Traveler’s journal.

2. Family life for a traveler.
Strangely enough, I barely felt the road to Flig at all. On the one hand, I understand perfectly well that we spent quite a lot of time on the journey, considering that Beadle accompanied us for the first part, and during the second he asked us to get off the horses and return them “home,” since in his opinion we were perfectly capable of walking the rest of the way. But as it happened, the moment Aliska and I reached the notional border of the new town, I realized I felt no fatigue, had not noticed the change in climate or the fact that evening had already fallen, and in general remembered nothing special from the moment we left Wildwest. The only thing that became clear was that the new place was much cooler, with far more greenery around than in our previous town (though in my native Raisky everything is still greener and more beautiful). This time we were met by a small gate, behind which, as it turned out, sat a thin middle-aged man.
The stranger merely asked our names and clarified whether Aliska and I were married, to which for some reason we answered yes. After that he invited us into town and recommended a place where we would most likely find lodging for the night. He also said something about some traditional local holiday that we, as guests, absolutely had to attend. And overall he added that we were bound to like the town, because everything there was always wonderful.
This beginning seemed very pleasant to me until we entered the town and ran into the residents. The sight brought me back down to earth, and I remembered Beadle’s words about the fullness of the local women. Of course I expected that, because of some features unknown to me, all the ladies here would have outstanding figures, but I never imagined they would all contrast so sharply with the thin, even scrawny men who looked like matches beside them. Damn it, even the little girls there were enormous!
Despite their fullness, all the ladies moved around town quite easily, feeling no discomfort from it at all. Confidence could be read in their eyes; one could feel that they saw themselves as beautiful and that there was no reason whatsoever to doubt it. At the same time, the very slender Aliska attracted far too much attention, because despite her modest closed dress, her beautiful slim figure stood out, and every man passing by noticed it, while the women looked at her with a certain rejection, as if she were ABNORMAL. Though in my “little cowboy” suit I probably looked ridiculous and amusing myself.
If one ignored the residents walking past, the first thing that caught the eye was a large scarlet one-story building in the very center of town, which, as we later learned, had the shape of an even cross when viewed from above. In general, all the buildings around were large and one-story, but only this one covered almost the entire town and literally divided the houses into an even number (at least according to the residents; I did not get to check whether this was true). Almost every separated half had everything “necessary” to limit excessive movement for the locals, but at the same time, if needed, one could use the wide through-doors that were located on practically every side and were never locked, which helped reduce the time spent walking around the entire length of the building.
This place served as both the town hall and the residence of the local ruler, Elvira the Incomparable, who was something of an icon and role model for the residents. It was hard to imagine what this lady looked like and how well she matched her surname, but the importance of this person to the whole town was beyond doubt, since she and some holiday figured in practically every conversation.
The strange thing was that I felt a tremendous desire to get inside and look around. It was not simple curiosity like what had formed in Aliska, but a powerful pull. As if some inner magnet were drawing me in there, which both alarmed me and kindled even greater interest in what I might see inside. I had never experienced anything like it before, so that impression stayed with me for a long time.
Aliska was very pleased to learn that the only place where we could settle (if the owner did not object, though we were promised he would be only too happy) was a bar where the owner served guests food and alcoholic drinks. She needed nothing more for happiness. I, however, wanted some little house where the two of us could live alone, or perhaps two little houses, so each of us would have personal space.
-Stop complaining and take what there is! If you would rather sleep outside, go ahead, I do not mind.
-But how can one live in a place that could be called a public thoroughfare?
-You have not even seen the place yet and you are already talking about a thoroughfare. Maybe it is a luxurious inn with cleaners, servants, and other pleasant things. Though I would not want that; places like that demand far too much money.
-All you ever think about is money, while I am worried we will be uncomfortable!
-I am comfortable anywhere there is a bed, food, and booze. And if it is all cheap, that is the peak of perfection.
We could have argued with Aliska about comfort for a long time, noticing nothing around us, but we were already approaching an establishment with an imposing sign reading “THE BIG GLASS,” so the discussion somehow died down. My companion was rubbing her hands enthusiastically at the thought of locking herself in the bathroom, while I kept worrying that I would not like living there. And the name somehow gave me negative associations with the blackout drinking bout in Wildwest, which I would rather not remember.
