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— Yes, I’m afraid so, and even if I weren’t afraid for my life, who would take care of it if not me? You know, there was an old woman who lived in our neighborhood, her name was Mariam, she had a terrible temper, even now when I remember her, I get chills. How she used to make me, a boy, do all sorts of dirty work for a pittance, but I needed the money, so I had no choice, who else would hire a kid? And I didn’t want to tell my mother about it, she didn’t want me to overwork myself. But the old woman was strange, despite all her flaws, she sometimes showed generosity, and she didn’t abandon my mother when she was in trouble. So, what was that about... From her, I learned about many things that my mother didn’t want to tell me, and she didn’t sugarcoat her words, she told it like it was. In short, my mother is from Nihon, and she ended up in Reima because of its stupidity and cruelty. Her father was a worthless man, and when one of the Reima people offered him to marry his daughter to him, he gladly agreed. My mother was obedient and always respected her family’s wishes, so she also agreed. If it had to be done, it had to be done. The Reima man showered her father with gifts and then went back home. So, you see, the bastard traded his own flesh and blood for Reima money... Well, what happened next? They lived together for a month, and then, when it became known that my mother was pregnant with me, the scoundrel abandoned her, without even holding the promised wedding. And so, she was all alone in a foreign country, without a home and without money, and there was no way for her to go back, nor was there any reason to. Then, the old woman Mariam took her in, and after many months, she helped her give birth. And... She offered her, not once or twice, to terminate the pregnancy, saying that who would take her now, with a baby and without a dowry? — At this point, Ifeon’s voice faltered slightly, it was clear that these memories were unpleasant for him and made him angry, but he still wanted to talk about it. — But my mother always refused, and not because she thought it was immoral or because she was afraid for her health, but because she already loved me, even when I wasn’t even a person yet, and... She was the son of a Reima bastard who stole her life. And in the end, I saw the light. Life was not easy for the two of us, besides taking care of me, my mother worked several jobs, and I saw how terribly tired she was, but she never... Not even once did she take it out on me and she always gave me the attention I deserved. As I grew up, I tried to ease her burden, I tried to become more independent, I worked for the old woman Mariam, I studied hard, but all of this was just a grain of sand compared to her efforts and the sacrifices she made for me. But no matter what, our life can be characterized as follows: she did everything for me, and I, to the best of my humble boyish abilities, did everything for her. And then the years passed, I became a healthy young man, taller than her, but what do the customs of our country require of me? I must leave my home and watch as the light in the eyes of the most precious person to me fades away? After all, she has no one else, and even old Mariam is no longer in this world. And she is quiet, shy, submissive, she wouldn’t hurt a fly and will silently endure any insults, only breaking down when it comes to me. Well, and then, I myself have selfish desires. They say that if a person truly loves someone, they should be able to let them go, but no matter how much I think about it, I realize that I am not only not ready for this, but I also completely disagree with this statement. Just as I want to be always with her, I also want her to be with me. I want to give her true love, the love that was stolen from her by her vile family and the bastard living in this city. But... Ha-ha-ha, according to generally accepted norms, — he said the last two words as if he were talking about something unimaginably disgusting, — I can’t do that because I’m her son!.. For the past couple of years, thinking about this has driven me crazy, and I couldn’t understand why, why is this path to happiness closed to me and to her? — He sighed, trying to regain control of himself. — While studying the history mentioned earlier, I noticed that customs and laws change according to the whims of people or cultural trends. And I decided that all of this is nonsense invented by some people and imposed on others. My feelings are sincere and based on boundless love and devotion to a person, and I will never be ashamed of them. The forms of love can be very different, and states or culture not only cannot, but should not determine what is right and what is not.
Ifeon sighed again and leaned back. It was getting dark, and the first stars began to appear in the sky.
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Arandor
