Connection ErrorBad RequestThis page went staleSession ExpiredSign in requiredForbiddenNot FoundToo Many RequestsServer ErrorBad GatewayService UnavailableGateway TimeoutHTTP Version Not Supported
Session Expired
Your session has expired. Please log in to continue.
Sign in required
You need an account to do that. Sign in or create one — it only takes a minute.
This page went stale
Your security token was rejected, usually because the page sat open too long or you signed in elsewhere. Nothing was saved. Reload the page and try again.
Request Failed
We encountered an issue while processing your request.
Please check your internet connection and try again.
Revan reminded me a lot of Zuko from "Avatar" with this post. Really, a lot, it's almost an obsession...
He's become a character of his own. Oh, now it's clear why I haven't been able to play much on the forum – I'm already playing in real life. I'm stuck in about one and a half locations and can't seem to reach the climax.
at least he shares his thoughts and feelings with others, possibly finding some support or a sort of discussion, which, I hope, somehow positively affects at least his mental state.
I think there's something to that. It's better than stewing in your own juices all day because, for some reason, when you write things down, you simply convey the experience, but when you dwell on these thoughts throughout the day, they tend to have a predominantly negative connotation without any positive outlet.
Revan, I'm going to read your long post after all. Tell me, can I leave comments here, or is it better to do it in a private message?
Whatever is more convenient for you. I'm an open person.
Added after 51 seconds
but considering that my acquaintances wished me so much health for my birthday that I'm still struggling to recover, hehe, so maybe I won't.
The Future On the one hand, it's good when you've already hit rock bottom – you can't sink any further. But on the other hand, the deeper you go, the harder it becomes to surface. Without beacons, I don't see where to swim.
Actually, the bottom is unattainable...
Oh, come on, I'm happy with parodies.
I've changed my mind. It's somehow sad and depressing. I was sad and depressed before, but now even more so. And what can I say to you... I'll repeat what Sesame wrote above:
No one can guarantee success, but the chances will still be slightly higher than if you do nothing.
Don't stop trying to surface.
And here's a funny paradox: to make progress in this direction, I need money, and I don't have any.
Forget about the background and all the "no money" stuff. If you have enough to feed yourself, you can scrape together enough to feed your partner. Just start taking steps in this direction if you're really feeling it. Yes, it sounds like some cheesy self-help advice. I don't like that kind of crap myself. And you might not agree with me, but there are simply no other options. It's not even about the money. I think that if you had money, you would still feel like Arandor and do nothing. You would come up with something else. You have money/a job. Oh yeah, there are health problems. Health has improved/become tolerable. Oh yeah, there's no apartment. You have an apartment. Oh yeah, there's no car. You have a car. Oh yeah, I'm not in the mood today, maybe tomorrow. Oh, but tomorrow I'll be 60.
Revan reminded me of Zuko from "Avatar" with this post.
Hmm, he's reminded me of Zuko from "Avatar" for a long time.
Небо – мольбы не ждёт Небо – угроз не слышит Небо – ведёт особый счёт Небо – тебя найдёт
Well, this same damn routine is a bit tough for me too, but I'm not the kind of person who can take a risk and dive headlong into some adventure; I prefer a bird in the hand and generally hate risking things in life. But I admire people who can do it, and it's great if they succeed even partially. Otherwise, I believe that a person's fate depends primarily on themselves—yes, there are circumstances, but you can always change something for the better, even if only partially, and who knows, maybe that will be enough to make peace with life, gain a foothold at this stage, and build up strength for the next. Or simply enough to gain some self-confidence. I feel like a lot depends on the latter; I absolutely hate myself (a lazy fat piece of trash who doesn't give a damn about anyone), but sometimes I get a burst of "good" audacity and things finally start moving, and it turns out not to be nearly as scary as it seems, and it's something that can actually be handled if pushed. Strangely enough, work is exactly what helped me to some extent. Yes, I'm far from the best employee; I periodically get chewed out by management for all my stupidity, but that makes it even more satisfying when I do something right and get praised, though honestly, material help would have been better, and even these stupid pointless reports for the sake of reporting boost my self-esteem because I handle them better than anyone else in the department. And if some tasty creative project comes along, it's an absolute mega-rush; we were making new packaging for a gingerbread cookie and I wrote a fairy tale that was tucked into the boxes (a limited edition—actually, the whole department wrote something and everyone produced "immortal classics," but my story turned out to be the longest and, according to feedback, the best); I was beyond happy. It's just a shame that 95% of the time it's scrap paper for the throne of scrap paper and reports for the god of reports.
