Traveler’s journal.

For a while after Avner's friendly retreat, an absolute silence hung in the room. The stranger was doing his best to hide his fear and to say something, but the aura of righteous wrath radiating from my companion made it impossible for him. I think if he'd uttered a single word, she would have torn him to pieces in an instant, so it fell to me to break the awkward silence, though I never expected to hear such words coming from myself:
-Are you sure this is HIM, today's thief? You're not mistaken? Because if so, I'll help you kill him and hide the body at night. You have to pay for your crimes.
-Oh yes, I have a good memory for men. I memorized that face the moment I saw it. And before we kill him, shall we beat him up good first?
It seemed to me that our words had a very strong effect on this fellow; a little more and he would probably have dropped to his knees and begged for mercy. Instead, however, he pulled himself together and chose to speak with us calmly:
-Well, there's been a bit of a mix-up. First off, allow me to introduce myself — I'm Artur. I arrived in Flig this morning, having heard that there are plenty of riches here. Oh, and I forgot to mention — by profession I'm a gem-seeker.
-Is that some veiled substitute for the word "thief"? – Aliska interrupted him with a dose of sarcasm.
-Well, if you prefer to twist words that way... In any case, when I saw a fellow in an expensive suit, the thought occurred to me that he must be one of the local nobility, which meant he'd have spare jewels that might help some poor wretch survive.
-But I was walking with a rather slender young lady, whereas absolutely all the local women are very sizable individuals. So something doesn't add up for you. – At my words Aliska blushed slightly; probably even a compliment like that is pleasant to hear.
-Well, there was actually a quite logical explanation for that too. I allowed myself the thought that a fellow as rich as that could afford a girl with a slimmer figure than the rest. By the way, the money that happened to fall into my hands during our absolutely unexpected collision — I became convinced it was a sufficient sum for a leisurely stroll by a wealthy gentleman. I'm sorry it turned out this way, and of course I'll return the money I accidentally found, especially since it's not in my rules to keep the treasures of fellow travelers like myself. What's more, as a token of reconciliation, I invite you to dine at my expense.
-Or maybe it's better to kill him and take all his money for ourselves? And we'll tell Mr. Avner that the new guest didn't like the town and decided to leave in a hurry.
And where does so much bloodthirstiness come from in this monster? The man had made it clear he was ashamed and ready to atone for his guilt. Naturally, I didn't agree with Aliska's proposal, which made her pout at me and say I was a fool who didn't understand people. She does love to be rude, though if anyone doesn't understand people, it's only her. I think in her whole life she's only been right about one person — me — and only because she happened to land such a good friend.
At first my companion flatly refused to leave the room and dine with us, but once I hinted to Artur at the key to that hussy's heart, she came flying over to join us for dinner, happily drinking to our new acquaintance. By the way, Artur kept her company in that unwholesome pursuit, and now the two of them were drinking together. At one point I even felt lonely, so I agreed to have a little wine myself, after which my head started spinning.
We spent the evening in lively discussions of all sorts of things; instead of the tense atmosphere that had threatened physical and mental violence, there was now a friendly one, as if all three of us were old friends. It turned out that our seemingly young comrade was twenty-seven years old — almost twenty-eight, in fact. Artur told us that he didn't really care for women and that they stressed him out a great deal because of certain circumstances, but right now even the company of a woman didn't bother him; he even let slip once that Alisa was man-like, which she in turn took as a compliment.
When Artur started boasting of his exploits and that he had the nimblest, stealthiest fingers in the world, Aliska responded by bragging that her body was so sensitive she could feel absolutely any touch to herself or to her belongings, and so if he tried to rob her, she'd catch him by the hand at once. By the way, she didn't hesitate to say exactly where she usually hid all her money, thereby embarrassing me greatly. I'd never heard of ladies who could hide money in their cleavage, and I hadn't even noticed any there when she paid for my clothes. In the end my drunken comrades decided to make a bet, since Artur promised he could easily pilfer money from even such a place unnoticed. Aliska wished him luck and said he could keep it all for himself if he managed to do it before we left town, and in case of his defeat he would have to pay her a sum equivalent to the contents of her purse. Naturally our new acquaintance agreed and suggested the braggart say goodbye to her money right now. I can't say I approved of their bet, but who's going to listen to me? The main thing was that my money had been returned to its place.
Aliska and I told Artur the story of how we'd met and how we'd gotten out of Wildwest, though about their mayor we slightly twisted things in favor of Beadle's version, since we'd given him our word, which we didn't forget. Besides, I told them both about how wonderfully life was in Raysky and didn't forget to speak of my Marinka. My new friend patted me sympathetically on the shoulder and replied that women couldn't be trusted and that I'd be better off forgetting about my beloved before she wounded my heart. Of course, he said all this out of ignorance about my companion; had they known each other, he'd never have spoken of her that way and might even have fallen in love with that charming creature himself.
