Posts from Fun

Recently, Amarant got his hands on Photoshop. Since he was interested in understanding how it all works, he decided to practice for the first time in his life. As a result, the fanatical fan of Final Fantasy created this thing. The quality is low, but it's forgivable for a first attempt.

I woke up feeling incredibly happy and rushed to the shower. With a smile on my face, I went to the kitchen, wondering what my wife would give me. But she had even forgotten to congratulate me. "Well, that's something," I thought, "but never mind. The kids won't forget." But the kids had forgotten too. Can you imagine how I felt on my way to work? But when I entered my office, my secretary, Yulia, said softly, "Good morning, Boss. Happy Birthday!" And I felt a little better. Somewhere in the middle of the day, Yulia knocked on my door and said, "Boss, let's go have lunch together! It's your birthday!" And we went. After the third martini, Yulia said, "Boss, let's go to my place. There's no work to do, and it's your birthday!" And we went. When we arrived, Yulia whispered in my ear, "Boss, sit here on the couch, and I'll go put on something more comfortable!" And she left. Five minutes later, the door opened, and Yulia walked in with a cake, followed by my wife, children, parents, mother-in-law, colleagues, friends, and many others. And I was sitting on the couch, naked, thinking: I'M GOING TO FIRE THAT B****!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DEEP DINING SPOON


(Operating Instructions).

A deep dining spoon consists of 3 parts: a bowl, a handle, and a connecting bar. The bowl is the main working part of the deep dining spoon; it resembles the shape of an elliptical paraboloid and serves as an input-output device for food in the system. The handle is an elongated right half of a Bernoulli lemniscate; it is used to hold and move the entire structure of the deep dining spoon. The connecting bar has no specific shape; it depends on the type and model of the deep dining spoon and rigidly connects the bowl and the handle.

OPERATION PROCEDURE FOR A DEEP DINING SPOON.

1. Remove the spoon from its case, observing the safety rules for working with deep dining spoons (see below).
2. Carefully hold the spoon in your right hand (in your left hand if you are left-handed), orienting it so that the bowl is at chest level, with the concave side facing vertically upwards and the convex side facing downwards, and the entire structure is horizontal.
3. Carefully lower the bowl of the deep dining spoon into the container with food, trying to ensure that it (the bowl of the deep dining spoon) touches the food with as little area as possible (to avoid splashing) and does not come into contact with the walls of the container.
4. Bring the deep dining spoon to a horizontal position.
5. Remove the deep dining spoon from the food so that the liquid or semi-liquid does not reach the edges of the bowl of the deep dining spoon by 3-1 mm.
6. Without changing the horizontal position of the entire structure, bring the bowl of the deep dining spoon to the intended location.
7. Clear the passage to the intended location for the free passage of the bowl of the deep dining spoon.
8. Insert the bowl into the cavity of the intended location.
9. Using the pouring method, empty the bowl of the deep dining spoon of food, for which, with a sharp movement of the hand holding it, move the bowl of the deep dining spoon from a horizontal position to a position at an angle of 35 degrees to the horizon, while not removing the bowl of the deep dining spoon from the consuming cavity (other emptying methods are possible).
10. Remove the bowl of the deep dining spoon from the intended location and bring it to a horizontal position.
11. If there is no liquid or semi-liquid at the bottom of the container, or if there is no appetite, or if there is a reverse flow of food, proceed to the next step; otherwise, go to step 3.
12. Bring the deep dining spoon to a sanitary condition by treating it with a 5% solution of calcined soda, after which rinse the structure.
13. Remove any remaining moisture from the deep dining spoon by wiping it with a clean cloth.
14. Place the deep dining spoon in its case, observing the safety rules for working with the deep dining spoon.

NOTES ON THE OPERATION PROCEDURE FOR A DEEP DINING SPOON

If it is not possible to reproduce the entire cycle of operations with a deep dining spoon without errors, it is recommended to practice performing the operations without using food, in front of a flat, reflective mirror.

Safety rules.

