Regarding Zeratul's text (I just read it...)... The text is wonderful, I was completely engrossed... But there are still a number of comments, questions, and corrections:
I put a comma after "second course," and replaced "поспевали" with "поспевала." After all, it was the servants who were hurrying.


Sincerely, Simas.

Colleague, the servants and acolytes were hurrying. That is, the servants of the Archmage, his students, and, let's say, colleagues.

Added 2 minutes ago

So, I understand the letter was sent by Hilael, right? Because it says that the letter was sent by a forest elf postal dragon...


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Yes, colleague, you are right. I came up with what could replace the postal service in this world, although, to be honest, I borrowed it from Perumov. He just had lizards.

Added 2 minutes ago

This is a dark elf speaking...


And again, Trent, who is a dark elf... Is he answering himself?


Is Trent's, the dark elf's, monologue continuing?


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Colleague, the Archmage is answering. And then comes the reaction of the Dark Elf. I indicated this in the punctuation. Although you are right, it should have been moved to a new line.

Added 3 minutes ago

The dragon brought a letter from the forest elves, but Hilael is a light elf? Are "light" and "forest" synonyms in the book, or is this an oversight by the author?

Yes, colleague. I decided that the constant repetition of "forest" is redundant, and I decided to introduce a synonym.

Added 2 minutes ago

"Scratched" might be better? This is just a suggestion...


After "felt," it would be appropriate to insert "бы" - each of us would have felt the death of each of us instantly.
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Yes, I completely agree. Indeed, this was my oversight.

Added 5 minutes ago

Who attacked? And is "по обнаружившим себя дозорным" accidentally an introductory phrase that should be set off with commas? I just didn't quite understand this sentence...
And, by the way, what are "secrets"? The watchtowers, or something?
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In this case, I did not specify the attackers, since the first blow was taken by the watchmen, who may not have known the specialization of the "attackers." We understand that liches attack with a cloud of death, but simple scouts may not know such subtleties. And "secret" is a military-intelligence unit, usually border guards, but there can also be scouts. In this specific case, it is the watchmen.

Added 3 minutes ago

Is it the one who is "without a body"? Could it be "бестелесому"?
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It refers to the one who was disembodied, i.e., the one who was deprived of his body (physical) and placed in a composite Talisman. In this case, it is the first Lord of the Abyss.

Added 4 minutes ago

Is this sentence correct?... Because then it says:


In general, I personally don't quite understand it here...

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Colleague, I knew that this phrase was ambiguous. It means that each race considers itself strong enough to repel the attack. That is, they will not unite, because unification requires a common command, and those who already consider themselves important will not agree to this. In this case, the Archmage refers to the alienation of the races that is happening at this time.

Added 5 minutes ago

If possible, let Zeratul post the link in the first post. Thank you in advance.

Simas

Unfortunately, I cannot simply copy the link, my computer gives an error when I try to log in to this address myself.
I will ask colleague DinHot to do this.

Added 14 hours 0 minutes ago
DinHot, I read the post of our work and some comments arose.
First, the composition. In the first chapter, there is a narrative about Albina, then a break - a scene from the Council, then the story about Albina continues.
I think that the scene from the Council should precede the stories about the heroes and should be without numbering, i.e., something like a preface to the novel. Indeed, a novel, and not a story or even a narrative. The volume that we want to create will not fit in a story, and no self-respecting producer will undertake its implementation.
Secondly, we are rushing too much with the description of the action. We don't have even an approximate map of the world yet. We throw the heroes into the world like a penny.
Thirdly, regarding the scene from the Council.
Original: "I discovered through the Search spell the center of this surge and... brace yourselves, brothers... these were residual fluctuations of the power of the Amulet of the Abyss, parts of which we all keep."
Correction: "I discovered through the Search spell the center of this surge and it turned out that these were residual fluctuations of the power of the Amulet of the Abyss, parts of which we all keep."
You unnecessarily removed the phrase "brace yourselves, brothers," I wanted to emphasize the suddenness and danger of this event.
Next, Hilael's message.
Original: "several zombies. They were destroyed quite quickly, but then a cloud of Death struck the watchmen who had revealed themselves."
Correction: "several zombies. They were destroyed quite quickly, but then those who revealed themselves - will not rise again. They suffocated in a poisonous cloud."
I wanted to show that this was an attack by the undead, because we know that an attack with a cloud of Death is the magic of liches, and poisons are the prerogative of Dark Elves. It turns out that the Dark Elves resurrected several zombies, and then poisoned the watchmen who revealed themselves, or they acted together with the undead. Then the phrase "but then those who revealed themselves - will not rise again." I understand your desire to make the message more beautiful and tragic, but it turns out that the elves lay there until their death and now they will not rise again. And it is extremely difficult to shoot bows while lying down.
Please do not be offended by the corrections, but believe me, before I write the text, I mentally calculate each expression several times.