I walk against the wind, shielding my eyes,
I can’t manage even a meter – it tears me from my place;
It tears and drags, drags me back,
I would gladly fall unconscious.
And now I give in – with a terrible lurch,
It throws me away, like a toy;
I feel pain, collapsing to my knees.
It hurls me back and forth;
Dirt is stuffed into my nostrils and mouth,
I am dying, I am suffocating,
But I stubbornly remain silent, and I regret nothing.
Fragments of reason rage in my head,
Scraps of phrases, fragments of words,
And those ghostly images spew out phrases,
Arising from the foundations of consciousness.
They reason about the inevitability of everything,
About the boundlessness of Decline and the eternity of Vice,
They whisper something, laughing, about eternal Evil,
About cheap attempts to avoid Fate.
And I feel – they penetrate my soul,
They tear it to shreds, and stifle hope;
They remind me of sorrows and hardships,
Hatred, nightmares, and transgressions.
And, whispering, laughing, they pull me along,
My will leaves me, and I feel how
Foolish, pathetic, strange my life was
Until now,
I possessed neither joy nor oblivion.
I was ready to die, listening to the deceitful tongues,
But, illuminating my mind,
Everything, as if with happiness, illuminating,
A bright dawn was reborn and blazed.
And, opening my eyes and looking
At the other end of the desert,
I felt how strength
Returns to my muscles...
I have been walking there all my life,
To those high, strange cliffs,
To those snow-covered mountains,
And beyond them – to the ocean.
I believe that a new world
Awaits me beyond it,
A world of certainty, truth,
A world where I am the master of myself.
Smiling, brushing off the dust,
I walk again, as always,
Extending my hand to the cliffs,
Against the wind. Endlessly.