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because that's how it is.
"Nightmares get defense"
Well, the whole point of this unit (as well as almost everything in the Inferno) is its amazing speed and initiative. And attack. And fear. Add defense, and you get a pure (maybe a tainted one, considering they're demons?) EEEMBA.
"Hydras get speed"
Well... think of any hydra from the entire series. They don't have speed. That's also a feature. Everything that the Hell Horse has, except for speed and initiative. Balance. In a small army (which is almost always the case when resources are scarce on the "hero"), hydras are a very strong argument. Besides, they're just adorable (*jumped on a stool and clapped his hands like a little girl* -.-). I've always wanted to have such a creature. A smaller one, of course. A house pet. And an Imp too. Both have cute animations. They turned out well :
"Unicorns get a medal"
Yes, unicorns are good. No one argues. That's it. Calm down. I like them too. But giving him a medal is out of the question. It's not in my abilities, habits, or needs. I generally like almost all units and races. I'm not picky.
"Pensioners get huge pensions"
I'm afraid we won't live to see that. Unless we elect some honest president -.-
Go ask Nikiforovna -.-
She'll spend three hours on the bench, chewing sunflower seeds, pouring out all her discontent -.-