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The Golden Egg
Session log for the "Ryaba the Hen" module
Characters:
Grandfather - Level N fighter with Strength 18/00
Grandmother - Level NN mage
Phantom - Level N thief (the last player refused to play a pregenerated character named Ryaba the Hen and generated a dark elf thief)

DM: You enter the room and see...
Grandmother: No-no, we aren't entering, we're looking from the threshold!
DM: ...and you see...
Phantom: Searching for traps in the doorway.
DM: (without making a check) You find nothing... However, as you approach the doorway, you see a red light blink on the tree closest to the house. Grandmother realizes it's a magical motion detector. A catapult located in that same direction fires a huge boulder; since there is nowhere to go at the threshold due to the railings, all three perish.
...And you see: there is a table in the middle of the room, and on it an object resembling a basket.
Grandfather: Looks like an altar. What is the table made of?
DM: Wood.
Phantom: I try not to believe in the existence of the table.
DM: It's not an illusion.
Phantom: Searching for traps around the table.
DM: (without making a check) You find nothing. However, as you enter the room, an endless stream of monstrous fleas falls on you from the ceiling. Grandfather and Grandmother watch helplessly as they drink all your blood in a couple of seconds.
Phantom: I don't believe in the existence of the basket.
DM: It's not an illusion.
Phantom: Then...
DM: (without making a check) You find no traps.
Grandfather: What is inside the "basket"?
DM: When attempting to look into the basket, a heavy chandelier collapses from the ceiling. Like a press, it crushes your head between itself and the basket. You don't have time to dodge; bad luck.
In the basket is an oval-shaped object shimmering with golden light. It most resembles an egg.
Phantom: I don't believe in the egg and I'm checking it for traps.
DM: (with a sigh) It's not an illusion; there are no traps.
Phantom: (to players) Magic item?
Grandmother: Looks like an artifact. Without entering the room, detect magic and know alignment.
DM: On what?
Grandmother: On everything.
DM: Nothing glows with magic. Alignment is undetermined.
Grandmother: Definitely an artifact! It blocks any spells from the school of divination.
Grandfather: What could it be used for?
Phantom: For some rituals, obviously.
Grandmother: I use my knowledge of religion and sage knowledge on ancient artifacts.
DM: (pretending to make checks) That doesn't help you.
Grandfather: I wonder what will happen if we move it?
Grandmother: We could try, but I won't do it. Will you move it yourself?
Grandfather: What else is there to do? I try to move this egg...
Phantom and Grandmother: (in chorus) Aaaa!.. Idiot! I'm running out of the room!!!
DM: Something clicked. There was a button under the egg. The floor collapsed; Grandfather managed to climb onto the table and dodge. Grandmother and Phantom, being on their way out of the room, had no such opportunity: they fall into an underground aquarium with no exit. Very soon they drown in the water.
The egg rolled a little.
Grandfather: (frightened by his companions' reaction) I read a scroll of protection from magic and take the egg in my hand. What do I roll a saving throw against?
DM: As soon as Grandfather touched the egg, sharp poisonous spikes shot out of it. They poison Grandfather and nail his palm to the surface of the table.
No saving throw is needed...
Grandmother: Of course, an artifact doesn't allow for a saving throw.
DM: (looking at Grandmother as if she's crazy) Simply—no saving throw is needed. By touch and weight, the egg feels as if it's made of metal.
Phantom: Maybe there's a precious stone inside the egg?
Grandmother: Or an artifact?
Grandfather: I try to break the egg. I have protection from magic active!
DM: (making a strength check) You can't break it with your bare hands.
Grandfather: I place the egg on the wooden altar and hit it with my mace of disruption +5.
DM: Roll to hit.
Grandfather: Please (rolls a 2 on the twenty-sided die). Did I hit?
DM: (rolling the egg's saving throw against crushing blow) You hit, but the egg doesn't care one bit.
Grandmother: Step aside, fighter! Now people who actually know what they're doing will take over. Bigby's crushing hand on the egg.
DM: (rolling something) No effect.
Grandmother: I use a charge from a wand of desintegration on it.
