter, silently beat him, packed the sword, and left. What was that?!
By the way, I became friends with Julian. That's the guy with the hockey stick.
5.04.
I am a great engineer after all. Took an old flip-flop, cut a disc out of it, and put it on the fragment of the sword. The result was a wonderful Japanese sword, scientifically called a katana.
Julian came over. Told me that the Silent One is a very bad person. That he trains somewhere with his team (equally bad people), goes to games, but does nothing for general training! From time to time he comes, shows off, and leaves again. What a scoundrel!
6.04.
Time to think about armor. I thought about it and thought a lot.
8.04.
I'll think about the armor later. But I found myself a shield. Literally walking through grandpa's kitchen, not bothering anyone... I see a shield lying there! Almost real.
Grandpa complained that some lid from his stockpot had disappeared from the kitchen. He's been strange lately...
9.04.
Training. Someone said that Japanese never used a round shield together with a katana. That's probably out of envy.
Something is wrong with the shield. Holding the stockpot lid by the handle is very inconvenient; moreover, from any hit it starts to spin, attempting either to break my finger or crack me on the forehead.
Participated in the wall again. It so happened that we lined up on both sides of the still-standing Great. In the general melee, someone hit him over the head. The Great gasped and lay down on the grass. He's back with us! Hurrah!
10.04.
Time for me to get a decent game name. Sat with Julian, choosing.
At first I really liked: Dragon. Julian talked me out of it: says there's already a Dragon, and last year the whole training ground beat him up. Even the Silent One came. No one remembers what Dragon did to annoy everyone so much. Except maybe the Silent One. But everyone knows he's an extremely unpleasant type.
Then I remembered the movie and decided that I am Aragorn. But it turned out there is already an Aragorn too. Just like Gimli, Legolas (8 of them), Gandalf... And many others.
Only Frodo was left, but I don't really like that.
After long discussions, I found myself a beautiful elven name: Tiberium. In the worst case, you can put the stress on another syllable. Then it becomes Celtic. Julian agreed with me and decided to change his stress too.
11.04.
Decided to refine the shield. Need to get rid of this stupid handle in the center and put a normal one. Julian brought that guy who helped me with the sword (his name is Snake) and he explained how a real shield was constructed. You need to put a strap and a proper handle. Though this, as Snake said, is for a rectangular shield; he also said something about an umbo, buckler, reinforcement, balance... But I didn't remember well.
The only question is, how to get rid of the old handle and how to screw on a new one?!
12.04.
I have significantly expanded my set of tools. When I pondered over my shield with an axe in my hands, grandpa couldn't take it anymore and gave me a hammer, a chisel, and a drill. Using the handle as an example, he showed how to use a chisel. A brutal thing!

13.04.
The whole floor of grandpa's kitchen is full of holes. Grandpa is thinking deeply; it seems he already regrets showing me the drill. Three drill bits survived with diameters of 10, 15 and 16 millimeters.
Thought for a long time about what to make the strap from. Julian suggested that it should be made of leather.
The cat disappeared somewhere, but I found an old leather jacket. For the second handle, I adapted a door handle.
15.04
Tremble all! The shield is ready. Bolt nuts - tens look menacingly at the enemy. I had to attach the door handle with wire since I ran out of bolts.
16.04.
Everything is very strange. First, the shield still spins on the arm, though now only along one axis. The wire snapped. Moreover, the shield bent. And Julian's hockey stick got notched. Snake was called to account; he dissatisfiedly said that the edge of the shield should be covered with something soft.
Moreover, if you hit the shield, it hurts a lot. And it's loud. In general, as it seems to me, people, as soon as they see a shield, immediately go wild and start bashing it with all their might. Either out of envy or they like the sound.
In short, by the end of training, Snake advised cutting off the excess from the shield and calling it a bracer.
Moreover, my katana now looks more like a scrubbing brush. Dents and splinters everywhere. Even Julian refuses to fence with me. I don't understand what the problem is?

Episode Three.
20.04.
Hurrah! Today the New Cool Fighter gave me his old sword. The sword is beautiful, all in electrical tape and drawings. As they explained to me later, these aren't just drawings. These are pentagrams. They were drawn by the Great Mage. I still can't understand why I need some gammas on my sword?

