Posts from By the way... Merlin's Report on CIS-2016

Regarding the organization and the organizers. The guys tried their best, but all the shortcomings and problems that arose ultimately boil down to three points.
1. A significant number of issues that could and should have been resolved in advance {including a number of questions and difficulties they would encounter, which I formulated for them long before the event in the organizers' conference} were left to chance with the phrasing: "We'll figure it out on site." As a result, once on site, the organizers faced previously unresolved problems in addition to their current tasks.
2. The organizers themselves didn't shy away from alcohol and participated in the mayhem.
3. The organizers, as well as the Judge, competed in the tournament as participants; consequently, there wasn't enough free time, energy, or attention left for resolving organizational issues and judging.

Everything else was generally just part of the process. Every year has its same old screw-ups, as did last year, which I consider overall to be the best in terms of organization—but even then, Bertvodka spent "five minutes" solving the internet issue at the base. And those five minutes literally "poured out" as 40-degree liquid over five days. And the restaurant, just like this year, pulled a stunt on the eve of arrival by changing management with all the ensuing consequences.
A separate post will be dedicated to the same old "after-action report." There's no other way. Because in the future, if it exists, we must maximize the protection of both the organizers and ourselves from a number of negative phenomena.
I'll end the preface here and move on to my subjective impressions: I'll try not to pour too much tar. But, as usual, I will call things by their names. Don't hold it against me. So...

First of all, Merlin expresses his gratitude.
I want to thank those whom life brought together specifically thanks to the CIS tournaments—this crazy company that keeps me from completely and irrevocably losing my mind: Oxy, Preds, DD, and of course Ilich, who managed to break away and join us—the most sane member of our quintet.
Thanks to my comrade—designer and artist Anton Malykh http://ninth.name/, who last year drew Merlin for a t-shirt, and this year sat for over two nights editing all the selected photos, assembling the video sequence, and creating the layout for the draw deck. Knowing how meticulous I am about these things, he patiently endured my corrections and edits.
Thanks to my battle-comrades Tatiana Cheremisina and Elena Shabalina, who sewed Merlin's Bag for the draw.
After all my tossing and turning and searching—this year the draw finally took its final form. I personally won't be able to come up with anything new or better in this regard.
Thanks to the organizers for the "dad-gift" in the form of the Merlin's Hammer artifact, which was securely hidden immediately after use so that it wouldn't suffer the fate of the furniture in the conference hall. It is indispensable for the auction program.
And, of course, thanks to all the participants and guests who provided plenty of reasons for laughs and banter.

It all started in February when Merlin arrived at M-200. He came with one single goal—to get absolutely wasted with a certain company. And he successfully achieved his goal.


There, the future Organizers—Zloy Romantik, Cobra, Falcon, and Aiwa—hired me as the host for CIS-2016. By the way, I earned three achievements right away: Wake up a drunk Boroda {aka Oxy}. Lead a drunk Boroda through unfamiliar terrain. And return back. Here is a photo of the provided map of the area that I used to lead him out—it's no wonder we hit a dead end twice.


Considering that if Merlin sees Oxy off at the airport, then Oxy doesn't actually fly away, and he needed to fly—I decided not to get into the taxi with him. And I made my way back through the garden-cottage labyrinth following my own tracks, thanks to the same old snow. Well, and thanks to the banter with Oxy, where we shouted "We start!" from an Enjoykin clip, and those videos that turned up on my phone after M-200, a concept for the video sequence began to take shape.

The idea for the song "We are starting CIS" was born about a year and a half ago, but it didn't work out by the time of Volgograd: it seemed written—but I didn't like it, so it was put in the same old stash. And not in vain: I rewrote it from scratch, leaving only the beginning of the chorus. What resulted was no longer embarrassing to perform. Well, and the lines "Once again there will be a reason for judges to claim that everything is unfair" turned out to be downright prophetic.
{Actually, the same famous song about ''2-8'' sat on the shelf for two years: it was originally written for Odessa-2013, but I didn't manage to get there. By Volgograd, it had been polished and hit the mark.}

I traveled there by train, as it was the only way to get some sleep before the CIS marathon. And to put my thoughts in order. I reached Falcon safely—I was surprised that the Siberians hadn't managed to tear his apartment apart yet. In the evening, Num gave a concert for Falcon's neighbors. A awakened Dirty expressed himself in the sense that he didn't care, but Falcon still has to live here... In the end, Num started shouting quieter, and turned the music louder.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsJcMb5kJQU

The next day, I went with Dust and Falcon for meat and BBQ equipment. After shopping, we picked up Helllight at the airport. The car was packed to the brim even before Helllight. And when he squeezed in—everyone else was pushed out the windows. Just as we left the airport, Dust suddenly remembered out of nowhere that he hadn't bought anything for fishing {Dusty, next time you need to interpret fate correctly—didn't buy it, forget about it}. But no—driving further, we saw a tackle shop. Which Dust asked to stop at. And we successfully parked opposite the pharmacy "I am available 24". While Dust was in the store measuring the length of worms and tasting them, and most likely haggling like a dad—Hell and Falcon and I were bantering about the pharmacy. — Hello, is this "I am available 24"?..


