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If you listen to some feminists, you'll start to believe that a man's primary purpose is to spend 24 hours a day inventing new ways to please a tender, fragile, and trusting creature.
A woman's response to Chamberlain: 10 main female "excuses" and their literal interpretation.
1. "Beauty isn't the most important thing. What matters is the soul," or "Money isn't the most important thing. What matters is the soul."
Women who actually value beautiful and wealthy men are the ones who like to discuss these topics. If you hear one of these phrases, know that the girl was recently dumped by another Banderas or Bill Gates. And, naturally, for this reason, she has temporarily indulged in philosophical discussions on this relevant topic. But don't be fooled. As one of my friends used to say, "a woman, once she has felt the warmth of the front seat of a car, will never ride with you on a trolleybus." So, after licking her wounds, such a girl will start hunting for her ideal, both financially and aesthetically.
Translation:
"A man should be rich, handsome, and—if possible—understanding."
2. "Call me sometime."
A classic phone excuse. If a woman doesn't want to give you a direct rejection, she'll say this phrase. You call, and each time it turns out that she's either in the shower, or you caught her at the door, or she's falling asleep, or just woke up. Or maybe she's just "a little busy right now."
Translation:
"I have more important things to do than talk to you."
3. "I like you as a friend," or "You're like a brother to me."
Every man has probably been in a similar situation. He invites a pretty girl to dinner, gives her flowers, and generally spoils her. And then he tries to move further towards his main goal. And he crashes into an impassable wall. "What's the problem?" he asks. "No," they answer. "You're a good friend, and I like you the way you are." No more, no less. "And that's exactly the distance we are at now," you can read between the lines. Your girlfriend was just bored, or she wanted someone to pay attention to her. If that's okay with you, you can continue to take care of this wonderful garden. But someone else will enjoy its fruits, so be aware!
Translation:
"You're not good enough for me."
4. "I'm not ready for a serious relationship right now."
This "excuse" may come shortly after the first one. In the case where you buy into her reasoning about the beauty of the soul and try to offer your rich inner world, without taking care of the richness of your wallet. All you can expect after this phrase is the status of a "friend" ("excuse" number three) or even a "boyfriend." In this case, she will also tell you "how difficult it is to find a good man," and you will finally feel like a complete idiot.
Translation:
"You're not handsome and you don't have a lot of money, so why should we get closer?"
5. "I'm on my period."
Apparently, no suitable "excuse" came to the beautiful woman's mind at that moment. She had to use the ironclad option, hinting that "it's better not to mess with me right now." If you're good at arithmetic and have a good memory, you can easily figure out if this is a lie. Of course, only if the "excuse" is not used for the first time.
Translation:
"I couldn't think of anything better to say."
6. "Not today. I have a headache / I'm too tired / I'm not in the mood."
A traditional "excuse" for married women. Until they are married, they are sex-hungry females. After that, they are sex-dispensing mistresses, doling it out in measured doses. Well, in the end, they can be understood: it makes sense to have sex later, but the series isn't repeated. However, you also have a choice: masturbation, a sex shop doll, or heroic abstinence.
Translation:
from "Quiet—the kids will hear" and "My favorite show is on TV today" to "After that, we have to shower..."
7. "It doesn't matter what size it is. What matters is how you use it."
If your friend isn't capable of penetrating her, there's always a chance that he's smaller than the previous one. Or significantly smaller. Then, if the occasion arises, you will be comforted with this rather uncomforting phrase. Because, in reality, women pass stories about giant penises from mouth to mouth like legends.
Translation:
"Grow it, and grow it some more!"
8. "Everything I have is yours."
This "excuse" sounds when a woman doesn't mind putting her hand in your wallet. But be sure that everything she and her parents have acquired will still remain her property. So, if you're planning to marry a girl with a dowry in the form of a house or apartment, it's better to buy a place together, or buy it yourself.
Otherwise, you'll be "the guy who moved in with her" for the rest of your life. As for money and other material values not earned by you personally, spend them for the benefit of your future wife. Believe me, she will take it for granted. And, perhaps, she will temporarily grant you an indulgence. But then you will still have to take into account the translation of this phrase...
Translation:
"And everything you have is, accordingly, mine!"
9. "I want to make you happy."
A woman's happiness is to have her beloved nearby, according to Tatyana Ovsyenko. She doesn't say that she doesn't say—nearby, on a leash! It's nice to walk the beloved around the shops or to her mother's for dinner. There it is, happiness! And didn't you know? Perhaps you thought that happiness is to collapse in front of the TV with a box of beer and watch cup matches all evening? Naive!
Translation:
"Do what I say, and then everything will be fine."
10. "Everyone has the right to privacy."
This is the Mother of all "excuses." The main postulate that can cover everything. The right to privacy, of course, is granted exclusively to women. Because a woman with a private life is just a mysterious and enigmatic creature. And a man is an inattentive and cruel potential deceiver. Judging by centuries of experience, after this phrase is uttered, you can put a cross on your relationship with your lady. Unless you're a sadomasochist, of course.
