Posts from Funny stories from our lives.

In this thread, I suggest we share funny stories and pranks from our lives.

I'll start with my own.
The other day, in the store where my beloved works, the display case across from hers was completely cleared out for new merchandise, but the merchandise hadn't arrived yet. As I was passing by, I went in and, with a completely serious face, said, "Natasha, you have an empty display case; you should put some air in it and sell it. Maybe you'll earn enough for a fur coat by New Year's." Natasha, a pretty 18-year-old girl who is used to silly compliments from customers, could easily respond in a fun, teasing way, and that's what I expected. But I was very surprised that she didn't. In the evening, my sweetheart came home and told me that there were now signs on the empty display case advertising air for sale: price, country of origin, the intermediary's phone number (i.e., MINE), etc. I thought I needed to do something, because the fun seemed to have ended with me. So, I made stickers that said, "Container of air, the color of a child's surprise, with a lemon scent. For all questions, contact the manufacturer, Aunt Natasha, Ur. Tankistov 12, tel. 8-*****-****8." I bought a large package of 3-liter cans and put these labels on them. I put them in boxes and put labels on the boxes too, with a request not to tilt them, etc.
A friend of mine works as a driver for a delivery van. I asked him to dress a little more formally. We printed money with the "Smeshariki" characters on it and sealed it in an envelope with the documents. Yesterday, he drove to the store and officially presented the documents to Natasha.
As a result, the whole store was laughing for half an hour. Today, the merchandise arrived!!!

I'll tell you about a rather amusing and instructive story from my own life, though it wasn't exactly a prank:
Once, I was still a student at the Ryazan State University of Technology and Design (RGRTA), and we had a drafting class... So, as usual, the assignment was a drawing, and it was a real pain – very complex... My friend brings in a finished drawing (and the grade was important, there were a lot of people... :D) and the teacher starts carefully examining it, looking for flaws and, of course, mistakes... And here's what he says, which seemed strange to all of us: "This drawing is... terrible!" (he has a rather unclear voice)
My friend was, of course, shocked – that the teacher would use such language, especially in front of so many students – it was strange, but it didn't bother Leha (that's my former classmate's name)... His response:
"Yeah, it's really bad..." (forgive me, young people :))
Then the teacher stands up and starts explaining that the drawing is MISSING A DATE!!! And not what we all thought... :D The laughter went on for a long time... :D

Leha got his grade that day... :D

It happened about 4 years ago. My mom works as a cook in a kindergarten. They have a storekeeper (let's say her name is Valentina). They also have a cleaning lady, of retirement age (let's say her name is Rosa). So, Rosa somehow made fun of Valentina, and then April 1st came around. Valentina went into the kitchen and asked for some zucchini caviar. The cooks were, of course, surprised, but they gave it to her. Then my mom tells the story. They were peeling potatoes in the hallway, and there was a huge argument and a lot of shouting. And this was happening in a kindergarten. No one had ever seen anything like it – everyone was in shock. They dumped it all in the hallway, and Rosa was standing near the toilet, sighing loudly, waving her hands, and quietly muttering curses (and she's a very kind woman, and you only hear her curse in extreme situations – you could say it's very rare). And she said, "You're all women, how can you act like this? I understand men, but you...:confused: " Everyone was even more confused :confused: and didn't know what to do, whether to apologize or understand what she was talking about. And there wasn't much space near the toilet, and only a few people saw the scene.:smile07: In general, the kindergarten is modern, and it's always clean, and there's a slight smell of chlorine in all the service rooms, like in a hospital. And in the toilet, the scene was as if someone had had an accident:D and didn't make it to the toilet in time. There were such …… stains:D on all the walls and on the door, right up to head level:D, it was quite a sight. The only question was, WHO?:confused: Then Valentina squeezed through and took a little bit of the biggest pile on the wall with her finger – everyone was looking at her with disgust. And Valentina smelled her finger and licked it, and everyone just sat down.:eek: :eek: :eek: Then Valentina said, "It's all Svetlana from group 5." After such a test, no one doubted it. They went to group 5, but Svetlana hadn't been at the kindergarten for 2 days; she had taken a vacation. And then it dawned on the cooks that the stain on the wall was zucchini caviar. And Valentina was just joking, because she wouldn't actually taste it to find out….. That's the story. It's real, only the names have been changed.:D :D :D