The place turned out to be very wide and one-story, just like all the houses around it. The entrance was large and fairly open, and the tables were enormous and square. There was no one in the establishment except a bored bartender reading something that looked like a newspaper. At the sight of us he became slightly embarrassed, but still his face took on a warm and friendly smile, as if he had seen old friends.
This man turned out to be the owner and, at the same time, the bar’s only employee. The place was not especially popular with the locals, particularly those who were married. Avner, as he introduced himself, asked how close my companion and I were, and when he heard our lie that we were married, he was very saddened by the fact. Perhaps he had wanted to make a pass at my companion?
Avner decided to take us straight to our future temporary home, and while we walked down the corridor he told us that a very important town holiday was currently under way: a kind of festival that ended in a huge feast and some important ceremony symbolizing love, harmony, unity, fertility, and other pleasant things he preferred not to list. The owner also promised us that if we agreed to stay until the end of the festival, he would give us a very large discount on lodging, so it would cost us mere pennies. Although Aliska perked up at such an offer, I still preferred to first look at the conditions in which we would be living before making such a serious decision.
Need I say that we hesitated over the discount for a longer stay? Absolutely anyone would agree to live in such heaven on earth! First, the room turned out to be far more spacious than one could have expected! Second, it had a huge roomy bed, a large sofa, and a lot of different furniture placed very conveniently throughout the room. Most importantly, it had a separate bathroom and toilet, which greatly eased certain possible problems. True, the lighting was fairly weak and came only from three thin but tall lamps near the bed, the sofa, and the writing desk, as well as from a very small, narrow, high-set square window that could be opened only by standing on a tall support.
As a gentleman and a man playing the role of a caring husband, I paid for the room out of my own pocket, considering it cost us only thirty coins, though according to Avner, if we had not agreed to his advantageous offer, he would have demanded fifty coins from us for a single day. A normal person would have found this strange and perhaps even alarming, but my naivety combined with Aliska’s greed (or, as she calls it, thrift) led to our being very happy with such generous and humane terms. Besides, I had a very poor sense of lodging prices, so it would have been easy to deceive me with absolutely any sum.
The owner happily went back to work, expecting that at least some customers would soon arrive. Aliska locked herself in the bathroom with her bag and told me to forget about her for the near future, while I found some free time and took a seat at the table to capture all my thoughts in my diary. Judging by the time and by how my eyes were sticking shut, I should have lain down to rest, but inspiration was stronger than all those feelings. It seems to me that if I had put my diary aside for later and tried to sleep, my inner muses would have cruelly tormented me, stirring up thoughts that would have kept me from falling asleep.
I did not feel the passage of time and could not understand how much of it I had spent working on the diary, but at some point all strength left me and I fell asleep, collapsing right onto the table.
At some point, I do not know exactly when, Aliska came crashing out of the bath, thereby waking me from a light, uncomfortable sleep. For a long time I could not force my eyes open, so the sight before me seemed like a mirage for quite a while. In front of me stood a stranger with straight black hair and brown eyes. The only clothing she wore was a knee-length robe. Her feet were completely bare, which was understandable enough with such a clean, warm floor covered by a soft carpet. This could have been absolutely anyone but Alice! At least that is what I thought until she spoke, bringing me back to reality.
-What are you staring at? Never seen women in robes before?
-Y-y-y-your h-h-h-hair...
-What about my hair? Oh, that? Hair dye. I once took a little trip to a town where everyone tried to change their appearance beyond recognition every day. On the one hand, it looked rather silly and strange; on the other, it was fun. And it cost me very little. Everyone assured me it was very good for the hair. And I love anything useful.
-Y-y-your e-e-eyes...
-Huh? You mean the lenses? Yes, I bought those there too. I like playing around with them. My favorites are violet, but I rarely wear them; everyone reacts to me far too strangely when I do. In general I do not play with lenses often. In Wildwest I started wearing them literally the day before you arrived; now I felt like brown, next time I will probably wear blue. Or maybe scarlet or black. I will think about it in my free time.