And yes, I agree that it's good to express your thoughts. At worst, you'll clear your head of this clutter and be able to think about something else, and at best, like now, people will listen to you, sympathize with you, shower you with positive energy, and you'll feel at least a little bit better.
when I usually prefer to suffer in solitudeI would have written something too, it's just that there is a person irl whom I tell everything to. There is no particular need to embarrass myself by writing on the forum. Otherwise, all sorts of vile Nebki write parodies later.but instead he also just whined and played the victimWimp.
Небо – мольбы не ждёт Небо – угроз не слышит Небо – ведёт особый счёт Небо – тебя найдёт
Well, regarding working online, Kosha is right; you can be a writer or do some design work, whether it's Photoshop or websites. You can learn this at home if you have enough patience. In short, there are many different options in this area; you just need to look for them. I have a friend who studies Korean at university, works there, and also teaches Korean to children at home. She probably teaches Russian, since they are Korean. (I'm just saying)
As for love, the first sentence sounds very familiar.
Okay, open season it is. I'll be spamming here. Moderators, please forgive the swearing, I'm just worried about Revan. You can delete them later, but let me initially express raw feelings.
Well, in general, the atmosphere was really shitty, I had no motivation to go to school. Only a fool would gladly rush into the thick of it. I started skipping school and, consequently, stopped doing homework and studying altogether.
Dude, at the beginning of 10th grade, they started bullying me really hard. I snapped, took my documents, and transferred to another school, where things weren't fucking great but were pretty decent. Just out of curiosity, did you consider that option?
To put it briefly, I didn't really get anything worthwhile from my school years - no discipline, no ability to manage my time properly, and certainly no knowledge (though I doubt I would've gotten it anyway, since teachers with double-digit IQs can't teach much).
Yeah, I knew things in our education system were fucked up, but this much? Did you really find nothing for yourself? Not a single favorite subject or teacher? Not a single friend? Not a single outlet?
The fact that besides my terrible organization skills (I could never manage my time properly and still can't to this day)
That hit home...
Then it was pretty simple - got sick for a couple of weeks, fell behind, gave up. That year was the first time I lost hope for the future. Even then, I understood that nothing good was waiting for me in this life.
And then I came along to the same major, and I got your books from the library (good thing I'm a stalker and remember your first and last name, yeah). But I lost hope in my second year; the first one was good.
Well anyway, anime, games, etc. - all of that brought me pleasure, including my activities on HeroesWorld - it was a rare opportunity for me to engage in some sort of creative work, something that not only brought me pleasure but could also make someone else happy.
Bro, you're the best thing on HeroesWorld, and I genuinely believe that. Without you, I wouldn't have come back; at most, I'd keep in touch with certain people through Skype. I think I'm not the only one; it seems to me that you're the cement that holds the bricks, i.e., us, together.
Suicide This item is a direct continuation of the first due to the absence of the second. Well, let's just say, thoughts of it have been around since I was 18, and after 20, corresponding plans for the future appeared (lol) - like, NEET it up while I can, then kick the bucket when there's no money for food or my health drops to unacceptable levels. Right now, it's probably the worst it's ever been. The only factor keeping me here is the ability to do it any day and the impossibility of coming back after doing it.
Tell me honestly, have you actually attempted it? I have, I didn't like it, and I'm still not sure I could try again (at least not with cutting/hanging; at most, I'd look for other methods). Aren't you scared yourself? No thought that, even if you really want to, fear or the instinct of self-preservation will hold you back?
