Story №5 The Tale of the Turnip
Once upon a time, there lived a grandfather

and a grandmother

, and they had a beloved granddaughter whom they called Nyurka

. The grandfather and grandmother adored her; they were absolutely crazy about her. Nyurka was hardworking: she managed the household herself

, could prepare meals

, dig up the garden on her own, feed the livestock, and chop wood

. Simply put, she was a jack-of-all-trades

. Moreover, she was known as a picture-perfect beauty

: a slender figure, legs for days, blonde with blue eyes

, and her face was quite something too

. But she had one very great flaw: a very bad smell from her mouth

. This was the fault of an evil sorceress

who had cast a terrible spell on her, for she envied her picture-perfect beauty with a black jealousy. Previously, boys from all over the village had courted her

, following her in a procession, burning with love, but after the sorceress's curse, they were afraid even to approach Nyurochka, for the smell from her mouth was simply unbearable

. Nyura grew sad

after the terrible spell was cast; she stopped communicating with everyone and stopped leaving the yard, for the fellow villagers shrank away from her as soon as they saw her from afar

. One beautiful clear sunny day

, Nyurka went into the yard to chop wood. At that time, local Prince Fyodor

was riding by on a white horse, and seeing Nyura

, he was stunned; he fell in love with her at first sight

. And judging by her languid gaze, Nyurochka liked the handsome prince too

. Fyodor jumped off his horse, approached the fence, and began to flirt with the young beauty

. Nyura only blushed

and, without answering him, continued chopping wood

. At that time, the grandmother was passing by

and told the prince

about the evil sorceress

and the terrible spell she had cast on their granddaughter. The prince was first baffled

, then, without saying a word, leaped onto his horse and rode away to the Castle

. He immediately summoned the court alchemist Solmir

and asked for his advice: how to rid Nyurka of the evil sorceress's curse? And then Solmir told Prince Fyodor that there was one remedy that could dispel the sorceress's evil charms

. One must obtain a turnip

that grants any wish. But that magic turnip grows in a far-off land in a dark cave, guarded by a hundred troglodytes and an evil black dragon. One must make a wish, eat the turnip, but before that... Fyodor did not hesitate; he quickly jumped up, and without waiting for Solmir to finish speaking, called his faithful squire Christian

. They took a couple of dozen archers, a couple of griffins, and spearmen with them, and rode to a far-off land in search of the magic Turnip

. The sage had not yet managed to tell Fyodor fully

that before eating the turnip

, one must speak magic words

, and only then eat the turnip and make a wish... ...Fyodor and Christian rode for a long time through the far-off kingdom in search of the cave they needed

, and finally, thanks to expert scouting

, they managed to discover it. They braced themselves and rode inside. While Christian dealt with the troglodytes using a ballista

, Fyodor overcame the dragon

using tactics, archers, and cover in the form of griffins and spearmen, and took the coveted turnip

... They rode back to the palace; the prince went into his apartments, pulled out the turnip, made a wish, ate it, and... almost lost consciousness from the own terrible smell that suddenly began to come from his mouth

. Fyodor ordered Solmir to be summoned immediately

to be executed at once for such jokes

, but the brought-in sage said that His Highness had not listened to him until the end

and had not removed the spell; on the contrary, now the spell lay upon him as well, and it was now impossible to remove it

... Prince Fyodor grieved for a long time

, but there was nothing that could be done. He courted Nyurka

, they had a wedding, and began to live together and prosper. And what about the smell? It didn't matter, for if you love a person, you simply don't pay attention to such trifles

. Especially since now they both had the smell and they simply didn't notice it anymore

.
Story №6
"Seven Feet Under the Keel. 'Morgenstern'"
Morgan woke up from a light touch to his heavily furred cheek, but the wonderful moment was hopelessly spoiled by completely different sensations. "Too familiar to be pleasant," he thought.

A fragile girl with fiery red hair in light men's clothing smiled mockingly at the captain.

— Don't worry, this time I prepared the drinks in advance. — Cassandra was clearly enjoying her own triumph.
— Mmm...? — Morgan uttered impressively. The news of alcohol noticeably lifted his mood, but not enough to forget about the Indian noose around his neck.

