Mafia 84. Memorized it, turned it in, forgot it!

In this issue you will find:

- new announcements from the dean's office.
- news from the dormitory.
- progress in preparing for the semester.

We invite everyone to attend the hanging.

News from the Dormitory

Last night, the last electric kettle broke down, which students used to cook sausages in. As a result, several cases of hunger-induced fainting were recorded during the first lectures today. Some students had to skip classes because they spent all morning waiting in line at the cafeteria. The dean's office went to meet the students and provided them with an iron. Now there is something to cook food on; the problem has been solved!

Progress in Preparing for the Semester

Our special correspondent notes that over this week, top students have earned more than top managers in successful companies earn in a month. Several reports about lost grade books have been received by the dean's office. One of those affected said: "I was waving it too much. Now everything is bad; I might not get easy credits. What can I hope for now???"

Unfortunately, we must report that our Academic Student passed away before reaching his 60th semester anniversary. The entire university mourns, and the morale of the students has sharply decreased. "I will never forget his outstretched hand with the grade book," says one of the professors who, 60 times, year after year, transferred grades to the Academic Student.

We will keep you informed of events. The Laborious Days