Route

Okay, open season it is. I'll be spamming here. Moderators, please forgive the swearing, I'm just worried about Revan. You can delete them later, but let me initially express raw feelings.

Well, in general, the atmosphere was really shitty, I had no motivation to go to school. Only a fool would gladly rush into the thick of it. I started skipping school and, consequently, stopped doing homework and studying altogether.

Dude, at the beginning of 10th grade, they started bullying me really hard. I snapped, took my documents, and transferred to another school, where things weren't fucking great but were pretty decent. Just out of curiosity, did you consider that option?

To put it briefly, I didn't really get anything worthwhile from my school years - no discipline, no ability to manage my time properly, and certainly no knowledge (though I doubt I would've gotten it anyway, since teachers with double-digit IQs can't teach much).

Yeah, I knew things in our education system were fucked up, but this much? Did you really find nothing for yourself? Not a single favorite subject or teacher? Not a single friend? Not a single outlet?

The fact that besides my terrible organization skills (I could never manage my time properly and still can't to this day)

That hit home...

Then it was pretty simple - got sick for a couple of weeks, fell behind, gave up. That year was the first time I lost hope for the future. Even then, I understood that nothing good was waiting for me in this life.

And then I came along to the same major, and I got your books from the library (good thing I'm a stalker and remember your first and last name, yeah). But I lost hope in my second year; the first one was good.

Well anyway, anime, games, etc. - all of that brought me pleasure, including my activities on HeroesWorld - it was a rare opportunity for me to engage in some sort of creative work, something that not only brought me pleasure but could also make someone else happy.

Bro, you're the best thing on HeroesWorld, and I genuinely believe that. Without you, I wouldn't have come back; at most, I'd keep in touch with certain people through Skype. I think I'm not the only one; it seems to me that you're the cement that holds the bricks, i.e., us, together.

Suicide
This item is a direct continuation of the first due to the absence of the second. Well, let's just say, thoughts of it have been around since I was 18, and after 20, corresponding plans for the future appeared (lol) - like, NEET it up while I can, then kick the bucket when there's no money for food or my health drops to unacceptable levels.
Right now, it's probably the worst it's ever been. The only factor keeping me here is the ability to do it any day and the impossibility of coming back after doing it.

Tell me honestly, have you actually attempted it? I have, I didn't like it, and I'm still not sure I could try again (at least not with cutting/hanging; at most, I'd look for other methods). Aren't you scared yourself? No thought that, even if you really want to, fear or the instinct of self-preservation will hold you back?

This is something that would solve most of my problems. I don't want to live better than someone else or better than somewhere else; I simply want to have the opportunities that they open up for a person. And I'm not talking about anything fantastic, just ordinary things, but not by the standards of the region I live in.

Same shit. I hate myself for choosing a stupid major, and for being so lazy, disorganized, and insecure.

Love
I've started craving this desperately ever since I lost my NEET life. Mainly because of the selfish desire to find a new motivation to live.

After Tenshi, I also rushed to find new love to find the strength to live. After six months, I cooled down the fucking and realized that I first needed to somehow love myself. Honestly, I never managed it. I can try to act like a successful person on HeroesWorld as much as I want, and maybe partly I am, because my situation is clearly not as bad as yours or some other people from this forum. But to myself, I'm a nobody; I sincerely wish I could be someone else. And I don't know what to do about it.

Anyway, dude, please live until September. I'll most likely be heading to Moscow then. I want to see you, if only to just hug your frail mortal body, pass my energy on to you... You're a good person, you deserve better. Look for options; you never know where something good might turn up. My ex, Tenshi, for example, now works at a bedding store on the outskirts of Moscow, and she's happier than ever. She's already advancing in her career, the money is decent, and the people are really cool. So I think, if you look, you might find the right team and the right people. I haven't found it yet, but maybe you will. The main thing is not to give up, because, you're right, it can't get any worse.