-Why do all this? – At my shout Aliska flinched slightly and looked at me as if I were abnormal, while she was the only inadequate person here.
-What a stupid question. Same as if I asked why you are so boring.
-Of course, constantly changing your appearance is fascinating and amusing, while natural beauty is of no use to anyone!
-Maybe it is of no use to someone. What is it to you? If you are jealous of me, just say so, I will make you handsome too, your own mother will not recognize you. And if you are whining simply because you feel like it, then I am going to sleep, and you can shove your opinion where you know very well.
I did not understand where I was supposed to shove my own point of view, but there was no sense arguing with this woman, considering she would remain of her own opinion anyway. Though it was impossible not to admit that these changes suited her, just as the red hair and green eyes had. Still, now I know that the wonderful angels she had pretended to be for a while do not exist after all; all of it is illusion and deceit. A self-respecting girl, such as my Marinka, would never in her life think of creating an artificial appearance in order to attract unnecessary attention. Nor would she be rude to me in such a situation. Though I had never noticed her in arguments either. At the same time, it suits my roommate when she begins to behave a little coarsely. On the one hand, such behavior is irritating; on the other, her facial features become more attractive in those moments.
Alice flopped onto the bed and said she was insulted and humiliated, so I was forbidden even to try approaching her bed. How funny; she knew perfectly well I had not intended to. But from her intonation and facial expression it was clear she was only pretending to be offended, and that all of this was merely an operation to capture the huge soft bed. Apparently Aliska was not used to a man voluntarily yielding the more comfortable spot to her without a fight.
Without waiting for my companion to fall asleep, I also spent some time on bath procedures and, stripped down to my underpants, without looking for a blanket or pillow, collapsed onto the sofa and almost instantly switched off, only furtively remembering before sleep the town hall building that drew me with something unknown. Although I slept like the dead, by morning it turned out that experiments of this sort had a bad effect on my condition. I do not know by what miracle, uncovered by anything in the cold, I preserved my immunity, but my neck took full revenge on me for the lack of comfort.
Incidentally, I woke up because my roommate was fussing around and making quite a bit of noise. At one moment she was clattering with something in the washroom, then rummaging in her bag while humming some tune, then doing something else. Although the light was beating through the window at full force, I felt very tired and short of sleep, so automatically, without thinking about anything at all, I headed for Aliska’s bed and collapsed there to sleep some more. I should note that despite all the softness of the sofa, the bed was much more comfortable in every respect. And the pillows were so soft, and the blanket so warm, that I immediately forgot the pain in my neck, the noise coming from Aliska’s actions, the bright sun casting rays into our room through the window, absolutely everything. Now I truly felt good, and so I slept until noon, until my friend stood over my head and began waking me.
-Get up, or you will sleep your whole life away! – Alice gently rocked me on the bed as if I were a little boat on the waves. She was in a cheerful mood.
-Leave me alone, let me sleep. It is still too early to get up. My whole body hurts, especially my neck and head. And anyway, you should sleep too. – I merely turned from my left side to my right and, without opening my eyes, continued sleeping. The last thing I needed was to torment myself because of her whim.
-But it will be evening soon, and you are dressed funny. And it is completely boring here, no one decent to talk to. – My tormentor came right up close to me, and I could already feel her breath. Breath that carried a strong aroma of alcoholic drinks.
-I see you have been indulging in alcohol since morning. – Now I was lying with my face in the pillow; it was not very pleasant to breathe in something like that, especially first thing in the morning, when my mood was lower than the floorboards.
-I call it taking a little shot for vigor.
-And I call it leave me alone and let me sleep!
But Alice would not relent and pestered me in every possible way, with each passing minute knocking the desire to sleep out of me more and more. I had already thought she would give up and leave, or say some unpleasant crude vulgarity, but none of that happened. There were only tedious pleas that if I kept sleeping I would never wake up at all, that later I would feel worse than after a hangover, that she would never speak to me again, that I was not human, that she was bored, that she wanted to walk with me, and that there was no reason to spend so much time in bed at all. So it was easier for me to surrender and agree to her persuasion. I dressed in the suit in which I had left Raisky (at Alice’s insistence) and went to the owner of our temporary home to inquire what he could offer for a bite to eat. Especially since my stomach had begun reminding me of itself and of the fact that it had already forgotten what food was.
