Be...

I would become a successful person with a high-paying job and a strong family.

I already have a high-paying job – that's why I have one and a half thousand bedeh… And I also have a family.

I would get drunk and die.

My stomach won’t let me consume enough alcohol to become an alcoholic. So it’s not an option!

I would become a loser with a low-paying salary and a terrible family.

That would never happen because I am talented, handsome, and full of charisma.

I would be angry on another forum.

I never get angry...

I would join ISIS (banned in the Russian Federation).

I would join ROKA.

I would raise chickens.

Well, that would be quite a useful activity since I eat 10-20 eggs per week.

I would move to the DPR.

Why???

I would live happily ever after.

I would find a girlfriend/boyfriend/dragocat.

I would have ten of them.

I would end up in prison.

I would become gay.

Definitely. Like this

I would watch more anime.

And that’s 100% what I would do.

I would commit suicide.

There's no rush...

I would build a superpower.

I already built one.

I would be fat.

My body doesn’t work like that...

I would find a job.

Actually, my job is to write on this forum.