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I didn't quite understand the issue where the opponent immediately passed the turn to you after loading a save. Wouldn't it be simple to just exit the game and message them on ICQ: "Please, load again, I need some more time to remember the situation." Also, you can agree beforehand about the duration of the game, ask how long the player plans to play. For example, if it turns out that they only have 3 hours to play online, you can reschedule the game for another day and come to some agreement.