This is something that would solve most of my problems. I don't want to live better than someone else or better than somewhere else; I simply want to have the opportunities that they open up for a person. And I'm not talking about anything fantastic, just ordinary things, but not by the standards of the region I live in.
Same shit. I hate myself for choosing a stupid major, and for being so lazy, disorganized, and insecure.
Love I've started craving this desperately ever since I lost my NEET life. Mainly because of the selfish desire to find a new motivation to live.
After Tenshi, I also rushed to find new love to find the strength to live. After six months, I cooled down the fucking and realized that I first needed to somehow love myself. Honestly, I never managed it. I can try to act like a successful person on HeroesWorld as much as I want, and maybe partly I am, because my situation is clearly not as bad as yours or some other people from this forum. But to myself, I'm a nobody; I sincerely wish I could be someone else. And I don't know what to do about it.
Anyway, dude, please live until September. I'll most likely be heading to Moscow then. I want to see you, if only to just hug your frail mortal body, pass my energy on to you... You're a good person, you deserve better. Look for options; you never know where something good might turn up. My ex, Tenshi, for example, now works at a bedding store on the outskirts of Moscow, and she's happier than ever. She's already advancing in her career, the money is decent, and the people are really cool. So I think, if you look, you might find the right team and the right people. I haven't found it yet, but maybe you will. The main thing is not to give up, because, you're right, it can't get any worse.
Well, I don't really have anything to add to what others have said. But I've said before that there's another way to make money. As I mentioned earlier, being an assessor allows you to earn a decent income and work from home. The schedule is flexible, so you can spend your time on both entertainment and self-education with an eye toward the future.
I got lucky - I survived those years without broken legs or heads smashed against concrete walls, as happened to other kids (the second case is especially interesting: you'd think, why do that? The answer is simple: why not, just for the fun of it, animals love that stuff).
However, there were some creative little beasts. I thought people that psycho only existed in movies. On the other hand, I've heard amazing stories about sub-human animals in the army. These maniacs have to start somewhere. Personally, my classmates were just morons, but I can't tell any stories that "amazing." Though no, there were a couple of incidents; for example, I think I already mentioned the "co-co-co" boy who beat a girl in the face with her own metal pencil case.
Here's another interesting point - the teachers (so-called educators, though it would be more appropriate to call them "pidagogs" - like p*fags and gogi from Heroes) started perceiving me as trash. Like, the schoolboy skips classes, does nothing, it's obvious his problem is that he's an idiot.
The girl beaten with the pencil case barely finished 9th grade, and then she completely gave up on studying and ended up with no education at all, because her love for learning was completely beaten out of her. Idk how her life turned out, I only know about some not-so-pleasant fragments of her biography, but I hope everything is fine with her now.
By the way, I didn't like school, my classmates, or the teachers either, and university radically changed my life—there were decent professors, female classmates, and just a bunch of fun moments. I even developed some positive personality traits and partially formed a love for studying.
Let's forget about school and move on to colleges. The first thing I want to mention is the terrible high school diploma that became a stigma for me for the rest of my life (even if I had scored maximum points on all state assessment exams, I still wouldn't have been able to get into a decent university for free)
So thanks to the Unified State Exam system, where nobody looks at the diploma and the main thing is that you simply have one.
and especially going on archaeological expeditions to harvest potatoes in nearby villages
Our historian friend went to process fish in some godforsaken village. He barely got out of there once he realized where they sent him and why (the prospects described to him were absolutely different).
That is, I completely lack faith in my own strength/faith in the possibility that something good will happen to me
Funny enough, this kind of shit is often linked precisely to the school period. Since a "situation of success" wasn't created back then, and mindsets for achieving goals weren't formed. Nobody taught how to overcome obstacles; as a result, the first time they appear, they make you abandon what you started, whether it's studying, work, mastering a new skill, etc. I can assume your parents didn't interfere much in your affairs back then, didn't provide proper support, didn't try to build a will to win?