We drank until late at night and would have been ready to keep going, had not a tired Avner sent us all off to bed, which we didn't really resist. We just took one more bottle of wine from him up to the room, and when we'd drained it, we crashed onto the big bed. It's amazing how that comfortable bed fits so many people!
We slept very comfortably, and most importantly, very long. In the morning, however, I ran into two problems: first, I had the second hangover of my life, and second, I discovered that Artur had left the room at some unknown time. Moreover, he'd done so with my purse, while Aliska's money had been left untouched. I felt very hurt; I'd trusted the man, you could say I'd opened my heart to him, believed in his redemption, and the very next day he stabbed me in the back like that.
My companion was no longer radiating the same fury as yesterday and said we should have gone with her version, in which Artur would already be buried somewhere behind the "BIG GLASS." We also began to realize that this fellow had never really planned to linger in town, or in this flophouse either, since he had no belongings with him at all; at the moment when Aliska first saw him in our room, he'd been rummaging specifically through my bag, but that detail got little attention because she was already concerned with completely different things. I felt hurt and deceived, while Aliska, after double-checking all her things, marveled at how he hadn't thought to dig through the contents of her bag and steal what was dear to her heart but which she'd accidentally forgotten to hide more securely. Probably he was in a great hurry to get away, and so took only the sure thing — my purse.
Over breakfast we didn't discuss what had happened with Avner; we only asked whether our Artur had left town, and after his answer we completely forgot about the existence of the establishment's owner. The fact that this fellow was still in Flig stirred in us a desire to draw up a plan for catching our thief. Of course I wasn't planning to take revenge on him or punish him in the way Aliska was rubbing her hands over; instead I intended to get my money back and, looking him in the eye, ask Artur why he'd done this to us. I couldn't fit into my head the thought that a person could become a close friend, a comrade, over one short evening, and then betray you like that.
We both understood that if Artur wanted to "feast on treasures," as he himself put it, then most likely he'd head to the town hall. Surely a building that served both an administrative function and as the mayor's residence must contain a great many luxury items. And considering that a festival was underway at Elvira's house right now, there couldn't be a better occasion to slip into the richest building in town. All this seemed quite logical to us, so we waited until evening, dressed up (I again favored the suit, and Aliska pulled a beautiful dress out of her wardrobe), and set off to get acquainted with Flig's culture and, at the same time, to catch the scoundrel.
I didn't want to start a ruckus at the festival and spoil the Flig residents' impressions. I figured we'd just meet Artur, talk to him, and settle all our problems peacefully. Although I strongly doubted whether my companion would let it go so easily or whether she'd put on a whole show. But I was reassured by the fact that Aliska hadn't been drinking, and when she's sober she behaves more or less decently.
Avner very much wanted us to attend the festival, but for the entire time of our stay he hadn't really reminded us of it, although it turned out that the second-to-last day of the celebration was already underway and everyone there was preparing for some very important event of the year. Everyone was excitedly discussing that Mrs. Elvira was supposed to introduce someone or other, and everyone was waiting to see who it would be. Also, several times one of the men joked about a wedding, "love till the grave," and about some praying mantises or other. Naturally, we caught only fragments of the surrounding conversations, so we perceived the information very distortedly and couldn't figure out who exactly they were all waiting for.
I don't know how strange this is to consider, but now that I found myself in the town hall I realized that my former pull somewhere had evaporated, as if someone had, for some reason, turned off that strange magnet. Perhaps it was due to my laziness, because despite my pull, I ended up here only out of the necessity to catch the scoundrel; otherwise I might never have made it to this place at all.
The town hall was impressively large, and so we spent an enormous amount of time before reaching the central part of the building along the huge corridor. I never suspected that the walls of this corridor could conceal a huge number of rooms hidden behind wide doors. I wonder, are all the corridors of this place arranged this way?
The central part of Elvira's house was also divided into a large number of rooms, but the passage to the very center was free. The core of the town hall turned out to be a huge banquet hall in which, most likely, the entire town had gathered. Along one side we noticed a large arch vaguely reminiscent of a wedding one. Oh, Marinka, why hadn't I proposed to you and, instead of a happy wedding, was wasting my time on some nonsense? But I digress; the main thing was that absolutely everyone kept their distance from this arch and from the door it towered over.
We searched the entire room full of people, along the way eating various snacks from the tables (Alisa also allowed herself a couple glasses of wine "for courage" a few times), but we did not find Artur. My companion marveled greatly at how this scoundrel could miss such a haul and even ventured that he was most likely "burgling houses" (I didn't quite understand that word) at the homes of those who'd gone to the celebration. I, somehow, by a miracle, intuitively began to understand everything. What if our friend Artur had nonetheless tried to break into the town hall and rob it, but had made his attempt in the morning or late at night, when he'd fled from us, with the aim of leaving town as quickly as possible? And what if he'd been caught and was now about to be brought here for judgment before the whole town? If so, he was done for; no one would spare a criminal.