1. Do not swallow!
2. Do not sharpen the edges of the bowl and handle.
3. Do not allow heating above 500°C.
4. Before using the deep dining spoon, perform sanitary and hygienic treatment of the hands.
5. Do not cool below absolute zero.

Hmm, Lock, did you know that there's also something like this, made back in the early 2000s?

Purpose, operating conditions, and technical specifications of the product
Toilet paper (item No. 11315509651), hereinafter referred to as the PRODUCT, is intended for removing residual fecal matter from the outer edge of the anal opening, adjacent skin areas, and locally concentrated hair on this area of the body (hereinafter referred to as the area of use).

Application:
1. Carefully read these instructions. The instructions should be fastened with M6 screws in an easily accessible and well-lit location within the user's direct line of sight. Place the roll of the product at chest level for the user, in a slightly horizontal position. 2. Perform the act of defecation. 3. Ensure that the act is successfully completed and that there is no urge to continue it (this step is important for saving and rational use of the product). 4. With a direct, forward motion of the right hand downwards, grasp the end of the product, and then with a sharp upward and rightward motion at an angle of approximately 60 degrees to the horizontal, pull the product, unwinding 700 mm of it (for the user's convenience, every 100 mm of the product is marked with perforation). 5. Using multi-directional hand movements in a horizontal plane, tear the strip approximately in the middle between two adjacent sections of perforation. Individuals lacking one of their upper limbs should perform manipulations with the product using a sharp cutting or chopping tool (scissors, table knife, straight razor, meat cleaver). Observe the safety precautions set out in the relevant instructions for these products. NOTE: It is not recommended to tear the product along the perforation sections due to the risk of damage and deformation of the surface layer of the fibrous structure of the product material. 6. Fold the piece of product in an accordion-like manner (like a bayan), folding it sequentially along the perforation sections, creating product No. 2 (see Fig. 1). 7. Transfer it to the hand that is most convenient for the user. 8. Apply the product No. 2 obtained in the previous manipulations to the area of use and, pressing it firmly against the skin, perform wiping movements in the intergluteal space. 9. Placing the used product in a well-lit area, inspect the smear on it for the presence of worm eggs or signs of pediculosis. If any are found, dial 03 and inform the relevant medical institutions at your place of residence. Otherwise, repeat steps 4-9 three to four times. 10. With a clean, dry hand, check the quality of cleaning (the intergluteal space should feel dry, slightly rough to the touch, the edges of the anal opening should be well wiped, and the hair should be fluffy and easily accessible for combing). If there are signs of poor wiping (dirt under the nails, a sharp, specific odor during olfactory control, etc.), repeat the manipulations described in steps 4-9 three to four times.

Safety precautions:
Do not smoke near the product. Do not leave the used product in places of culture, recreation, and dining. Keep out of reach of children. Toilet paper is not a toy, but a hygiene product! It is not recommended to reuse the product multiple times.

