Vatya
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I didn't quite understand the issue when the opponent immediately passed the turn to you after loading a save. Isn't it simple to just exit the game and write to him in ICQ: "Please, load again, I need some more time to remember the situation." Also, you can agree in advance about the duration of the game, ask how long the player plans to play. For example, if it turns out that he only logged in for 3 hours, then postpone the game to another day, somehow arrange it.
As for how long and how to play, there's no way around it. This is how people drag out the game for months. Something doesn't suit one, then something doesn't suit the other. I always try to accommodate the opponent, but it turns out to be in vain.