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Oh, these poor translators of computer programs! There are countless funny stories about how things were translated. The unicorns in Heroes turned out to be very amusing. In HMM2, the translation required preserving the number of characters. Therefore, "unicorn" could not be translated as "единорог" (unicorn). It was translated as "носорог" (rhinoceros)! But in HMM3, there was no such problem. So, ordinary "unicorns" were translated normally. But "War Unicorns" were translated as "единороги-воры" (thief unicorns)!
There, "Dendroid soldiers" were translated as "Ходячие дрова" (walking logs). It doesn't really match in meaning, but they do look like walking logs.
Here's another funny story about Heroes III. It will only be funny to experts, though.
I was talking to one Internet player in Heroes III. He was one of the best in the league, which is practically the entire Internet. And he said to me: "I won three games here, but lost one. Although I seemed to be lucky, I was defeated by one nasty trick that I didn't even suspect. Well, you live and learn."
So, I thought it must be something cool, and I asked him to tell me about it.
Here's a quote, taken from ICQ history:
"The point is this: if there is an advantage in the unit's speed and the enemy's main hero approaches your main hero, then you can usually attack him with only one regiment of fast warriors, hit him with some powerful magic, and either sell off or run away."
Yes. The loud and hysterical, outwardly completely unprovoked laughter in the workplace (there was absolutely no way to restrain it) did not have a positive effect on my relationship with my boss. Unfortunately, my boss doesn't play Heroes...
To understand this joke about Heroes III, you don't necessarily need to be able to play it. Although it might be helpful to know that there is a powerful spell in the game called Implosion, which deals a lot of damage to any army (except Black Dragons and Magic Elementals).
A message appeared in the RU.GAME.HEROES echo, the meaning of which was approximately as follows: it has long been known to all normal people that the strongest 6th-level unit is the Dread Knight. Previously, some backward people said something about the Naga Queen, but the superiority of the Dread Knight has been proven and confirmed by numerous experiments.
The statement was clearly absurd, and it also sounded very arrogant. Berlov conducted an experiment, pitting an equal number of Dread Knights and Naga Queens against each other (10 each). The Naga Queens won in 9 out of 10 cases.
Berlov reported this in the echo. The answer he received... No comments are needed. Here it is:
"Well, you probably played without magic! And we just cast Implosion on the Naga Queens - and that's it for them!"
This is the story of how my nickname was born.
In general, even before that, especially Sergei Berlov, was annoyed by the fact that I always had Lightning Bolt. Once, I came to Berlov on the third day with Lightning Bolt and SP=5 on a very poor map. Well, they gave me a warlock hero and Lightning Bolt in the Shrine... Berlov was very upset :) But this story was the culmination.
Once, we were playing Heroes, me against Berlov and Dimka. The situation was this: I built Dimension Door in my castle and am going to use it to teleport with my main hero. The castle is far away, so the easiest way is to run away from someone and hire in the castle, anyway, the hero is walking almost without an army and beats everyone only with magic (of course). My hero was already quite strong and knew Chain Lightning (and, of course, also the regular Lightning Bolt).
And then I see Dimka's main hero coming. He has a lot of troops - a ton of skeletons and a lot of other things, 5 troops. Well, I think, I'll run into him and run away, I'll hit him with lightning. My turn in the battle will be first - this is obvious.
I run into him and call out to my opponents:
- Well, come and watch. That is, there is not much to watch, I will hit with lightning and run away...
They come to watch.
- Wow, he has Chain Lightning... He always has it, where does he get it from?
I choose Chain Lightning.
- Well, I'll just do some damage and run away...
I hit the skeletons with Chain Lightning.
AND ALL 5 TROOPS DIE!!!
- Hmm, I guess I won't be able to run away, - I say, choking with laughter at the sight of the stunned faces of my opponents. And I start looking at the artifacts that I inherited.
It was after this that I got the nickname "Mr. Lightning Bolt", which later transformed into the more noble "Master of Lightnings".
One of my acquaintances bought a computer for the first time a couple of months ago. Moreover, he knew less about computers than an African baboon. On my advice, he bought the game Heroes of M&M III, and during the entire following week, he thoroughly tormented everyone around him with stupid questions until he finally figured out how to play it. In celebration, he decided to buy the add-on to the game, Armageddon Blade. Not knowing what an add-on is and how to eat it, he asked the seller to explain. The seller said that the Armageddon Blade add-on is installed on top of the original version of Heroes of M&M III. My friend, when he got home, did the following (I list it in points):
1. Opened the CD-ROM drive.
2. Put the Heroes III disc in it.
3. Put the Armageddon Blade disc on top.
4. Then he tried (after performing the above operations) to close the CD-ROM drive.
5. The CD-ROM offered desperate resistance.
6. Then he pressed on the disobedient CD-ROM with both hands, transferring all of his body weight (78 kg) onto them.
7. The CD-ROM crunched and went inside the system unit (forever!!!).
Everyone I told this story to laughed until they cried, but I must say that when my friend called me and told me what he had done, I just froze in shock.
One peasant lived a very virtuous life. He lived a long life, but then he died and ended up at the Gates of Heaven.
An angel asks him:
- Did you live a righteous life?
- Yes.
- Did you sin?
- No.
- Did you help people?
- Yes.
The angel pondered: "Oh, we have a small staff..."
He gave the peasant armor, a two-handed sword, and a fake beard and mustache and said:
- Get dressed, you will be an archangel.
Lucifer Krigan was very nervous. One day, he found Armageddon's Blade, one swing of which could plunge the whole world into chaos. Then an imp approached him and said:
- Excuse me, master...
- Leave me alone, leave me alone, go away, go away, go away!!!
Once, the army of Conflux fought against the army from Necropolis. The elementals came out into the field and saw: rows of offended ghosts were moving towards them with signs that said "Something", and someone very witty (probably some zombie) changed the "e" to "i", and skeletons with the battle cry: "Skeletons attack Earth! Skeletons attack Earth!"
One Element of Reason looked questioningly at the other. He said: "What can you do... Translators!" No one understood anything, and only bewildered gnomes managed to raise their protective item when the player's hero attacked the city.
(c) Master of Lightning
Drnik
