Amko
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- Let's all call Snegurochka together? - Sneg-u-roch-ka!!!
- And now, let's cause confusion on Snegurochka's face?! - Go to hell!!!
-------------------
A little girl spent two weeks preparing for the arrival
of Ded Moroz, learning a poem, sewing a dress, and so on.
New Year's Eve, a knock on the door. The girl shouts:
I'll open it myself, myself! She runs to open the door,
trips, and falls. She opens the door, sniffling
and wiping her nose. A rosy and slightly
tipsy Ded Moroz stands in the doorway.
Ded Moroz says in a joyful bass:
- Hello, little girl, hello, my dear. Happy New
Year! Why are you crying?
The girl says through tears and snot:
- I was waiting for you so much, grandfather, I learned a poem,
I sewed a dress, and now I ran to open the door,
I fell, I tore my dress, and I forgot the poem...
Ded Moroz says with sincere sadness, spreading his hands:
- Well, damn it!
-------------------
At Christmas, a boy hears a noise in the fireplace.
He runs to the fireplace and finds Ded Moroz there.
- Grandfather Frost! So you really exist!!!
- Yes, boy... You saw me. Now I have to kill you.
-------------------
- Grandfather Frost, I want a pony as a gift! - the little boy asked.
- You will have a pony.
And indeed, 25 years later, the boy grew up and got married...
-------------------
- I'm not Karabas-Barabas! - shouted Ded Moroz, but the children still tied him by his beard to a Christmas tree and beat him with cones.
-------------------
Mom doesn't let me watch the internet. She says there's depravity,
swearing, and bad things. The only website I can open is about:blank.
At first, it was boring, but then I got into it. Now I have two
imaginary friends living there, and I hear voices from the outlet!
-------------------
At home, his father cornered his son.
- You have two apples. I threw one away. How many do you have left?
Quiet whimpering.
- You had two apples. I cut one into pieces. How many do you have left?
Whimpering, pushing, pressed against the wall.
- You had two apples. I ate one. I! I ate it. How many do you have left?!
Crying, sobbing, hitting.
- You held two unwashed apples in your dirty hands. I took one away and ate it. How many do you have left?
Screaming, crying.
- Dad! Stop it!
- No, I won't! You had two apples. I took one and stomped on it. One out of two, I stomped on it. How many do you have left?!
Trembling, howling, screaming, the mother's squeal.
- Leave the child alone.
- He's an idiot. I'm changing the condition. You had two apples. One, you ate! You yourself ate one! How many apples, idiot, do you have left, you blockhead?
- A-a-a!! Don't hit me, Dad!!
- No zoo. No guests. You will never have a birthday. I will spend the whole holiday with this idiot... You had two apples. Zina, do we have apples? What? Let's have carrots... You had two carrots, you son of a bitch. I took... Give it! Give it! Idiot. This is arithmetic. I took one and ate it... Here... Crunch-crunch... Here, look...
- Grisha, it's dirty.
- Doesn't matter. Let him see. I ate one carrot with the dirt. How many do you have left?
- Apples?
- Carrots!!!
Sobbing.
- Look. How many dirty carrots are left in your dirty hands?
- One-a-a-a-a...
- That's right, son... And now we're going back to the apples.
- A-a-a-a! Dad, stop it!
- Grisha, stop it.
- Don't cry! Answer! You had two apples.
- Grisha, I beg you!
- I have to! This idiot with the carrots answered correctly, which means there is hope. I am developing his abstract thinking. You had two apples.
Wild roar. A-a-a! Stop it!
- Grisha, stop it.
- Or he won't be an idiot, or he won't grow up at all. You had two apples.
A-a-a! Everyone is roaring.
- Silence! The whole house is silent. Don't give hints. I, your father, took away...
A-a-a! Everyone is roaring.
...one apple out of two (overriding the roar). I, your father, sneaked up and took one apple away from your two apples... (The roar became so loud that the walls began to shake.) Well, okay... You gave me one yourself... How many do you have left?
- (Quiet whisper): One.
- So, how many apples do I have now?
- One.
- How many apples do you have?
- One.
- Shall we eat them?
- Let's...
- But there are no apples! There's nothing to eat! This is abstract thinking!
Added 33 minutes ago
A question from a crossword puzzle:
- Which city service experiences a sharp increase in workload during TV commercials?
Answer:
- Sewer system.
- What happened to me? - the man muttered, regaining consciousness after the operation.
- You were in a car accident, and you had surgery.
- So, I'm in the hospital?
- Mmm... yes, mostly.
There was a time when various lizard-like
creatures ruled the earth, but man became smarter and became a creature himself.
A driver of a Moskvich-412 was detained for setting fire to foreign cars with the slogan "Moscow for Muscovites"!
