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They drafted a simpleton into the army.
He goes to a fortune teller and asks her to tell his fortune. The fortune teller tells him: Being drafted isn't so bad. There are two possibilities: there will be a war or there won't be. If there isn't a war, everything will be fine. But if there is a war, there are two possibilities: you'll be sent to the front lines or you won't. If you're not sent to the front lines, everything will be fine. But if you are sent to the front lines, there are two possibilities: you'll desert or you won't. If you desert, everything will be fine, but if you don't, there are two possibilities: you'll go to heaven or to hell. If you go to heaven, everything will be fine, but if you go to hell, there are two possibilities: the devil will torment you or he won't. If he doesn't torment you, everything will be fine, but if he does, there are two possibilities: the devil will eat you or he won't. If he doesn't eat you, everything will be fine, but if he does... then there's only one way out!