The establishment remained empty, so Avner did not trouble himself much over food and could offer me only some strange bean soup, which fortunately turned out to be quite decent. Despite the almost complete lack of interest in the menu, the owner had taken good care of alcohol, which literally filled almost the entire establishment. According to him, by the end of the town holiday all these stocks might prove very useful to him and enrich him nicely for the whole year.
My companion decided to eat with me, only unlike me, who ordered plain orange juice, she preferred to choose a strong drink, which once again did not surprise me. At the table we discussed our plan of action for the day. We intended to walk around town, go change my clothes, try to study the sights, sample the local delicacies that, judging by the figures of all the ladies, simply had to exist in this town, and also learn more about the town festival over which everyone was bustling so joyfully. At the same time, I also hoped to learn why I was so drawn to the town hall building, but I did not want to share those thoughts with my companion.
Before leaving the establishment with the loud name, Alice went to the washroom to change clothes and “carefully hide” her money in secluded places, advising me to do the same, since she did not entirely trust Mr. Avner. Besides, money could always come in handy during a walk, so I did not object and put everything into the pocket of my jacket. By the way, Alice was now wearing a close-fitting blouse that hugged her arms to the elbows, jeans (at least she called those trousers that), and neat little shoes without heels that made her steps light and soundless. Apparently she wished to tease the residents of Flig in this way.
The walk through town quickly began to bear fruit, and I started feeling much better than I had when my tormentor was tearing me away from sleep. We wandered around town for a long time, looking for the clothing shop that would attract Alice’s attention. Her standards were very high, which was a little irritating. On the other hand, we got to study the town well and even used the passage through the town hall building so we would not have to walk around it. True, we still could not admire the inside of the building itself, because the inner part of the passage was closed off on all sides by doors, so we could not simply walk around and look. Of course, one could have risked trying to see what those doors concealed, but excessive modesty and upbringing stopped me from such an act. Besides, my companion was not especially concerned with this place, and so we simply passed through.
We questioned the local residents to find out where to go, and at the same time I asked in which part of town the festival we had heard so much about but had not yet visited was being held. It turned out that all the most fun things happened in the evenings, in the very heart of the town hall building, where their Elvira the Incomparable lived. One full-figured lady spent a very long time listing the positive qualities of the head of Flig and saying that we simply had to attend the festival and meet Elvira personally, and that this would be the best and most unforgettable event of our lives. This lady also volunteered to tell us where exactly we would find the shop we needed, and even if Aliska noticed nothing, I was ready to swear that this stranger was literally devouring me with a strange gaze that made me feel somewhat ill.
My friend and I headed to that very shop in the hope of satisfying her specific need to dress people up, while at the same time talking about pets. She told me that in different places she had encountered different tamed animals. Some were ordinary creatures familiar to me, such as cats, dogs, chickens, cows, and horses, but there were also all sorts of things incomprehensible to me: cheetahs, elephants, belbons, hamsters, toronkhs, alfords, and other strangely named creatures. I laughed and insisted that all these were made-up words, or names for creatures familiar to me, but Aliska swore that she herself had been terribly impressed by such strange beasts, and that she knew of the existence of some of them only by hearsay from an experienced traveler who swore he had roamed an enormous number of towns and seen things he never would have thought of in his life.
I probably would not have believed Aliska if one enormous lady had not passed by us, with a tiny creature running beside her. On the one hand, in appearance it somewhat resembled a dog, though its size in no way matched a proper dog. Moreover, the creature’s muzzle was flattened, and its little body was entirely overgrown with hair. I could have said that this creature barked at us, but it was more like a repulsive yapping that produced an unpleasant impression. Now I was ready to believe in an elephant, and in a toronkh, and in anyone at all, but I would prefer never again to encounter any of such monsters. Who knows what threat they pose? Perhaps only in our lands are animals kind, while everywhere else they are evil.
While I was recovering from the impression made by the strange creature whose name neither I nor Alice knew (she merely suggested it looked like a little dog), someone suddenly shoved me in the side, so that I almost fell and barely kept my balance. I had no time to react in any way before the person who had run into me, without even trying to apologize, abruptly rushed in the opposite direction from us, as if he were hurrying somewhere very urgently and it was a matter of life and death.
