Ment
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- You know, Erefir, if I had just let things take their course, neither my father would have disappeared, nor would Crider be destroyed, nor would Naera have suffered. But, ultimately, none of that really matters, because the near future is even bleaker than the present. Tell me, do you like your new life on Anuzish?
-- But if this is a reproach to me, then it is absolutely justified. Of course, a reproach to me... -- an awkward smile. -- My actions in this humble position have never been optimal, not even once. Unfortunately, I lack your insight. Having combat experience, I often expect treachery from enemies, but that is my only advantage, and it doesn't always work well. On the other hand, I'm too used to doing everything myself. I manage my allies poorly, I don't anticipate their feelings and actions, and worst of all, I don't know who my allies are and who I can trust. Maybe there was nothing wrong with the Mindjins' proposal? I pretended that I didn't reject it, but in that situation, it was actually my arguments that played a key role, and who knows what would have happened otherwise.
-- Maybe I should have talked to my fellow servants at the villa, at least out of gratitude to them, and ultimately seen the gaps in the defense? After all, Carneol has always had a privileged position; they could have used it, with your permission, to improve our surroundings and increase confidence in the future... instead of spending three months pursuing individualistic goals.
-- And, of course, I still think that my conversation with His Majesty should have ended with a warning: of course, our Emperor is steadfast and resolute, and knows much more than I do, but still... it is sometimes worth reminding such great people, who care about those around them with all their heart and will, that they are also dear to someone. Just a gentle reminder, without violating etiquette and subordination to the Monarch. And I didn't do that, even though I should have, for your sake.
-- Thus, although I don't usually engage in self-analysis, since you have raised these questions, it is clear that I have not lived up to your expectations, and all of them essentially relate to me. I would like to apologize to you, and I do, but... objectively, I don't know if I will be able to correct my shortcomings in the perhaps small remaining part of my life, and somehow compensate for what I have done wrong. I have always acted as if I was simply completing assignments. That is not enough for a knight without fear and reproach.
-- And yet, answering your question, I like my current life, and I thank you for giving it to me. If it continues...
"Because what if I have disappointed my Suzerain so much that it will no longer continue? ) Oh, I can't know for sure."
-- If it continues, then I will face whatever future awaits us in this world with the same determination as I have faced everything before.
"I have nothing to complain about, because the worst is already behind me, and in this world, almost everything has been positive... But Suzerain? My Suzerain's biography is completely different; I don't know what words to use to support her. Only with what I said, with my gratitude and willingness to continue following her."