- And now, let's cause confusion on Snegurochka's face?! - Go to hell!!!
-------------------
A little girl spent two weeks preparing for the arrival
of Ded Moroz, learning a poem, sewing a dress, and so on.
New Year's Eve, a knock on the door. The girl shouts:
I'll open it myself, myself! She runs to open the door,
trips, and falls. She opens the door, sniffling
and wiping her nose. A rosy and slightly
tipsy Ded Moroz stands in the doorway.
Ded Moroz says in a joyful bass:
- Hello, little girl, hello, my dear. Happy New
Year! Why are you crying?
The girl says through tears and snot:
- I was waiting for you so much, grandfather, I learned a poem,
I sewed a dress, and now I ran to open the door,
I fell, I tore my dress, and I forgot the poem...
Ded Moroz says with sincere sadness, spreading his hands:
- Well, damn it!
-------------------
At Christmas, a boy hears a noise in the fireplace.
He runs to the fireplace and finds Ded Moroz there.
- Grandfather Frost! So you really exist!!!
- Yes, boy... You saw me. Now I have to kill you.
-------------------
- Grandfather Frost, I want a pony as a gift! - the little boy asked.
- You will have a pony.
And indeed, 25 years later, the boy grew up and got married...
-------------------
- I'm not Karabas-Barabas! - shouted Ded Moroz, but the children still tied him by his beard to a Christmas tree and beat him with cones.
-------------------
Mom doesn't let me watch the internet. She says there's depravity,
swearing, and bad things. The only website I can open is about:blank.
At first, it was boring, but then I got into it. Now I have two
imaginary friends living there, and I hear voices from the outlet!
-------------------
At home, his father cornered his son.
- You have two apples. I threw one away. How many do you have left?
Quiet whimpering.
- You had two apples. I cut one into pieces. How many do you have left?
Whimpering, pushing, pressed against the wall.
- You had two apples. I ate one. I! I ate it. How many do you have left?!
Crying, sobbing, hitting.
- You held two unwashed apples in your dirty hands. I took one away and ate it. How many do you have left?
Screaming, crying.
- Dad! Stop it!
- No, I won't! You had two apples. I took one and stomped on it. One out of two, I stomped on it. How many do you have left?!
Trembling, howling, screaming, the mother's squeal.
- Leave the child alone.
- He's an idiot. I'm changing the condition. You had two apples. One, you ate! You yourself ate one! How many apples, idiot, do you have left, you blockhead?
- A-a-a!! Don't hit me, Dad!!
- No zoo. No guests. You will never have a birthday. I will spend the whole holiday with this idiot... You had two apples. Zina, do we have apples? What? Let's have carrots... You had two carrots, you son of a bitch. I took... Give it! Give it! Idiot. This is arithmetic. I took one and ate it... Here... Crunch-crunch... Here, look...
- Grisha, it's dirty.
- Doesn't matter. Let him see. I ate one carrot with the dirt. How many do you have left?
- Apples?
- Carrots!!!
Sobbing.
- Look. How many dirty carrots are left in your dirty hands?
- One-a-a-a-a...
- That's right, son... And now we're going back to the apples.
- A-a-a-a! Dad, stop it!
- Grisha, stop it.
- Don't cry! Answer! You had two apples.
- Grisha, I beg you!
- I have to! This idiot with the carrots answered correctly, which means there is hope. I am developing his abstract thinking. You had two apples.
Wild roar. A-a-a! Stop it!
- Grisha, stop it.
- Or he won't be an idiot, or he won't grow up at all. You had two apples.
A-a-a! Everyone is roaring.
- Silence! The whole house is silent. Don't give hints. I, your father, took away...
A-a-a! Everyone is roaring.
...one apple out of two (overriding the roar). I, your father, sneaked up and took one apple away from your two apples... (The roar became so loud that the walls began to shake.) Well, okay... You gave me one yourself... How many do you have left?
- (Quiet whisper): One.
- So, how many apples do I have now?
- One.
- How many apples do you have?
- One.
- Shall we eat them?
- Let's...
- But there are no apples! There's nothing to eat! This is abstract thinking!
Added 33 minutes ago
A question from a crossword puzzle:
- Which city service experiences a sharp increase in workload during TV commercials?
Answer:
- Sewer system.
- What happened to me? - the man muttered, regaining consciousness after the operation.
- You were in a car accident, and you had surgery.
- So, I'm in the hospital?
- Mmm... yes, mostly.
There was a time when various lizard-like
creatures ruled the earth, but man became smarter and became a creature himself.
A driver of a Moskvich-412 was detained for setting fire to foreign cars with the slogan "Moscow for Muscovites"!
