Golden Persimmon

I've already come up with the next candidate! :)

Appear, O Great One!
Arkady Ukupnik 30

OH MY GOD!!!! I'm SHOCKed!1!1!

Verka Serduchka 42+
Serduchka attacks!

Philipp Kirkorov 30

A bit about the god

Philipp Kirkorov is a brutal Post-black-metal performer. We criticize him, all you posers of every style of hardcore heavy music, out of envy. He also conflicts with everyone around him, for such is his dark essence.

the adept of darkness looks at you
He began his activities in the village of "Dark Rakhmatulins", where he first encountered the dark force. This could not have been avoided, for he is always and everywhere drawn to it. In that little village, the old women told him that the devil himself had blessed their land so that the adepts of darkness would multiply in its favorable expanses.
There, Kirkorov finds a teacher of darkness, a dark prophet and an adept of satanism who becomes his mentor. There he also gathers his first True-Black-Metal band.
Their first performances, even in this devil-pleasing village, were perceived as too terrible an evil! Crops perished and children died from this malicious music, and the sun hid behind the clouds. Unfortunately, Kirkorov and his band were exiled from "Rakhmatulins".
After this, Kirkorov goes to Moscow... that is the city that must drown in the boundless power of darkness! There, Kirkorov re-assembles the team; the style of their music could be characterized as Death-Hardcore-Doom-Post-Grindcore. Frenetically roaring guitars and relentlessly thundering drum kits created a feeling of the coming apocalypse in his music... they performed at many venues in Moscow, and indeed throughout all of Russia. Unfortunately, mad fanatics from "kind" organizations attacked the band's bus and left no one alive! The Black community had never known such sorrow...
But it turned out that Philipp actually survived! An adept of the apocalypse cannot die so stupidly!
Currently performs solo. But his music has not become a bit lighter or worse; everything has only multiplied many times over. There is no more music so malicious, black, ear-splitting and maddening.

Action-blockbuster.
The plot is as follows:
Zeleboba wakes up alone in a dark room, on a cot. The building is clearly military. He looks around, notices a Gauss rifle on the table. He picks it up.
The door is slightly ajar, behind it is also gloom, the room is lit only by a few dim lamps.
Zeleboba tries to remember where he is, to figure out what happened.
Suddenly, a rustle flashes through the darkness, then the sound of many people's footsteps.
Then a shout: "Strike while the iron is hot!", gunshots and the death screams of people.
There in the depths, in the darkness, something terrible is hiding... a hideous creature.
Zeleboba took the rifle off safety and cautiously moved forward...

... Zeleboba crept step by step deeper into the military base.
Suddenly his attention was drawn by the crackle of a radio. The faint sound of footsteps.
"who is it?" - Zeleboba thought.
Standing in the darkest part of the corridor, he raised the rifle...

- hi Amko!
- hi sheriff, glad to see you!
- you know, I woke up this morning and thought...
- yes?
- why not just kill you?
*pew pew!111*

- hi amko!
- hi sheriff, glad to see you!
- I know what you did last night!
- OH SHI~
"PEW PEW!!!1111111"

- hi Amko!
- hi sheriff, glad to see you!
- beautiful morning, isn't it?
- yes sheriff, it'll be a great day
- you know...
*PEW PEW PEW!!!!!!!!!!!1111111*

"yes! yes! I love you all! thanks to my producer, parents, friends, the dog that eats my cooking, the five rats that live in my cage, the five hundred cockroaches that didn't let me relax during the day, the thousand...