I'm into historical reenactment of the Middle Ages, where people sew historical clothing, make or buy historical armor and weapons, and at festivals, they test all of this on themselves and each other (please don't confuse this with Tolkien fans). All my stories will be related to reenactors or role-players (who don't always have historically accurate outfits and use rubber/wooden weapons). So, here's story #1. There's a reenactment order called the Templars. They recreate something between a knight and a monk, and for show, they learned a few prayers in Latin:smile16:. And one Sunday evening, after a festival, the Templars missed the last train to Moscow. Since everyone had to go to work or school in the morning, they decided to walk, figuring they'd reach Moscow by 6 a.m. So, they're walking, and after a while, they come across a cemetery. They could have just walked past, but no – they decided to see what those lights were. It turned out that a bonfire was lit in the cemetery, and some local Satanists were doing something un-cemetery-like. The Templars didn't immediately reveal themselves; they decided to play a prank. Half an hour later: The Satanists are sitting around the fire when about two to three dozen knights in full gear emerge from behind the tombstones, draw their swords, and, shouting "In the name of our Lord, we will drive out the unholy!", slowly advance on the Satanists, chanting a prayer in Latin in unison. That night, the Templars were convinced that with enough motivation, a person can develop not only the first but also the second cosmic velocity. And the Satanists were never seen at that cemetery again – people from other orders specifically visited the cemetery at night, but they didn't meet anyone.

Doesn't anyone have any more fun stories? Then I'll continue telling stories about reenactors, but again with a small digression. In the previous post, I mentioned role-players, and quite often, when there are no reenactment festivals, reenactors go to role-playing events. This is when people adapt to the roles assigned to them based on the theme (in Heroes, someone is Railag, someone is Isabel, etc.) and play their roles while simultaneously fighting each other with prop weapons. Due to the nature of the event, the battles are turn-based (a knight has 4 HP, an unarmored character has 2, a sword strike removes 2 HP, etc.), and, unlike reenactors, few people wear armor. So, story #2. This summer, reenactors went to some role-playing event. As always, on the very first day of the battles, they were upset that a dozen knights died from some unarmored thug who said he was a mage and that he cast a fireball that killed them. Naturally, the game immediately became uninteresting, but they didn't want to leave, so they asked the game masters (judges and organizers of the role-playing event) to assign them to somewhere where they wouldn't be bothered so they could peacefully drink for the remaining days. They were assigned to a place, and everyone forgot about them. A couple of days later, the "orcs" decided to massacre the "elves." First, they killed all the "elves" who were outside their camp, and then they went to storm the camp. It turned out that all the normal "elves" were outside the camp at that moment, and they were, of course, killed. And so, the orcs (I must note that the average orc armor is shoulder pads) approached the elven camp and were quietly surprised - there were no defenders, and no arrows flew out from behind the fence, which was not very elven. They went inside the palisade - no one. Okay, there's a second palisade inside, they went there and saw a formation of three dozen knights. When the orcs asked, "Who are you?" one of the knights lifted his visor just enough to say the magnificent phrase: "We are light elven infantry." In general, the orcs lost that time.

We had a free computer science class; the teacher had to leave for urgent business, and we were left in the classroom. So, we started playing Unreal Tournament – 100 frags, a medium-sized arena, 8 people. We were all engrossed in the game, yelling and cheering, and it was so loud that people on the first floor could hear us. In the neighboring classroom, there was a meeting of teachers from other villages. The assistant principal came out and said to us: "You guys, I gave you some freedom, and you don't respect me or this school; you're making your teacher look bad..." and so on. He scolded us, then said quietly: "Just sit here for a bit; I'll take them to the auditorium in 10 minutes, okay?"
***
My friend calls me:
- Where are you?
- I've been at the bus stop for a while.
- Oh, okay, I'll be right there.
... - I'm here, where are you?
- I went to the store.
- Oh, I need to buy some tea too. Wait for me there.
... - You're not there!
- I'm right here at the entrance.
Now I'm calling him:
- How long am I going to have to wait?!
- Don't be an idiot, you're not at the entrance!!! And you're not at the exit!!! And you're not in the store!!!
- I'm telling you...
- Are you at the first bus stop before the bridge?
- Yes, I'm here! I'll go to the traffic light...
- There's no traffic light here! Wait... Which side of the bridge are you on?
***
We have a guy in our class named Baranov. We were having a gathering, and we were supposed to go to the shooting range. So, as usual, we lined up and marched back and forth. Then there was a report.
- Squad leader Baranov...
We didn't let him finish his report because we were laughing...
***
New Year's Eve, skits, costumes. A familiar guy comes up, and we chat back and forth. Then we ask him, "What are you going to be for New Year's?" He says, "A moose." We say to him, "You're such a deer!"