-Come here, you cowardly beast, and at least apologize to my friend! – Alice looked as if she was ready to tear this fellow to pieces. – Do you think you are more important than others just because you urgently need to get somewhere?
-Come now, do not get angry. I am not hurt, I did not even fall. So calm down and do not worry. Though urgent reasons do not excuse a lack of politeness, we ourselves should not lose face in such a situation.
-Oh, that shorty would have lost his face to me right now if he had not run so fast.
-You even remembered his height? I only noticed a figure rapidly receding into the distance.
-I remembered even his mug. Oh, if only I get my hands on him, I will show him!
-Stop. We do not need trouble with the locals. I do not think we will be as lucky here as in Wildwest. - Mother always taught me that it is better to steer around problems and do everything possible to avoid them.
-Some trouble, some big shot. As if we are worse than anyone else.
For the rest of the way my companion muttered all sorts of things under her breath about how she would show everyone here, how she would smash everything here, and how they would know better than to mess with her. If she continues in this spirit, I will part ways with her. I do not want to get into trouble because of her pathological craving for adventure. Mother and Father did not raise me for that. Although deep down, a small part of me agreed with her sense of justice.
Aliska perked up only when we arrived at a shop that truly satisfied her requirements, except that she considered the prices inflated. As it turned out, the shop was owned by Elvira herself, so in addition to locally sewn clothing, which repelled my companion and was sold everywhere, there were also items sewn to order in other towns.
My friend chose a T-shirt, jeans, and a jacket for me. The things turned out to be very comfortable, and most importantly, in the mirror I saw an entirely new person. The clothing created the impression that I was now capable of anything; perhaps this was exactly the effect my friend had been aiming for. Someone might have said I overestimated myself, but I think they would be wrong; my self-esteem is perfectly fine.
When the time came to pay for the outfit, I reached into the jacket pocket of my old suit, but I did not find them there. I searched absolutely every pocket of my clothes and realized that I had either forgotten the money or lost it, and that I would have to part with the new set. In the end Aliska had to pay, and she said I would owe her. But once we had already left the shop, the sweet and charming coquette rejoicing in her purchase turned into an enraged monster and began shouting at me.
-How could you forget your money? Do you have any brains at all? I told you to take it with you!
From the outside it looked as if a mother were scolding a child who had done something very naughty. And the problem was that I truly felt guilty before her and perceived her anger as justified.
-But I did not forget it. I remember exactly putting it in my jacket pocket; I even checked before we left. At least I think so.
-Sure, first you put it there, then it evaporated!
-That is about what happened. You guessed it!
-I did not guess... Damn pig! If I catch him, I will stuff dirt down his throat!
-Forgive me, I will pay you back. Just please stop shouting at me. And do not hit me.
-I am not shouting at you, though you are an idiot. I am just shouting. – Aliska’s tone became calmer, but she looked just as worried. – Is it really so hard to feel someone getting into your pocket? Well, congratulations, you have been cleaned out.
-Cleaned out? I do not quite understand what you mean.
-That you are a penniless idiot, that is what! I hope you had only a small sum on you; maybe it will not hurt as much.
When I answered that I had had a little over two thousand on me, Aliska’s eyes bulged and she began furiously yelling that the shorty would not get away with it so easily, that she would find him, beat him up, and do a lot of unpleasant things to him that I would prefer not to mention. When she finally calmed down, I still tried once more to clarify what the word “cleaned out” meant and how that fellow was connected to my losing the money.
Before her answer, I had tentatively believed that after the collision my property had fallen to the ground and, under the impression of the situation, we had not noticed. Although there were many inconsistencies in this version, it would have been much preferable to me. Earlier in life I would never have thought that someone could steal something from someone else. In our Raisky generosity flourishes, and so to obtain what one wants it is sometimes enough simply to ask kindly. Why commit something so terrible, leaving another person without a single coin? I would gladly have shared with that person if only he had turned to me for help.
Alice sadly patted me on the shoulder and said that I would never survive alone in this world, and also emphasized that now we had very little money and had either to find a way to earn some or find that thief and punish him.
