Actaea

Some Like it Hot; Others Don't

LEGISLATION PENDING
The Issue

A sudden rise in temperatures has sparked a debate over what the government should do to counter global warming, if anything. The environmentalist movement is up-in-arms and has camped outside your residence for three days demanding an end to all toxic emissions.
The Debate

As the crowd at the environmentalist rally shouts "Ban emissions NOW! Ban emissions NOW!", a radical who has actually worked in the real world steps to the podium. "Hush now, folks. Do you realize that a total ban would also require the elimination of all 231 million of us? Our mantra SHOULD be 'Reduce emissions NOW!' We must demand that our government install emission controls on all producers, including manufacturing plants, mining and agricultural operations, and military and civilian vehicles. We may not be able to eliminate all emissions, but we can surely go after the sources."

"We don't need to be too extreme about this, people." suggests Brian Brown, an economist. "To lower emissions, all we need to do is provide an economic incentive not to pollute. By this, I mean put a tax on harmful emissions. This excise tax will serve to encourage the use of cleaner alternative energy sources, while keeping the economy more or less intact and creating a new source of government revenue. Win-wins always sound good to me."

"Whoa, dude! The government is planning to do WHAT?!?" says famous surfer Pete Hanover, "This temperature spike is, like, totally rad. Why would we want to stop it with uncool stuff that, like, makes it too cold for me to surf and like also does some bad stuff to our economy? Sure, there might be some, like, smog and pollution and stuff, but who cares when we could have bigger waves?"

This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

"You know, I'm really tired of these hippies constantly complaining about the environment," rants your arch-conservative cousin, Elizabeth Steele, "They're the real problem. I say we round up all the tree-huggers and shoot 'em all. Then business can go on as usual without the eco-nazis protesting every new oil refinery."