NEET Life It's quite obvious (at least to me) that my only way to keep my sanity and enjoy life was escapism. And while I lived it, I could have been considered a more or less satisfied person, if not for my health. Anyway, anime, games, etc. — all of this brought me pleasure, including activity on ХВ — it was a rare opportunity for me to engage in some kind of creative activity, something that not only brought me pleasure but could also please someone else.
Funny, but it was exactly on ХВ that you encountered a situation of success. You produce creative contests, interesting short stories, engaging Mafia games and expes (it's a pity I don't participate in them, but I still remember some that I managed to check out). By the way, this is confirmation that in real life you are capable of a lot, there's just no one to give you the support that you can get on ХВ. Speaking of which, ХВ helped me a lot in real life. First, there was a positive experience interacting with ХВ users, then I managed to use it in real life. Incidentally, here personally I managed to deal with some of my life difficulties. And I think I'm not the only one here.
Suicide This point is a direct continuation of the first due to the absence of the second. Well, let's put it this way, thoughts about it were there since age 18, and after 20, corresponding plans for the future appeared (lol) — like, NEET while possible, and then rip when there's no money for food or health drops to unacceptable limits. Now, perhaps, it has become the worst. The only factor keeping me here is the ability to commit this act any day and the impossibility of returning after its execution.
Very many people encounter this point during their lives. Unfortunately, not everyone received the necessary support to abandon its implementation. I sincerely hope that it doesn't come to that for you and instead you go where your dream pulls you and find yourself a cute Asian girl (or not necessarily Asian), who will understand and support you. At the same time, she will inspire you to create creative threads that will help ХВ live forever. Seriously, without you, ХВ will likely fade away, because everyone else is too lazy and not as creative.
City of Evil The worst (or best) consequence of my arrival here is the return of my old desires and the appearance of new ones. That is, in the absence of the possibility to return to the second point, I began to dream of something else. And that is the cruelest part, because without money, nothing can be fulfilled. Strangely enough, my general physical well-being improved over these weeks (I attribute this to reviewing my diet and returning to training despite health problems; I don't know how this will turn out in the foreseeable future) unless, of course, we consider the situation with the kidneys and pancreas — before they didn't bother me (only with not-so-good test results). Mental well-being... Very chaotic and predominantly bad.
Regarding training, don't give it up if it helps. It's just better to consult a specialist who will tell you which sports you can do and the permissible load. For mental well-being, you need a psychotherapist. But practice has shown that for the most part, various philologists or those who got terrible grades and basically didn't study properly work in this field. Decent specialists either sit unemployed, toil outside their specialty, or, in the best case, continue their careers in educational institutions. And it's terribly hard to get to such professionals who can actually help, because there are only a few of them, they have long queues of clients, and also a high price tag.
Self-esteem Always considered myself objective in this regard. Well then... No money No real estate
No profession
No useful skills
Average appearance
No health No redeeming qualities Likes to reflect Total: a used sub-human who likes to think. Unfortunately, you can move to another city, another country, maybe another planet, but not away from yourself. It's good that I don't care about others' opinions or even my own opinion of myself, it's bad that this puts me in an ultimately disadvantageous position when I think about romance.
It sucks without the first two points, I suffer from that too. A profession can always be acquired, but first you need to clearly determine what kind of activity you are capable of. Also, it's not mandatory to study at a university, maybe you should set the bar lower (not because you're stupid and unteachable, but because for many professions it's not necessary to have higher education). You have them, but you're using them wrong. Many people don't even have that kind of appearance. By the way, objectively speaking, a girl's opinion: overcome laziness, take care of yourself (you don't have to be gay for this, although some really overdo it) and you're a handsome guy. But unfortunately, there's no getting rid of your IRL awkwardness. But there are people who even like that. Introverts are cuties.
Wanna be Far away from the CIS and, if possible, closer to Asia, preferably Eastern. Due to certain psychological and emotional characteristics that developed in me since around age 15, I grew a very strong love for numerous aspects of Asian culture and the people themselves, while experiencing exceptional dislike for everything Russian and Soviet. This isn't even about objectivity, but about the fact that it has already become an integral part of me.