It doesn't seem like a rehash. Well, it made me smile :D. I once fell into a manhole. Not on my own, but with my car. I remember it clearly. It was spring. The weather was awful. So, I decided to stop at a covered gas station. The line at the gas station was moving bumper to bumper, slowly and sadly. And that's why I didn't notice the open manhole that the car in front of me had left to the right. I smoothly drove the right wheel into the manhole and heard: - Boom! This boom woke me up from my doze, and I focused on trying to remember the layout of the gas station and what I had driven into. I didn't know yet that I and the manhole were destined to be together for a long time, but this Boom gave me sad thoughts. The thoughts would have become even sadder if I had known what was ahead. But I didn't know yet, and, dismissing the melancholy, I got out of the car to look and determine the source of the boom. The line at the gas station smoothly flowed around me, and I, feeling an increasing sense of foreboding, walked towards the right front wheel. - Well, what the heck! - I saw the manhole and the wheel in it. Nearby were some ropes, a couple of tool belts, and... something else that I didn't have time to examine. - Because from under the wheel, from the dark depths of the well, a pair of eyes looked at me and, in a hoarse voice, asked: - Well, what the "heck" is going on here? Jumping back in surprise and "bumping" into someone's bumper, I found the courage to ask: - And who are you? From the tirade that came from the depths of the earth, it followed that I, a person with a non-traditional orientation and poor eyesight, which I acquired from constant blows to the head with a male primary sexual organ, had ropes laid out specifically for people like me. Everyone else remained human, why did I become a male turtle in an interesting position, and now, having entered into an intimate relationship with the wheel, the speaker was left without lunch. - Hmm, - I squatted down near the hole and lit a cigarette. I was thinking about how to lift the car without damage and whether anything had broken. Lost in thought, I finished my cigarette and threw it into the well. At that moment, a roar came from under the ground, which made the pistol and the driver of the Lada jump, and the orange top of the helmet began to rise rapidly up the ladder. - Excuse me, - I apologized to the helmet. In response, I heard new details about the hygiene of my mouth, as well as the intimate relationship between a plumber and a cigarette butt. Then came the prospects of the cigarette butt's location on my body. After the epic opus, the plumber disappeared into the darkness of the underground, and I, angered, kicked the wheel with my foot. I just kicked it. Well, I kicked it, that's all! Well, who knew that a small pebble was held in the tread with glue?! From the impact, it flew out and merrily flew down. I froze. Together with me, in anticipation of the terrible, Moscow froze. It seemed that everything living had frozen. In this silence of stopped time, the pebble joyfully, increasing its speed, flew towards its intended target. Probably a lot of time passed, and I heard a dull thud. The helmet happily accepted its friend-stone. - Yeeeeponamath!! A terrible cry tore through the darkness of the underground and, rushing into the side passages, flew in different directions. - WHATZOIOOPANAROOO!!! - a new roar reached the Kremlin in a second and made Minin and Pozharsky clench their teeth. The birds flew in different directions. Below, a helmet convulsively climbed up the ladder, the owner of which clearly intended to have a friendly chat with me. He was angry. So he flew up the ladder, like Romeo to his beloved Juliet. But either he forgot the reason why he got stuck here, or he just didn't have time to reduce his speed, but flying up, he slammed the top of his head into the wheel. - Ouch! - the man grunted, and the helmet, leaving the highly intellectual head, beautifully tumbled into the darkness. I even heard the helmet cutting through the air as it fell. The deafening roar from below showed me that the plumbers work in pairs. I am a polite person, so I asked: - Are you okay? My question remained unanswered. The second plumber entered into an intimate relationship with the first, promising to send the first for medical examination with serious injuries as a result of the same act. The first did not remain in debt, but in the end, he clearly explained who was to blame. My mouth went dry, and I took a bottle of water from the side door. The first plumber finished and coughed, it was clearly difficult for him to give speeches with a head injury. - Would you like a drink? - and I handed the plumber, rubbing his bruised head, an open bottle of mineral water. Well, naturally, with the neck down. - Shooozahuu//nyaaaaaa! - his timbre would be envied by Tarzan, and King Kong would drown himself. At the same time, the plumber dropped a wrench. - _____ my bad wings! Fedya, wrench! - the plumber accompanied the explanations of the peaceful flight of the wrench. - _____ this was the result of the wrench landing. What followed after the wrench hit cannot be expressed in words. The entire vocabulary could put half of the girls with weak minds in bed for a week and argue with the bosun's lexicon. Such a surge of anger could easily stop a typhoon and sink the Kennedy aircraft carrier with a full combat load. - Hmm! A pair of enraged plumbers is a terrible, and not only physical, force. This is also an outburst of unprecedented intelligence, ingenuity, and agility. Having barked at his partner downstairs that there was another exit to the surface, the curly-haired man without a helmet rushed down the ladder so quickly that military sailors, recognized conquerors of ladders, simply sniffed their noses, looking at this circus performer. All this was observed by four guys who were standing in the next lane and were probably eagerly waiting for the end. - Well, buddy, change your clothes? - They'll tear you apart so much that no surgeon will be able to sew you back together! - Yeah! These wolfhounds and an armored train will break through, damn it, without any effort. - one of them joked. Everyone laughed. I jumped behind the wheel and, with a screech, rushed back. Fortunately, the line had already cleared the way for me. I was almost out when I saw out of the corner of my eye that some speedster, deciding to bypass the entire line and get to the pump first, didn't notice the trap and ______ right into the manhole. He jumped out of the car and, shouting obscenities, began to throw ropes into the manhole. Twenty meters from the gas station, a manhole cover rose, releasing two plumbers. These were not people. These were two torpedoes, bluntly aimed at carrying out their mission. They were approaching, and the driver-poor fellow, who didn't yet know about his fate, walked past their orientation and mental abilities. The faces of the plumbers turned to stone, and their fists clenched even tighter around the impressive set of plumbing tools. The guys choked with laughter, and muffled grunts were heard from their jeep. The driver was getting more and more agitated. I tried as much as I could to increase the distance. - Is that you? - I barely managed to squeeze out to the driver, covered in shit and piss. - _____ you're poking! You opened your damn holes, so at least you should have marked them. All right, guys, you're going to fix the car. Even if you sell your helmets and wrenches, it will be enough. You yellow-vested bastards! The second plumber, listening to this tirade, was boiling. Then, without saying a word, he walked up to the car and began to bring it to the state of scrap metal with a wrench. The first joined him. The driver was generally in a state of prostration. Everything stopped at the gas station. When they were finished, it was impossible to determine not only the make of the car, but also the color. - That's it! I'm going to work in a library. There are no manholes there, - said the second, and, taking off his vest, went somewhere...

