Amko
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Vovochka: Old, but funny)))
- Vovochka, why were you expelled from class?
- I'm a class enemy.
A joke from the stagnation era.
Vovochka shouts from the yard to his mother, who is standing on the balcony:
- Mom, throw me 62 kopecks down here!
- They'll scatter!
- Then wrap them in three rubles...
The teacher asks Vovochka:
- Who is Eugene Onegin?
- I don't know.
- And Chatsky?
- I don't know.
- So, you don't know anything...
- Why nothing? I know Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone,
Chuck Norris, Michael Jackson...
- And with this knowledge, you're going to live in Russia?
- Where is that?
A new teacher, young and beautiful, came to Vovochka's class. After the lesson, Vovochka says to her:
- Maryivanna, let's go to the lab, I'll have you!
- Oh... You... Me... But I'm a TEACHER!!!
- Funny... Okay - I'll TEACH you.
Diary of a young and charming girl:
Mon - Anton came and installed Win 95 on the computer.
Tue - Roma came and removed Win 95.
Wed - Anton came and installed Win 95.
Thu - Roma came, got angry, and removed Win 95.
Fri - Anton came and installed Win 95.
Sat - Vova came and dropped the system unit on the floor...
Vovochka:
- Maria Ivanovna, should the word "popa" be written together or with a hyphen?
Maria Ivanovna:
- Of course, together, Vovochka, but why did you think it should be with a hyphen?
Vovochka:
- Well, because it has two halves...
During the lesson, Vovochka asks the teacher:
- Mary Ivanna, name a word with six letters that is used to describe a complete failure, and the second letter is "i".
The teacher:
- Get out of the class!
Vovochka (leaving):
- Fiasco, Mary Ivanna, fiasco.
Vovochka:
- Dad, what is a clitoris?
Dad, without looking away from the computer:
- It's a programming language. It works with DBF format files.
- Vovochka, why are you lying on the couch all day?
- I'm preparing to become a dad.
There was an elephant in the circus, and they couldn't feed it.
To raise money, the director goes out into the arena during the performance and announces:
- Whoever makes the elephant jump in place will receive 10,000 rubles! One attempt costs 100 rubles!
Vovochka goes out, gives the director 100 rubles, and kicks the elephant in the testicles. The elephant jumps in pain. The ruined director tries to get at least some of the money back, and during the next performance, he announces:
- Whoever makes the elephant shake its head from side to side will receive 10,000! An attempt costs 200 rubles!
Vovochka goes out, gives the director 200 rubles, goes up to the elephant and asks:
- Do you remember me?
The elephant nodded.
- Do you want me to kick you again?
The elephant shook its head.
Added 3 hours 22 minutes ago
All sales records in Russia are being broken by the new model of Nokia phones, "Drink," with a built-in corkscrew and bottle opener as a gift.
Nokia - drinking people![/B]
Added 57 minutes ago
Tips for a beginner net surfer. :smile52: :smile52: :smile52:
http://ostrie.moskva.com/?do=Item&id=836712
Added 6 hours 31 minutes ago
Seriously!
Headlines from the tabloid press:
The State Duma approved a schedule for burning kindergartens;
People who live near the railway are more likely to be born gay and astronauts;
An Irkutsk misanthrope raped anthills;
A Siberian oil rig has been pumping sewage for 5 years;
Sewage workers killed a moose;
In German camps, people were made into pancakes for Hitler's table;
A nuclear physicist choked to death on his glasses;
A mother added "Kirieshki" to her breast milk;
In the Moscow Zoo, a gorilla defecated on a Japanese disabled person;
Mytishchi claims to become the capital of the Olympic Games in 3216;
A one-year-old child bit off a cat's paws;
Crows pecked a swastika into a veteran's bald head;
Children in an extended-day group were poisoned by light bulbs;
The government will decide how long old people should live;
An unprecedented ejaculation marked May 9th in a nursing home;
In Terminator-4, Karachentsev will play a half-elf;
Spartak Mishulin and Lyudmila Gurchenko will play Tom and Jerry;
Cherepovets railway workers were poisoned by strawberries;
.....
We have a lot to love about our country. :D
Added 11 hours 32 minutes ago
What is the groove on a tablet for, the one that divides it in half?
If a person is sick and cannot swallow, the tablet is inserted into the ass and
screwed in with a screwdriver.
Scientists have discovered that beer contains a lot of female hormones.
And indeed, after three bottles of beer, a man starts giggling at all sorts of nonsense, after seven he can hardly drive a car, and after ten he wants to pee sitting down.
A problem.