— And good morning to you too, captain! I imagine you have some important business right now, besides chatting with me, so perhaps I'll leave you. — shaking her wavy red mane, the girl giggled.
— Uh, well... huh? — eloquence had never failed Morgan.

— You're unusually talkative today; yesterday you spent your time more economically. — Cassandra winked playfully. — I won't take up precious minutes; as usual, you have two hours. — and she fluttered out of the hold.


"Stop. The hold? Why am I, the captain, lying on a dirty floor in the hold of my own ship, on a short chain and with a noose around my neck?" — from the abundance of questions, he suddenly wanted to drink, which our hero spent the next five minutes doing. Having finished half the bottle, Morgan wondered what the hell was actually going on here?

To give the reader a fuller picture, we must go back three weeks.
Morgan had never been considered "the most" in anything. He was a fairly ordinary captain of a pirate brigantine, albeit with considerable experience.

He robbed regularly, killed peaceful residents regularly, got dead drunk regularly, and shouted loud obscene songs regularly, not falling behind the crew. In general, he was a quite decent middle-aged individual in his community.

And it would have stayed that way if not for this damn fury — Cassandra. They don't say "a woman on board means trouble" for nothing.

Morgan didn't give a damn about the superstitious fears of his moldy comrades-in-arms. She entered the ship in one of the pirate ports and immediately demanded the position of navigator. The joking boatswain, who allowed himself the indiscretion to suggest the lady take a horizontal position right now, instantly went off to heal numerous puncture and incised wounds.

Morgan was just cowardly enough to be a captain rather than a peacemaker; besides, he liked the girl's decisiveness. In short, the captain quickly decided to give the boatswain an opportunity to settle things later, taking Cassandra onto the ship. The crew grumbled and prayed fervently to their gods, but Morgan had no intention of changing the navigator; moreover, it turned out the lady handled her tasks quite well. Even too well. The only thing that bothered the captain were the port calls: Cassandra never rested with the crew. She was impossible to find on shore. "Well, the devil take her, everyone is free to spend their time on shore as they wish," Morgan reassured himself.

The news of a royal opium caravel was brought to the ship by her. Apparently, in a couple of weeks, a ship loaded with Indian opium right up to the deck would be passing nearby. The rumors excited the crew to the limit. Even the stupid fat boatswain

left his daily attempts to get closer to the navigator and suddenly became focused and sober. Morgan was so absorbed in the upcoming fight that he didn't notice any oddities. Although the boatswain's sweet conversations with Cassandra were too much even for him.

The caravel set out for the rendezvous point strictly on schedule — at night, when most peaceful sailors are supposed to be lounging in hammocks or wandering through disreputable places. The "Morgenstern" — a fast pirate brigantine — came alongside almost silently. However, the harmless bucket met its guests with open shutters.
—
F%#$! — Morgan bellowed philosophically and collapsed onto the deck from a heavy blow to the head.

— Hello, captain! — Cassandra sat at his head, playing with a boarding saber. — Or are you already a corpse? — the "navigator" was in high spirits.

— Greetings. Give me a drink. — Morgan greeted her politely.

— Is this how you always converse with ladies, Morgan? Water, tea? — the traitor in corsair clothing blinked sweetly and held a social conversation.
— Twice as bad. — the captain was the picture of courtesy. — What kind of scarf did you put on me? Do we have guests today?
— I thought you wouldn't notice; I was starting to worry. An Indian noose, a wet leather strap. In two hours this trinket will dry and thirst will leave you, my captain. Along with your life! — Cassandra enjoyed herself heartily.

— To what do I owe this? — Morgan grumbled, searching for something heavier with his eyes.
— Oh, it's nothing, no need for thanks! — the girl laughed. — I'll sail around a bit on your little ship.

And stop looking around so huntedly; I'm not married, we won't be caught.

— But I already am "married," by all appearances. — finding no suitable object for a fight within reach of his tied hands, Morgan limited himself to a stream of foul language, which sometimes worked much more effectively.

— Such expression! A pity there's nowhere to record it, and no time either. — Cassandra winked significantly. — Well anyway, you aren't going to court me, so I won't delay. Ballast into the boat!
Several pairs of nimble hands picked up the unusually sober body of the former captain and dragged him to the side. No one bothered with a careful descent.
— Almost broke my neck. — Morgan thought as he landed in the flimsy vessel and laughed. — An hour and a half in the sun without a drink. Maybe I'm already dead?
The former captain curled up into a ball and snored peacefully.

