Posts from It’s a very long story…

It's strange that I couldn't find this wonderful game on your forum. Maybe I didn't search well enough, but it wasn't on the first two pages, and the search didn't help... Well, let's start. If anyone doesn't know, the essence of the game is that each post should be a continuation of the previous one. Once upon a time, in a distant galaxy, on the godforsaken planet Earth, a Human was walking through the forest. He walked and thought about philosophical topics: about the essence of the world, about the time allotted to a person, about God, about the fragility of existence, about the meaning of life... These reflections were prompted by, ahem, the dung he stepped in. Of course, before he started philosophizing, he turned to mathematical formulas. He calculated the total amount of dung consumed on average by the inhabitants of this forest, the total area of the excrement in the forest, and determined that the chance of stepping in it was extremely small. Then he turned to the great philosophers of our world, but remembering their works, he couldn't find an answer. Maybe that's where it would have ended, but suddenly he encountered an unexpected obstacle...

KENNU - you're a genius!!! What an idea!

...each particle of excrement contains DNA embedded in it by the host organism. This means that, having a small sample, a person could take a small part of that excrement with them so that, upon arriving at a laboratory and conducting a DNA analysis...

Obana! Awesome topic! Kenny, respect!

...The phantom of aliens who crashed on this planet long ago, walking beside him, listened to the man with his mouth open. Their ship had long been swallowed by the sands. And the aliens from the ship had lost their knowledge, but not their technology. True, now they worship their technology as gods...

Soul, you didn't quite understand the point. You were supposed to continue the story, not add to it. For example, my post ended like this:
"but suddenly he stumbled upon an unexpected obstacle..."
And your post should have started like this:
"This obstacle was a huge, talking woodpecker admin who was pecking at the monitor with his beak and saying something about worms."
That is, so that all the posts in this thread could be combined into one.
For example, I'll continue your post:

...And after analyzing the DNA, it is possible to isolate a tissue sample, clone a creature from it, and subject it to hellish torments MUAHAAHAAAA!!!!!!!

Damn, guys, decide faster... I also want to write something.

But let's continue the story. For these aliens, this Human was a spark of hope, a light in the window, and of course, a light at the end of the tunnel. He was as important to them as a hockey stick is to a hockey player, a plush toy is to a baby, a bottle is to an alcoholic, or a knife is to a gentleman. These imitations of feces that they scattered throughout the forest, which did not fit into the mathematical formula of the Human and which led him to philosophical reflections, were also important to the aliens and their ship. They were an important part of the plan, the essence of which was...

in order to steal all the real dung for conducting their inhumane experiments on these harmless creatures. But Man...

....he had no idea about this; he was walking straight into the clutches of the kidnappers. With his help, they wanted to move to another world, which was like a sub-world of ours. In it, everything was mixed up: groups of riot police roamed the forests, capturing elf-drug dealers' hideouts; in the cities, next to the carts, unicorns were being herded; a small starship was flying by. This world was turned upside down, and you could find anything in it. That's where our man ended up. Evil aliens decided to conduct psychological experiments on him (doesn't anyone recognize them? I even know the leader of these "aliens" ;))))).
Having found himself here, the man didn't know what to do and headed...

P.S.
I ask all authors to make their posts longer; each post should be its own micro-story.

right into the heart of this chaos. He walked, not understanding what was happening around him, and even the mathematical formulas that had always been reliable refused to help him. But the Man didn't panic. He took a portable BFG out of his pocket and began his victorious march through this deadly place, thereby plunging his ruthless captors into a state of utter dismay. The evil phantom aliens didn't even suspect that a man could derail their brilliant plan, thereby...

The aliens were forced to resort to their last option. And so, in the gloomy Mordovia, on Black Mountain, their dark lord Sauron spent 30 years and 3 months crafting a mega-bot with a railgun, in order to defeat this unwelcome gamer. And the Man and the Bot met in the middle of a scorching desert, and they began their great duel. The Man decided to trick him and called his friends, but the Bot wasn't a fool either - he summoned more bots. And so, the duel turned into an eternal battle, lasting 1000 years. But the great Gamer, seeing that if it continued like this, everyone would die, and Quake would end. And he stopped the battle, until...

...his friend is a cheater. And the cheater arrived and entered his deadly cheats, and the human's retinue multiplied, and he got endless ammo, a bunch of weapons, and GODMODE. And they started crushing the bots one after another, breaking through to the main bot. And the main bot trembled with fear and retreated to its creator, so that....

...call a GM for help and ban the cheaters. But, luckily for the humans and the cheaters, the GM was sound asleep, having been lulled into a deep slumber by a new type of vodka synthesized by aliens. Not knowing what else to do, the bot creator decided to use human weapons and unleashed them on the humans...

The army of glamorous blonde assassin creatures came from the deepest, darkest corners of the Dungeons, each of their words turning experienced computer experts into helpless beings, and their bite could turn anyone into a blonde, forcing them to type with a locked Caps Lock and hour after hour, the creature's brain turning into a mixture of lipstick, powder, and nail polish...
Yes, these were the creatures, showing no mercy to anyone, neither children nor women, and the place where they appeared was forever tainted with the mark of a curse and the smell of spirits...
They gathered at the battlefield from all corners of this world, and the battle would have been considered lost if the hero hadn't heroically intervened...

...a wonderful, cool Texan Chuck Norris, who struck them one after another with accurate blows, simultaneously with a crazy look and saliva dripping from his mouth, beating them with his weapon, on which he put a tip made of hardened metal, forged in the most secret underground forges of the dwarves, selling his soul for this tip. Poor dwarves, they didn't even suspect that in reality it was their souls that were sold to this terrible creature, Chuck Norris, better known in his circles as "Monstro," and only one person went to the lands of the gnomes to warn them, the great one himself...

P.S. I remember, we had such a topic on our forum, we wrote one sentence each, it turned out to be complete nonsense, but it was fun).

...Boris Gnomaphilov, in his opinion, it’s better for blondes to conquer the land than for innocent gnomes to suffer. The gnomes of the gold mines were a peaceful people; there were never any fights among them, only murders. They mined gold on the banks of the Kolontayka River and shot at each other in saloons with their crossbows. The most famous among them was a gnome with the bloodthirsty nickname "Baby Uti-Puti." He was a terrible man, but it was he who made the chak-noris spear with which he slaughtered blondes. Therefore, Boris had a long journey ahead, but in his backpack he had "lard, matches, and eight volumes of Turgenev," and a man joined him on the way, so the adventures began immediately upon arrival.