DM: (rolling a saving throw against disintegration) No visible result.
Grandmother: Maybe lower its magic resistance?..
DM: While you were struggling with the egg, Phantom heard something scratching in the corner of the room.
Grandmother and Grandfather: (in chorus) I'm running out of the room!
Phantom: What's scratching?
DM: By the sound, it seems like some kind of rodent.
Grandfather: A giant rat?
Grandmother: I cast protection from disease on myself.
Grandfather: Or a wererat?
Grandmother: We haven't suffered from lycanthropy in a long time. I pull out a silver dagger.
DM: From a crack in the floor...
Phantom: I knew it, a crack! We should have been looking for secret doors.
DM: ...From a crack in the floor emerges a small gray creature with four limbs and a tail, making quiet intermittent high-pitched sounds.
Grandfather: Maybe it's trying to communicate with us? Do I know this language?
Phantom: Yeah, it'll "communicate" with you so well that you'll be paying for a resurrection scroll for the next twenty years.
Grandmother: What kind of creature could this be? Will my animal lore on animals of the Meldoran Swamps or sage knowledge on monsters of the plane Baator help me?
DM: (making some checks) This creature doesn't live in swamps and was clearly not born in Baator.
Phantom: Oh, I remember what this filth is! This thing is a dead ringer for an intellect devourer from Dark Sun. We're all doomed: its psionics are so strong we won't know what hit us. And its AC, I think, is around -10.
Grandfather: (to DM, offended) Hey, that's not fair, you didn't warn us that psionics would be used in this campaign!
Grandmother: Psychic protection on myself. Phantom, what can we kill it with?
Phantom: In the second Dark Sun, they could only be killed by a psionic version of a disintegrator.
DM:
Grandmother uses Psychic protection
The mouse uses "fumes of madness" on Grandmother. Grandmother goes insane and kills herself with a kitchen knife.
Grandmother: Uhhh, but I have Psychic protection!
DM: Well, that's for magic, but this is a special gas; the mouse sprayed it at you in a jet.
Meanwhile, the creature nimbly climbs up the table leg onto the table.
Grandfather: I drink a potion of invulnerability.
DM:
Grandfather drinks the potion of invulnerability, invulnerable until the end of the fight.
The mouse uses "Absolute Freeze"; Grandfather is frozen until the end of the fight. He watches helplessly as the terrible beast kills his friends, and then waits for the fight to end so it can get to him.
Grandmother: I cast fire shield on myself.
DM:
Grandmother uses a fire shield.
The mouse uses "Death Claw". Grandmother takes 10000 damage [-9700/300]. The mouse takes 800 damage (fire affinity, damage is converted to healing) [20800/20000]
Phantom: I don't believe in this creature.
DM: It's real...
Phantom tries not to believe in the mouse (no effect)
The mouse uses "Death Claw". Phantom takes 10000-10%=9000 damage [-8500/500]
The creature runs up to the egg.
Grandfather: Oh, damn, it's going to activate It now!
Phantom: We need to get out of here, we need to get out...
Grandmother: I pull out a scroll of teleport without error.
DM: You want to cast teleport from a scroll?
Grandmother: Naturally. Jumping back to base.
DM: Roll initiative.
Phantom: Please let us make it, please let us make it...
(DM and Grandmother roll initiative. After calculating modified initiative, it turns out they act simultaneously.)
DM: Before exiting to the astral plane, you notice that the egg, bumped by the creature's tail, flies to the floor and shatters into pieces upon contact with the surface of the floor.
At this moment, a huge amount of magical energy is released. Everything within 50 km is destroyed. Some of the energy manages to enter the closing portal and burns Grandfather, Grandmother, and Phantom.
On the other side, the portal ejects their charred skeletons.
Everyone at base is terrified. The Granddaughter, not understanding what these skeletons are, approaches them and gently pokes the corpses with a spear. At that moment, Grandmother's fire shield triggers and the Granddaughter burns to a crisp.
The Dog, smelling Grandmother and Grandfather and seeing the death of the Granddaughter, goes insane from grief and becomes the new Architect: in the future, the whole world will groan under her ingenious traps.
Phantom: ... ...