A woman's response to Chamberlain: 10 main female "excuses" and their literal interpretation.
1. "Beauty isn't the most important thing. What matters is the soul," or "Money isn't the most important thing. What matters is the soul."
Women who actually value beautiful and wealthy men are the ones who like to discuss these topics. If you hear one of these phrases, know that the girl was recently dumped by another Banderas or Bill Gates. And, naturally, for this reason, she has temporarily indulged in philosophical discussions on this relevant topic. But don't be fooled. As one of my friends used to say, "a woman, once she has felt the warmth of the front seat of a car, will never ride with you on a trolleybus." So, after licking her wounds, such a girl will start hunting for her ideal, both financially and aesthetically.
Translation:
"A man should be rich, handsome, and—if possible—understanding."
2. "Call me sometime."
A classic phone excuse. If a woman doesn't want to give you a direct rejection, she'll say this phrase. You call, and each time it turns out that she's either in the shower, or you caught her at the door, or she's falling asleep, or just woke up. Or maybe she's just "a little busy right now."
Translation:
"I have more important things to do than talk to you."
3. "I like you as a friend," or "You're like a brother to me."
Every man has probably been in a similar situation. He invites a pretty girl to dinner, gives her flowers, and generally spoils her. And then he tries to move further towards his main goal. And he crashes into an impassable wall. "What's the problem?" he asks. "No," they answer. "You're a good friend, and I like you the way you are." No more, no less. "And that's exactly the distance we are at now," you can read between the lines. Your girlfriend was just bored, or she wanted someone to pay attention to her. If that's okay with you, you can continue to take care of this wonderful garden. But someone else will enjoy its fruits, so be aware!
Translation:
"You're not good enough for me."
4. "I'm not ready for a serious relationship right now."
This "excuse" may come shortly after the first one. In the case where you buy into her reasoning about the beauty of the soul and try to offer your rich inner world, without taking care of the richness of your wallet. All you can expect after this phrase is the status of a "friend" ("excuse" number three) or even a "boyfriend." In this case, she will also tell you "how difficult it is to find a good man," and you will finally feel like a complete idiot.
Translation:
"You're not handsome and you don't have a lot of money, so why should we get closer?"
5. "I'm on my period."
Apparently, no suitable "excuse" came to the beautiful woman's mind at that moment. She had to use the ironclad option, hinting that "it's better not to mess with me right now." If you're good at arithmetic and have a good memory, you can easily figure out if this is a lie. Of course, only if the "excuse" is not used for the first time.
Translation:
"I couldn't think of anything better to say."
6. "Not today. I have a headache / I'm too tired / I'm not in the mood."
A traditional "excuse" for married women. Until they are married, they are sex-hungry females. After that, they are sex-dispensing mistresses, doling it out in measured doses. Well, in the end, they can be understood: it makes sense to have sex later, but the series isn't repeated. However, you also have a choice: masturbation, a sex shop doll, or heroic abstinence.
Translation:
from "Quiet—the kids will hear" and "My favorite show is on TV today" to "After that, we have to shower..."
7. "It doesn't matter what size it is. What matters is how you use it."
If your friend isn't capable of penetrating her, there's always a chance that he's smaller than the previous one. Or significantly smaller. Then, if the occasion arises, you will be comforted with this rather uncomforting phrase. Because, in reality, women pass stories about giant penises from mouth to mouth like legends.
Translation:
"Grow it, and grow it some more!"
8. "Everything I have is yours."
This "excuse" sounds when a woman doesn't mind putting her hand in your wallet. But be sure that everything she and her parents have acquired will still remain her property. So, if you're planning to marry a girl with a dowry in the form of a house or apartment, it's better to buy a place together, or buy it yourself.
Otherwise, you'll be "the guy who moved in with her" for the rest of your life. As for money and other material values not earned by you personally, spend them for the benefit of your future wife. Believe me, she will take it for granted. And, perhaps, she will temporarily grant you an indulgence. But then you will still have to take into account the translation of this phrase...
Translation:
"And everything you have is, accordingly, mine!"
9. "I want to make you happy."
A woman's happiness is to have her beloved nearby, according to Tatyana Ovsyenko. She doesn't say that she doesn't say—nearby, on a leash! It's nice to walk the beloved around the shops or to her mother's for dinner. There it is, happiness! And didn't you know? Perhaps you thought that happiness is to collapse in front of the TV with a box of beer and watch cup matches all evening? Naive!
Translation:
"Do what I say, and then everything will be fine."
10. "Everyone has the right to privacy."
This is the Mother of all "excuses." The main postulate that can cover everything. The right to privacy, of course, is granted exclusively to women. Because a woman with a private life is just a mysterious and enigmatic creature. And a man is an inattentive and cruel potential deceiver. Judging by centuries of experience, after this phrase is uttered, you can put a cross on your relationship with your lady. Unless you're a sadomasochist, of course.
