Many young, educated, and unemployed people are frustrated because jobs are being outsourced to workers in Bigtopia. On the other hand, low-end service industries are seeing a shortage of workers, sparking debate over possible solutions to the employment gap.
The Debate
“Frankly, we shouldn’t be wasting time giving our children costly educations, just to have Bigtopians take their jobs,” remarks Alexei Mistletoe, a wealthy business executive sharing a drink in your office. “Let’s lift the ban on child labor and instead put our children to work in service jobs in retail—jobs that can’t be sent to other countries. They might not get paid much, but it’ll at least get them working and this economy moving again.” Handing you a wad of money, he continues, “And we’ll both make a bit of money off it as well…”
Chloe Longbottom, author of “Command Economies: The Communist Ideal” and part-time florist, slips into your office and says, “On that thought, perhaps we could use the government to allocate our resources… erm… children. To help economic efficiency, we’ll split them up early on, sending some right into the workforce where the economy needs them. We’ll raise the others through the education system.” The noted statist thinker, deftly rearranging your vase of roses, quickly adds, “It might be expensive to manage, and kids won’t get much choice in what kind of a job they get, but I think everyone will be happy after realizing that everything fits… perfectly…”
“Our people need jobs, but giving more money to fat-cat business owners isn’t the answer!” remarks Harry Cho of the Occupy Betelgeuse movement, unaware of the “Hiring” sign in a nearby department store window. “In fact, we should tighten regulations on robber barons to ensure they put our workers first. And make them pay a little more in taxes to help support Aztox’s hard-working people as well! Sure, the businesses may not like it, but it will help out the common man. Help the 99%!”
“All ze jobs are VHERE?!” General Von Gugelheimer lets out a piercing scream. “Zose Bigtopians and zeir business friends need to remember vich is ze better country! Never mind zat ze businesses at fault are based out of Aztox. Let’s blow zose Bigtopians off ze map! Double ze military’s size, and ve von’t have to vorry about zem anymore. Trade vill take a hit, but isn’t ZE POWER vorth it? Hahaha… HAHAHAHA!”
Option 1: Enslave all the children.
Option 2: Enslave all the children!
Option 3: Strange that you don’t want to enslave the children… Well, okay, then let’s raise taxes. I believe that absolutely any problem can be solved by raising taxes. No roads? Raise taxes! Censorship stifles culture? Raise taxes! Our country is being invaded by evil Nazis? We need to raise taxes urgently! And so it is here. Businesses are outsourcing jobs? Well, of course, we need to raise taxes! We’ll strangle businesses with taxes—there won’t be any businesses. And if there are no businesses, there will be no outsourcing. Problem solved.
Option 4. Strange that you don’t want to enslave the children and raise taxes… I would do both. And I would raise taxes even more. Well, okay, then let’s bomb everything. I believe that absolutely any problem can be solved by bombing. Education is in a bad state? Let’s bomb neighboring countries! No infrastructure? Let’s bomb neighboring countries! High crime rate in the country? Obviously, if we bomb a neighboring country, the problem will be solved. And so it is here, if there is no one to outsource to, there are no problems. Of course, for this, we will have to bomb all the countries in the world, just to be sure. Well, never mind, who needs them?
And how am I supposed to live with such issues, tell me? ) Dismissed again…