Condition: A bear rolls down a hill. Given: the mass of the bear m, its initial speed v, its final speed v', the length of the hill L, the angle of the hill a. The friction force is zero.
Question: What color is the bear rolling down the hill - brown, white, or some other?
Solution:
The condition states that the friction force Ftr = 0. Obviously, we are dealing with a so-called "ideal bear." An ideal bear has no physical dimensions, which means it cannot reflect color. Therefore, in the usual sense, we have a colorless bear. But it is known that the bear has a non-zero mass, which means it has energy that it can emit in the form of photons. The physical dimensions of the bear are equal to zero, and the mass is not zero => the internal pressure and temperature of the bear are enormous, which means:
1) the bear consists of fragments of a hydrogen atom,
2) it emits ultraviolet light,
3) due to the enormous density of mass, it is a black hole.
Answer: We have an absolutely black bear.
Added 6 hours 34 minutes ago
There, bugoga, there Ktulhu wanders,
cabbage hangs on the branches,
there, on invisible paths,
traces of hentai anime,
blonde there, on chicken legs
patches KDE under Frey...
Added 18 hours 32 minutes ago
Ilya Muromets and Nightingale the Robber met.
But the church was against this marriage...
Three girls, 15-16 years old, are sitting in a trolleybus, talking. A guy gets on at a stop, stands next to them and says, smiling:
- Oh, what pretty girls.
The girls blush:
- Really, that pretty...
The guy:
- Well, I'm just kidding, just kidding...
A man asks to be connected to a number through a female switchboard operator.
After a while, she tells him:
- Your number is not answering!
- Really, not at all?!
- No, well - the first three digits answered, the rest didn't!
- My husband is saving up for an apartment.
- Has he saved a lot?
- Yes, I'll buy a fur coat soon!
Added 3 hours 40 minutes ago
Three guys went winter fishing. They got to the lake, threw their fishing rods into the hole, but they forgot the vodka at home! They sent one to the nearest village, 10 minutes
walk away...
When he returned, he saw one guy having sex with another. He said indignantly:
- What the hell are you doing?
One says:
- You won't believe it. This idiot fell into the hole, and by the time I got him out, he wasn't
breathing...
- And did you have to have sex with him? You should have given him artificial respiration!
- Well, that's how it all started... :smile52: :smile52: :smile52:
- Vovochka, why were you expelled from class?
- I'm a class enemy.
A joke from the stagnation era.
Vovochka shouts from the yard to his mother, who is standing on the balcony:
- Mom, throw me 62 kopecks down here!
- They'll scatter!
- Then wrap them in three rubles...
The teacher asks Vovochka:
- Who is Eugene Onegin?
- I don't know.
- And Chatsky?
- I don't know.
- So, you don't know anything...
- Why nothing? I know Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone,
Chuck Norris, Michael Jackson...
- And with this knowledge, you're going to live in Russia?
- Where is that?
A new teacher, young and beautiful, came to Vovochka's class. After the lesson, Vovochka says to her:
- Maryivanna, let's go to the lab, I'll have you!
- Oh... You... Me... But I'm a TEACHER!!!
- Funny... Okay - I'll TEACH you.
Diary of a young and charming girl:
Mon - Anton came and installed Win 95 on the computer.
Tue - Roma came and removed Win 95.
Wed - Anton came and installed Win 95.
Thu - Roma came, got angry, and removed Win 95.
Fri - Anton came and installed Win 95.
Sat - Vova came and dropped the system unit on the floor...
Vovochka:
- Maria Ivanovna, should the word "popa" be written together or with a hyphen?
Maria Ivanovna:
- Of course, together, Vovochka, but why did you think it should be with a hyphen?
Vovochka:
- Well, because it has two halves...
During the lesson, Vovochka asks the teacher:
- Mary Ivanna, name a word with six letters that is used to describe a complete failure, and the second letter is "i".
The teacher:
- Get out of the class!
Vovochka (leaving):
- Fiasco, Mary Ivanna, fiasco.
Vovochka:
- Dad, what is a clitoris?
Dad, without looking away from the computer:
- It's a programming language. It works with DBF format files.
- Vovochka, why are you lying on the couch all day?
- I'm preparing to become a dad.
There was an elephant in the circus, and they couldn't feed it.
To raise money, the director goes out into the arena during the performance and announces:
- Whoever makes the elephant jump in place will receive 10,000 rubles! One attempt costs 100 rubles!