Unemployment rates in Russia are quite high. The best years in this regard were before 1861. Colorblind people submitted a petition demanding that they be allowed to obtain driver's licenses. The government announced that it is already taking steps to meet their demands, and as a first step, it has allowed them to serve in the army. The circus director, watching the performance of a drunk juggler-acrobat, said that it would be embarrassing for a clown to perform after him. Girls with a second-size bust are less attractive than girls with two first-size busts! Lessons in polite driving: How did you end up driving in this direction, esteemed "condom"?

It's been a while since anyone posted anything...

What would happen if someone threw a shoe at the head of state?

Bush: Dodges, then says, "The shoe was a size ten!", the security guards take the person who threw the shoe away and break his arm.

Putin: Catches the shoe in mid-air, throws it back, and hits the aggressor between the eyes. Then the security guards take him away, and nothing more is known about him.

Medvedev: Ducks, so the shoe flies over him, and says, "Well, everyone has the right to express their opinion..." The hooligan is taken away by security, and the next day he is fired from his job.

Obama: The security guards catch the hooligan who didn't have time to take off his shoe and carry him out of the room. Everyone is sure that the person just felt unwell.

Hu Jintao (Chairman of the People's Republic of China): When the shoe-thrower enters the building, the security's resident telepath notices suspicious mental activity, and security detains everyone within a 10-meter radius until the circumstances are clarified.

Yushchenko: Gets hit in the face with the shoe, after which he accuses the person who threw the shoe of being a "Kremlin agent" and wanting to "undermine Ukraine's independence." Supporters of Tymoshenko rush in and begin chanting anti-Yushchenko slogans.

Saakashvili: Seeing the shoe flying towards him, he hides under the table and from there informs everyone present about the termination of the speech "due to an unexpected change in the situation." Security forces push everyone out of the room.

Lukashenko: Dodges the shoe. Security takes the opposition member by the arms and leads him to the president. Lukashenko asks, "What are you unhappy about?", listens to the answer, and begins to talk about how much he has done to improve the lives of the people and the prosperity of Belarus. The ashamed opposition member is taken away by security.

Nazarbayev: Dodges the shoe, runs up to the rioter and personally beats him, with the help of security.

Pratibha Patil (woman, President of India): Gently catches the thrown shoe in mid-air, presses it to her chest, and begins to sing and dance. Security guards lead a round dance around the person who threw the shoe, who also sings and dances.