Here's another story from our university days (I don't know why I remembered it, maybe it's funny and not too offensive... :D):
Once upon a time... (let me start like that :)), when the greatest Knights were fighting for their right to exist at the university, i.e., taking exams, the evil Kings of that time tried to cheat the defenders of their future diplomas in every possible way...
So, we had this one professor for mathematical physics - Semyon Semyonich (of course, we called him something else :)), and this evil pedagogue really loved to indulge in some good whiskey (for him, that meant vodka costing more than 100 rubles :D), and of course, we all knew that... Later, we collectively decided to launch a full-scale assault on his office to show our gratitude for his... activities... - in short, - we, as a group, brought him a CASE OF VODKA, carefully placed our exam booklets on the table, and, without saying a word, stood there waiting for his verdict. The reaction turned out to be unpredictable for us...:
- Are you all a bunch of drunkards? You've really gone too far, - said Semyon Semyonich.
And then he did something that shocked us all - he took EACH bottle and, right in front of us, started pouring all the contents down the sink! Everyone present felt a shiver down their spine :) (this is accurate information - everyone knew perfectly well what this could lead to...). And then it was simple:
- Now, get out of here!
We started frantically gathering our exam booklets and shamefully trying to salvage what little self-respect we had left... Gradually, we all left... BUT, one of my classmates forgot his exam booklet... What could he do? - he had to go back...
And when Seryoga returned, he saw this:
THE PROFESSOR WAS PULLING A 10-LITER CANISTER OUT FROM UNDER THE SINK, AND HOLDING IT IN HIS HANDS, HE SAW THE ASTONISHED FACE OF THE STUDENT!!!!!!
The provocation paid off handsomely, my friends! The exam was guaranteed! :D :D :D

I remembered one hilariously funny story (or rather, it’s hard to forget), which happened to me sometime in the spring of 2007... So, my relatives left for Moscow for 3 days, and the apartment was empty. Well, it wasn’t empty for long))) Of course, I called everyone, and we had 3 days of fun. People came not only with beer but also with laptops; one even brought an Xbox (although he carries it everywhere xD). We decided to have a great time. So, to get to the point, after such an intense schedule, everyone was exhausted and passed out one after another. I think I was the first to pass out, but that’s not surprising, as I hadn’t slept much before that))) My bed, if I were to explain it schematically, is like a hollow parallelepiped, with a mattress placed on top (that is, if you lift it, there’s a decent space underneath). So, in the intoxicated mind of one of my friends, a “fun” idea came to mind: to carefully move me into this space)).
So, imagine, I wake up in the morning and suddenly realize that I’m buried ALIVE. I had 15 seconds of pure shock, and then, in that state, I push the “lid of the coffin,” crawl out, and my eyes are wide as saucers. And what do I see? One scoundrel is sitting at a laptop, others are eating something. The one at the laptop turns to me and, in a priest’s voice, says, “Jesus has risen from the dead!”))))))))))))))))
We laughed for a very long time, but mostly I was laughing from the joy that I wasn’t buried alive)))))
What kind of stories have happened in your life?
P.S.
Sorry if this topic already exists, but the search didn’t find anything

Heh, cool, +1 :D But there's already a thread on this topic: /topic/3494/

Damn, who knew it wouldn't be in the "Off-Topic" section?
I'm leaving this to the moderators to decide... if the thread doesn't take off, it'll be easier for me to move it there and either delete this thread or just merge them.

Added 3 hours ago
I remembered a story. It's not about her, but a friend of mine told it. It's a hardcore cyberpunk story (which is already a good start, lol). He had an extra flash drive. A European would just throw it away, a Russian would take it apart or find a use for it, but this flash drive ended up in such a thermonuclear combination as Russian cyberpunk.
So, he took off the casing, leaving only the circuit board and the USB connector, and glued it to his neck with a medical adhesive, under his hair. Of course, it wasn't visible under his long hair. However, an ordinary cyberpunk would have stopped there, walking around and showing everyone that he had a flash drive plugged into his neck. BUT this was a RUSSIAN cyberpunk. He downloaded a presentation to it via a USB extension cable.
He arrives at college (11th grade, if you want to be precise), and there's an interactive whiteboard ready, the whole auditorium is gathered. He walks up, takes a USB extension cable out of his pocket, and the teacher asks him what it is. He says it's an extension cable for the flash drive. The teacher says, "Why, plug it in," and looks at him with such surprise and says, "It's so uncomfortable for me," and plugs the extension cable into his neck. At first, everyone was extremely surprised. But when the message "NEW DEVICE DETECTED" appeared, the reaction in the hall was indescribable!
P.S.
By the way, this guy's nickname is UnNameD, Russia should know its heroes!

I read that on Bashorg... It's popular all over Russia.

I've been on Bashorg, and I think it's better in that regard. And I'm sure about the truthfulness of this story because I've known him for quite a while, and I'm confident that he could have done something like that. Besides, he's from Vladivostok, and the people there have a good sense of humor. If you really want to, I can give you his ICQ, and you'll understand everything after ten minutes of chatting.