Before that, we also managed to banter about this.

Cultured St. Petersburg pedestrians were stunned by the combined choir sounding from the car: "Mama Roma let's go, let's go, let's go!!!". Now it's clear why Romantik became Zloy (Evil).

We reached Cobra and Aiwa, who were waiting for us so that we could move to the base as a whole convoy. In Zelenogorsk, we waited a bit for the CIS-2010 Champion and my roommate Bayazet, who was coming by electric train. About him specifically, a bit later. We drove calmly into the base. The bus led by Zloy Romantik and the main gang arrived before us, which determined the further fate of the event.

The sign on the barrier: Caution! Cobra!


The conference hall was called "Blue". Even before entering, Merlin had vague forebodings...


Num was the first to distinguish himself. He decided that he absolutely needed to lie on the floor together with the podium. Which is what he did, while simultaneously snapping the podium microphone. This gave the start to the "Furniture-break-furniture" attraction. Later, it would be easier to list those who did NOT knock over three presidium tables, on which, among other things, mixer consoles stood. Among others, the organizers also participated in the attraction on the evening before the hold'em tournament. Screaming into the microphone and Merlin's five-story swearing only fueled the desire of those gathered to participate in the attraction. No wonder my voice gave out. Seeing such indifference, Merlin concluded that at the Opening he would most likely lose his voice completely. And concluded that after the Opening, he would be drinking.
Here are a couple more illustrations of the Blue hall.


Hell is preparing for the game.


Briefly about the poker tournament. Here is a photo of one of the full-fledged participants of the hold'em tournament. Didn't rebuy. Was gradually eaten. I would say that the blinds ate him, but some "sheep" were nibbling away at him.


On May 1st, I conducted the Opening. Unfortunately, the dendroids Oxy and DD got so drunk that they couldn't get up. When I came to wake them before the start—DD mumbled that he absolutely couldn't get up now, especially since he managed to injure himself again even before the official start of the event. And a sleeping Oxy was actually moving an imaginary mouse on the wall and trying to "make Merlin quieter," while pressing an imaginary middle button. I expected two drunks to draw the first round. I had to pull two other drunks from the hall.
Start of the event—video sequence.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuhjrB3uxd8
For good measure, I uploaded the 2014 video sequence https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhAUMd_SM4g
And the 2015 video sequence; a special thanks here to the carpenter for the editing and filming, Georgy Staroverov https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3JENCYnBpc
Then came the song. "We are starting CIS." If anyone filmed it, please upload it.
Epigraphs from Piterius.
1. I've long wanted to write that you shouldn't call this little get-together a CIS tournament, but now it's clear anyway that it's just an ordinary regional "shakedown" 2015
2. Joining the discussion of the details of CIS-2015, I intend to report again that the title of winner of this tournament has nothing to do with the idea of CIS.
3. Without the participation of players from Ukraine, calling this a "CIS" tournament is like calling it a championship of Siberia or Moscow.

Then came the introduction of the organizing committee and a number of announcements.
Then Cobra, as usual, won the auction for the free slot to have time to rest before the second round. This time I decided to combine the draw with the introduction of participants—it turned out a bit blurred due to technical difficulties. But this year's draw format—pulling a card with a participant's photo from a black bag—seems to me the best among all previous ones.
Opening finished—time for some grub. The dendroids were slowly waking up. Naturally, I had to show Oxy the video sequence. We watched the video sequence about 20 times in a row and laughed. Then I turned on the original video that Enjoykin used for the clip.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ea8fKtCkeZA
From the 1:11 mark, the event's catchphrase was caught and then spread to the masses: "By the way, go f.. yourself."
Oxy had used the word "Sheep" (Baranina) before. But at CIS we revealed its full depth. Who sat in the administration? A sheep. Who managed the restaurant? A sheep. Who sat in the conf-hall? Sheep... etc.
Oxy reads the first issue of the newspaper "Heroic Herald". Managing editor—Preds. Font: PredsTimes-brown.

Reached the joke column.


