Posts from It’s a very long story… Auto-translated

So, the mutation not only improved the dog's physical abilities but also severely impaired its intelligence, as it decided to abandon Chappy. Well, it's time to finally start the mega battle between the American kitty and the Soviet dog...
Round #1...
A stunning blonde walked into the ring with a sign that said "Round #1." Judging by the grammar, she wrote the sign herself, but half of the audience didn't bother watching the fight and immediately rushed to flirt with the blonde (she was also topless). The commentator, while checking the equipment, loudly repeated all the swear words he knew from A to Z, so by the end of the tirade, everyone remaining was openly yawning. And then, Khkot-f-sapokhakh appeared, with a tattoo of Klitschko on his chest...

The Killer Dog enters the ring, "Sacred War" plays, and to the astonishment of the audience, it bites through an oak tree, then a steel rail, and then bites the referee, howls (windows shatter, eyes and eardrums burst in the audience, an earthquake of magnitude 9 occurs), and pees on Puss in Boots)))) (No offense)))

Oh! My Gucci boots!” the cat exclaimed. Then, he pulled out dried, armor-piercing fish, just like the wolf from “Nu, Pogodi,” and started wreaking havoc. The dog wasn’t particularly scared; she had seen worse, but the smell of the fish and the worms occasionally falling out of it sent the fearsome dog killer into a state of shock, and then into a faint. So, the first round goes to the cat. P.S. It seems like Brakman isn’t willing to help us get this topic out of the dead end. Let’s create such an epic and impressive piece here that everyone will be amazed.

And just as the referee counted to two, the dog showed that all of this was a feint to lull the opponent into a false sense of security, and at that very moment, the Cat had its leg bitten off along with its boot, after which it was savagely chewed up))
P.S.: come on!

But the cat was no ordinary one; like Long John Silver, he had attached a wooden leg to himself. With a swift turn, he swung the wooden leg and struck the dog in the throat with a dried fish. The dog choked. All the spectators recoiled in horror; they realized what was about to happen, and all the torments of hell would seem like a resort compared to what followed...

For the dog got a bone. It was a well-worn bone, battered, with spikes and notches – as if many people had been struck with it. But first, the dog knocked the judge over, grabbed a chair, and whacked the cat on the head with all its might. Then, climbing onto the partition, it jumped on the cat, stood up, and lifted it by the scruff of its neck into the air. It tossed it and played catch with the poor, unfortunate disabled cat...

(Sorry for interrupting, but) it happened completely by accident – a cat got into the rubber ring that limits the arena, and then BAM! It crashed headfirst into the dog...
P.S. Let's

But all of that was nothing compared to what happened when Tyson appeared in the ring, and the dog suddenly remembered that it was a hellish creature and didn't need to follow any rules. And it immediately opened the gates of Hell, from which demons, imps, and devils emerged. But they couldn't make an impact on the battlefield because Tyson was there for a reason, and with his fists, he instantly killed the demons...

The dog wasn't just any dog either. It had Chuck Norris as a friend (... repeat)))), and Chuck Norris kicked Tyson so hard that Tyson became the first person to go into space without a rocket, spacesuit, fuel, or effort, which is what he became famous for)))))

Unfortunately, Norris could no longer help the dog, as he broke his leg, and the nasty cat in boots sneered and didn't give him his wooden one. Friends don't abandon each other – this truth is known even to a hellish dog, and therefore it grabbed Chuck by the scruff of the neck and ran through the streets of the metropolis, carrying Chuck to the hospital. At this time, the cat in boots leisurely lit his pipe and, leaning on his crutch, said in a hoarse voice, like the old pirate John Silver: *some were afraid of Tyson, others of Chuck Norris, and they were afraid of me, the hellish dog*. And, obeying a single wave of the crutch, a crowd of dog handlers dreaming of such a wonderful dog rushed in pursuit.

Dragon, go to Absurdopedia and read about who Chuck Norris is)))) Because only Chuck Norris can harm Chuck Norris!)) Therefore, Chuck quickly ran away from the dog and went to kick the cat in the... head)))))

But then the cat got angry and *splat* – spat in Chuck's face. Chuck got offended, started crying, and ran away. The cat was already celebrating its victory, but then...

Yeah, no one knows what Chuck Norris is capable of... (Nick, I think you'll soon be flying past Jupiter...)
Chuck Norris won't be scared of some little spit!)) He's not afraid of anything at all!)) So Chuck Norris just turned around and BAM! He kicked the cat with a spinning heel kick (By the way, it's amazing that it's still alive). But Chuck Norris didn't kill the cat. He took it to Cthulhu to eat))))

Cthulhu, meanwhile, was devising plans to devour everyone and everything. He couldn't decide whether it would be better to eat the worthless humans with ketchup or mayonnaise? It was at this high point of contemplation about the meaning of existence that Chuck found him.
P.S. Brackman, if Chuck is so invulnerable, then don't write about him, because it's unsettling, and it's obvious that he will destroy everyone. We need to add some intrigue.

I completely agree with Draсon Maллaca about Chuck Norris...