These events made us forget about the festive festival and return to our temporary home in a foul mood, where, as it happened, another surprise awaited us, one we had not expected at all.
Avner looked upset and happy at the same time, which made him excessively strange. He clearly intended to tell us something and at the same time did not know how to choose his words. The owner tried to draw our attention to himself by almost every nonverbal means, and it worked: I did indeed stop to hear him out, while my enraged companion rushed without stopping to the room with the aim of taking a relaxing bath and forgetting this disappointing day.
-Well now, I do not know how to tell you. – Avner had only just found the strength to speak to me when suddenly Aliska’s scream rang out, as if she had seen a ghost.
-Thief! Robber! Stop the thief!
-In short, that is what I wanted to tell you. It seems a third unexpected traveler has appeared in town here.
A crash came from the room, and my friend continued screaming like a madwoman:
-Hey, stop, you bastard! Thought you would escape through the window, did you? I am going to kill you with this chair!
Avner and I ran to help the stranger, since the sounds were becoming more and more frightening, and Alice was screaming like a frenzied monster. The scene we found was very impressive. Aliska, quite large, especially from that angle, stood towering on the table with a chair in her hands over a short and slender fellow with golden hair (although he was not much shorter than I was, while his body was a little sturdier than mine), who was defending himself with an identical chair.
-If you break the furniture, you will pay for it. – Avner said this in such a calm tone that it created the impression this sort of commotion happened in his establishment every day.
-BUT HE IS A THIEF AND HE HAS TO BE CAUGHT AND HANDED OVER TO THE AUTHORITIES! – Alice said this so loudly and furiously that it seemed to me foam was about to come from her mouth.
-How can you be so shameless as to slander an honest citizen? – The stranger’s voice was at once gentle and soft and yet carried a certain masculinity, though it seemed to me somewhat high for a man. – I think it is perfectly obvious that it would be better to hand this rabid female over to the authorities.
-WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
-Now, young lady, please stop slandering my guest. He is no thief; he is my new lodger and, additionally, your neighbor.
This whole circus amused me, so I did not interfere and watched what would happen next. It was perfectly obvious that after such a performance the fellow probably would not want to live with us. And indeed I no longer wanted to live with Aliska either. Perhaps she really ought to be handed over for bad behavior; it would not be her first time sitting in a cell, and I could get to know this person better. Perhaps he could become a more adequate companion. At least it seemed to me that this person was decent and had simply frightened Alice with his unexpected presence in our room. I probably would have been frightened in her place too, but that was no reason to throw oneself at a person and try to beat him, even if the day had been ruined. But all my positive thoughts evaporated when my friend stated the fact that put everything into place.
-I am afraid you do not understand, Mr. Avner. – Aliska’s tone became more moderate, but she still radiated an aura of anger. – The thing is, today your highly respected clients were robbed, and this nasty dwarf is the one who did it!
I did not agree with the claim that this fellow was a dwarf; he was not so short as to humiliate him like that. But now memories that it was this very fellow who had shoved me began coming to mind (or perhaps it was false memory at work), and I became certain Alice was right. She may be abnormal, but I am not sure she would accuse the first person she met of theft.
-Well now, that is an unfounded accusation, madam. – Avner seemed to be speaking for the fellow, while he remained silent, staring intently at me.
-I think there has been a misunderstanding, and surely this lady has confused me with her short offender. From that angle I probably really do look like a little gnome to her, so in my opinion there is no need for the owner of the establishment to waste his working time on this. I swear we will settle our conflict and will not damage your property.
The fellow spoke very convincingly, although I could see perfectly well that Aliska did not believe him one bit, while Avner nodded happily, wished us not to quarrel and to try to accept one another as a given, because those who disagreed could leave but would not receive their payment back and would most likely have to leave Flig, since it was extremely unlikely that any of the townspeople would provide us with lodging. It was clear that the hint was directed precisely at Alice and me; probably for that reason she climbed down from the table and carefully set the chair down, though her face did not hide her anger. The owner wished all of us a pleasant time and promised to prepare a tasty reconciliation dinner, though by no means free of charge.