Posts from Humor in Heroes of Might and Magic V.

A fresh dose of humor from ГУголка.

I saw an advertisement for a calming medicine on TV, with the wonderful name Barboval. I imagined an advertisement in the world of Heroes:
Are you suffering from insomnia? Are the orcs battering down the gates of your castle keeping you awake? Barboval, a powerful hero with a legion of skeletons, will help you! Barboval is the best remedy for orcs!

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An orcish folk rhyme

My green, fearsome orc
Knows a thing or two about brawls
I love to eat and drink
I love to beat up people.
I love to kill all the mages
And tear off the ears of elves,
I love to bash all sorts of freaks
And rip off the beards of gnomes
I love to beat up all the demons
And twist off the heads of the undead.
My favorite beast is the cyclops
He's a big, scary brute.
I also love to sleep
And kick goblins in the butt.
I love to yell at everyone
I'm terrible at casting spells,
I'll forget about magic
And just beat everyone up.
I'll eat, I'll drink,
I'll sleep and go to the toilet
Then I'll sharpen my weapon
And finally, I'll kill everyone.
What else is there to live for in Ashan?

Author: Angvat

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Two barbarians met.
- I heard you practicing your war cries yesterday. Congratulations, you're doing great!
- Thanks, but that's when a cyclops stepped on my foot.

Author: Magic_Art

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Those who can't find kindred spirits seek kindred blood. © Orcs.

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A new artifact has appeared: "Endless Bag of Sunflower Seeds." Effect: the hero just stands on the map and skips turns.

Author: unknown

A swordsman and a skeleton are talking on the training ground: S: Who are you? M: How am I – a swordsman! How dare you talk to me like that? S: And what will you be later? M: A priest! S: And then? M: A cavalryman! S: And then? M: A paladin! S: And then? M: Well... I'll die. S: And I'm already dead, so what's the point of asking?! :smile34:

A new castle option – the Corporation. Dwellings: Reception Security checkpoint Sales department IT department Accounting department Director's office Corresponding units: Secretary: Office Manager – counterattacks enemies attacking the director (see below); the enemy does not retaliate. Sales Manager: Administrator – the main attacking unit; the basic version has high morale after hiring, which decreases over time. Guard: Security Officer – a ranged unit; no penalty in melee combat. Driver: Courier-Expeditor – analogous to cavalry; has the charge skill (increased attack when charging); if present in the hero's army, it increases the movement range on the map; in battle, it can deliver slower units to the front lines. Programmer: System Administrator – a caster; can cast chain lightning; the advanced version can steal mana from the enemy. Accountant: Chief Accountant – a slow unit with very heavy defense; morale cannot be reduced (nor can it be increased); the advanced version has unlimited counterattack. Director: President – has his own driver, so he can move to any point on the battlefield; the advanced version has an airplane, so he can fly; has the ability to "pull strings," temporarily increasing the morale of the selected stack by +2. The hero has the ability – corporate event, which increases the luck and morale of the army, but on the next day, these indicators, as well as the speed, attack, and defense of all units, are reduced by half (a day off). Castle upgrades: Human Resources Department – increases troop growth. Marketing Department – provides information about enemies, although not always accurate. Access Control System – reduces the luck of the besieging army. Air Conditioning System – increases the morale of the defending army. At the beginning of the second week of each month, all units must be paid

I had a translation where the green player was referred to as a "chirka" player, and the arrows in the abilities were labeled as "teleoperator."
And, not related to the topic, but still about humor in Heroes – in the third game, in the last mission of the "Unholy Alliance" campaign, didn't the ending cutscene remind you of the ending of the movie "The Avengers"? When they drive away with their backs to the camera…

Remember that face that appears when you make a blunder? It's the spitting image of Khrushchev!

To me, that face looks more like constipation than absent-mindedness. And it might resemble Khrushchev. So, he probably had diarrhea often. :)

In Heroes 5, I had a week of Festivals. On that day, no one gained any extra money.

everyone chipped in for food, drinks, and girls)))) and then there was a week of darkness due to wiring problems and short circuits, not to mention weeks of cleaning and sobering up)))

In Heroes 5, I had a week of Festivals. On this day, no one gained any money.

Actually, this week exists in all games; it's the worst of all, even worse than the week of plague.

Do you mean for everyone? For all factions, that's what I meant.

everyone chipped in for food, drinks, and girls)))) and then there was a week of darkness due to wiring problems and short circuits, not to mention weeks of cleaning and sobering up)))

Yeah, a week of darkness - the map is completely erased except for the areas around your mines and dwellings.
A week of cleaning - several units in the hero's army are randomly removed each turn and returned the next (they go to clean).
A week of sobering up - all units randomly have their initiative increased (they want to get to the store for beer faster) and their health decreased (hangover).

In one of the maps, I had to dig up the Tear of Ashi. So, I dug it up before the computer player could, and went on with my business. Then, the enemy hero showed up late, ran to the spot where the Tear of Ashi was, and just stood there, stunned. He couldn't believe it. He stayed there until the end of the game, poor thing. He just ran around the spot in circles while I dealt with the main enemy, and then I finished him off out of pity.

1-9 I played the pirated version at a friend's place... I just had to share it!
10 Naadiru now has the sea at her knees (created by me).

I played the pirated version at a friend's place... I just had to share!
10. Now Naadiru has no problem with the sea (created by me).

Awesome! These screenshots (and the game's localization) are in the style of "Hand of Fate" for paladins... :D :D :D And you can find a similar set of abilities in Heroes of Might and Magic V in campaign battles against the AI... And in single-player, I've managed to "create" something similar (as has the AI :) ).

Great idea about the "week of darkness"!!!!!!!!! Add it to the expansion pack!!!!!!!!!!:smile54:

Played the pirated version at a friend's place... couldn't resist sharing!
10. Naadiru now has no problem with the sea (created by me).

Dodge a rocket?! :D :D :D Eternal icicle?! :D :D :D Oh... I want artifacts with such enchantments!)))) Oh, you can't post screenshots like that, I almost died laughing!)))