Posts from Humans.

Sometimes, all sorts of parodies of superheroes come to mind, and some of them seem quite amusing to me, so I decided to create a thread specifically for recording these images.
I remember someone wanted to organize a new expedition, but has the setting and other details been thought out? If not, then we can take images from this thread and create a rather original adventure, in which each of the heroes will be unique and useful.
I guess I'll start...

1. The Reed Man.
This man spent his entire life in a swamp, eating the animals that live there and the plants that grow there. He loved to brew various herbs and drink them. He especially loved reed tea and drank it in large quantities. Perhaps this is what caused the reed molecules to penetrate his blood and mix with it (and the toxic waste that was dumped into the swamp). As a result, he gained superpowers, namely: the ability to grow reeds instead of fingers and walk on large reeds, which is very useful! With their help, it is easy to make a fire and warm yourself in the forest; they are also quite soft and can be used for clothing items, pillows, etc. They can also be used as flaming arrows by setting them on fire beforehand.


P.S. If you have similar ideas, you can also post them, but please maintain balance.

Added 5 minutes later
P.P.S. And please, no spam; all comments should be in Haven

Hashish-Man
Once he was an ordinary drug addict guy. He smoked hashish occasionally but didn't get carried away. One day, a friend came over and offered to smoke some hashish he had bought from a strange fellow in Amsterdam. The guy took the first drag while his friend just watched, and at that very second, he fell unconscious. An ambulance arrived and took the guy's nearly lifeless body to the hospital. He survived, but upon waking up in the ward, he felt some changes, as if something inside him had shifted. Giving it no importance, he was soon discharged from the hospital. He quit smoking hashish and started living a normal life.
One night, late at hour, the guy was returning home. In a dark alley, he was met by four thugs; they quickly surrounded him and began extorting money and valuables. The guy was bewildered—there was nowhere to run, and fighting was pointless since there were four of them, but then he felt something strange: as if something was coming out of him. Thick smoke poured from his ears and nose, and soon all the thugs were lying on the ground, laughing and hugging each other.
He realized that he was now somehow capable of emitting some kind of gas. After thinking for a bit, he remembered that incident with the sketchy hashish and how he had been in the hospital. It was that specific hashish that gave him this ability; soon he discovered he could control the growth of hashish and had the ability to turn green, which pleased him even more...
And the reason for such a wonderful transformation was that very same Amsterdam—genetically modified hashish.
What nonsense....:smile04:

Glue Man.
A former taxi driver who was a big fan of glue. He couldn't go a day without his drug, so he always carried a small bottle of glue with him. Over time, he stopped getting enough glue in those quantities and started thinking about where to get more. And one day he came to a glue factory. When he found a tank of glue, he jumped into it and almost drowned, but the workers pulled him out in time. As it turned out, this was an experimental batch of new glue. This special glue gave our hero the ability to extract glue from himself whenever he wanted. With the help of glue, he could glue almost anything together (even glue a house in the forest out of boards, branches, etc.), and it could also be used in a fight as a "dirty" trick.

P.S. Hmm, there are too many addicts... maybe I should turn the glue guy into a factory worker who accidentally fell into a tank of glue.
P.P.S. Okay, we decided that he will be an unlucky worker, but I won't edit the story.

The Snotty Man
This man was a scientist. He developed completely new and unprecedentedly effective nasal drops and other remedies for nose-related ailments. And, like a true scientist, he tested everything on himself. But apparently, something went wrong, and his super-drops had the opposite effect. At first, it was just a common cold, but one day, when the scientist went out on the balcony to breathe in some fresh air (through his mouth), something got into his nose, and he sneezed... it was a bad day for the people walking under his balcony at that moment. They were all completely covered in, well, you know what. They slipped on it, spat, cursed, and couldn't figure out what had happened to them.
Soon, the scientist realized that he wouldn't be able to cure himself and decided to develop his abilities. He invented a special nano-device that controlled the amount, size, and viscosity of the spray, and so on...
:smile04:
Is it too gross? :smile04:

I suggest we stop here, actually... Not delve any deeper, so to speak.

Cat-Man
Once, a guy was walking down a dark street in his hometown, and to shorten the route, he decided to go through the backyards. As he passed by some old barracks, he suddenly heard a quiet, barely audible purr. Not paying much attention to it, the guy continued on his way, venturing deeper into the wooden structures. He was lost in thought when he heard a growl behind him, and the guy lost consciousness.
He woke up in the morning on the ground, freezing. He started walking home, but halfway there, he was stopped by the police. At the police station, they asked him for his documents and other information. Suddenly, the guy felt the urge to go to the bathroom. There, he was overcome by a sudden wave of nausea.
Ten minutes later, the guy woke up on the floor of the room where the police had taken him. Around him lay bloodied bodies. The guy felt something strange on his head. It was cat ears, and a cat tail was wagging behind him.
The guy, frightened, ran into the forest. It is still unknown what happened to him there.

The Human-Machine
We all know the story of the Tin Woodman. But here's a more modern version of it.
Once upon a time, there was a stuntman. His job required him to perform many stunts, all of which were extremely dangerous to his life and health. It's no surprise that he often suffered injuries. But he also had a friend – a half-mad inventor. When the stuntman received his first injury (his arm was amputated below the elbow), his friend offered him something fantastic: a mechanical arm with servo motors. It worked well, and the stuntman was able to make very precise movements with it, such as threading a needle. It was almost like a real arm, only it gleamed with a steel sheen. The left arm followed, then one leg, then the other, then the ribs and chest, then the thighs. The final touch was the replacement of the head. In principle, the new organism was very convenient, required minimal maintenance, although it was afraid of dampness, because the joints rusted and began to creak. But that was scary only in the time of the Tin Woodman – nowadays, many oils and additives have been invented, so the human-machine is not in danger. He has immense strength, and he is in high demand in film studios. Well, and the fact that the head makes a slight humming sound if you tap it – that's just a minor detail.