Amko
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-There's this one ride in the central park; I felt nauseous for half a day afterward.
-Was it a kebab place?
-Wake up, you sicko; we're going to give you a couple of injections and put a suppository.
-Doctor, maybe we don't need to. My backside hurts after the last suppository.
Licensed crack ®
Don't let my height, good looks, and strength fool you; deep down, I'm small, bald, and ugly.
-I get it! St. Petersburg isn't a city; it's a SECT!!!
-Why?
-They all support the same team (Zenit).
They all hang out on the same website (VKontakte).
And they all have the same answer to the question, "Why didn't you stay home last night?" - "The bridges were raised!"
Added 6 hours 48 minutes ago
Recipe
-You've been divorced for a while. Tell me how to make cutlets.
-Easy. Take a piece of meat.
-Where?
-At the market. Grind it in a meat grinder, along with some bread. Do you have a meat grinder?
-She took it. I have an old manual one.
-Don't chop off your fingers; it won't taste good.
-Okay.
-Then take a big knife. Chop some onions. Cry.
-Why?
-Because you're an idiot. Because you screwed up your job, your girlfriend. Even Sunday is ruined. You're standing there, chopping onions in the kitchen. You're listening to the football game through the wall. You're a cook, damn it. Cry like a little girl.
-Yeah, it sucks.
-So, you finish chopping the onions. Put the knife in your belt. Do you have a gun?
-Yes. But what do I need it for with the cutlets?
-You need it. Go to the bank; they're open every day now. Tell the depositors to get lost. And then, boom, shoot into the sky. The people will get excited from the shots. Grab the cash. Then go to the supermarket. Alcohol, snacks. The crowd grows. You don't need to take the police; they'll run away on their own. So, go to the garrison. Armored personnel carriers, automatic weapons. Don't take a helicopter; it's too much trouble and it's old.
Then attack the capital. Along the way, call your friends, write appeals on LiveJournal, go through the district centers; they're all yours. You'll bring a hundred thousand people to Kyiv. Take all the women, especially the lonely ones; they'll take on any riot police.
Don't linger on Maidan. Take the government buildings and declare yourself a dictator.
Your first decree: give land to the peasants. They don't need it, but it sounds good. Hang a couple of oligarchs. The rest will be more cooperative.
-And then?
-And then, get rid of all of them. Your alcoholic father-in-law, your shrewish mother-in-law, your know-it-all sister. Put them in chains and send them to Snake Island. That's the perfect place.
-And then?
-After a couple of days, she'll come. She'll beg for mercy. Don't say to her, "Well, who's the loser now?" and "Now you understand who you've been living with all these years?"
-What should I say?
-Honey, please make some cutlets.
-Was it a kebab place?
-Wake up, you sicko; we're going to give you a couple of injections and put a suppository.
-Doctor, maybe we don't need to. My backside hurts after the last suppository.
Licensed crack ®
Don't let my height, good looks, and strength fool you; deep down, I'm small, bald, and ugly.
-I get it! St. Petersburg isn't a city; it's a SECT!!!
-Why?
-They all support the same team (Zenit).
They all hang out on the same website (VKontakte).
And they all have the same answer to the question, "Why didn't you stay home last night?" - "The bridges were raised!"
Added 6 hours 48 minutes ago
Recipe
-You've been divorced for a while. Tell me how to make cutlets.
-Easy. Take a piece of meat.
-Where?
-At the market. Grind it in a meat grinder, along with some bread. Do you have a meat grinder?
-She took it. I have an old manual one.
-Don't chop off your fingers; it won't taste good.
-Okay.
-Then take a big knife. Chop some onions. Cry.
-Why?
-Because you're an idiot. Because you screwed up your job, your girlfriend. Even Sunday is ruined. You're standing there, chopping onions in the kitchen. You're listening to the football game through the wall. You're a cook, damn it. Cry like a little girl.
-Yeah, it sucks.
-So, you finish chopping the onions. Put the knife in your belt. Do you have a gun?
-Yes. But what do I need it for with the cutlets?
-You need it. Go to the bank; they're open every day now. Tell the depositors to get lost. And then, boom, shoot into the sky. The people will get excited from the shots. Grab the cash. Then go to the supermarket. Alcohol, snacks. The crowd grows. You don't need to take the police; they'll run away on their own. So, go to the garrison. Armored personnel carriers, automatic weapons. Don't take a helicopter; it's too much trouble and it's old.
Then attack the capital. Along the way, call your friends, write appeals on LiveJournal, go through the district centers; they're all yours. You'll bring a hundred thousand people to Kyiv. Take all the women, especially the lonely ones; they'll take on any riot police.
Don't linger on Maidan. Take the government buildings and declare yourself a dictator.
Your first decree: give land to the peasants. They don't need it, but it sounds good. Hang a couple of oligarchs. The rest will be more cooperative.
-And then?
-And then, get rid of all of them. Your alcoholic father-in-law, your shrewish mother-in-law, your know-it-all sister. Put them in chains and send them to Snake Island. That's the perfect place.
-And then?
-After a couple of days, she'll come. She'll beg for mercy. Don't say to her, "Well, who's the loser now?" and "Now you understand who you've been living with all these years?"
-What should I say?
-Honey, please make some cutlets.