22.04.
Julian explained that a sword with gammas fits better in the hand and the owner's skill increases noticeably. Now I understand what a great honor has fallen to me. I'll hang the sword on the wall and make myself a new one.
23.04.
Today I wondered, how should I make a costume? Thought for a long time.
28.04.
And why do I need to make a costume? Isn't armor enough? Decided: I'll deal with the armor.
29.04.
Saw the Great Mage at training today. Indeed, apparently he is Great. Everyone greets him and hugs him. I want to become a mage too, so that everyone knows me as well!
Talked about this with Julian. He said that becoming an apprentice to the Great is very simple, though you have to change your name. Snake, who was standing nearby all the time, confirmed this. Apparently, one needs to think of a more complex name.
30.04.
Idea! Why change the name? It's enough just to add something. For example, I'll be called m-mm-m-m Tiberium the Strong or Tiberium the Hard! Need to consult with Snake. He probably knows how a mage should be named.
01.05.
Snake advised adding some color. He himself, as a big secret, said that his magical secret name is Green Serpent. Great, I wish I had one like that! He also brought a drawing. In the drawing was a man in a strange jacket, pants, and with an iron hat on his head. Snake said that this is exactly how a real warrior should look. I hung the drawing on the wall next to the sword. Spent the rest of the evening in reflection.
03.05.
Need to go to grandpa's. Surely he has something else. Found two more mops. Also, in the shed while looking for mops, found a cat. It pretended to be dead, then changed its mind and ran away. Grandpa locked himself in the bedroom and by all appearances does not intend to come out. However, all his supplies of nails, screws, and other necessary tools are lined up in a row before the door. Hurrah, now there's something to make armor from. At the same time, I'll finish the shield. But where to get a jacket? And I already found an iron hat. In grandpa's kitchen. There was such a teapot—knock off the spout and handle, and there you have your hat.
04.05.
The spout won't come off even with a chisel. Moreover, the bottom also refuses to fall out. Idea! What if I try a can opener? Looked for a long time for a can opener of the appropriate size. Grandpa crawled out of the room, apparently decided to help. Saw what I was doing with the teapot and fainted. He's strange. While he lay unconscious, I searched his room for a can opener. Didn't find a can opener, but found a jacket and pants, just like the man in the picture, only gray and with a number on the back. Grandpa, entering the room, saw me and fainted again.
05.05.
Snake came over. Saw my new clothes. Praised them, and regarding the teapot suggested using a chisel. But of course! How smart he is! And how did I not think of it myself? Ah, no, I did think of it, but it didn't work! He's still smart. Need to try once more.
Thought for a long time about a suitable name. Think I've got it! I will be Dark Tiberium! Both magical and fighter-like! Snake agreed that it sounds almost like his name, only more menacing. Decided that after the next training we would go to the Great Mage. Maybe he'll teach us something.
06.05.
Fixed the shield. Now twelve-gauge bolts look at the opponent. And the door handle is in place. And I padded the edge of the shield with styrofoam. It's soft and looks good. Made myself a new sword from a mop. Why cut off the edge? After all, what kind of sword is it without a point? Thought for a long time about what to do with the teapot. The spout still won't come off. But I cut out the bottom. Found a suitable can opener and cut it out. Grandpa, coming at the sounds, sobbed and suggested screwing on another spout for symmetry. I don't know what symmetry is, but I liked the idea. Why don't such good ideas come to me? Knocked the spout off a brewing teapot and nailed it to the iron hat. By the way, Snake said that it's called a helmet. Yes, that's what I'll call it. The tips of the nails stick out inside, although on the other hand, it's for the best. That way the helmet fits like a glove.
09.05.
At training everyone expressed surprise and admiration for my armament. The Most Great Fighter even shook my hand and invited me over. He also advised gluing fur around the edge of the helmet. That way I'll look like a viking. He also talked a lot about balance, handles on the shield, and that I shouldn't have padded the shield with styrofoam. I actually understood nothing, but agreed just in case. Moreover, the styrofoam fell off even before I reached training. On the bus. How did he guess? Truly, he is not Great for nothing!
15.05.
Finished the armor! Hurrah! Now I'm exactly like the man in the picture! Took curtains from grandpa (nobody used them anyway) and sewed them to the jacket. Then for strength, attached them with wire and remaining bolts. Grandpa, when he saw it, fainted. Probably out of admiration. And he hasn't even seen Snake's and Julian's costumes yet. I also barely held it together when I saw Julian's armor. My breath was taken away by admiration. It's almost like in the movie. It's called Italian chainmail. His father had a wooden mesh on the seats of his car. From Italy. So he took it and painted it silver. Turned out very cool.
18.05.
Today I'm going to the Great Mage. Extremely nervous. Just in case, I made a will and a suicide note. Took the note with me in my jacket pocket.
Evening came. Julian, Snake, and I headed to the secret residence of the Magical Mentor. It turned out to be in an ordinary house on the 6th floor. In apartment 168. As they later explained to me, this is a secret sign of His power. It's decoded like this: 6 and 1+2 and 6 and 8-2. Total three sixes (3 666). That's how everything points to the Great one's chosen status. The apartment was dark and scary. Pentagrams were hanging on the walls, just like on my sword. A skull stood on a shelf. A dried crocodile hung from the ceiling. About six more people were sitting on the floor. "About" because I haven't yet figured out who here is a person and who isn't quite. In total, in the room sat: vampires (3 pcs), dwarf (1 pc), werewolf (1 pc), high-level darkness mages (4 pcs), swamp scum (1 pc) and several more newbies and faces that defy definition. Then the Initiation Ceremony took place. We approached the Great one by turn and said our names, and he told us his. When he told me his name, I was once again convinced that He is chosen! Because if you add all the letters in the name, subtract the birth year and the length of the magic wand, you get 759! And that's again three sixes (3 666)!
Now I could address Him personally. And we were all brothers.
- O Great Purple Rinser! Descend to your Dark brother Tiberium! Show us wonders and real magic!
He agreed, but first we had to smoke some kind of nastiness. I didn't want to, but I had to, because this is the Great Ritual of Cleansing Thoughts, and without it there will be no magic. After smoking, indeed, everything was cleansed, and everyone became closer.
First they taught us to take appropriate poses and figures. Then we moved to practice. We sat in the "mouse-in-the-clouds" pose and prepared to fly. I almost succeeded! On the first try! It's immediately obvious that we have a Great Teacher!
Then the ritual of Releasing the Spirit began. We sat in a circle again. Took the Nakosiki pose. And together started releasing the Spirit. Seeing that no one was succeeding, the Great demonstrated how it should be done. HE prepared, strained, and released a spirit so strong that I almost died, and those closest to the Great fell unconscious. However, they quickly figured out to open the window, so it ended without casualties.