I think I was partially right. Artur had indeed broken into Elvira's house and tried to rob her; naturally, he was caught (perhaps even by the mistress of the house herself). But this outcome — that as punishment he'd be officially presented as the fiancé of Mrs. Elvira — I most certainly did not expect in any way! Though it's probably best to try to tell it all in order.
At that moment, when Aliska was already thoroughly irritated and began to insist on leaving, some music played and a thin man began joyfully announcing near the arch:
-Mrs. Elvira the Magnificent in person, accompanied by her future husband!
The entire hall applauded, greeting an enormous woman — the doors were opened from both sides by men from the service staff — walking hand in hand with our thief, who looked like a toothpick against her backdrop. The sight was comical, but no one was laughing.
This lady produced a rather mixed impression. On the one hand, she was clearly well over fifty, was very tall (in my view, taller than absolutely everyone present), and her whole body had run to fat, which was visible even through her baggy smock. On the other, she looked very well-groomed; her face had very few wrinkles, her thick black hair was of incredible length and woven into a neat, broad braid, and her outfit looked wonderful on her, as though it were made of the most expensive and finest fabric in the whole world. She was strewn all over with jewels.
I can't say that Artur looked happy beside this lady; rather, he seemed zombified, because he simply walked beside her with a fairly empty gaze. Even when our eyes met, he didn't react in any way, as if seeing us for the first time, though perhaps the thief hadn't paid us any attention because he hadn't spotted us at that distance.
The guests joyfully congratulated the newlyweds as they stood under the arch. They had covered the minimal distance to it, but judging by Elvira's appearance, she'd already managed to tire out, since her face looked flushed and she could barely breathe. Perhaps it was from embarrassment at marrying a young, handsome, and tiny (compared to her) man, but personally it seemed to me the matter was one of difficulty moving around.
I didn't know how to react in this situation — to be happy for the newlyweds or to try to get my money back. Aliska, on the contrary, did not lose her head, and after a brief silence with her eyes fixed on a single point, she began to laugh loudly across the entire hall, because of which absolute silence fell in the building and everyone stared at the two of us.
-What a fool he is! Oh, he really delivers! – Alisa barely squeezed out of herself, after which she continued to howl with laughter, literally splitting her side.
I wanted to laugh myself, but unlike my companion, I understood that I had to keep myself in check and not disgrace myself, so I started bringing her back to a sense of reality, trying to remind her that we weren't at home and that here they could interpret her reaction any way they liked. Fortunately, my attempts to calm Aliska down were crowned with success and she began gradually to quiet down. I'd already begun to hope that everything would settle down and we'd avoid trouble, but my companion started to perform:
-All happiness and love to the newlyweds! Only it's not nice to take a bride without a dowry! And this fellow happens to owe our honest company a couple of thousand coins. And since there's such a celebration here, I think the bride could throw in a couple more so that the young family's life would be happy and free of troubles. We'll even promise to pray for the swift birth of the firstborn in this wonderful family, and maybe even come to congratulate them when this miracle occurs!
I think she was having a lot of fun and was waiting for a chance to run into trouble. And run into it she did! Mrs. Elvira flushed all over, her eyes began to bulge from their sockets, and her hands clenched into fists; her look became very fierce, and she began to command in a piglet-squeak of a voice:
-How dare you, you dirty scoundrel, show up in my house and demand MY money?! And accuse my beloved of owing you something! Someone, grab this trash already and execute this ugly creature for her insolence!
Strangely, as soon as Elvira turned into a horrible beast, I realized there was NOTHING attractive about her, although at first I had for some reason believed in that attractiveness. What's more, at the moment of her fierce squeals, Artur for the first time began to look around with interest and a sense of doom. When he looked into my eyes, it seemed to me he was begging for help.
Most likely everything would have ended badly and we might even have been killed. Aliska no longer looked so cheerful and lively; fear was rather readable on her face, most likely she, like me, believed in the seriousness of Mrs. Elvira's intentions. But like a lifebuoy, Avner leapt out of the crowd, who saved the situation and without whom our adventures would most likely have ended. Or maybe I'd have gotten off with just a few bruises.
-There you are, you rare drunkard! I've worn myself out looking for you! And you, blockhead, where were you looking? Your wife is dead drunk, and here you are messing around with her wherever.
-Well, I... – I felt awkward, as if I were being scolded for a childish prank, but I understood that Avner was trying to get us out of an awkward situation nicely. – She got so drunk that she threatened me — said if I didn't let her go to the celebration, she'd go anyway and raise a ruckus, so I got scared and followed her. – For credibility I spoke like a guilty boy who couldn't think of what to do in a difficult situation.
-Yyyes I'll shhow you aaall right now! – Alisa also joined the comedy and began to play-act a drunken state; true, she slightly overdid it, but the others found it convincing. – Am I aasking too much? Jusht to take a little walk and that'shh all.