Recording of the President's New Year's greeting.
The President is given a text to read. He glances at it, says in surprise:
"This has already happened! Couldn't our PR people come up with something new, something positive... After all, there is a crisis, and everyone wants to hear something stable, encouraging, cheerful."
"Dmitry Anatolyevich, I assure you, this is positive and encouraging."
"Vladimir Vladimirovich, maybe I should say it in my own words...?"
"No, just look at the camera and read."
"Dear Russians! I'm tired, I'm leaving..."



A rally of patriots. On the podium, another orator:
"My fellow countrymen! Russian people!!! I will tell you about a tragedy that happened just the other day. My friend Vasya Pupkin, a man who is deeply - I emphasize: deeply! - law-abiding, after drinking a bottle of vodka, went out on the balcony, climbed over the railing, and fell. And now, obeying the law of some Briton with the Jewish name Isaac, he fell down and was killed!!! How long will the West continue to impose its laws on Russia?!! How long, I ask you?!!"



"Oh, girls, yesterday I smeared a colander with Blend-a-med toothpaste. In the morning - not a single hole."



Urologist? The most disgusting type! He looked at my penis with disdain, touched it with two fingers - and then presented such a bill, as if he had performed oral sex..."



Somali pirates demanded payment for the constant exercises conducted with the naval forces of various countries.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1132254/the_funniest_video_games_bugs_glitches/

10 signs that your fly is undone.
1) It's cool and refreshingly spring-like outside;
2) Spontaneous erection doesn't cause discomfort;
3) Elementary school students take out their phones and record videos for YouTube;
4) Girls you smile at smile back;
5) Men you pass by frantically check their ties, shoelaces, and cufflinks;
6) You have a feeling all day that you forgot to turn off the iron or something similar;
7) A pickpocket jumps out of the bus shouting: "I'm disgraced!";
8) In a museum, a man with an unremarkable appearance hands you a briefcase with secret documents;
9) The escalator attendant is trying to say something to you through the intercom;
10) The office security guard says to you: "Dude, zip up!".

Added 11 minutes ago
Statements by teachers
Does the word "allways" mean anything to you? Girls, put your hands down!

Boys, now it's clear why the girls don't respect you - your dignity isn't visible.

Soviet microprocessors are the best microprocessors in the world: they have 16 legs and... two handles - for carrying.

Civil Defense: during a bombing, glass shards pose the greatest danger, so when there is a threat of an attack, the groin area should be reinforced with bricks.

You're lying to me, comrade student, but I believe you.

Okay, I'm done, erase it from the board!

This will be absolutely exactly approximately equal to the following...

Entry in the disciplinary log: Juggled eggs during break.

He crept up quietly, making a clattering noise with the tracks...

I didn't graduate from an academy, but I'll give you a higher education!

Form up in the upper right corner of the hall.

All of this is called one word: the stability of the solutions of a system of differential equations.

You are old enough to talk about how the liver works.

So, my young partisans, I'm starting the review of the previous topic.

Guys, when you leave, please turn over the desks and chairs.

A sperm cell joins an egg cell, and then such handsome guys like you are born.

We'll pump the vacuum out of there...

When Prince Vladimir, as tradition dictates, died, a period of infighting began.

Have you just fallen from the moon?

This constant changes within...

I feel sorry for the students, but during the exam, I don't recognize myself, I'm not in my right mind!

...like throwing peas at a wall, in a positive sense!

It's been said before, but still...
Like "VKontakte", but fairer

Jokes about Jews. I wonder, will I be banned for racism?
Chaim Rabinovich and Semyon Katzman are walking down the street. Suddenly, Semyon turns and says:
— Listen, Chaim! If you had two Mercedes, you know, the coolest ones, with all the extras, like a bar inside and everything – would you give me one?
— Semyon, my dear! How long have we known each other? Thirty years? We've been friends since school. Why are you even asking? Of course, if I had two such Mercedes, one would definitely be for you.
They walk on. Again, Semyon turns:
— And, Chaim, imagine you had two luxurious yachts, exactly the same. Would you give me one?
— Semyon, why are you asking such questions? We're like brothers, you were my witness at my wedding, and at my son's bar mitzvah, and in general... Of course, if I had two yachts, I would give you one.
They walk on. Suddenly, Semyon turns again:
— And imagine, Chaim, that you had two chickens...
— Semyon, that's not fair. You know I have two chickens.

