15.05
The Chairman suggested that since I live here all the time anyway, I could work part-time as a watchman. Thought about it. Agreed.
16.05
Inspected the assigned plots. Determined what grows where. Not far from the plots where radishes and onions grow, I placed several vodka bottles mixed with laxatives.
18.05
A large amount of organic fertilizer was applied to the plots in an even layer.
20.05
No one is touching the bottles anymore, and the vegetables are still untouched for now.
21.05
Posted notices that radishes would be checked for excess radiation.
Painted some of the root vegetables with glowing paint.

23.05
At the local pub, I listened with delight to discussions about how "The Cliff" was situated on the site of an abandoned nuclear waste dump. I jumped into the conversation and spun a yarn that own evil spirits dwell there as well.
25.05
Went to Father Spiridon. He responded with understanding and in another sermon touched upon the theme of how to protect oneself when encountering evil spirits.
28.05
The school year ended. Went to the teacher and borrowed a skeleton from him; it's just standing idle during the holidays anyway.
29.05
Set up the skeleton along with a siren on our treasurer's strawberry bed.
30.05
The device worked. A thief climbed to the top of a thirty-meter pear tree, where no one had ever climbed before and now flatly refuses to come down.
3.06
The treasurer arrived; I described the situation to him. He flatly refused to saw off the top of the pear tree—it's his tallest tree, and sticks don't reach that high, so it's too high to knock the poor wretch down. Need to think about what to do.
6.06
Warned the resident that there would be a full moon tonight and werewolves would go on the hunt. He still won't come down. Well, well...
6.06 at night.
Painted my doggy like the Hound of the Baskervilles and released him onto the treasurer's plot. Damn, this guy should be performing in a circus, not prowling plots; I've never seen such jumps and somersaults.
13.06
No visitors for a week. The old ladies going to the cemetery chapel cross themselves fearfully. The teacher and Fr. Spiridon came over, had some drinks, then spent a long time discussing the pros and cons of superstitions.
16.06
Cabbage and carrots were stolen from Marya Petrovna's plot. Planning to cook shchi, maybe?
17.06
It turns out that homeless people have settled in the abandoned house at the other end of the village.
Took a worn-out wig from my wife; she doesn't need it anymore anyway.
18.06
Put on the wig and a costume borrowed from a scarecrow on Nikolai Sergeyevich's plot, drank with the homeless people and told them that it's unsafe here, evil spirits dwell here, and people disappear. Pretended to fall asleep, waited until they left, then threw down some bones from a sheep's ribcage, the wig, and drenched everything in three liters of fresh blood from the slaughterhouse.
19.06
The local policeman came by, wondering if I was the one who scared the homeless people. I asked what the matter was; he replied that he had been waiting for them in the morning to check their documents, but they entered the hut, immediately rushed out screaming and bolted so fast that he couldn't catch them on his motorcycle. I told him I wasn't aware.
23.06
Borrowed some mannequins from Marishka at the general store that were gathering dust in her warehouse and hung them among the cherries and apricots. 24.06
The old ladies at the market are saying that a Satanist sect has appeared in "The Cliff," and that these Satanists perform ritual executions at night.
By the way, for some reason there are no cherries or apricots for sale at the market.
I wonder why?
30.06
Pavlik arrived with his buddies; he brought the promised mask. If I hadn't known what I ordered him to get, I would have certainly sh... been frightened. He says he chose the kindest one, but in the dark it's even scarier because it glows. Had some drinks with them.
1-3.07
While my brother is here, I patrol the plots wearing the mask and his rocker horned helmet. The local old ladies say that Satan himself is roaming "The Cliff" and are pressing Spiridon and the policeman to take measures. How do they know what's going on here if they are so law-abiding?
4.07
Saw Pavlik off.
7.07
Recovered after seeing Pavlik off. Discovered that I hadn't fed Polkan for all these days. Poor thing. Let him out in the evening to search for something edible.
8.07
Never thought a person could climb a smooth brick wall to the height of the second floor. Turns out they can. He's hanging upside down, gripping the cornice with his hands and feet. At first, he probably screamed blue murder, then went hoarse), the all-knowing old ladies complained to Spiridon that I am welcoming ghosts, and then they scream all night). Polkan is below, melancholically chewing a second boot, looking sadly at the climber's fillet. I shout to him: "You fool, drop it, what edible thing do you have there?", and he replies that there's nothing edible, he only managed to cut two irises, there they are lying.
9.07
Waited for the owner to arrive, and the climber's voice returned.
Lured Polkan with a piece of sausage; he very reluctantly left his lawful prey. The owner forced the mountaineer to dig a cellar, as he put it, in compensation for sitting on the heights. Between digging a cellar and continuing his acquaintance with my doggy, the amateur gardener chose the cellar.
12.07
Outsiders started flocking to the plots again. Agreed with the plot owners that they would keep all gates and wickets closed at night and pile pulled weeds on the road.