-Mrs. Elvira, do be reasonable. A young family has come to a strange town for the first time, the girl encountered the absence of parental supervision for the first time and started drinking without drying out and having fun to the fullest. She met your fiancé at my establishment as well, and they argued about some nonsense and she apparently won, so in her state she got everything wrong. I know that you are a very wise woman, and I appeal to your memories of when you too were once a young and energetic person. Forgive her and don't order her punished; I even think that by morning she'll be ashamed and will crawl to you herself to beg for forgiveness.
Aliska pretended to ignore everyone around; she put her arm around my shoulder and started belting out some song in a feigned drunken voice. I don't know whether they believed the girl's act or not, but to me this behavior seemed unnatural. When she's genuinely drunk, she sings much better, and the words sound normal. And her speech is mostly articulate, correct. Problems are usually observed in the realm of behavior, but she can raise a ruckus even without drink — alcohol just stirs up her emotions even more.
-On behalf of my young wife and on my own, I offer every possible apology to Mrs. Elvira and the whole town for what happened here. Neither of us could possibly have anticipated that the drinks here were so strong and tasty that they'd wake an uncontrollable monster in my wife. It's a great pity that our family has so disgraced itself in your wonderful town, and I truly don't know how to atone for this shameful guilt.
Aliska, in parallel, sang and danced about, continuing to hug me, though from how tightly she gripped and squeezed my arm, it seemed to me she was indignant at my words, or perhaps that was how she was trying to express gratitude.
I thought we'd still be sentenced to some punishment for all this, but Elvira's face grew softer and she began to smile warmly; what's more, everyone around looked at me with a sympathetic and understanding gaze, as if absolutely everyone here had gotten drunk to the state of an abnormal creature at some point. The atmosphere in the hall was no longer so heated, and the huge ruler began to speak in a much more pleasant voice:
-Indeed, judging by the behavior, the girl, in honor of our celebration, has overdone it a bit. – She tried to giggle innocently, but it looked even sillier than Aliska's clowning. – Probably, for such a pleasant young man as you, it's not entirely easy with such a person.
-Not at all, my wife, when she's sober, is like an angel; you could see it for yourself if you give us a chance to apologize to you in other circumstances. – I lied shamelessly, but I had to get Aliska out of this situation by any means, and maybe get out of Flig with her as quickly as possible. To hell with that money; I figure it can still be earned somehow in another town, but here we clearly have nothing left to do. My companion gratefully hugged me, pressed herself against me, closed her eyes, and began to feign sleep on my shoulder, as if underscoring what a close and loving couple we were.
-I see how you defend her alongside my old friend Avner, and with what warmth you embrace each other. Probably no one would do anything of the sort for a bad person. In general, it's strange that a married couple arrived to us, and I find out about it at the last moment and under such circumstances. – Elvira looked indignantly at one of the men, who began to sheepishly avert his eyes. – Had I known about all this earlier, I'd have invited you to come look around my place on the very first day. But since things turned out as they did, and a celebration is underway that tomorrow will end with a lavish wedding, let's consider that your spouse was drinking to our unplanned acquaintance, to the town celebration, and to the upcoming wedding, all at once. You may also stay and come here tomorrow for the ceremony of my marriage to my little Artur, and as a gift it will be enough for you to come with a sober wife who'll show how she can really behave.
-Oh, I don't even know whether she'll be able to come to the wedding like this tomorrow, after what she's done. – Avner's voice and Avner himself trembled strongly, which alarmed me. – You understand what stress this will be for her, to come barging into a celebration right after such an awful stunt and demand to be loved and welcomed.
-Let her not worry, it will even be pleasant for me to get to know the other side of this person's personality. Guests don't come to us very often, and girls even less so. Who knows, perhaps the two of them will want to stay in our beautiful city of love and start living a happy life here!
City of love, seriously? I didn't get the sense that any kind of love or anything of the sort reigned here; rather, everyone here was somewhat abnormal. The women look like cows and probably eat about as much, the men walk around with submissive looks and do whatever they're told. I don't want to stay in this strange place; I'd rather leave soon and take this brainless, uncontrollable creature with me.
-In any case, I WANT this couple to be present at our wedding and to spend another night or two in our beautiful city. I simply won't allow them to leave here, and I'll consider it a disrespect if they don't come. And I really don't like it when someone shows disrespect. – The gracious Elvira now took on the look of a stern woman who was ready to insist on her way.
-Very well, we've understood everything, we'll consider it a great honor and we definitely accept your invitation. – I didn't want to agree, but I understood that my refusal could lead to more negative consequences. I was afraid that Aliska would start another performance, but she continued to feign a sleeping state. – But today, I'm afraid we'll have to end our wonderful conversation, because my wife isn't well and I'd prefer to put her to bed, and I hope Mr. Avner will help me with this.
-I suppose one of us will drag her by the arms and the other by the legs, my young friend!
-No dddon't! I'll be ssick. – Aliska lifted her head, hiccupped, and again began to feign sleep.