— Semyon, how many pies can you eat on an empty stomach?
— Well, probably five or six.
— That's where you got caught, Semyon! On an empty stomach, you can only eat one pie. The rest will be eaten on a full stomach!
— Yes, that's a good one! Let me catch Abram now... Hey, Abram, come here! How many pies can you eat on an empty stomach?
— One.
— That's where you got caught, Abram! You should have said: "Five or six." Then I would have told you a good joke!

The police are interrogating a colonel for hitting a Jew:
— Well, you see, this jerk stepped on my foot. I'm a cultured person, so I decided to wait a minute, maybe he would move. A minute passed – he's still standing there. I waited another minute – he's still standing there. I counted down the last 30 seconds – he's still standing there. So I punched him!
The colonel was reprimanded and released. A soldier is brought in, who beat up 17 Jews in the same carriage.
— Why did you beat up 17 Jews?
— Well, I'm riding in the carriage. I see a colonel and a Jew standing next to each other. The colonel looks at the Jew, then at his watch, then at the Jew, then at his watch. Then he looks again – and bam! He punches him! So I figured that it had started all over the country...

A 104-year-old Jew is dying. His 108-year-old friend comes to see him and asks:
— Well, how are you feeling, Abram?
— Bad, Izya, very bad. I'm probably going to see God soon!
— Well, if he asks you, "How is Izya doing?", tell him you haven't seen me, you don't know anything about me.

Who comes to visit with what:
A Frenchman – with a mistress. An Englishman – with a joke. A Russian – with a bottle of vodka. A Jew – with his nephew, Semyon.
Who leaves the visit with what:
A Frenchman – with a new mistress. An Englishman – with a new joke. A Russian – with a black eye. A Jew – with a piece of cake for Aunt Sarah.

-I'm Jewish and I always emphasize it. Can I use your phone, by the way?
-You can, if you're not bothered by the Arabic numerals on it...

******************************
- Mom, but I don't want to go to grandma's!
- Shut up and dig...
******************************
A guy brought a girl to his place. They had a few drinks, danced, and then went to bed. The guy put her on her back, and he was on top...
for half an hour, an hour, two, three... Then he gets up and says:
- Well, now you won't see me for a while.
The girl, looking sad:
- Do I have to leave now?
- No. Turn over.

Memfis: Victoria Daineko... Is it just me, or does her last name sound like a tearful plea from an anime-loving zoophile? ^_^'

Here, I found this thing:)

Hi everyone! ;) Today we open a course of lectures about AnnaSophia (who is she? see my avatar or check the wiki). I ask you not to fight (in the manner of "oh, it's that maniac with that girl again")), not to throw furniture, not to drink vodka (hey, you there in the back rows!) and generally to behave diligently so as to commune with beauty. And yes, don't forget to minimize that window with Heroes 3 over there. We begin! :)

We start with facts! As is known, AnnaSophia is a very kind girl, so a small emphasis will be placed on this :) in the next article, which Freedom wrote based on "Chuck Norris Facts" :D So here are the socially adapted ones (I cut out the most "fan-like" ones :smile42: )

Facts about AnnaSophia Robb

"STOPITcZOT FActs ABout AnnaSophia Robb"

• AnnaSophia is the only person on the planet whose DNA cell nuclei are coiled in the shape of a smiley!
  
• When soldiers see AnnaSophia, their helmets fly off. Literally.
  
• AnnaSophia isn't afraid of thugs because if they "take her at gunpoint" and she turns to them with a pitiful little face, the thugs will repent and cry!
  
• When AnnaSophia gets nervous, she can stomp her foot so hard that children on the other side of the Earth lose their baby teeth!
  
• Scientists discovered that AnnaSophia's handshake is comparable in power to ten lightning bolts hitting the same spot!
  