It often happens that the mentality of a foreign country turns out to be closer than one's own. Nothing unusual, considering what countries we live in. If you are able to play by the rules of Japan, for instance, and not push your homeland's ways where they aren't asked, then it's worth making your dream come true. True, there are pitfalls; first of all, you need to earn money for this move and for the initial period, and beforehand, via the internet, make acquaintances there who can provide a little help at the start.
Money This is what would solve most of my problems. I don't want to live better than someone or better than somewhere, I simply want to have the opportunities that they open up for a person. At the same time, I'm not talking about anything fantastic, just quite ordinary things, just not by the standards of the region where I live. But those who read the first point of this small self-analysis can understand why I don't have them and why they aren't foreseen. In general, if you break down my whine about the randomness of life, the only thing that (I think) I could have changed and didn't — is that I didn't learn something I could earn money from. Everything else is vile fate.
I already mentioned, you just need to decide on a type of activity that suits your heart, then you can gradually save up from earnings.
Future On one hand, it's good when you're already at rock bottom — there's nowhere further to sink, but on the other — the deeper you are, the harder it becomes to surface. Without beacons, I don't see where to swim.
Bad news: there's always somewhere further to sink (well, generally, my inner specialist says not to remind you of this, but the inner realist always wins). I can't give good news, and I won't spout nonsense in the vein of "get up! overcome fear!" because that's rubbish. Few people, upon waking up, suddenly understand all their problems, their own mistakes, and start CHANGING everything. Certainly, you need to correctly use the support of close people. It's a different story if this support isn't there, then everything is much harder, because fighting your difficulties alone is always difficult. If close people IRL don't provide the necessary support, look for it on the internet, i.e., here and anywhere else where it's possible. For example, if you want to move to Japan, you can start scouring various sites, VK groups dedicated to this, and start getting to know Japanese people and compatriots who moved to this wonderful country through correspondence. From them, you can find out all the pitfalls, all the pros, and maybe even get moral support in this endeavor. The main thing is to learn not to be shy about asking for help (and yes, I know it's hard, because there are many psychological barriers inside that aren't easily overcome, but people rarely appear on their own if you remain inactive).
Love I began to desire this very greedily since I lost my NEET life. Mainly due to an egoistic desire to find new motivation to live. Well, I wrote earlier:
I need a person whom I would put first in my life, above all, for whose sake I would gladly return home after a working day, rather than thinking about which of the numerous ways I should leave this life. For whose sake I would want to strive to become better, whom I would want to care for with exceptional sincerity in my heart and warmth in my soul.
That is, I want to eagerly await some events in my life, for me to feel good and feel that another person is also good, for us to be comfortable together. In any case, even if we discard (or rather — adjust) my long-held dream, the situation doesn't change much, although it becomes slightly more realistic. And here is such a funny paradox: in order to make tries in this direction, I need money, and I have none; and if I had them, I wouldn't experience such problems to begin with (I'd probably just keep neeting...).Quite a sweet view of love. I'll comment minimally, as this is far too subjective a thing. I can only say that it's not always possible to realize a dream. And if it is realized, then often, due to idealization, people face disappointment in love and relationships.
Conclusion Life is too hard
Life is pain. Some ignore this pain and try to get pleasure, others obsess over it and everything becomes uncool.
Added after 3 minutes By the way, I lost on bonuses. By the way, we have a lot of Chinese people in the Far East. There are many of them in the markets. There are many of them in my uni (there's even an elite dormitory only for Chinese and those who pay more money to whoever needs it). In Vladivostok, it seems there are also many Japanese and Koreans.
Added after 7 minutes By the way, I've developed a desire to hug Revan, pat him on the head, quietly telling him that everything will be fine.
Added after 3 minutes By the way, Revan, Tox, do you even know that there is such a wonderful and great thing as career guidance? (I just reached Tox's post now, I'm reading it right now) Properly conducted testing and interpretation of results are capable of changing a life for the better.
kcfgogbfalgfl
Ple-Sen