-If you wish, you may put your wife to bed and return to our celebration; we'll be only too glad to see you. – Elvira became gracious again, which didn't form in me the slightest desire to return.
I preferred to answer that I'd gladly consider this proposal, but that everything depended on the state of my "beloved" for returning home. Avner came up to Aliska from the other side and helped me drag her to his establishment. All the way we struggled, continuing to play our roles, though from time to time my companion helped us with her legs, but she did it not too often, so as not to arouse suspicion.
Once we were inside the establishment, Avner started telling us that we'd gotten out of there by a miracle and that we had to flee town immediately.
-Oh come on, since this fatso is asking so nicely, I'll come sober and smile at her like a good girl. I can restrain myself in situations like this; after all, an actress has always died inside me.
-I don't know how long she'd been dying in there, but today, when you started performing your drunken singing, she died in you once and for all. – My words slightly offended Aliska, and she hit me on the back; though it didn't hurt, it was still unpleasant.
-You really don't understand, if the two of you stay here, everything could end very badly — much worse than if you try to leave today. Besides, I have connections, I'll help you — not for free.
-I don't see anything terrible about going to look at this stupid wedding. We'll come, eat, quietly snicker at little Artur. I even promise to abstain from alcohol for such a momentous occasion.
-But there is something terrible...
Avner sighed and started telling us what we hadn't suspected at all about this town. First he told us about a very strange feature that everyone had written off as mystical. As long as Flig has existed, it has always had an enormous ruler. And it doesn't matter what sex the ruler is — the main thing is that every year they get bigger, and along with them all the people of their sex, while the people of the opposite sex must obey them unquestioningly. Such a "special" ruler always exists in a single copy, and if for some reason they die, a town council is organized, and everyone in town begins to wait for the next special ruler to appear to them. During the wait, the fat people manage to come back to normal, everyone starts treating each other as equals, and by and large life becomes much more pleasant, and everyone lives in harmony up to a certain time.
Then came the more interesting part of the story, which nearly turned Aliska's and my stomachs inside out. It turned out that all the residents live in harmony until the "festival of unity" (no one had called it that before, but it was obvious that this referred to the current festival), during which absolutely any young couple can get married in a single day, even if there's no question of any love, and having waited for the last day of this damned celebration, all the couples lock themselves in their houses and all night make love until, in one of the participants of this "festival of love," a beastly appetite awakens and they devour their spouse. At that moment, all the people of the same sex as the person who performed the ritual begin to feel a surge of strength and literally sense who will be their new chieftain.
And then something even more repulsive begins. After the person who performed the "unity" ritual receives the authority to rule, they move into the town hall and begin deciding what will happen to the town next, fully taking control of the people. At the same time, every year during the festival this leader must necessarily enter into a marital union with someone of the opposite sex (quite often at just such moments someone from another town miraculously arrives by some means; otherwise someone local was chosen at the ruler's discretion), and on the last day of the festival spend a night of love with them in order to conceive a child, after which they eat the victim alive — by which they and all the people of their sex will feel a surge of strength, energy, and, at the same time, everyone will collectively gain weight. Avner also noted that people with such features, for some reason, possess a certain hypnotic magnetism, and no matter how awful they look, people of the opposite sex are drawn to them with a pathological force (as long as that person has the need).
He also related that no matter how the local leaders tried to conceive a child, none of them ever succeeded. Or rather, there was one exception — once, under such conditions, a boy was born named Iskander, who was to become the next ruler after his father's death. And he did become it, and was a good, just leader. But no matter how long he held power, instead of arranging a bloody bath at the main town festival, he preferred to make everyone lead a healthy lifestyle, demanded they give up greasy and harmful food, called for an end to the brutal executions of travelers, and to live in prosperity and harmony. This fellow had hoped to begin a new era for Flig, but for some reason no one was inspired by his ideas, and after a couple of years under his "oppression," everyone unanimously decided to do away with him and return to the traditional way of things.
Avner also told us that when Elvira was young she'd been a skinny, gray, plain, and unwanted girl. When the mayor of Flig was a fat man (whose name I didn't remember — it was pronounced somehow strangely), not a single man looked at her, and she feared the fate of an old maid. But to her good fortune, that ruler turned out to have a very weak heart, which practically all the mayors of this town were famous for, so he died fairly young, and during this stupid festival she was able to find herself a fiancé, who turned out to be some foolish little man who dreamed only of power. Quite obviously, she ate him at a spicy moment, by which she took her post.
Our narrator also stressed that this lady had held power for a very long time, indeed for a sufficiently long period, since he had never heard of any of the rulers having such massive proportions. Moreover, unlike other mayors, this person had a habit of consuming, at any time of year, those people who for one reason or another disagreed with her or violated something. Because of her, the other women suffered greatly too, since because of her they grew thicker every year, while the men grew thinner and weaker. Very many had come to wish her death, but were too afraid to attack her, because besides her power she was characterized by great physical strength.