• AnnaSophia is so happy that a lie detector starts oscillating to the rhythm: MMFSSFMR - Ludwig van Beethoven's 9th Symphony!
  
• AnnaSophia is the only blonde who is "on first-name terms" with cars; if something goes wrong on the road, she opens the hood and smiles at the engine, and that's it... you can drive on!
  
• When AnnaSophia is happy, the rain stops all over the world and a rainbow appears!
  
• When AnnaSophia looks at the Sun, a solar eclipse occurs because the Sun is afraid of being blinded by AnnaSophia's Radiance!
  
• Scientists calculated that the radiation power during the Big Bang was approximately equal to the density of AS R (AnnaSophia's Radiance)!
  
  
• When AnnaSophia was born, the number of UFO sightings over America increased, and Earth itself entered the "Top 10 Most Visited Planets of the Milky Way"!
  
• AnnaSophia loves candy, gum, and all that so much that at the sight of an M&M, she can "find" all the "x's" of the Ackermann function in a fraction of a second for them!
  
• When AnnaSophia walks through the forest, even the trees ask her to leave an autograph on their canopy!
  
• AnnaSophia's hair is so strong that it could be woven into a ribbon for the notorious "Space Elevator."
  
• Never say the word "couch" around her; she will be offended, but she won't touch you—your own conscience will torture you; better apologize!
  
• AnnaSophia loves her dad very much: when her dad was late for work, she went with him to the boss—after a short conversation, dad was sent on vacation, given a bonus, and his photo was hung on the "board of honor"!
  
• When philosophers study the meaning of life, they are actually secretly studying AnnaSophia's autobiography! When romantics argue about "what is happiness?", they are actually discussing AnnaSophia's personality!
  
• AnnaSophia never thought about "Eternal Questions" because she has been Happy and her life full of Meaning since the moment of her birth!
  
• In a past life, AnnaSophia lived somewhere in the mountains; then some bearded man came there and asked for wisdom for people—she scribbled 10 lines on a rock for him and asked not to be disturbed further!
  
• Once, while walking home, AnnaSophia accidentally tripped over the body of a sleeping drunk; he woke up, bugged his eyes out, and confessed all the sins of his past and present life, then repented and burst into tears—then AnnaSophia treated him to an M&M!
  
• Everyone loves AnnaSophia, even in the "world of shadows"; Nikola Tesla himself, Leo Tolstoy, and Leonhard Euler, with Hades' permission, secretly visit her house in Denver and do her homework while she is off filming a movie somewhere!
  
• When AnnaSophia snowboards, the snow melts where she rode, snowdrops bloom, and olive trees grow!
  
• Bella is AnnaSophia's pet; he is trained in 200 types of martial arts and all styles of Kung Fu, so you shouldn't smile at her when she walks him, as the doggy might mistake your smile for a snarl!
  
• AnnaSophia is so famous that the abbreviation "ASR" is even in "Dahl's Explanatory Dictionary," and that was 200 years before her birth!
  
• When AnnaSophia wants to "rip" something from a file-sharing site but a gold account is required, she simply enters her name in the "password" field and downloads for free at maximum speed!
  
• In the episode of "MvT" where Leslie and Jess run through the forest, "high-speed filming" was actually used, and the camera on the monorail broke the "sound barrier" at the climax!
  
• AnnaSophia has the most powerful immune system; instead of the notorious red cells and other organisms, her blood is saturated with little PacMANs for protection and hundreds of little Flashes running at incredible speed through vessels and capillaries, promptly delivering oxygen to every cell!
  
• When N. Tesla died, he actually moved into the future and created a teleportation machine there; after meeting AnnaSophia, at her request, he copied two more such AnnaSophias: the real AnnaSophia hangs out with friends while her two copies slave over textbooks and act in movies!
• AnnaSophia can turn lead into gold with a single touch of her hand!
  
• AnnaSophia knows how to fly, and it's she who takes photos for "Google Maps," not some satellites!
  
• AnnaSophia's finger snaps do not produce an echo!
  