13.07
For a bottle of moonshine, I borrowed his charges from the village goat-herd for a week. Spent two hours screwing pentagrams onto the goats' horns.
20.07
Returned a considerably fattened herd to the goat-herd. The goats successfully ate all the weeds. When some jerks in a truck tried to visit for cucumbers on the night of the fifteenth, Mikhey the goat—black and with meter-long horns—blocked their path. The harvest collectors bolted from him like he was the devil himself; while exiting, they backed into a rotten plum tree, and then rushed to Spiridon asking him to rid them of the evil one. He wasn't stupid: he took their confession but imposed such a penance—to repent for everything before the policeman. As a result, Fr. Spiridon received gratitude, I got several bottles of vodka from our elder, and the thieves got minimum sentences. For voluntary surrender. The old ladies say that "The Cliff" is located on Bald Mountain, and a sabbath is currently going on here.
24.07
A New Russian arrived at his dacha in eighteen jeeps. I still don't know his name. The entire association is cordoned off by security; outsiders are not allowed through, so one can relax.
30.07
Friends came to visit the New Russian. Strange, the pyramid of empty bottles and beer cans keeps growing, but it feels as if they aren't eating at all.
Polkan can no longer walk; his belly is bigger than his legs. And he looks at me in a way that makes it clear he won't eat anything other than red caviar and shashlik anymore. But even though I've stuffed the fridge to the brim, I don't intend to provide him with a variety of delicacies.
4.08
The New Russian and his friends left. In my opinion, their Great Dane was driving the lead car. Anyway, they were so wasted that it's unlikely this will affect road safety in any way.
12.08
All the surrounding crooks, instead of stealing agricultural produce, have been taking jars and bottles to collection points. As long as I don't get in their way.
13.08
Thirteenth again, time to get back to work again. Bought some candles with expiring dates from Fr. Spiridon on the cheap.
14.08
Spent the whole evening attaching candles to the stakes that the tomatoes are tied to. Plus a fuse, batteries, a switch...
15.08
A piercing scream and some figure running blindly. And in the morning at the market, all the talk is about how an evil spirit tried to steal Petrovna's nephew. First it lured him into the God-forsaken "The Cliff," and then it tried to surround him with a wall of hellfire. What liars! There are almost no tomatoes at the market. Additionally, I set up a tape recorder playing some mournful band that my son likes very much.
17.08
The teacher came by. Took back the skeleton, we drank and talked. A tractor driver had come to him at night, wondering how he could dye suddenly graying hair black, otherwise he's forced to wear a ski hat.
20.08
Agreed with Father Spiridon that he would organize a Procession to our plots. He doesn't mind, especially considering the large influx of parishioners this summer. In the city, I bought up the remains of last year's pyrotechnics. Almost for free.
23.08
Father Spiridon solemnly led the procession to "The Cliff" to cast out the unclean spirit.
When they approached Pyotr Nikolaevich's compost pile, I set fire to everything that was buried there. The effect was stunning. All the old ladies ran with such speed that they could all be recruited into the national athletics team. Fr. Spiridon stayed; we had a good drink together, and then rumors spread through the village that the Father personally fought the evil spirits. Though unsuccessfully.
29.08
Agreed with the command of military unit ***** that they would conduct exercises on the territory of the association. Agreed with the owners on providing sponsorship aid to the army.
31.08
For two days, soldiers camouflaged themselves among tomato bushes and dug trenches in places where the owners intended to store compost. They ate no more tomatoes than agreed upon and didn't even trample anything. However, when uninvited guests arrived from the city last night, an unpleasant surprise awaited them. The soldiers, as usual, were issued a fair amount of blank cartridges, and dense automatic fire was opened on the scattered brigade of amateur collectors. They bolted for their cars; one of them lost its orientation and crashed straight into a tank at the central intersection. The tank crew later said they had never before seen a lawnmower stand on its hind legs.
4.09
A letter of gratitude from the command and a letter from the personnel arrived from the military unit. They received credit and wrote that their exercises had never been so fun. I wrote a reply to the unit commander, casting a line regarding help with the potato harvest.
15.09
Not a single crook. Boring. A reply came from the colonel. They agree for ten percent of the crop.
17.09
Made a proposal about the potatoes at the general meeting. Everyone agrees.
24.04
All the potatoes were harvested without undue noise. At my request, the soldiers carefully moved all the foliage to a wasteland that no one had ever dug. Removed all security, waiting.
28.09
First there was some noise, then dull grumbling, then vicious swearing at the moronic gardeners who can't even grow potatoes, only foliage.
29.09
Enjoyed the sight of the freshly dug wasteland.
30.09
At the general meeting, they expressed gratitude to me for a job well done and expressed a desire to conclude a contract with me next year. At the Chairman's suggestion, half the area of the wasteland has been added to my plot.