I began to understand that after tomorrow's wedding Artur was to become the next festive dinner for Elvira, who would first abuse him, but what Avner told me next provoked an even stronger negative reaction in me.
It turned out that originally the owner of the establishment where we were staying had figured that the next victim of the town's main slab of fat should be me, because no one had ever been stopped by the marital status of a victim who'd arrived from other parts. He also related that he himself had never wished death on anyone, but since once, due to a lack of visitors, his father had been eaten by Elvira, he feared that if no one came, or if he sent us packing, then he himself would become the next delicacy, since he was one of the few unattached locals. Of course, he could have found himself a wife among the unattached fat women, but he preferred an agonizing death to suffering daily in the company of an unattractive wife with a foul temper, and by such parameters, according to him, absolutely all representatives of the fair sex were characterized. So he carried on his father's business and gladly took in absolutely any traveler, if only by his sacrifice he might save the situation for one more year.
Avner said he'd been wildly glad when Artur arrived, since his appearance meant salvation for the married man — that is, for me. But he also figured that after such a boorish check-in we'd hurry to leave town and live happily, never suspecting anything. And perhaps he would have insisted on getting rid of us that very day, but his love for money, which was so hard for him to earn over the course of a year, made him cave and see what would happen next.
At the end of his tale, which had lasted a very long time, the establishment's owner added that if we didn't leave town before Artur was turned into food, then Aliska would quickly turn into a nasty shapeless cow, while I would begin to turn into a voiceless slave who would obey her fat majesty.
-This is all nonsense and self-suggestion! – Aliska flatly refused to accept information from a man who'd first been ready to hand me over to the clutches of death and then decided to save us. – As far as I can tell, you've got it all set up so: one half of the population eats like there's no tomorrow and fattens up like yeast, while the other half sits on an exhausting diet and eats absolutely nothing. As for the act of cannibalism, that's an unhealthy topic altogether; you'd do better to introduce a punishment for such a thing, but instead you hand out power.
-But Alisa, people don't say such things without cause; Avner did say that when Elvira eats someone, all the women feel it and are sated along with her.
-There's surely a rational explanation for that too! First, they know in advance that someone will be eaten, and second, the power of self-suggestion!
-I hasten to remind you that when someone comes to power, all the people of that sex feel the process, even though no one knows in advance who will become the next mayor.
-I think everyone's just pretending they "felt" something; it's simply that when morning comes and it turns out who was eaten by whom, everyone starts wailing according to a pre-prepared template.
With these words Aliska decided to end the discussion and said she'd go to bed, since it was already quite late. My companion quickly settled into bed and fell asleep, while I worried over Artur's fate. I sincerely didn't want him to die, especially in such a manner. I recalled how strangely I'd been drawn to this horrible woman's house, and how my recent offender had looked at me, his eyes seemingly begging me to save him from this nightmare. And he most likely doesn't know what's in store for him. Although, probably he knows in part, but I think he envisions the ending somewhat differently. Otherwise there'd be not a plea for help in his eyes, but wild terror. At least that's how it seems to me.
I lay awake a long time, thinking that I had to summon every possible effort and save Artur, who, though a criminal, still didn't deserve such a pitiful fate. It was frightening to imagine what a person feels when they're being eaten alive — after all, it's not a brief process where one opens his mouth and the other freely walks into his stomach. Surely it's all painful, agonizing, and very long. Because of these frightening thoughts it was hard for me to fall asleep, and when I finally did, I dreamed a dream in which a barely-covered Elvira started biting my hand in a futile attempt to bite off each of my fingers one by one.
Toward early morning I finally managed to sink into a deeper sleep, which, though it didn't last long, still managed to give me back a portion of my energy. When Aliska and I sat down to breakfast, I reminded her of our acquaintance, who was in a critical situation and had to be saved. Naturally I expected that this creature, full of enthusiasm and a thirst for adventure, would agree and say she had a ready-made rescue plan she'd been mulling over all night while pretending to be fast asleep, but instead I got a very firm no. She justified her answer by saying she'd see those crazies in her grave before she'd get involved with them, and that the little thief was getting what he deserved.
I spent a great deal of time and effort on a futile attempt to talk her into saving the poor fellow's life, but Alisa only replied that I was free to do what I wanted, and she couldn't care less about him, since this man was nobody to her. I couldn't accept her refusal, so I started raising my tone and practically demanding she help me take some action, but in response I was only sent packing.
Avner watched our conversation in silence for a long time, then sat down with us and said that saving Artur wouldn't work out any which way, and we'd be better off thinking about how to save ourselves from this town, and that now it wouldn't be so easy for us to leave with the help of his comrades, because everyone had refused to go against Elvira's demand, who was seriously intent on detaining us. Alisa only shrugged and said she'd ride it out fine — either in the room, or at the bar, or she'd drop in on the wedding and wish the newlyweds happiness and love.