In general, it was the usual alcohol-fueled laughter for our company. A banquet with shashlik from daddy Dust was announced for the evening of May 1st. Who, following the principle stated by his son at the first Siberia champ: "What?! Dad can't lose!"—didn't even sit down to play Heroes. And here I am forced to add a little tar. As for how Preds bought one skewer for two thousand—he'll tell that himself if he wants. But as for how they tried to charge the girls the full amount—that is not good. They didn't even buy any wine. The ladies are the decoration of the championship, and being stingy here is unacceptable. The only exception is if the ladies are the size of Preds. Although even he barely managed to lick the cake brought to him by a caring Ilich this time: seagulls flew in and snatched everything.

Yes, it's time to talk about the local rules at the base. The thing is, there was no unified management system there. A bunch of tenants who didn't coordinate with each other: cafe—one tenant, restaurant—another, equipment rental—a third, housing—a fourth. Three tables were needed for the poker tournament. And tables for the Heroes tournament players were only ordered for the morning of May 1st. Why? Who knows. But that's not the point. They eventually provided us with tables. But they were as terrible as my life and as dirty as my thoughts. To my reasonable question to the administrator—why are the tables in such a state?—I received an answer to the effect that you didn't order them in advance. I gave her simple analogies—so, if necessary, there will also be no clean linens at the base? And do I need to order water in the tap in advance, otherwise shit will flow? We started asking for tablecloths. They didn't have any. The cafe was already closed—go to the restaurant and arrange it yourselves. In short, Europe wasn't even close when it came to service. I thought that we would have to teach them how to work. But after the restaurant, I realized it's easier to negotiate with a tree or a stone. Here is the restaurant.

On the notice board: restaurant "Nautilus", on the restaurant itself—"Captain Nemo", above the entrance to the restaurant the sign says "Disco". To get an answer to even one question about the kitchen, you had to wait about 10 minutes. I had to complain. The restaurant administrator was a kind of Soviet-era bureaucrat with a perpetually dissatisfied look. I tell her: "I am your client and I am not satisfied with the quality of your services, understand that—the customer is always right." To this, I received an unexpected knockout counter-strike: "You are not a client, you are a guest." Curtain. Further talking to anyone at this base made no sense. It later turned out that on the eve of our arrival, the owners changed and half the restaurant staff ran away.
For dinner, at a price of 400 rubles, among other "dishes," this was offered.


And the apotheosis once again became Merlin, who suddenly felt the need to order mors (berry drink) to warm up his throat. For 10 minutes they figured out if it was possible. The answer was—there is mors, but it's cold. Then heat it up, damn it! After another 15 minutes, a girl comes and says with shame: "You know, this is my first day working here—but I've never seen anything like this anywhere before. They poured your mors into a soup tureen... Should I pour it somewhere else?". Not in any way!!! Bring a spoon!!! And add the signature dish to the menu!!! Merlin's Borsch.


In the conference hall restroom, a box with paper towels hung lonely on the wall. Fully stocked. Only getting them out of there seemed impossible—it's easier to bring CIS than to pull these towels out. It's hard to see, but the point is clear—this is the towel-dispensing mechanism at the bottom of the box. One of the rollers was skewed, just like a good half of the participants of the gathering. Moreover, it had been that way from the very beginning. Just like a good half of the participants of the gathering.


About the Brain-Ring. I carefully selected the questions for the Brain-Ring final, edited the phrasing, and in the end, it turned out to be a very interesting final in my opinion. There was no time to make all the questions final-level {well, this has already been mentioned in the thread about the game program /topic/11847/}. Among the downsides is that I asked for batteries several times, but they were never bought. I borrowed some from Num. But they died right in the middle of the program. And if before this my voice was completely gone, now I had to tear it apart completely to bring Brain to an end. {And the awarding of the main tournament participants ended with incoherent singing—that is, without vocal cords} Also, as a downside, I'll specifically mention a drunk Reanimator with crazy eyes and an absolute lack of connection with reality. Next time, if there even is one for me, in the presence of such things—I will simply turn around and leave the hall. {The same can be said about Toganash's behavior at the awarding and the behavior of the entire hall before the poker tournament}.
If there is ever a similar format again—I will scatter the Siberians across different teams, because no way here. Cheaters.

