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Sitting in her usual spot, Ayano gazes at the floor for a while.
"You're a strange person. Has anyone ever told you that? But I don't mean it in a bad way. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say 'unusual'," she pauses, unsure how to continue this conversation that hasn't even begun. But finally, she continues. "I've already explained the essence of the story to you. The last time I was here, you treated me with respect, and now I realize that you did so with understanding. That's why I didn't think my presence in itself was a problem. But I encountered the head of a small, out-of-the-way church. Or rather, I went there myself. I wanted to better understand the circumstances of the world around me and its history, and it turned out to be a mistake. It almost led to bloodshed at the hands of my... companion, when that priest expressed his hostility. In the end, only his eloquence managed to defuse the situation. However, that priest was happy to enlighten me about the questions I wanted to ask, and even those I didn't. From his words, I realized that the very fact of my existence defiles the face of your world, and the only right path I should take is the one that will rid the atmosphere of my presence in it. I'm not one to be sensitive to insults directed at me, but... when the issue moves into the realm of the laws of the universe and the natural course of things, I have nothing to counter it with.
'Behind your false politeness and pseudo-belief in free will lie the tentacles of interstellar abominations; you will inevitably cause harm, even if you don't want to,'" those were his words. I have never consciously harmed anyone; it goes against all my beliefs and my nature. So far, I've even managed to avoid moments of self-defense. I don't feel anyone's guiding hand behind me; I don't worship gods – neither stellar nor secular... but what if it's true? Can we claim to have a perfect understanding of such subtle matters? 'No matter how much the blacksmith deceives himself, forging a sword for self-defense, that sword will still take lives.' All of this may seem absurd to another person, because I can refute any of his accusations by looking into my own heart. But my entire life has been dedicated to eradicating evil – in its overtly destructive form, bringing sorrow and suffering to my people and others. Therefore, even though I know myself better than anyone, I understand his point of view, and this understanding prevents me from turning away from it, completely dismissing it. Putting myself in his place, I can't guarantee that I wouldn't feel the same way.
I have already met a great many wonderful people, living their lives in harmony and evoking warm emotions in me, and not a single person, once they learned about the situation, rushed to dissuade me. For this, I feel heartfelt gratitude towards them, and shame towards myself. If I could see myself from the outside, I might decide that this woman is seeking the sympathy of others as a form of self-soothing and for fleeting attention. I promised them that I wouldn't sink into a pit of despair, and that's not in my nature anyway... as far as I can tell. I have something to live for – and not just to avoid causing them harm. I want to repay the good with good, for the air I breathe – at the very least, that would be fair. Even if my physical body is just an empty shell, woven from cosmic dust and filled with false memories, as he suggested, at least they are not memories that I should be ashamed of. And I've already gotten a little used to the whole situation, but I'm afraid it's not enough yet. My thoughts keep returning to that existential conversation again and again. Maybe I need time to reflect on it, but... for now, it's not easy," she finished her story with a smile, trying her best to make it a grateful one, rather than a pitifully sad one.