It frankly infuriated me how the two of them were ignoring my impulse to save Artur, so in the end I swore at them and locked myself in the room, preparing to go to this damned wedding and disrupt it by every means. My plan was to sneak into the marriage ceremony, which was to take place at five o'clock, when darkness was just beginning to settle over the town, assess the situation, and first offer Artur to try to slip away under the cover of noise and quickly leave this place, or else openly demand that Elvira release my comrade, and at the same time insist that the town put an end to this whole circus of encouraging man-eating.
When I was fully prepared and had rehearsed in my head the persuasive discussion that might have to take place, I tried once more to appeal to Alisa's sense of justice; she'd spent all this time at a table in Avner's establishment. Naturally she'd been sitting over drinks, with Avner drinking along with her. And strangely enough, she still stuck to her position, so I only got wishes of good luck from her and from Avner, who likewise didn't believe in the effectiveness of my scheme.
Filled with righteous wrath, I made my way to this accursed wedding, with the aim of saving the foolish thief. I also decided for myself that after the rescue I'd take my money back from him, return Alisa her share for the suit, and never again have anything to do with this traitor who'd spat on another person's life.
The ceremony was to take place at the town hall, so I retraced yesterday's route to the same hall with the arch, under which the sacred event was most likely to occur. Among the guests was again the entire town; there was a whole mountain of gifts and snacks, which also didn't surprise me. For me the main thing was to find my comrade and try to save him, avoiding any unnecessary scuffles, which made me a bit tense.
I started quietly opening the doors of the rooms and peeking inside in search of the groom, and for a long time my attempts were unsuccessful. However, when I peeked into a windowless room across from the one with the arch, I finally found my comrade and tried to talk to him. He stared at me with empty eyes for a long time, until I started shaking him, slapping his cheeks, and reminding him who I was. My actions had an effect, and very soon Artur returned to his normal state, grabbed my hand, and started saying:
-Save me, Maksim! I don't want a wedding, I don't want to live with this fatso. She keeps saying I'm such a handsome fellow she'd eat me right up.
-I don't know how to tell you how true her words are. But you definitely won't have to live with her!
Artur didn't understand what I was trying to say, so I briefly told him what Elvira planned to do with him, leaving out the other details due to lack of time. He broke into a sweat and felt sick; he started shaking me and repeating that he didn't want this cow to eat him and begging me to save him. He also told me that he'd gotten here by his own foolish desire to grab some treasures and then immediately leave town, but he'd accidentally peeked into Elvira's bedroom, and she'd literally hypnotized him with her gaze, after which he'd started thinking slowly and was willing to do absolutely anything for this monster.
-We have to get away from her right now; I'm afraid I'll meet her gaze again and become faithful and obedient food.
-Then don't look her in the eye! But maybe we'll get lucky and manage to avoid running into her, if we can break through the crowd out into the street.
-I'm afraid that'll only work for you. If I walk out of here in the open like this, everyone will notice me at once and stop us. It's strange how you got in here at all, but you'd better leave before anyone finds out you talked to me and helped me come to, or else they'll eat us both. But now I'm ready, and I won't fall for her hypnosis again, so you go into the hall and cover me, and I'll make a run for it during the ceremony, or after it, if possible.
I couldn't explain to him that after the wedding he'd most likely be led straight to the marriage bed and would need a miracle to manage to run away in time, but he was right that we couldn't just run off like that in front of everyone. I left him alone in the room, continuing to watch the process and planning that I'd have to have a serious talk with the whole town.
A fair amount of time passed, during which I was very tense and counted how many times we could have fled this horrible place, but I also managed to grasp one thing that dashed my hopes of an easy escape. First, very many people, especially men, had begun to look around unpleasantly at me, as if they understood that I was up to something, or they'd seen me entering or leaving the room where the groom sat. Second, when the dressed-up Elvira headed for the groom, she bestowed upon me a look full of hatred. Yes, apparently everyone knew what I was planning. And yes, when Artur came out of his bedroom he again looked like a zombie, who now also kept talking about how he'd love his wife till the grave. I thought the marriage ceremony would begin right then, but I was wrong; the two of them came up to me and Elvira spoke:
-Something tells me I don't see your charming wife, who owes me an APOLOGY.
-Good evening, most esteemed bride; alas, my wife is very unwell after yesterday, so she expresses her sincere regret that she couldn't come here today. She's currently under the supervision of Mr. Avner, who promised that if she feels better, he'll bring her and she'll have a word with you.
-But it seemed to me we agreed that she would COME.
-I'm sorry...
A strong tension stood in the hall, which made me feel ill. Now I had absolutely no support, since my two potential lifebuoys were sitting and drinking at the bar, and the reason for my presence in the damned town hall was zombified again and now loved his bride even more, since instead of the former empty expression there was a loving and warm gaze directed at Elvira. I thought they were about to do me in right then and there and I wouldn't even be able to try to convince the town of anything, but the mayor of Flig apparently had some other plan.