Everything that followed was a sea of alcohol-fueled laughter. I remember a mega-awesome fishing trip with Dust and Vigo. Reminder: Dust forgot to buy the necessities for fishing that he deemed necessary. But in reality, everything was already there—vodka and the best fish-sausage {caught by Merlin and filleted by him while hanging in the boat}. Because out of 20 declared species of fish, nothing bit during a couple of hours of our experiments. Only Merlin at one point started nodding off and almost flew overboard. On the way back, I talked Dust into throwing Vigo overboard, but that bastard miraculously held on. "The miracle later swelled up and hurt for a long time"...
In reality, when I found out that Bayazet {CIS-2010 champion, by the way} was rooming with me—I was terribly happy, because usually at CIS I snag some time to sleep during the day, and Bayazet sleeps at night like a normal person. I realized that there wouldn't be any particular conflicts over snoring and such {I didn't know then that I would almost not sleep at all—in previous years it was somehow more lenient}. And in the room, we practically never crossed paths. On the first or second early morning—I roll into the room to pick something up: Bayazet lifts his head and opens his eyes. I tell him: - Room cleaning!.. He tells me: - F.. you don't know!.. And then fell back asleep. They say that when the room cleaning actually came, upon finding a sleeping Merlin in the room—they didn't clean, motivating it by saying they "were afraid of a bald snoring man." Apparently, they didn't realize that Merlin also needed to be cleaned.
Bayazet's disappearance is still shrouded in mystery. It seems he said goodbye to everyone in the conference hall. But entering the room, I found the following.

Bayazet is an old-school Hero player who doesn't just throw his artifacts around. He even took the remains of a toothpaste tube with him. I came to the conclusion that some unknown monster dragged him away, because this was found near the shower.

Monster, give us back Bayazet!!!


A riddle after the banter with Oxy. What is "Feet in my mouth"?
Answer: Horn on the train on the second bunk.

Oxy got an achievement—"pee in a trash can". I failed to convince him to perform the next achievement—"poop in a trash can". But it's not evening yet—he'll do it someday. We also managed to go for ping-pong and billiards.

When on the fifth, late in the evening, it became clear that all games except one were already completed and essentially nothing could affect the final distribution of places, Merlin, with his inherent wisdom, insisted on immediate awarding—especially since almost everyone was in the hall. Postponing this until morning—we wouldn't have gathered anyone again, including the organizers.

On May 6th, Merlin stopped drinking and began the "de-oxycation" procedure of the body. Put Oxy in the car. Waved a snotty handkerchief, splashing all the windows. And then he was on the come-down, sipping tea.

I don't know why everything was exactly like this this year? Perhaps a lot of stressful shit had accumulated for everyone, including me, in life, which everyone felt forced to wash away with alcohol-containing liquids. Crisis, gentlemen... "And that is why it all happened..." (c) Eduard Surovy

And if Merlin accidentally or intentionally offended someone—then pardon, you deserved it. Merlin is an independent developing image, sensitive to everything happening and instantly orienting himself in a changing environment, who sees through time, space and reads people. And I would very much like to burn out of myself everything that has nothing to do with him.
I also traveled with the micro-goal of introducing the crowd to Chinese poker by personal example. Horn decided to teach his family how to play—by the way, a truly excellent family version of the game.

During this visit, I managed to see almost everyone I wanted. Vic and family, the most positive Gunnar with his same old little son (a shaggy one, though for some reason Kolya put a collar on him), Uncle Sasha, aka Horn, daddy Dust with his boundless culinary possibilities and surprising lack of malice, Bloodliker, with whom I seemingly live in the same city but we only see each other at CIS, Matrosov and all-all-all—old and new faces. Only Asm and AlexXXL were missing.

Before the train, since it was around midnight, I still managed to visit friends, and before that Vic, with whom there was something to discuss. Before the train, I managed to nap a bit. On the train, for half the night, I wrote down on paper the events spinning in my head so as not to forget.
In Moscow, I didn't really want to wake up—the conductor had to wake me, saying that we were already on the platform. Half-asleep, I almost called her a Sheep (Baranina). Rather, I did call her that, but she had already run away and didn't hear. The household members have already picked up this word.

And a couple more photos from the phone.
Mega-achievement of Santa Claus. "I can sleep sitting...

...and STANDING!!!"


Dad-gift to Amster from Merlin.


Report finished, By the way..

Lord, 10/10

))Haven't finished reading it yet, but I'll say this in advance: when I read Merlin's survey, I thought you were a bore... I take back my words!!))

Okay, I'll upvote the author.

Achievement: mHaz makes a mess! (Merlin makes a mega-joke). Kirill did a great job, 5+. Generally, a huge thank you for the official and entertaining parts. P.S. Guys, could you please put me back on the chair instead of the floor? T_T

No one interrupted your sweet dreams out of respect for your tiredness. We tried once, but you mumbled something incoherent and sent someone away, so we decided not to spoil your alcohol-induced sleep.

No one interrupted your sweet dreams out of respect for your tiredness. We tried once, but you mumbled something incoherent and sent someone away, so we decided not to spoil your alcohol-induced sleep.

Ah, thanks for the attempt.

By the way, when will the Merlin with the Ox book of verses in the style of "a la Giner" be released?