• When AnnaSophia snaps her fingers in the American "Thunder Valley," lightning strikes, thunder crashes, and ball lightning appears!
  
• N. Tesla managed to create "ball lightning" in his laboratory because he could snap his fingers like AnnaSophia!
  
• If AnnaSophia is made very angry, she will swear, and all her fans within a 3-kilometer radius will die of heart attacks! Therefore, she never swears and keeps herself in check; the dog Bella gets angry instead.
  
• Watch all the movies AnnaSophia acts in—the girl from Denver! Her personas are more real than Ostap Bender's combinations!
  
• AnnaSophia is the only person in the world who can download, comment on, and view any files on a website without registration and absolutely for free, even on government and military ones!
  
• On the "Error 404" page, the internet address of "ASR's Secret Blog" is actually encrypted using the Blowfish algorithm in a 2^600 bit code!
  
  
• AnnaSophia's gaze fills one with heroism and happiness; a person struck by AnnaSophia's Crown Gaze will be able to withstand a full volley of all calibers from a "Dreadnought" cruiser!
  
• Scientists calculated the probability that you would become her groom—and it is comparable to the probability of electrons coagulating toward the center of an atomic nucleus and nucleons moving to electron orbits! (I wasn't planning to anyway)) – note by Lizard)
  
• AnnaSophia played the role of Leslie so vividly and realistically that once Garbor Ksupo dreamed of Leslie, and she pinched his cheek, which woke him up!
  
• Scientists discovered that AnnaSophia's presence near a TOKAMAK increases the percentage of thermal collisions and plasma density such that a thermonuclear reaction occurs even at room temperature!
  
• When AnnaSophia orders a "California roll," it is delivered from California itself, in a convoy of five cars under FBI cover, and Arnold Schwarzenegger personally serves her the roll!
  
• The SETI program bore no fruit for a long time, but then scientists decided to send "MvT" in binary code to the very end of the Galaxy; the next day, alien ASR fans "flooded" the radio scanner on all frequencies with messages and declarations of love!

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We also have data on secret research! ;)

Chinese hacker-fans (adherents of the "Bright Annosophism" cult) developed a new PC virus "ASR_be_happy93.worm" which penetrates your PC through OS vulnerabilities and gratuitously "patches" all "holes" in the OS, fixes Windows errors, removes bugs and glitches, and overclocks your computer to "unprecedented speeds" without nitrogen cooling, providing a "secret channel" for secret correspondence personally with AnnaSophia! As a result, antivirus sales plummeted; now everyone wants to be infected by this virus and correspond via the "secret channel" with ASR!


You shouldn't write nonsense to AnnaSophia's email because from the "body" of the letter she can "restore" your IP and using her KVAS (AnnaSophia's Crown Gaze) penetrate beyond the dynamic IP issued by the provider and see your real internal IP; that is how perceptive she is. Well, of course, she won't do anything to you because she is kind and will forgive you, but when she forgives someone, the air becomes so ionized that her "Macintosh" keyboard starts producing random combinations, which in 90% of cases turn out to be malicious code written in C++ and also accidentally sent to your address.

Once AnnaSophia was browsing the web and saw "Upyachka" with a dancing idiot-man wishing someone would kill him, and she laughed so loud that she accidentally posted flood on the Upyachka forum consisting of 130 Quadrillion copy-pastes of the word "LOL," causing the hosting along with the server itself to "collapse" and burn out. Then AnnaSophia worried for a long time and wanted to apologize for the unintentional "trolling" (brute-force) of the hosting, and she regretted it so much that Google removed the site archive from its cache and restored the "Upyachka" site; then AnnaSophia was happy and wrote thank-you letters to everyone!

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Well, that's probably all for today =) Now you can get up from under the table and dust yourselves off, regardless of whether you were rolling with laughter or fell asleep from boredom :) (I hope it's closer to the former))
I can't guarantee a continuation, but everything is possible)

And one last fact for the road...

AnnaSophia is the only actress whose combination of roles constitutes her Alter-Ego.;)