-Fine, I'll deal with the two of you later. No sense spoiling my festive pre-wedding mood with some nonsense.
-Yes, my love. You're absolutely right! Forget about those nobodies. I can't wait until we become the closest people in the whole wide world. – I nearly threw up at these cloying speeches, which were so unnatural that even Elvira herself didn't express pleasure at what was said.
Everyone present in the hall parted to either side, giving the future spouses passage to the arch. I realized that if I didn't try to act, it would be the end of Artur, and maybe after him they'd come for me too. So I had to switch on my inner oratorical abilities — which, of course, I mastered perfectly — and start saying that this woman was usurping power, making unfortunate people suffer, that the tradition of cannibalism had to be stopped, and that they were all inadequate for allowing such a thing. Naturally, I was as tactful as possible, and when Elvira started boiling over, Artur came to, stood next to me, and began offering the same convincing theses as I did.
I don't know why, but my fiery speech, accompanied by Artur's arguments, had the opposite effect of what was expected. Instead of supporting us, everyone looked at us like future hanged men, or maybe like two very tasty meals for their mayor. By the way, the veins on Elvira were boiling with rage, and she started squealing in a piglet voice about how no one had ever dared to contradict her, that she was the queen of the world and decided everything, that I had imagined far too much about myself, and something else. Everyone echoed and nodded at her words, so it was obvious that the two of us were done for. But then happened what absolutely no one could have predicted.
Aliska came flying into the hall and walked quickly toward Elvira, saying loudly:
-Here are my apologies, you fat pig! – At that moment I saw in her hand some incomprehensible object that she held by a handle. She pressed some sort of trigger, and a loud crack sounded, and something small and unnoticeable instantly flew out of a hole in this object, flew over Elvira's head, and shattered a window. – Damn it, I missed. How's that. Hold on, you'll get a second time. – Aliska repeated the actions with her object, but was also unhappy with the result. I didn't understand what was happening and what my companion was trying to do, but I was definitely glad to see her.
-Give it here, that's not how you do it, you drunken blockhead! – I hadn't even noticed how Avner had come up from behind her; he'd probably been following her. He snatched the thing from her hand and aimed it at Elvira. The third crack in a row sounded, and now I saw blood flowing from the mayor's chest and saw how this lady looked at us with an uncomprehending gaze. Then came the fourth, and now this little thing hit her in the head, and the woman who'd lived her entire life as a cannibal dropped dead.
I stood rooted to the spot for a long time, processing the information my brain had just received. Now the thought flashed through my head that I would never return to Raysky now. It didn't take much thinking to understand that these two had become killers. On the one hand, by this act they'd saved Artur's and my lives; on the other, they'd tarnished their reputation, becoming no better than this horrible woman. I'd have sooner understood it if everyone around who'd objected to my fiery speech had at that moment turned on Aliska and Avner and torn them to pieces. Instead, everyone started rejoicing, hugging, and howling that the century of tyranny was over.
Everything that happened next was like in a fog. Everyone around first drank and made merry at the town hall; I remember passing glasses of something strong, but I didn't understand what I was doing or why — I just drank, that's all. Avner handed Aliska over to me; she hung on my shoulder with one arm and claimed she was about to throw up. However, as soon as Artur, in order to win the bet, tried to stealthily reach for her cleavage, the girl sharply raised her free hand, striking the unlucky thief's palms and head at the same time.
-I'll dddie, but I won't let you rob me!
Then, when all the food and drink at the town hall ran out, a huge crowd along with me moved over to the "BIG GLASS," and there everyone continued drinking and making merry. I kept catching, in fragments, various conversations, such as Avner's boasting about how, having heard that Aliska had a pistol (so that's what that strange thing was called), he was inspired that since today was a special mood, why not cleanse the town of its filth. Also memorable were the words of the joyous women, who howled that they'd finally lose weight and that soon they'd be able to wear beautiful outfits. Artur constantly, with joy and great warmth, embraced all his saviors and spoke of some strange traditions of his town, by which he was now obliged to do a favor each for me and Aliska, and that he wouldn't leave us alone until he'd worked off his debt to us. By the way, he also returned my purse to me when I was half-asleep.
Gradually, in my drunken delirium, the depression began to leave me, especially after Alisa warmly hugged me and said that no one had seen another way out, and that her and Avner's act was equivalent to as if a criminal had been executed back in Raysky. Ah, there'd be no such horrible people-eating monsters in Raysky. And the people there aren't as hypocritical as in this damned Flig. Even in Wildwest everyone was better. Drunk, I went up to Alisa and Artur and proposed heading further on our way and forgetting about this damned place, first adding that if they didn't come with me right now, I'd leave them here alone. The two of them shrugged, and Aliska was even inspired by the refreshing walk, so we gathered our things and set off on foot, not knowing where, having quickly said goodbye only to Avner, who most likely never even understood that we'd decided to leave their damned city of love, unity, and other nonsense that contradicted their way of life.