Morgan woke up from the cold: a storm was beginning. A full moon in the sky suggested that he would have to face the storm at night, in a boat. Magical.
Wait! — Morgan suddenly screamed. — The moon means it's night! — he was amazed by his own ingenuity.

Feeling his neck gave a negative result: there was no noose. A dried-up leather strap was found at the bottom of the boat. It had simply snapped.
— Homegrown killer... — Morgan muttered happily. — What do you order me to do now? Die in a storm? Like hell!

Finally looking around, he discovered that the prospects were more than joyful. A strip of land blackened on the horizon.
— Jackpot... — Morgan cursed with unfamiliar words and rowed toward the shore.

In the bay by the island, a bulky caravel and his beloved "Morgenstern" rocked peacefully. All correct; fresh water supplies are not limitless. And considering the pirates' thirst to celebrate victories, the ships had to dock as soon as possible. A mad plan formed instantly: capture the brigantine, fire a broadside, and vanish. Only minor details remained — implementing it. Checking for the presence of a crew on board was impossible, so Morgan simply climbed onto the deck and slipped into the hold like a shadow.
— If I stay alive, I'll kill the boatswain. No posts, no crew... — the captain (he now considered himself such again) fretted. A drunken sentry was found sleeping in the bowsprit.
— Look at that, rum too... — Morgan grew angry, opening the door to the captain's cabin.

— Is it not customary to knock in the afterlife? — Cassandra's sleepy voice inquired from the darkness.

— I forgot some stuff here, you understand? — the captain was caught off guard and therefore, as per his habit, talked nonsense, — A bit of money, souvenirs... Thought I'd pop in, take them, because I wasn't quite prepared last time.
— Please leave; I need to change. — it seemed that every night, robbed captains sent to the other world climbed in on her. — Wait on deck; we'll figure out whose stuff is where.

Becoming completely enraged, Morgan flew onto the deck, slamming the door. Rage commanded him to knock the head off the impudent girl immediately.
— Good evening, captain. — Cassandra said, looking down bashfully.

— !?!? — Morgan greeted her.

The girl was wearing a long black dress with a red velvet belt. The captain had been outplayed and lost his head without a single saber blow...

He woke up from a light touch to his heavily furred cheek, but the wonderful moment was hopelessly spoiled by completely different sensations. "Too familiar to be pleasant," he thought.

A fragile girl with fiery red hair in light men's clothing smiled mockingly at the captain.

— Don't worry, this time I prepared the drinks in advance. — Cassandra was clearly enjoying her own triumph.
— Mmm...? — Morgan uttered impressively. The news of alcohol noticeably lifted his mood, but not enough to forget about the Indian noose around his neck.

— And good morning to you too, captain! I imagine you have some important business right now, besides chatting with me, so perhaps I'll leave you. — shaking her wavy red mane, the girl giggled.
— Uh, well... huh? — eloquence had never failed Morgan.
— You're unusually talkative today; yesterday you spent your time more economically. — Cassandra winked playfully. — I won't take up precious minutes; as usual, you have two hours. — and she fluttered out of the hold.
"Stop. The hold? Why am I, the captain, lying on a dirty floor in the hold of my own ship, on a short chain and with a noose around my neck?" — from the abundance of questions, he suddenly wanted to drink, which our hero spent the next five minutes doing. Having finished half the bottle, Morgan struggled to reconstruct the events of the previous three weeks in his head. Cursing filthily, the captain sat on the floor and started on the rum.
— Two deaths shall not be, but one is unavoidable. — with this thought, he lay down on the floor and fell asleep.
This time, a terrible suffocation disturbed his peaceful sleep. The strap knew its job; the hold was damp, but not enough to keep the leather moist. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts to get rid of the noose, the captain began searching for a method to leave this mortal world as quickly as possible. In a moment of heavy hangover reflections, the belt on his neck snapped from a gunshot. Cassandra stood on the ladder.

— Uh... mmm!? — Morgan's sense of humor flashed.
— Shave yourself. — the navigator smirked.
:)