This morning, I experienced the most intense mental block of my life and discovered what uncontrolled brain activity is like!)))))))) This wouldn't have happened if it weren't for Hive. Browsing other forums wasn't appealing because the most intense spam is right here, and I didn't feel like straining my brain at the time. So, I decided to wait and not go to sleep, maybe the overload would subside. But then, a friend, a true webmaster, messaged me on ICQ and asked me to test a torrent. Here it is: http://salsk.net/file/, check it out!)))) Anyway, we ended up chatting until 4 AM, and the last message from him was this link: http://www.kuzbass.ru/docs/stevens/ru-html/glava6.html

I don't understand why I needed to know what an ICMP request is at 5 AM, but it seems that's when the overload occurred.)))

Anyway, I woke up the next morning, surprisingly refreshed. I turned off the alarm clock, looked at it, and realized that I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS!! I saw some arrows and numbers, but I couldn't figure out how it worked, even though I remembered that it was related to displaying the time. My first thought was that this thing showed how much time I had left before school (my brain couldn't grasp that it simply showed the time))) but why would it need two arrows and a duodecimal system of measurement?))) My next thought, which I remember, was that it must be connected to the internet, but there were no wires, no cables, no Wi-Fi? But Wi-Fi doesn't reach my house; I'd have to walk 100 meters towards the hotspot (damn, I even remembered that))). I don't remember what happened next, but it ended with a complete descent into schizophrenia, as Zadornov would say, take a deep breath.))) Are you ready???
I thought that the two arrows were the sides of the central angle inscribed in this circle, and if I connected the points where the sides of the angle intersect with the circle and found that side, I would know the time!))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
First, I needed to find the degree measure of the central angle, which, as you know, is equal to the arc it subtends. I initially decided to find the length of the arc of the circle using the corresponding formula (l = (pi*R/180)*alpha)).
But then it occurred to me (not a bad epiphany, right?))) that the duodecimal system is precisely what's needed to easily find the degree measure of the arc. That is, if 360 / 12 = 30, then each division is equal to 30 degrees, so you can find what the angle alpha is, then its sine, and then use the law of sines to find the unknown side.))) The angle turned out to be 80 degrees, which, unfortunately, is not a standard angle, and I also realized that I was solving it incorrectly because I don't know the side, but I do know that this triangle is isosceles, so I know all the angles (80, 50, 50) but not the sides, so I need to use the law of cosines!! (damn, what can uncontrolled brain do?) And since that was a more tedious task, I started looking for another solution, and then it occurred to me a second time!!))) I realized that the arrows are the established lengths of the sides of the triangle, and I just forgot what they were equal to!! Honestly, I was already ready to go get a ruler to measure the arrows and find the third side, when my subconscious woke up.))) It was horrified by what I and the analytical part of my brain had done and began to awaken the creative part.))) Since the part of the brain dedicated to complex linguistic constructions hadn't woken up, it told the brain simply and clearly, to which it replied, "I'm screwed." At least, that's the thought I remember.)))))))))

P.S.
Damn, I'm rereading it now and laughing. Maybe I should see a doctor; the diagnosis will be "Uncontrolled brain activity." Probably.)))) I can barely imagine it now, but back then, I thought it was all completely serious.)))))))))))))))) I even remembered trigonometry, even though I studied it in 9th grade

Kenny, brain activity cannot be uncontrolled due to its absence...))) Just kidding!)))

So, here's my story. It happened two months ago. First, a little background. My friend and I walked into a store called "Ladies' Things," and I just blurted out: Me: "Do you have pantyhose with holes for hair?" The saleswoman was completely taken aback by the question... My friend and I left, laughing, and continued on our way. Then, two months later... we were standing in the building's courtyard, smoking with my wife. A neighbor came out (we don't even know her; they just moved in, and it hadn't even been a week). She asked my wife: Neighbor: "Do you know this young man well?" (pointing at me) Wife: "Yes, I know him well." (my wife was confused) Neighbor: "Are you sure you know this young man well?" Wife: "He's my husband." Neighbor: "Well, he came into my store..." (I was thinking, "I don't think I messed up anywhere..." and I was trying to remember...) Neighbor: "And he asked about pantyhose..." (I was trying to remember what happened...) Neighbor: "And the way he asked was so strange (she paused and said), 'Do you have pantyhose with holes for hair?'" (My wife was in shock... at this turn of events.) (The neighbor's husband came out and asked what was going on, and they explained it to him.) Neighbor's Husband: "Yes, he (pointing at me) wanted to surprise his wife!" (And I was barely holding back laughter... although inside, I was laughing like crazy.)