Humor in Heroes of Might and Magic V.

Author: jura-khan Here's how heroes from different factions would react if: A dead dog is lying on their path. - The Knight will wrinkle his nose in disgust and quickly pass by. - The Mage will carefully examine the corpse for magical components to create minor artifacts. - The Elf will bury the poor creature, loudly condemning the irresponsible attitude of other semi-intelligent races towards nature. - The Dark Elf will whip the lazy slaves for not clearing the road of this filth in time. - The Demon will salute the fallen comrade, extract the remaining mana from the corpse, and place traps around it before leaving. - The Necromancer will order one of his soldiers: "Recruit this one." - The Barbarian will check his bag. If there's still food left, he'll play soccer. A fallen tree blocks the road. - The Knight will pray to Erathia, asking him to grant his peasants magical strength, after which they will quickly saw it into logs. - The Academic will open a book and choose the most intricate spell, then calmly move it to another location with the power of his mind. - The Elf will talk to the tree. Maybe it will agree to move to another location? Or its companions will move it? - The Dark Elf will snap her snake whip, after which the minotaurs will carry the mistress over the obstacle. - The Demon will burn the tree. And also all the trees in the area, villages, castles, cities, kill all the animals, birds, and other creatures, after which, with a sense of accomplishment, he will continue on his way. - The Necromancer will stroll to the nearest cemetery. He passes by a tower with a princess imprisoned in it. - The Knight will break into the tower and save the princess. - The Academic will pass by. Girls no longer interest him. - The Elf will charm the beauty and spend the night drinking wine with her, telling hunting stories. - The Dark Elf will talk to her all night about how men are such jerks. - The Demon will destroy the tower and kill the princess. As well as everyone who gets in his way. - The Necromancer will stroll to the nearest cemetery. What does he need a princess for? A bloodthirsty monster descends from the sky and attacks the hero. - The Knight draws his trusty sword and kills the monster. After which, the peasants' "morale" sharply increases. - The Academic doesn't get distracted by trivial things. Why, may I ask, does he always travel with Titans? - The Elf hides, and after an hour of fruitless searching, the hungry monster leaves. Hopefully, without an arrow in its rear. - The Dark Elf doesn't pay any attention. After all, this is HER pet Black Dragon, who just felt like playing. - The Demon does what he always does. One more roasted carcass. - The Necromancer doesn't care at all. He has already strolled to the cemetery. If you say "Hello," you are greeted with: - Greetings, noble sir. May the blessing of Erathia be upon you. - How pleasant to meet such a worthy and polite man in this wonderful, delightful place. - Ho, my pale-faced, pointy-eared friend. - How dare you, worm, address a servant of Malassa without permission! Execute him! - Aaaarrrggghhh!!! *after which you are killed. Just like that, as a warm-up* - It's too late to worry about my health," replies the necromancer, thoughtfully looking you up and down. Author: Fagotin Actions of heroes if they need to screw in a light bulb: - The Knight will not screw in the light bulb; he will train peasants to become electricians, and they will screw in all the light bulbs they can reach. - The Wizard will not screw in the light bulb; he will quickly assemble a glowing minor artifact and give it to the gremlins to carry and light up. - The Demon will not screw in the light bulb; he will burn everything in the room, as well as all the rooms in the area, villages, castles, cities, kill all the animals, birds, and other creatures, after which, with a sense of accomplishment, he will continue to burn, enjoying the light of the fires. - The Elf will not screw in the light bulb; real Indians can see perfectly well in the dark. - The Warlock - while the minotaurs screw in the light bulb, he will cast empowered light on it, so that in the surrounding villages they will think that a new sun has risen. - The Necromancer - why is that annoying light even needed?