Fun

Winnie-the-Pooh and Piglet are standing at the edge of the forest. Pooh: - Where did this damn donkey come from? Piglet: - Yes, yes. This damn donkey! Pooh: - I'd send this lousy ass to hell as quickly as I'd send him after grass! Piglet: - Yes, yes! Lousy ass! Eeyore appears from behind the trees with a bag of marijuana. Piglet: - Ah, you damn, vile, donkey-like creature... Piglet flies to the ground from the terrible blow. Piglet: - Why, Winnie? Pooh: - Is this how you talk to your friends? The phone rings. A girl approaches the phone, chewing gum and blowing bubbles... -Hello... -Marin, hi. -Hi, Alyosha. -Maybe we can meet today. Candy, champagne, the whole shebang... -No, I really want to sleep. I was shopping with my friends today, then a manicure, a pedicure, I bought such a dress... you know, a pink one... -So, maybe you can show it to me? Maybe I can come over after all? -Nooo... -Okay, then. The girl carelessly hangs up the phone, chewing gum. The phone rings. A girl approaches the phone, chewing gum and blowing bubbles... -Hello... -Masha? -Marina. -Who? -Ma-ri-na. -What the... -What? -What the... -Idiot. The girl slams the phone down. 3-minute pause. The phone rings. A girl approaches the phone, chewing gum and blowing bubbles... -Hello... -Marina? -Marina. Who is this? -It's Pavlik. -Which Pavlik? -Morozov. -Where did we meet? I don't really remember. -I turned you in to your dad. -Who? -Dad. He was hiding bags of flour from the requisition squad. -What? -What the... -Idiot! The girl angrily throws the phone down. 3-minute pause. The phone rings. A girl approaches the phone, chewing gum and blowing bubbles... -Hello... -Anna? -What Anna? -Karenina. -What Karenina? -Oh, is that Marina? -Yes, Marina, who is this? -A well-wisher. Tell Anna not to jump in front of the train. They're late anyway. -What? -What the... -If you call one more time, you'll regret it, got it? Without waiting for an answer, the girl, as red as a tomato, throws the phone down. 3-minute pause. The phone rings. A girl approaches the phone, not chewing gum and not blowing bubbles... -What? I said, don't call, you idiot! -Marina? -Oh, yes... -What's wrong? -Some idiot is calling... -Oh, okay. Tell Rodion not to pick up the axe. -Which Rodion? -Raskolnikov. -Who is that? -Alena Ivanovna. -What? -What the... -You bastard, you castrated, freaky piece of shit, get the hell out of here, you understand? -Marina? -Bullshit! The girl throws the phone down with incredible rage. 3-minute pause. The phone rings. A girl approaches the phone, not chewing gum and not blowing bubbles... -(Sharply) Hello! -Kh...ina? The phone is already on the floor. 3-minute pause. The phone rings. A girl approaches the phone, not chewing gum and not blowing bubbles... -Yes! (ready to hang up) -Marinochka? -Oh, Alyoshenka, I'm so glad it's you... -You seem upset, maybe we should meet up? Have some champagne, it'll make you feel better. And you can tell me... -Yes, Alyosha, come over. The girl hangs up the phone, exhaling and wiping her forehead. Alyosha gives a 20 to his friend. -Thanks. I thought I wouldn't be able to get laid today. -You're welcome. Always happy to help. Say hi to her from a well-wisher.