Vovochka goes out, gives the director 100 rubles, and kicks the elephant in the testicles. The elephant jumps in pain. The ruined director tries to get at least some of the money back, and during the next performance, he announces:
- Whoever makes the elephant shake its head from side to side will receive 10,000! An attempt costs 200 rubles!
Vovochka goes out, gives the director 200 rubles, goes up to the elephant and asks:
- Do you remember me?
The elephant nodded.
- Do you want me to kick you again?
The elephant shook its head.
Added 3 hours 22 minutes ago
All sales records in Russia are being broken by the new model of Nokia phones, "Drink," with a built-in corkscrew and bottle opener as a gift.
Nokia - drinking people![/B]
Added 57 minutes ago
Tips for a beginner net surfer. :smile52: :smile52: :smile52:
http://ostrie.moskva.com/?do=Item&id=836712
Added 6 hours 31 minutes ago
Seriously!
Headlines from the tabloid press:
The State Duma approved a schedule for burning kindergartens;
People who live near the railway are more likely to be born gay and astronauts;
An Irkutsk misanthrope raped anthills;
A Siberian oil rig has been pumping sewage for 5 years;
Sewage workers killed a moose;
In German camps, people were made into pancakes for Hitler's table;
A nuclear physicist choked to death on his glasses;
A mother added "Kirieshki" to her breast milk;
In the Moscow Zoo, a gorilla defecated on a Japanese disabled person;
Mytishchi claims to become the capital of the Olympic Games in 3216;
A one-year-old child bit off a cat's paws;
Crows pecked a swastika into a veteran's bald head;
Children in an extended-day group were poisoned by light bulbs;
The government will decide how long old people should live;
An unprecedented ejaculation marked May 9th in a nursing home;
In Terminator-4, Karachentsev will play a half-elf;
Spartak Mishulin and Lyudmila Gurchenko will play Tom and Jerry;
Cherepovets railway workers were poisoned by strawberries;
.....
We have a lot to love about our country. :D
Added 11 hours 32 minutes ago
What is the groove on a tablet for, the one that divides it in half?
If a person is sick and cannot swallow, the tablet is inserted into the ass and
screwed in with a screwdriver.
Scientists have discovered that beer contains a lot of female hormones.
And indeed, after three bottles of beer, a man starts giggling at all sorts of nonsense, after seven he can hardly drive a car, and after ten he wants to pee sitting down.
A problem.
Condition: A bear rolls down a hill. Given: the mass of the bear m, its initial speed v, its final speed v', the length of the hill L, the angle of the hill a. The friction force is zero.
Question: What color is the bear rolling down the hill - brown, white, or some other?
Solution:
The condition states that the friction force Ftr = 0. Obviously, we are dealing with a so-called "ideal bear." An ideal bear has no physical dimensions, which means it cannot reflect color. Therefore, in the usual sense, we have a colorless bear. But it is known that the bear has a non-zero mass, which means it has energy that it can emit in the form of photons. The physical dimensions of the bear are equal to zero, and the mass is not zero => the internal pressure and temperature of the bear are enormous, which means:
1) the bear consists of fragments of a hydrogen atom,
2) it emits ultraviolet light,
3) due to the enormous density of mass, it is a black hole.
Answer: We have an absolutely black bear.
Added 6 hours 34 minutes ago
There, bugoga, there Ktulhu wanders,
cabbage hangs on the branches,
there, on invisible paths,
traces of hentai anime,
blonde there, on chicken legs
patches KDE under Frey...
Added 18 hours 32 minutes ago
Ilya Muromets and Nightingale the Robber met.
But the church was against this marriage...
Three girls, 15-16 years old, are sitting in a trolleybus, talking. A guy gets on at a stop, stands next to them and says, smiling:
- Oh, what pretty girls.
The girls blush:
- Really, that pretty...
The guy:
- Well, I'm just kidding, just kidding...
A man asks to be connected to a number through a female switchboard operator.
After a while, she tells him:
- Your number is not answering!
- Really, not at all?!
- No, well - the first three digits answered, the rest didn't!
- My husband is saving up for an apartment.
- Has he saved a lot?
- Yes, I'll buy a fur coat soon!
Added 3 hours 40 minutes ago
Three guys went winter fishing. They got to the lake, threw their fishing rods into the hole, but they forgot the vodka at home! They sent one to the nearest village, 10 minutes
walk away...
When he returned, he saw one guy having sex with another. He said indignantly:
- What the hell are you doing?
One says:
- You won't believe it. This idiot fell into the hole, and by the time I got him out, he wasn't
breathing...
- And did you have to have sex with him? You should have given him artificial respiration!
- Well, that's how it all started... :smile52: :smile52: :smile52: